Chapter 2
I’ve seen all sorts of filthy things in my life... but I realize now I’ve only scratched the surface of the world.
Look.
True suffering is right here.
＂Ugh...!＂
I endured the first day. Even sleeping was difficult, so I just lay there, breathing in and out.
I thought it would get better after a day. But when I woke from a shallow sleep, I realized I was wrong.
When morning came, I couldn’t even scream. I could only twitch my tongue, unable to move a finger.
I was thirsty. Thirst gnawed at my entire being.
Instead of blood, black sand filled my veins. It blocked my meridians and blood vessels, rotting my body from the inside out.
Unable even to roll my eyes.
In that state, I reflected on those seven days.
Just lying still won’t change anything.
I have to move. I have to endure this pain and stand up straight.
I have to.
...I definitely have to.
＂.......＂
My spirit breaks.
Under this unbearable pain.
. . .
I dreamt.
My sister wasn’t there. My parents weren’t there either.
I was just standing in a white space. I looked around, but there was no one.
So I just stood there. I didn’t know what to do, so I just stood still.
Then I woke up.
And as I woke, pain washed over me.
＂Ugh...!＂
A sound escaped me. The air I expelled, unable to bear it any longer, was hot.
Just a groan, but it felt like every thorn imaginable had been jammed into my tongue.
My lungs feel strange. Was air always this stinging?
I can’t breathe. Pain mingles with every inhale and exhale.
I’m dying.
Rotting alive.
Is death the only answer? I don’t know. But I instinctively realized it was the closest path.
The path to freedom from this pain.
The path to escape from this torment.
I waited for the Black-Clad Figure. I waited for the one called 1st Demon to come and plunge a sword into my heart.
Why isn’t time passing faster?
Kill me.
Please…
Please kill me.
. . .
“Older brother.”
“Hmm?”
“Can’t you play with me today?”
My sister tugged at my sleeve. I wanted to smile and answer her.
But I couldn’t. If I held her hand and played, I wouldn’t be able to provide her with food later.
“…Later. Let’s play later.”
“When?”
“Later…”
The time will surely come. Someday, I’ll have the freedom to take my sister’s hand and stroll through the night streets.
“Let’s play later, okay?”
“…Older brother.”
The hand tugging on my sleeve fell away weakly.
“When is later?”
When, indeed.
I looked back.
There was nothing behind me.
“…Ah.”
Dreams and reality.
In that ambiguous boundary, I thrashed. Blood flowed from my bitten tongue.
Where does the dream end and reality begin?
I don’t know. It just hurts. I prayed for all of this to end.
Heavenly Demon, take my life. 1st Demon, carve away all my flesh.
I want to die. No, I want to live.
Sister. Where is my sister? Where am I?
“Welcome to the Floral Shadow Sect.”
Memories intermingle.
Words I’ve heard surge forth like vomit.
“A bit late in life to start something new, isn’t it?”
“You were never born with it to begin with.”
“Effort is important. It is, but… wouldn't a genius’s effort yield more results than a layman’s?”
“Cripple.”
“Xiaoxia, forgive my bluntness, but wouldn’t it be better to give up the sword?”
Memories intertwine.
“Jeok Un. What a pathetic name.”
“Son, your sister is dead.”
“If you’re a Gatekeeper, then act like one and just open the damn gate.”
“Son, do you intend to starve us to death?”
“Be grateful for the Sect Leader’s grace.”
Memories mix.
“Jeok Un. It can’t be helped. Someone has to do it. If you’re a Warrior of the Murim Alliance… shouldn’t you give your life for righteousness?”
“The pay is more than double, though. Don’t worry. I’ll send it all to your family.”
“To think the guy they recommended would be such a useless cripple.”
“Come on. We need to have the initiation, right? I’ll give you a nice, thick loogie. Lick it all up.”
“Did you think you could achieve anything by challenging me?”
