A Brewing Rift

After my sister gave me an earful, I sat down in front of the computer and turned on a game as soon as I finished dinner. That person was the first to help me, and there was a chance they attended the same school, so I should leave them a way to contact me. They probably wouldn't check messages anymore, so... I should send them a letter.

'I attend B High School. If you're a second-year student, could you send me a reply?'

...It was a somewhat silly message, but if, just maybe, we attended the same school, were in the same grade, and were even in the same class, nothing could be better for me. The chances of getting a reply were extremely low, but... When I told my sister what had happened in the classroom, she said I shouldn't knock away the spoon when there was food right in front of me...

'She's right... If I'd approached her and spoken courageously from the beginning, we might have become friends long ago...'

Come to think of it, Yuna had exchanged numbers with Jia... I wanted to do that too... But if I approached Jia, Yuna would get angry, and as Jia had said, I wouldn't make any friends unless I gathered up the courage to approach people. Besides, tomorrow was the day of the disciplinary committee meeting, so the atmosphere at school probably wouldn't be pleasant until Friday. There weren't many victims, but this was the first time such bullying had been clearly exposed at our school...

'The teachers said this was the first time anything like this had ever happened at our school too...'

Whenever something like bullying or ostracism happened in the classroom, most of the students would tell them to stop... It was nice that the atmosphere was completely different from middle school. At my middle school, no one cared whether someone was being bullied or not. It had been a terrible school, practically a dump. I'd gone there because it was the closest school to home. The cafeteria food had been horribly tasteless too, so most students ate halfheartedly, threw it all away, and went on with their day. Countless incidents of bullying and violence took place in the school's many secluded corners...

'I worked hard to get into a good school, so if I could make friends again, everything would be perfect.'

The atmosphere at school was bad because of the disciplinary committee, so... Ah, April Fools' Day! I could talk to her on April Fools' Day. Once April Fools' Day came around, the atmosphere at school would improve, and even if her reaction was bad, I could brush it off by saying it was just an April Fools' joke.

*

I eventually fell asleep through the pain and slept deeply without dreaming. Hmm... Did someone come? What was going on...? It felt as though someone was shaking me awake...

"Did you sleep well?"

"Mmm... Yes... I picked up my gym clothes too."

"Good job."

My sister came home from work just as she had yesterday, woke me up, and ate dinner with me. It felt strange to be patted on the head just for bringing home my gym clothes, but I didn't dislike it. It did make me feel a little too much like a child, though...

'People are still talking about me in the group chat...'

Since I wasn't feeling well and fatigue was hitting me harder than usual, I should tell them that I probably wouldn't be able to check it much. Tomorrow's physical education class would probably drain all my energy when I took the remaining tests, and I might end up spending the day in the nurse's office.

"Jia, let's eat~"

"Yes~"

Oh, tonight's dinner was pork stir-fried in soy sauce with lettuce. Gulp... To make a large lettuce wrap, I put only meat, ssamjang, and garlic on the lettuce, then ate a spoonful of rice separately.

'Mmm~ It's a simple combination that's delicious whenever you eat it.'

How had my sister learned to cook so well? There might be people whose tastes didn't match hers, but among the dishes she made herself, there wasn't a single one I could call tasteless. After finishing dinner, I was brushing my teeth when my phone rang. The only person who'd given me their number so far was Yuna... She must have been calling me.

'I'll finish brushing my teeth before I contact her.'

The call ended, so I finished brushing my teeth, came out, and called Yuna.

"Yuna, did you call?"

[Yeah, you weren't answering.]

"I was brushing my teeth, so I couldn't answer. Sorry."

[No, you don't need to apologize for that.]

"But what is it?"

[You weren't checking the chat at all, so I wondered if something had happened.]

"Well, I was feeling so awful that I fell asleep and just woke up... It's really hard to endure..."

[Oh no, our Jia, your voice is completely...]

"Could you tell the group chat for me?"

[Okay, I'll tell them you can't check the chat because you're feeling unwell.]

"Thanks, Yuna. See you tomorrow~"

[Okay~ See you tomorrow~]

After ending my call with Yuna, I took a shower and came out. As I dried my hair, I found myself thinking about it again. Tomorrow's tests would probably be difficult because my breasts swayed whenever I moved and constantly got in the way. They would sway tremendously whenever I ran, causing me pain and creating an intensely awkward atmosphere for the boys. Would they have some kind of effect on the girls too...? I wasn't sure about the details...

"Unnie, I have physical fitness tests during physical education tomorrow..."

