Chapter 95 - Shadow (18)

I put Trisha's group proposal on hold for now. Though I understood she had an uncomfortable relationship with her groupmate, from Cecil's and her friends' perspective, I was a complete stranger. It wasn't a good idea to remove someone they'd already been working with to add me. Apart from Trisha and I, if something special happened creating a vacancy in the group I would join, but I declined if someone had to be removed to bring me in.

When we arrived at the mansion, Liria suddenly ran out from the entrance to greet me.

"Master Damian!"

An urgent voice. A small paper envelope fluttered in her hand.

The words she shouted instead of a greeting made my heart sink.

"A letter from Lady Silveryn has arrived!"

It seemed the reply to the letter I sent earlier had finally arrived. The time had finally come.

I received the letter and held my breath for a moment.

Liria watched my reaction with wide eyes before slipping away.

"I'll go heat the bath water!"

Trisha had been subtly moving toward the corridor leading to my room when she stopped to turn and look at me with puzzled eyes.

Why am I so nervous about this? 

It feels unfamiliar due to the quite long gap period. I broke the seal and read the first line of the letter.

Fortunately, it contained Silveryn's warm greetings.

[I was very worried when no letters came. I'm so glad nothing was wrong.]

[...I'm sorry your entrance ceremony wasn't enjoyable due to the Stitch breaking by accident, and moreover that your teacher couldn't be there with you. I feel the same way.]

[There are many children in the North who had to grow up without fathers due to frequent conflicts. Perhaps that's why northern parents consider watching their children's growth process a blessing. I somewhat understand those northerners' feelings.]

[I'm sorry, but there's a high possibility we won't be able to be together for important upcoming events and anniversaries either. There are still too many people in the world who need your teacher's power. But don't be too disappointed. I'll promise you just this one thing. I'll be by your side at your coming-of-age ceremony someday. Even if the world ends. That much I can guarantee.]

Fortunately, it was in Silveryn's usual calm writing style. Since I hadn't kept the promise to send letters daily, I had worried in one corner of my mind that she might be angry, but as expected, Silveryn wasn't someone who would get angry just because letters were a bit late.

However... for some reason, certain words like "coming-of-age ceremony" and some sentences were written more darkly as if written with force. Had she written it in a shaking carriage? Besides that, the overall tone of the writing was gentle.

[...Joining the Art Club was a good choice. Though Professor Georgia is a bit fussy, she's a person of excellent character who sincerely cares for her students. And you say you'll first draw someone precious? Though who it is is a secret, you say I'll like it when I see it. I really wonder who it could be. Well anyway, I'll look forward to it.]

[For the Stitch, go find a magical engineer named Phyto in central Rigbed, that person should be able to fix it. And while it's being repaired, send letters through Ella.]

I wonder if it was possible to restore a Stitch that wasn’t just broken but shattered to pieces... 

I should visit soon.

And in the signature line at the bottom of the letter... instead of a signature, there was a red lip print.

Did she think that the mark alone would prove the sender's identity?

Well... at least it's a definite mark for me. Since I know what color cosmetics Silveryn uses.

While I was off guard, some flashed in my mind, and with it came torment.

While I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, Trisha quietly approached from the side with her hands behind her back and said, "What are you looking at so intently by yourself?"

"A letter from my teacher."

"I want to see too."

"No."

As she subtly tried to peek, I hurriedly folded the letter so she couldn't see it.

Trisha glared at my face with a sullen expression and asked, "Do you often exchange personal letters? Just how close are you with your teacher?"

Though we were only together for 6 months, except for the entrance exam, we were almost always together during that period. We did everything together—meals, training, rest, picnics, and so on.

"We're very special to each other. And exchanging letters is normal in a teacher-student relationship."

"How nice. I had people who taught me at my original place too. But we really didn't get along. I don't even want to call those people teachers."

"People?"

How many times did her teacher change?

"Yes, there were twenty-one people teaching me."

For a moment I doubted my ears.

"You changed teachers twenty-one times?"

"No. Twenty-one people taught me simultaneously."

"...What were whole groups of people trying to teach you?"