Memories…
“Jeok Un. I’m sorry.”
“You pathetic bastard. I’m telling you. I know for sure. You’ll spend your whole life as a Gatekeeper.”
“Older brother, when is later?”
“Put down the sword, Xiaoxia. It won’t do you any good.”
“Son, give us money. Do you intend to starve your parents to death?”
Intermingled…
“Jeok Un.”
“Cripple.”
“Xiaoxia.”
“Older brother.”
“Son.”
.......
....
...
.
…I…
“Jeok Un.”
…No.
“You dog, who spent his whole life guarding other people’s doors.”
Are you.
“Are you satisfied with that?”
---Are you satisfied with that?
“AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I pushed against the floor. I raised my body.
Blood rushed back through my body. Something dripped from my eyes. Black, murky blood.
It drenched my cheeks and stained the floor. The veins bulging on my skin pulsed as if they would burst at any moment.
My heart stopped. My rotten blood no longer flowed.
But I desperately thrashed. Are you satisfied with that?
Are you satisfied with that, Jeok Un?
With that life, hidden beneath the clouds?
That life, spent serving others?
Are you satisfied with just that?
---No!
“Yes. That’s it.”
The Heavenly Demon’s voice, impossible to hear, echoes amidst the clashing memories.
I reach out in that direction.
I am a dog. A dog who has spent its life licking other people’s asses.
I know. I’m damn well aware that I have no talent. That I was born with nothing.
So I rationalized it. I told myself I wouldn’t amount to anything anyway and drifted through life.
A layman’s sword.
A layman’s life.
A layman’s fate.
I vomited rotten blood onto it. I tore myself open and poured everything I had onto it.
Ah. Yes! That’s right! Damn it!
I am a layman! Born a layman, nearly died a layman!
And were you happy with that?
---I was sick of it!
But no. Not now. I’ve been given a chance.
Since I’ve been given a chance, I have to move. Even if I want to die, I have to overcome this.
I’ve wanted to die my whole life.
So on the day I truly must die, shouldn’t I live?
Ironically. Ironically!
I!
I truly!
“A sword…”
I’ve always wanted to cut away my impoverished and pathetic life!
“A sword…!”
I grabbed the wall. I fell once.
But I stood up. I fell again.
Each time I fell, I vomited blood. Illusions and reality mingled, assaulting me.
“Jeok Un.”
Shut up!
“Xiaoxia.”
Shut up!
“Son.”
Shut up!
“Cripple.”
All of you…
All of you shut up!!!
“Ugh…!!!”
The world is constricting me. I can feel the regurgitated, rotten blood trying to force me to my knees.
But it doesn’t matter. I’m a layman. A layman who will now shed his skin and become a beast.
I won’t kneel. I stand and grab the door.
I walk.
I walk.
I have to walk.
I have to walk… I have to keep living…
“Older brother.”
“…...”
I looked back.
In the intertwined illusions, I felt my sister looking at me.
My sleeve is tugged again. The pull is so weak that I doubt whether it's even real.
Small hands. An emaciated body.
Yet a whispering voice.
“It’s okay. You can go.”
The only voice that was ever on my side.
Always…
Always kind.
I didn’t respond to that voice. I turned my gaze away from my sister, who always clung to me.
I looked ahead.
I let her falling hand fall.
I… I, you see, little sister.
I could never truly cherish you. Deep within my heart, it was filled with damn selfishness.
I was smiling, but at the same time, I was crying. I pretended to be indifferent, but inside, I was in turmoil.
Little sister, the moment I heard you were dead, I felt like my world was collapsing.
But what followed wasn’t grief.
I… from your news, I…
---I felt liberated.
“…Ah…!”
I howled like a beast.
Damn selfishness!
Damn layman’s life!
I’m not someone who deserves to be cheered on! I pretended to cherish you, but that was just because I had no other way.
I… I always…
---I wanted to live for myself.