"Then you'll have to run too... Ah, you don't have a sports bra, do you?"

"But it took so much effort just to find underwear in the right size for what I have now..."

"Exactly. We'll probably have to have one custom-made. There probably isn't a size that fits Jia, either in stores or online... right?"

They looked good, aesthetically speaking... and when I touched them while I was feeling especially bad, they somehow made me feel better... But because of their size, I couldn't even buy clothes properly. No matter what I did, they got in the way—even when I put my hands on the desk to use the keyboard and mouse. It was truly inconvenient...

'Their tremendous weight always makes my shoulders hurt, and I already get lower-back pain during that time, so having my breasts add to it...'

After letting dinner digest, I went to sleep at nine and slept soundly for nine hours before waking up at six.

"Jia's awake too?"

"Maybe it's because I went to bed early."

"I'll wash up first. Can you stay awake?"

"Yes, I still don't have any strength in my body..."

This felt different from still being half-asleep. It was as though only my mind was fine while my body was paralyzed and its senses were slowly returning. A few minutes before my sister finished washing up, my strength returned, so I slowly got out of bed and got ready. I should go wash up as soon as she came out.

"Unnie, do you have any plans on Friday evening after work?"

"No, not yet. Why?"

"My friends asked me to go out to dinner with them."

"Oh my, really? Then it would be nice to go somewhere like a movie theater over the weekend and get something to eat too."

My sister seemed somewhat extroverted, because she didn't seem to dislike going out on weekends. If I made close friends again, maybe I would go out and have fun with them on weekends too. But my period was going to last through the end of this month, and perhaps because my body had so little strength, I really wanted to rest on the weekends.

*

"Hi~ Jia~"

"Hi, Yuna."

I didn't know whether this was normal, but Yuna held my hand tightly as we headed to the classroom together. I still didn't have much strength in my body... Would I really be able to run properly during physical education? There was no way I could do push-ups or sit-ups properly...

'Would it be lucky if I managed even two push-ups...? Sit-ups would be incredibly difficult too, with my breasts getting in the way...'

With a body this weak and soft, living alone would be extremely difficult. Sometimes I couldn't open a drink bottle if the lid was screwed on too tightly. When I was a man, there wasn't a lid I couldn't open if I clenched my teeth and used all my strength... Honestly, when I felt depressed, the softness and whiteness of my body could cheer me up if I simply massaged my arms or legs.

'Though that wouldn't help much when the pain was severe, like today...'

I entered the classroom weakly and saw Jinwoo looking startled at the sight of Yuna and me. Since Yuna had said so much to him, even looking at me must make him uncomfortable. She had been a little too harsh back then.

"Oh, right! What happened with your gym clothes?"

"I stopped by the uniform shop on my way home from school yesterday and picked them up."

"That's a relief. You can do physical education with us starting today, right?"

"I'm glad they were ready sooner than expected."

I exchanged greetings with the girls from my class as they arrived one by one and chatted with them about various things. Then, during homeroom, the teacher came in. Perhaps because of the disciplinary committee, the teacher looked a little worn out.

"If we just get through today, tomorrow is Friday, so let's hang in there a little longer, everyone?"

"Yes~!"

The teacher checked attendance, announced the day's notices, and finished homeroom. Then time passed, and it was third-period physical education. I had to go to the changing room...

"Let's go together, Jia."

"Okay."

Yuna was more familiar to me than the other students, so I held her hand as we entered the changing room. I swallowed once more and braced myself. I had gradually gotten used to seeing my body over the past month, but in the changing room... other people used it too.

'I just need to look at my locker and change, then it'll be fine.'

...? I took off my uniform top and was about to put on my gym clothes when I felt some intense stares. All ten of the female students from Class 3 who had entered the changing room with me seemed to be staring straight at me. I felt an intense burst of embarrassment and instinctively covered my breasts with both arms.

"Um, everyone... If you stare so much, it's e-embarrassing..."

"Sorry..."

"I spaced out for a moment. Sorry..."

"Sorry, Jia..."

The girls apologized to me, but... I felt as though my embarrassment was about to explode, so I quickly put on my gym clothes and headed to the gymnasium by myself.

'I'm not angry at them... but my mind was already so complicated, and then receiving those stares...'

It had become too difficult to endure mentally. I knew, mentally, that I belonged in the women's changing room, but I entered while wondering whether I was even allowed to be there. Then everyone stared straight at me while I changed... It felt as though something inside me had been completely denied. I couldn't endure it and simply ran out.

