Chapter 15
Love is a wonderful thing. It’s fun.
That’s why I was so excited to start college: I’d have a wonderful romance, work reasonably hard at my studies, and enjoy a happy college life.
I’d make lots of friends, go lots of places, dress up lots, and make lots of memories...
I’d spend my days sparkling!
Two months since starting college.
So far, I’ve made lots of friends, and I think I’m doing well in my club, too!
But... for some reason, love just isn’t going well.
There are quite a few people I think are handsome. Upperclassmen and people in my year alike.
But I don’t know... I want a boyfriend, but I still haven’t met anyone I actually want to date.
'You might find you like him once you start going out!'
'Why not just go out with someone for now?'
'Wouldn’t it suck to graduate college without ever having had a boyfriend?'
The debate over romantic ideals that comes up when friends talk.
It’s true that these days, just having someone agree to date you is something to be grateful for. So I think it’s fine to keep making advances and do your best to get someone to go out with you.
I do kind of want to experience what it’s like to have a boyfriend.
If I don’t make a move myself, no opportunities will come my way!
—But lately, I’ve been wondering...
(What is love... What does it mean to like someone?)
Thinking someone is handsome and thinking you like them are two different things.
That’s true. I think the idols on TV are handsome, but that doesn’t mean I like them.
So what does it mean to like someone?
I think the kind of romance I’ve always dreamed of is when something about that person—their actions, their personality, or their words—makes your heart pound uncontrollably.
When you feel strongly that you want to be with them forever.
But I’ve never experienced anything like that, not even once in my life.
Well, that’s reality for you.
So everyone settles, compromises, and puts up with things.
They find someone who’s good enough.
So I thought I had to do the same.
—And then.
“Huh? You’re seriously asking me out? Lol.”
Why did I have to go through something like this?
Ahh, that one really got to me... I don’t think anyone’s ever said anything that awful to me before.
I’m used to getting rejected, though.
I watched the direction Keito-san had gone.
I didn’t feel angry at all.
The reason I didn’t feel angry was that some part of me understood where they were coming from.
Maybe I didn’t even want to go out with them that badly.
It’s rude to say it, but I wasn’t all that invested, either.
So I’m at fault, too. It goes both ways.
I let out a deep sigh and turned back the way I’d come—then I spotted a familiar black cap behind a nearby wall.
...I need to perk up again.
“...You can do this, me.”
I said softly, then
popped out beside her.
“Well, well. Eavesdropping, are we? You’re a wicked one, aren’t you?”
“...! Mizuho... I’m sorry.”
My best friend, Igarashi Koiumi, had an expression almost too miserable to show anyone else. She noticed me and bowed her head apologetically.
No, no. It’s fine. I know how kind you are, Koiumi. So don’t look so sad.
“It’s fine, it’s fine! You came because you were worried about me, right? I’m moved to tears by your kindness, Koiumi-dono!”
“Mizuho...”
Please don’t look so sad, Koiumi-dono!
I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m doing great.
Your Mizuho-chan isn’t going to let something this small get her down!
“Man, I thought I had a shot! And then they cut me down in one fell swoop! Aaaah, my HP is at zero! Sob, sob!”
“...”
Yep, yep! This kind of carefree attitude is just right for me!
And I want Koiumi to keep smiling, too!
“This isn’t going well at all! Koiumi-dono, just wait a little longer for that double date, okay?☆”
“Yeah... Someone way better than that person will definitely come along for you.”
...Koiumi-dono is so kind.
We’ve been friends since high school, and we’ve never once fought.
“Aaaaaah! Now I’m fired up again!! I’m gonna do this! ...So, Koiumi, you make sure to treasure the guy you’re seeing now, okay?”
“Yeah...”
Apparently, there’s a guy Koiumi is getting along with pretty well right now.
Aww, I’m so jealous! I’ve only seen him from a distance, so I can’t really tell, but I think he was pretty tall and handsome. I’d love to talk to him sometime! I want to tease them a little, too!
But for now...
“Hey, you have class with him for third period, right? Go on, go!”
“Huh...? But what about you, Mizuho...?”
“I need to get some fresh air for a bit! Don’t keep him waiting! Go on, go!”
“...Mizuho.”
Koiumi turned away from me with an apologetic look on her face.
Come on, why are you making such a complicated face?
If you’re happy right now, Koiumi, then I’m happy, too.
I know you’ve had a hard time because you’ve been hung up on your first love since you were little.
Koiumi didn’t look back even once.
I watched her until she disappeared from view, then took a deep breath.
“Phew. Well, that’s how it goes!”
I stretched my arms high overhead.
This area was a little far from the lecture halls, and there weren’t many people around at this time, with third period about to start.
I started walking slowly.
“All right! For Koiumi’s sake, I’ll get over this and find a new gu—”
'You got the wrong idea from that?? LOL'
I wonder why, but my voice is a little hard to get out.
“...Find... someone...”
'You’re seriously creepy.'
—The thing running down my cheek...
—The thing falling to the ground and leaving a stain...
Please, just stop.
I finished my afternoon classes without taking in a single thing.
Honestly, I think my mind was somewhere else for almost all of them.
It was a good thing my friend who usually takes those classes with me was absent today.
Right now, I’m taking a break in a chair in an open area on campus.
“I got rejected... there...”
I messaged my close group of friends from my year to tell them how my confession went.
Of course, I left out what Keito-san had said and what they were like.
Koiumi had messaged to check on me, too, but I didn’t feel like replying right now.
I figured Koiumi would be better off spending a fun time with him than worrying about me.
I closed my phone and leaned back in my chair.
The evening sun streamed through the window.
The sun was almost down.
