Chapter 6
Is there any point to being alive?
Lately, that's all I, Mochizuki Seira, can think about.
I graduated from university and got a job.
My university was decent enough, so finding a job went fairly smoothly.
I had fun hanging out with my female friends in college, and I think I enjoyed myself well enough.
I even had a boyfriend... technically, I think.
The more I think about it, the more I realize what a living hell he was.
"Sigh... I wanna die."
"Hey, Seira, what if the section chief hears you...?"
"Sorry..."
As always, I faced my computer.
If all I had to do was sit at my computer and work, it'd be fine.
The problem was my boss.
And not just any boss—the one I had to share a room with all day.
"Hey, Mochizuki-san? I told you to put the company name here and here on the documents I gave you earlier, didn't I? It's not there."
"Huh...? But when I checked earlier, you said it wasn't necessary, Section Chief..."
"What? I never said that. You must've misheard me."
...
Day in, day out.
What was the point of living just to get chewed out by this greasy section chief?
"Honestly. No wonder men run away from you when you keep mishearing things like that."
"...!"
Murderous intent nearly spilled from my throat, but I restrained it through sheer force of will.
The section chief had said it loudly, and I could hear whispers from around me.
"Huh? Mochizuki-san got dumped by a guy...?"
"That was last year. About a month after she started working here. Apparently, he never even thought they were dating in the first place."
"That's awful. What the hell?"
I was so sick of it.
Without a word, I sat down and started redoing the documents the section chief had told me to fix.
Back in college, I had a boyfriend... or so I thought.
Since my friend group was what you'd call one of the popular groups, and most of them had boyfriends, I was genuinely happy when I got one right before graduation.
He was my first boyfriend ever.
And that guy sent me crashing from cloud nine to rock bottom.
'Huh...? You actually thought I was serious? LOL, sorry, not interested. Besides, I actually have two girlfriends, lol.'
Before I felt anger or hatred, I cursed my own foolishness.
Why had I been so happy to date a guy like that?
Did I think any guy would do?
I was disgusted with myself.
In the end, we broke up in less than two months, and I stopped contacting him altogether.
I blocked him on social media, too.
I've been alone ever since.
I lived alone, so I was alone even when I went home.
Without thinking much of it, I opened social media.
Post after post from my college friends filled my feed: going to theme parks with their boyfriends, going on dates here and there, and so on.
I had long since stopped feeling envious or anything like that.
Was there any point to being alive?
"Huh? A boys' bar?"
"Yeah! I was wondering if you'd like to come too, Seira-chan!"
Today was the company's no-overtime day.
The person who stopped me from heading home early, even though tomorrow was my day off, was my senior colleague, Miki-san.
She'd helped me countless times, and I owed her a lot, but...
Now that very senior colleague was inviting me to a boys' bar.
"Every now and then, when we have the next day off, we go to this place! There are handsome guys, and it's great! Good for the eyes and your health!"
"I see..."
Honestly, I wanted to go home and sleep.
I was exhausted from the section chief's shitty harassment since morning, and mentally and physically, I was completely drained.
"You haven't seemed like yourself lately, Seira-chan... I thought maybe it'd cheer you up, even a little..."
...
I knew Miki-san was concerned about me.
It'd be kind of rude to brush her off...
"Okay, I'll go."
"Really?! I'm so happy! I'm sure you'll like it too, Seira-chan!"
She grabbed my hands and shook them up and down.
Hmm, honestly, I'd never been to this kind of place, and I couldn't imagine enjoying it much.
I knew I was a boring woman, and I was more worried I'd spoil everyone else's fun.
"Who should we have sit with Seira-chan?"
"Hmm, how about that guy?"
"Eh, but his request fee is expensive. Maybe not for her first time?"
"Maybe she'd prefer someone who doesn't come on too strong?"
They were getting excited while I wasn't even there.
...Well, I'd just have a casual chat and head home.
The sign for the boys' bar "Festa" was shining so brightly it was almost blinding.
A short walk from the station, in what seemed like a pretty good location, was apparently our destination.
Miki-san led the way and opened the door.
"Welcome! ...Oh, Miki-san! You came again!"
"Yusei-kun, I couldn't stay away!♡"
...Huh?
Honestly, I was put off from the very first moment.
What was with that "I just had to come again!♡"?
Judging by the conversation, Miki-san must come here often.
We were shown farther inside.
"Five lovely ladies to Table Three! Welcome!"
"Welcome, ladies."
Whoa, this is something.
When the person who'd handled our reception called out, every staff member in the place welcomed us.
And every one of them was handsome.
...It did lift my spirits a tiny bit.
Once we were seated, they had us sit spaced evenly apart across a wide sofa.
Huh? Why? Why are we sitting so far apart?
Puzzled, I edged a little closer to Miki-san and asked her.
"Um, why are we leaving such a big gap?"