'It's even more painful that no one can empathize with or understand how I feel...'

Whether light or heavy, this pain and burden were mine alone to bear. No one could help me, and if anyone learned my identity, no one would be able to think well of me. If someone found out that the girlfriend they had been dating had been a man until six months ago, could they continue dating her? Even if they did continue the relationship, could they keep the same feelings they had before?

"Sniff..."

Thinking that way made me feel as though I were denying myself—the living person who breathed, whose heart beat, and who thought. It brought back the despair I had felt shortly after becoming a woman. I... wasn't a man, but I didn't think it was quite right to call myself a woman either.

'For example, if you took the mind of a fifty-year-old man and put it into the body of a twenty-year-old woman, would that person be a woman or a man?'

While I lost myself in those self-destructive thoughts and simply stood there motionless, I saw someone standing in front of me.

"Jia, are you... okay?"

"......Sorry, I'm not really in the mood to talk right now."

"Oh..."

The person who spoke to me wasn't one of the girls. It was Jinwoo. You must have gathered up a tremendous amount of courage, Jinwoo. Good job. You can do it... so keep finding the courage to move forward.

*

Jia, who had been subjected to the focused attention of all her classmates in the girls' changing room, quickly changed clothes and left. Even if they were all the same gender, staring intently at someone's sensitive areas was very wrong. The fact that they were the same gender did not make sexual assault or sexual harassment any less of a crime.

"...Let's go to the gymnasium too, everyone."

"Yeah, we should."

Yeji, who had told us that she had accompanied Yuna to the science lab when I disappeared on Tuesday, was the one who finally spoke. Without saying anything else, we headed to the gymnasium and found Jia standing alone in a corner, but we couldn't approach her. We had stared at her sensitive areas even though we were the same gender, so she must have felt humiliated.

"Hey, everyone~ Happy third period~"

The teacher came in, but the eleven girls were so quiet that the teacher seemed a little flustered too. However, as soon as the bell rang, she started class.

"Jia, since you didn't finish your tests on Tuesday, come over here and take them, and the rest of you can try playing badminton."

"Yes~!"

"Yes~"

The boys answered in their usual energetic voices as though nothing had happened, while the girls, including me, could only reply weakly. Jia in particular... lowered her head slightly, went over to the teacher, and began the running test. When she ran energetically at the sound of the teacher's whistle, every student was left stunned.

'Wow... So that was actually possible in real life...'

Honestly, I was extremely shocked. Jia's breasts, with their overwhelming mass and size, swayed back and forth. For sports underwear, that size would probably require a custom-made item. She probably still didn't have a sports bra. I didn't know how much it would reduce the movement, but... Unlike during the grip-strength test two days ago, this time even the girls' faces turned red, and everyone looked away.

"Your time was 21.242 seconds. Next, let's try push-ups."

"Yes, teacher."

Jia must have felt the gazes of the entire class, but she quietly followed the teacher's instructions and continued the test. No one could keep staring forever, so everyone played badminton diligently in preparation for the performance assessment. Of course, that didn't mean anyone could stop their eyes from repeatedly sneaking glances toward Jia. Anyone who could see that and still do their own work without looking even once would truly be amazing.

"Yuna..."

"Yeah, we should apologize. But Jia looks really upset... I don't think she'll accept our apology if we give it now..."

"I know..."

The next person who had helped Jia the most after me was Yeji. From Jia's perspective, she had probably begun opening her heart little by little to the people who had helped her most, so it was only natural that her heart would close even more tightly after something like this.

'Physical education is already over...'

Jia was weak, and she wasn't a fast runner. She seemed to have run as hard as she could with that body, but perhaps the considerable air resistance and the discomfort of running had affected her too. Her time wasn't as bad as her grip-strength result, but it was still slower than average. I didn't get to see her do sit-ups or push-ups, but her flexibility test was incredible.

'If only her breasts hadn't gotten in the way when she put her hands on the starting line and bent her body for the test...'

If they hadn't gotten in the way, her measured flexibility would probably have been even higher... When Jia was taken to the hospital, I had strangely seen my mother and Jia overlap for an instant.

'Why had that happened? Was I mentally exhausted too because of the bullying that had continued for over a year?'

I had always missed my mother. I wanted to see the mother my demon of a father had killed. My last memory of her was of her lying in a hospital bed with sensors attached to her body and an IV in her arm.

Of course, Jia and my mother looked very different, but Jia's perfectly white skin gave her the appearance of someone suffering from a serious illness. Seeing her lying in bed with an IV and wearing a white hospital gown like my mother... Even without sensors attached to her, it was more than enough to make the sight heartbreaking and bring tears to my eyes.