“Maybe I should head home.”
My steps felt heavier than usual.
Man... could I get over this by tomorrow?
I really messed up. Having to keep seeing that upperclassman from my club made it even harder.
Just thinking about it made me feel gloomy.
After riding the train for a while from the station nearest my university...
I was now crouched down in the restroom at the station where I had to transfer.
Apparently, I’d gotten motion sick on the train.
“Haha... What does it even mean to get motion sick on a train? Was I always this fragile?”
Pathetic. I was so pathetic.
I looked at myself in the restroom mirror and was shocked by how awful I looked.
My eyes were horribly red from crying so much, and my makeup was smudged.
My face was unnaturally pale.
(I look awful... If someone I know sees me like this...)
I took off the hair tie holding my hair in twin tails.
(This is fine for now.)
I let my hair down, leaving it long, and put on a mask so no one would see my face if I could help it.
The always-cheerful Tonosaki Mizuho isn’t here right now. But I’ll do my best again starting tomorrow, so please forgive me.
“There should be a drugstore nearby...”
I wanted motion sickness medicine that would work even after I’d already started feeling sick.
Dragging my heavy legs and my lethargic body along, I left the station restroom.
What am I even doing?
Getting this hurt over nothing more than being rejected by a guy.
If I’m this affected just because the other person was a little harsh, my mental strength still has a long way to go.
'You’re seriously creepy.'
“...!”
The words echoed through my mind.
They say memories tied to strong emotions leave the deepest impression, but this was just too cruel.
Once again, tears came, no matter how much I tried to stop them.
Please, enough already. I’ve cried plenty. I rubbed my eyes roughly without thinking.
Crying over it again was so stupid—
—Thud!
A blow to my shoulder.
I’d bumped into a passerby.
“Tch... Watch where you’re going, ugly!”
...Huh?
I couldn’t see well ahead of me.
My vision felt strange.
Did I lose a contact lens?
This is the worst.
My vision without contacts is only 0.1.
“I’m sorry...! I dropped my contact lens...! I’m so sorry...!”
Oh, come on... Today really is the worst day ever.
—And that was when it happened.
“Are you okay? You dropped a contact lens, right? I’ll help you look.”
“Huh...?”
A voice called out to me.
A man’s voice.
I looked up.
My vision was a mess because of my tears and poor eyesight, so I couldn’t see him clearly.
A vest, and a black bow tie.
A gentleman stood there, his hair neatly slicked back.
Even in a situation like this,
I honestly thought he was handsome.
“I’m sorry. Thank you...”
Then I instinctively lowered my head.
I didn’t want him to see my face looking so awful.
“Excuse me! We’re looking for a contact lens!”
I was surprised.
A man who was clearly working was going out of his way to help a woman like me...?
My mind was in a whirl.
I couldn’t collect my thoughts.
It was a strange feeling.
In the middle of all this commotion, the other sounds seemed to fade away.
It even felt like there was no one else in the world but me and this young man.
My heart had started pounding unbearably loudly.
“I found it...! Here it is!”
How much time had passed?
It felt like it had happened in an instant, yet it also felt like it had taken a very long time.
The young man called out to me, sounding delighted, and brought it over.
“Here you go. Be careful.”
“Thank you so much.”
He carefully placed the contact lens on top of a handkerchief.
The way he handed it to me was so incredibly gentle.
Maybe it was because of what had happened earlier today.
The young man’s kindness melted into my heart... and spilled over.
I was too small a vessel to hold it all, and the overflowing feelings ran down my cheeks as tears.
But these weren’t tears of sadness like the ones I’d been crying before.
I was smiling now.
A warm feeling filled me.
Tears of joy.
And then, suddenly, I realized.
—Why is my heart pounding so hard?
“Oh, you don’t have to return the handkerchief. See you!”
“...Huh?”
The young man started to leave.
Wait, no. I can’t let him go.
I haven’t asked him anything yet. Anything at all.
—No!!!
“U-um! Please wait a moment!”
The young man stopped.
He turned to look at me.
He looked so, so wonderful.
Remembering how shabby I looked right now made me feel a little miserable.
I’m not the always-cheerful Tonosaki Mizuho right now.
“...!”
I had to at least ask his name,
or properly thank him,
or ask why he’d helped me.
So many words started spinning around in my head.
And all the while, nonstop...
My heart went thump, thump, thump.
It’s so loud! So loud, so loud!
Stop! Let me talk!
I might never see him again!!
Please give me courage, God!
“Um... Sorry, I’m in a hurry!”
“...Ah.”
I reached out my hand.
Pathetically.
But I couldn’t reach him.
The sounds of the world returned, and normal life resumed.
It felt as though that moment had never happened, but the heat lingering in my body and the handkerchief in my right hand said otherwise.
(Idiot... Idiot, idiot, idiot! I’m such an idiot...!)
I should’ve at least asked his name.
If I’d known his name, maybe I could’ve returned his handkerchief!
And besides...!
(What should I do, what should I do...!)
I crouched down there again.
My heart was still pounding loudly.
'An uncontrollable pounding of the heart.'
—Ah, could this be...
“...Huh?”
...Something had fallen on the ground.
I picked it up.
“A ballpoint pen?”
At first glance, it was an ordinary ballpoint pen.
It wasn’t mine. So it belonged to the guy who’d searched so desperately for my contact lens...?
I felt like I’d seen it somewhere before. I turned the pen over and over in my hand—
“...Huh?”
The ballpoint pen.
The part you hold in your hand.
There was a logo on it.
The logo of my very own university.
This was the ballpoint pen given to all the new students at my university.
“No way... Huh...! Then the person just now was...!”
My destiny had begun to move.