Chapter 1
I couldn’t trust what others said, and I was mostly indifferent to their feelings.
Whether someone liked or hated me had no impact on me whatsoever.
People often pointed fingers at me, labeling me as a nasty person at heart.
So then I ask, “Was I born indifferent to others? Or was I emotionally desensitized?” Well, neither was the exact reason.
There was a time when I, like other people, desperately yearned for the love and attention of another. At that point in time, I could sincerely respond to the feelings of others, and I had poured my everything to connect with someone.
It was just that, as time passed, I had grown numb to it all.
The first person to tell me they loved me was my very own mother.
A month after my father left for another city for work, he died in an unexpected accident. My mother had to raise me alone.
After struggling for many years, one day she vanished, with the only trace of her existence being the letter she left behind saying she was sorry.
For three days and nights, I scoured the city. Even as I bawled my eyes out on the main street, got hit by a carriage, and had blood trickling down my forehead, I couldn’t stop looking for my mother, terrified that she was forever gone.
I cried until exhaustion, slept on the streets, and then searched for her again. I must have done it for ten days at the very least. Hunger staved off any tears, and I was beaten after getting caught for stealing fruit from a market.
I was left half-dead in the slums until a priest from the Akates Order found me and took me in.
Since then, I had lived in Loriel Hill, a facility run as an orphanage within the Akates temple.
There were a dozen or so orphans besides me. Most never knew what their parents even looked like, but they firmly believed their parents would come looking for them one day.
I longed for my mother every night. How could someone claim to love me and then so heartlessly abandon me? My child mind couldn’t comprehend such a thing.
For months, I cried myself to sleep, feeling as if I had been forsaken by the very world itself. But over time, I grew accustomed to life without my mother. I learned a very valuable lesson from such an experience… No matter how deep one’s sorrow runs now, they’d someday grow used to it and endure.
Sometimes, the grief of abandonment would hit me like a storm. The storm raged particularly fierce when I saw children my age walking down the street with their parents, innocently laughing as they held their hands.
All the orphans of Loriel Hill carried similar wounds in their hearts which made it easier for us to grow close. By spending time with them, I was able to fill the void embedded in my heart, even if it was only slightly.
It was there I met Lisa. We were the same age but she had been entrusted to the temple a year earlier than me.
She had dull gray hair that contrasted her big, bright eyes.
Lisa’s background was unique. She was the daughter of a prestigious family of mages, who even had ties to the imperial family. But despite having relatives to care for her, she ended up here.
Her parents had lost their lives during the war, and her uncle had taken over the position of head of the family. However, Lisa said that her uncle was violent and abusive toward her, and after resisting him in any way she could, she eventually found refuge here.
After we became close, Lisa would often confide in me.
“I envy you.”
“What? Why?”
“I wish I didn’t have a family.”
“You can only say that because you don’t know how lonely it is without one.”
“Maybe, but can you marry a family member?”
“What? Why would you ask me that?”
“My uncle always said that we were the greatest mage family on the continent, and in order to preserve the blessing that ran throughout our bloodline, we have to forge ties within the family.”
“Huh?”
“He used to call my mom a mongrel bitch without lineage or family.”
“He’s an awful person.”
“Watch your words. If you’re caught saying something like that, you’ll be silenced.”
She drew her finger across her throat in a slashing gesture.
“My uncle used to beat me all night long if I said even one word that was out of line. He wouldn’t let you off easy, either.”
“So when your uncle says “forge ties”, is that suggesting you have to marry him?”
“Yeah. But I’d rather die or become a nun than marry someone like him. I’m terrified of growing up. He’ll surely come for me once I’m of age.”
It was difficult for Lisa to close the gap between herself and the other kids. The others knew she was from a noble family which made it hard for her to fit in.
But for some reason, Lisa opened up to me. Maybe it was because I was a good listener. Lisa loved to talk, and I enjoyed listening to her.
I was Lisa’s one and only friend. During worship, in religious and etiquette classes, and at meal times—she always sat next to me. And she would always partner up with me when it was playtime.
Lisa loved flowers and herbs. She would often study herbalism on her own during her free time. And after classes, she would drag me along for walks in the forest. As we wandered through the woods, she would excitedly tell me about what she had learned from her books when we encountered any herb she recognized.
For most of my childhood, Lisa was by my side. While her presence helped stabilize my anxiousness, it wasn’t always a good thing.
Whenever I sat next to another child or mingled with others after class, she’d sulk for hours and lock herself in her room.
When she did, I would pick flowers or herbs she liked and give them to her. Her favorite flower was Elcanto. While not having any special properties, she adored it for its beautiful petals and fragrant scent. She’d immediately brighten up upon receiving them.