'...I have to apologize.'

I had said nothing but terrible things about my father in front of my mother, so my entire family, including me, had treated her cruelly. Regardless of the reason or whatever circumstances there had been... It was strange, but the feeling that I was drifting away from Jia reminded me of the time when I had gradually drifted away from my mother.

'Somehow, I feel that if it's Jia, I could tell her honestly about my past and open my heart to her more.'

The ten of us excluding Jia entered the changing room after physical education and saw that Jia, who had entered first, was already wearing her uniform top. As luck would have it, I had chosen the spot beside Jia, so I awkwardly stood next to her and changed clothes. Jia finished changing before us again and left the changing room.

"Guys, I'll go on ahead. I'm going to buy a drink before I go."

"Yeah, physical education made me thirsty. We'll buy drinks too and be there soon."

"Okay!"

Since I was sitting beside Jia, I should apologize sincerely first and ease the tension in the class. That was what I thought. What kind of drink did Jia like...? Since it was after physical education, an energy drink would probably be good.

"Huh...?"

Jia was gone. I couldn't see her in the classroom. What had happened? Had she gone to the bathroom? Or had her stomach hurt and she gone to the nurse's office?

"J-Jinwoo, have you seen Jia?"

"Huh? Weren't you with Yuna?"

"Wh-Where did she go?"

"Did something happen...?"

"N-No, it's nothing."

Jinwoo didn't know either? If Jinwoo, who had arrived in the classroom before me, didn't know... Where had Jia gone? I put the drink I wanted to give Jia in the side pocket of my bag so I could apologize and hand it to her when she came back.

'Class has already started... Why isn't Jia coming in?'

Of course, Thursday's fourth period wasn't a difficult subject, but... I was still worried because Jia wasn't in class. About ten minutes later, Jia entered through the back door.

"Did you go to the faculty office?"

"Yes, teacher."

Jia said that and quietly sat down in her seat. Her expression looked a little better than before, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to speak to her. It was class time, of course, but... I felt as though I had hurt Jia, so even opening my mouth felt unbearably heavy.

*

They said we would give various statements and testimonies in the morning, and that the disciplinary committee would be held around two in the afternoon. Normally, they would have us wait and hold it about a week later, but... I guess I shouldn't have messed with that transfer student. The punishment would probably be a thirty-day suspension... Since the police had come too, the meeting would be taken very seriously.

"Teacher."

"What is it, Jihye?"

"The disciplinary committee is meeting today, right?"

"Yes, it will be held around two in the afternoon."

"Doesn't it usually take at least a week, even if it's held as quickly as possible?"

My homeroom teacher, Mr. Seo Seongjin, fell silent after I asked that. He was already having a difficult time because of me, so he seemed to decide that it would be better not to say anything else.

'Well, that's probably a good idea.'

After waiting and waiting, the disciplinary committee convened at two o'clock. The vice principal, several department heads, and the homeroom teachers of Classes 3 and 8 in the second year were there. I wondered whether the student victims would be there too, so I was a little disappointed when they weren't.

"Student Hwang Jihye has shown no sign of remorse, has endlessly extorted money and possessions from other students, and has committed extremely heinous offenses. Therefore, you are hereby suspended for thirty days. Do you have any objections?"

Of course no one had any objections, pfft... Wouldn't anyone who objected be crazy? A lunatic student like me should immediately receive the maximum suspension, and if that still didn't make me come to my senses, they should expel me.

"Jihye, I hope you come to your senses this time."

After the committee ended, the teacher spoke to me like that, but I decided to ignore the teacher. A thirty-day suspension was already a severe penalty, whether it meant repeating a year or something else, but expulsion would be faster.

"...I want to be expelled, but if I were, my parents would raise hell, so..."

"You haven't been absent so far, have you? If you don't miss any school from now on, you... shouldn't have to repeat the year."

Well, that made sense. I was cutting it close with the required number of school days, but... If their child repeated a year, my parents' pride would take a serious hit. So even if I were in danger of repeating a year, they would use their influence to get me out of it.

'I wonder whether people like that can even be called parents...'

They had always left me on my own and only given me money. They never stayed at home with me. They had been like that since I was in middle school... In any case, I was extremely curious about that transfer student, so I should go find her and talk to her later. If I approached her while apologizing, wouldn't she accept it? I wanted to know just what kind of backing she had for me to receive such a harsh punishment.