"The hosts come sit in those spaces!"
"Oh, the gaps?!"
Apparently, the men sat between the women.
I see. So even though we'd come as a group, we'd basically be talking one-on-one.
Huh, I'm getting nervous... I thought I'd just go along with everyone's conversations...
"Welcome, Miki. Should I assign the usual hosts to everyone today?"
"Oh, Yusei-kun. I wanted to ask you something..."
Miki-san was asking someone from the bar for something.
I guess she was asking about which host would sit with us?
"Got it, got it. And what about you, Miki?"
"What do you mean, 'what about me'? I'm devoted to you, Yusei-kun!♡"
Eugh, that's rough.
I didn't want to see this side of the senior colleague I admired...
"Excuse me, ladies."
Hosts began arriving one after another and taking their seats.
No one had come to sit beside me yet.
Still, every host who came was handsome and decked out in dazzling accessories, so I couldn't help feeling intimidated.
(They're in this line of work... They must be laughing at us on the inside.)
Thinking that made me feel disgusted with myself for being such an awful person.
Lately, I couldn't help thinking negatively.
Beside me, Miki-san had started getting cozy with Yusei (?) while all the others seemed to have their favorite hosts show up, their eyes already turning into hearts.
Hey, didn't you say you were going to cheer me up or something?
...Honestly, I wasn't sure I could enjoy this.
I couldn't imagine having anything in common with men like these in the first place.
I really was a boring woman.
"Excuse me, miss."
At last, someone called out to me, and I looked up.
"...!"
That day, I met an angel.
"It's nice to meet you. I'm Masato. And what's your name, miss...?"
"Oh, um, Seira."
"Seira-san! It's nice to meet you."
Honestly, in terms of looks, some of the hosts who'd come by earlier might have been more handsome.
But the one who came to sit with me... had a very calm, earnest air about him.
His outfit was nice, too.
He wasn't overdone; his deep navy suit was simple and well put together.
His boyish face was nice, too. The way he looked like he was stretching himself a bit by wearing a suit stirred my desire to protect him.
"Did you come after work today?"
"Y-yes... Tomorrow's my day off."
He poured ice and alcohol into my glass.
And all the while, he kept smiling warmly.
"That's nice! I'm looking forward to having tomorrow off, too. Why do Friday nights get us so excited?"
"Hehe, they do."
Huh? Did I just laugh?
Maybe it was because the young man keeping me company was so different from what I'd imagined—he was younger than me.
Somehow, my tension from earlier had melted away before I knew it.
"What are you planning to do on your day off, Seira-san?"
"W-well... I've gotten into games lately..."
I realized what I'd said as soon as it left my mouth.
Wasn't leading with video games a little too nerdy?
Maybe I should've said something safe, like reading.
"Oh, nice! What kind of games do you play?"
But my worries proved unfounded in an instant.
Besides, I'd come here to enjoy myself, so worrying about that might've been silly.
He listened to me with interest, not once looking puzzled.
"Well, RPGs, and, um, the kind where you build up a town..."
"I love RPGs too! They're so much fun!"
He flashed a radiant smile.
I couldn't sense a trace of falseness from him.
Maybe he was such a good actor that he was secretly put off, but at least he gave no sign of it—and somehow, he seemed like he was enjoying himself, too.
Maybe that was why.
I was so happy that I ended up drinking more of the alcohol he'd poured for me.
"And then that shitty boss! They made sure the whole office heard that I'd been dumped by a guy...!"
"That's seriously awful..."
Huh? When did the conversation turn into this?
I kept drinking, and started feeling pretty good.
Masato-kun was sitting close, and my head was starting to spin.
I thought, whatever, and before I knew it, I was venting all my pent-up frustrations.
Maybe I got a little too worked up.
I let out a breath.
"...But I'm the stupid one. I was the one who got carried away, thinking he really wanted to date me."
"Huh? But he was the one who asked you out, right?"
"Yeah, but..."
That's right.
He'd come up to me with a smirk and asked me to go out with him.
I was so excited, but I should've realized it then.
"That's awful! You didn't do anything wrong, Seira-san! There's no way he's not the one at fault!"
The young man in front of me was getting angry on my behalf.
Somehow, that made me indescribably happy.
"But that's just how it is. That's how women are. In the end, we don't get to choose."
So I added, half-mocking myself.
Then...
"I... I really can't accept that."
"Huh?"
He leaned toward me.
He was so close that my heart skipped a beat.
"Sure, there may be fewer men. But does that make men superior? I hate men who get complacent and think that way."
It was the first time I'd ever heard someone say that.
I'd talked to plenty of men, but he was the first one to say something like that.
As I stared at him in surprise, he continued, looking a little embarrassed.
"If I were in that position... I'd want to date someone as beautiful inside and out as you, Seira-san."
I felt something inside me give way.