But there were times when not even flowers and herbs could soothe Lisa’s fury.
Lisa didn’t get along with the other girls at the temple, and when I hung out with them, she would express her jealousy and anger through aggressive behavior.
When she got mad, she’d sprinkle sand on my blanket or tear up my clothes and notebooks. She treated the other girls I hung out with even worse. She was once severely punished for secretly sprinkling a poisonous herb powder into another girl’s pillow.
One time, I was so fed up with her excessive behavior that I declared our friendship to be over. In response, Lisa stopped eating and went into seclusion inside her room. This reclusive behavior lasted for about a week. During the day, it was quiet, but the priests said they heard her bitterly sobbing when they passed by her room at dawn.
As Lisa’s health worsened, the head nun stepped in and forced us to reconcile. Only then did she end her seclusion.
Lisa and I were always together, even during our adolescence.
As Lisa entered puberty, her appearance began to significantly change. Her dull gray hair morphed into a soft silver, and her childish eyes deepened with femininity. She grew taller by the day, her baby fat disappeared, and her jaw became more slender. Even her skin became cleaner with each passing day.
Lisa’s meetings with the high priest increased in frequency, largely due to issues concerning her lineage.
“My Magic Wellspring has opened.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s a special ability unique to the Pascal family lineage. Everyone in my family had their Magic Wellspring open around my age.”
“Is that a good thing?”
She caressed her silver hair and draped it to the side as she replied, “Well, my wellspring is in my lower abdomen where it can release a large quantity of magic. My new hair color was influenced by the Wellspring. But I liked the way it was before.”
“It’s plenty beautiful now too.”
“Thanks to the Wellspring, people in my family hardly age.”
“Hmm?”
“Even when you’re a middle-aged man, I’ll look pretty much the same.”
“I don’t want to be treated like a child when I’m at that age.”
“Me neither. But the high priest said they’d start teaching me basic magic!”
“When?”
“Starting tomorrow.”
“So, I’ll have a mage friend starting tomorrow?”
“Yep, make sure you don’t cry or cause any trouble while I’m not around.”
“Are you going far away?”
“No, I’ll just have private lessons for an hour or two in the evening.”
“What am I supposed to do in the evenings then?”
“Just behave. Or better yet, think of me. Try to figure out what we should do together.”
Watching her grow, I came to realize something—Lisa was fundamentally different from someone like me. Her background, natural talent, and even her appearance became more pronounced over time. If the priest from Akates hadn’t taken me in, perhaps we never would have met.
Yet, she and I were each other’s one and only friend, family, and companion.
We shared everything with each other. As time passed, our lives became more intertwined, we became emotionally bound to one another, and a life without each other was unimaginable.
Lisa was frightened at the thought of growing up. She feared her uncle would come for her once she did.
After her Magic Wellspring opened, vassals of the Pascal family came to check on her every six months.
Lisa’s expression was always grim when they visited.
Afterward, Lisa would often talk about us staying together when we grew up.
“We have to live together when we grow up.”
We would jokingly suggest marriage, and I readily agreed to her proposal every time.
We both knew how difficult it would be to stay together in the future. The chances of us remaining together were low while the chances of us parting ways were high. I became more aware of this as Lisa’s abilities blossomed, and she grew more each day.
But making such promises allowed us to momentarily forget such hardship.
Orphans at the Akates temple couldn’t stay in Loreil Hall after they turned seventeen, so we had to find our own way in the world and eventually fend for ourselves.
Lisa had a bright future ahead of her. She had all the qualities one could ever need to become an exceptional mage. She’d likely attend the academy once she turned seventeen.
Meanwhile, I started learning metalworking when I was fourteen, and by fifteen, I was doing odd jobs in a relatively large workshop, gradually improving my skills.
Time flew by, and we turned fifteen. Lisa was irritable and more sensitive around that age.
The vassals from the Pascal family visited Lisa more frequently, and she sought me out more and more in proportion to that frequency.
On the days she met with the vassals, she would sometimes hug me and tremble like a lost puppy. Even when I asked her what was wrong, she wouldn’t answer.
While working at the workshop, I collected scrap metal and wires that were in decent condition. I melted and fused them together, applying the skills I learned and staying up all night to craft a ring.
When I presented my first work to Lisa, she was overjoyed. She slipped the ring on her left ring finger, smiling brightly as if it were a diamond ring, flipping her hand back and forth to admire it.
“I’ll make you a better one later.”
“But I love this one just the way it is.”
Lisa’s smile was always a sight to behold. How long would I be able to see that smile? Deep down, I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.
Then, one summer day, when we were fifteen, I heard the words “I love you” for the second time in my life.