"Their job was to take turns nagging about what I shouldn't do. Lady Trisha, you mustn't do this. That's not allowed either. Lady Trisha. This isn't allowed, that isn't allowed. The list of prohibited items must be over a thousand."

"Just what is your identity to receive such management?"

"..."

Trisha closed her mouth tightly for a moment and looked into my eyes.

Then with an expression as if she'd made some decision, she spoke, "Should I tell you? Though it's a secret, I can tell you..."

"...?"

"But it seems unfair if only I tell, so let's exchange pasts. If I tell you how I lived before coming to Eternia, you tell me too. How about it?"

Her eyes were quite serious. The innocence that always lingered in her eyes was gone.

This wasn't simply about revealing past histories to each other. It was clear Trisha wanted something deeper than that.

I avoided her gaze. 

Sorry, but I can't tell you about my past. That's something I haven't even told Silveryn.

Even

My past is something I must shoulder alone. Pain doesn't get better just by sharing it. I don't think there's any special meaning to be found in sharing and dividing the past.

"I..."

Trisha watched my reaction and suddenly covered my mouth with her hand.

"Wait, it doesn't have to be today. Just remember it and tell me sometime when you feel like it! I can wait."

"..."

"I'll go wash up first!"

She disappeared down the corridor toward my room as if running away.

***

I entered my room belatedly.

And it was messy with clothes Trisha had taken off. It felt like she had marked her territory before being chased out.

Thinking back to memories from the orphanage, carelessly throwing off clothes like this was characteristic of children in their early years. Most grow out of it as they mature... but Trisha was sometimes like a young child.

She was probably only one or two years younger than me at most.

I picked up Trisha's shed clothes one by one and put them in a basket.

Seeing no underwear... she must be hand washing again.

Considering Trisha's wild animal-like habits, I deeply wonder what kind of life she lived in the past.

And conversely... she must have wondered about me too, seeing someone with completely different tendencies from herself.

Her proposal lingered in my mind.

Exchange pasts?

I put down the basket and sat at the table placed near the terrace. The moon was already up since it was early winter with short days.

And under that moonlight, I looked back on old memories.

I could somewhat understand Trisha's feelings when asking about the past with such a serious attitude.

Looking back, whether it was Silveryn or Trisha, it was always the other person, not me, who reached out to develop relationships.

They must have felt frustrated. Though we call ourselves friends on the surface, we knew almost nothing about each other.

For a very long time, I had lived forgetting how to reach out to others.

***

The next morning, I stopped the carriage at Eternia's main gate. After getting out first, I said to Trisha, "Trisha, return to the mansion alone this evening."

Trisha paused brushing her white hair and expressed doubt.

"...Why? Do you need to do something at Eternia?"

"Yeah. I have something I need to do separately."

"Why won't you tell me what it is?"

"I need to practice drawing. I'm going to draw until dawn and rest at the dormitory."

"...You're lying."

Her shoulders drooped slightly and her expression darkened. Disappointment seemed to be accumulating in Trisha's heart.

Did she only feel satisfied if we shared every secret and stayed together 24/7? Lisa's childhood image once again overlapped with Trisha's appearance. That appearance of always wanting to stay together and getting sulky when we briefly separated.

Are all women like this? Or do silver-white-haired people genetically have some strange attachment disorder?

"Let me keep at least one secret. Don't feel too hurt. Instead of playing together today, tomorrow I'll... make you Sankrotis-style apple pie myself."

Trisha crossed her arms and looked away with a sulky expression.

"..."

"If you don't want it, I'll eat it alone."

"...I'll eat it too."

It was clearly visible how her disappointment melted away at the mention of making food. She got sulky over small things, but her mood also improved over small things. That part was fortunate.

"Alright. You prepare all the ingredients. See you tomorrow."

"What? Why do I have to prepare..."

I closed the door before Trisha could finish speaking and patted it twice with my hand to start the carriage.

Well, if I did it without you having to do anything, you'll develop bad habits. If you were an adult I'd do it for free, but you're not.

Trisha pressed her forehead against the back window of the departing carriage and shouted, "Hey! I don't know about that stuff!!"