“All of you… disappear…”
Let’s survive.
I will live.
Not for my family.
Not for my sister.
For my selfish and hypocritical self.
To reach that captivating Heavenly Demon.
For the first time.
For the first time, for this dream I now hold.
“…I…”
If it’s so painful you can’t bear it, laugh. If you can’t stretch your legs, crawl with your hands.
Grin and chuckle. If you can’t even move your body, deceive yourself with lies.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
Haven’t I repeated those words countless times?
“Me…”
A layman’s life, drifting along, yet filled with perseverance. A selfish life, deceiving myself with lies.
So if you’re going to do it, keep whispering those lies.
Endure.
Do what you do best.
“Me…!”
Grab your sword, Jeok Un.
Seize the escape from the tedious and wretched life you’ve always dreamed of leaving behind.
Walk with whatever expression you can muster.
Walk and walk, and after you’ve seen what lies at the end with your own two eyes…
“Give me… a sword…!”
Then die.
Because I’m sick of just dreaming.
. . .
1st Demon entered his room on the night of the seventh day, precisely, with a sword in hand.
But the hand he’d raised to kill him stopped. He froze, seeing the back of the man sitting and writing something.
“…How?”
“You’ve arrived.”
A slightly excited voice. The seated figure turned around.
His seemingly indifferent expression contorted slightly with each movement. But despite that, he was moving.
“…...”
1st Demon noticed the subtle discrepancy. Yet, unable to comprehend it, he asked,
“Are you… enduring the pain of Thousand Veils right now?”
“Yes.”
“H…how?”
“I’m used to enduring.”
A twisted grin spread across his lips.
1st Demon unconsciously stepped back, repelled by the sheer intensity.
The atmosphere had changed.
The man before his eyes now…
…was he really the same man from a few days ago?
“I’ve endured my entire life, would I not be able to endure this pain?”
No.
No way.
1st Demon had seen countless individuals struggle to obtain Thousand Veils. He also knew what kind of end they met.
Countless Martial Artists who plunged swords into their own bodies. Among them were renowned Masters.
Even those with strong minds couldn’t withstand it. Didn't the previous 8th Demon also covet Thousand Veils and throw himself off a cliff?
It’s not a pain that a mismatched individual can endure. It's not a tooth that a layman can bear to sink into their own flesh.
But… despite that…
He's enduring it?
1st Demon strode forward. He reached out and forced the man’s mouth open.
“…This is…”
His tongue was completely mangled. He’d bitten it so many times to endure the pain that its shape was barely recognizable.
Not only that. 1st Demon saw what the man had been writing.
Simple characters. The character for 'patience' written repeatedly in blood, filling the paper. Piles of already torn and discarded papers were stacked on the desk.
Self-imposed suggestion. The insane act of biting his tongue and distracting himself with writing to divert his nerves.
1st Demon checked his torn clothes and the shredded flesh on his thighs. His entire body was battered. It was hard to find an uninjured spot.
All of it probably…
…self-inflicted.
“You… just who are you…?”
“I walked, ate, and strolled through the garden, embracing Thousand Veils.”
Jeok Un smiled faintly. He spoke, moving his tattered tongue.
“Now, please teach me how to wield a sword.”
Relentless.
1st Demon let out a hollow laugh.
The man before his eyes was born with nothing. Born a layman, he grasped a sword, but never truly wielded it.
But despite that, he couldn’t help but acknowledge it.
“…You madman.”
The man's devotion to the sword.
That tenacity alone couldn’t be called that of a mere layman.
“I’ll call a Hospital. Get treatment.”
“I want a sword…”
“Su Ryeon comes after that.”
1st Demon turned around.
“Fix your mangled tongue first. The Cult Leader's dog shouldn't be walking around with such a disheveled appearance.”
1st Demon didn’t know if he would become a good dog.
But at least…
---He was certain he would become a tenacious dog that wouldn’t let go once it had bitten down.