12 Grandma, This Is What They Call a Cell Phone

The next morning, early.

“Good morning.”

“G-Good morning, Boss.”

After coming to work, as always, we start the morning with greetings and coffee.

The sweetness of instant coffee.

As soon as I sit down, I stand right back up.

“I’m going out for a cigarette.”

“B-Boss. Let’s buy some supplies. D-Deodorizer.”

“We have air freshener.”

“For deodorizing, Boss.”

“……Do I smell that bad?”

I do smoke a little, but was it really that bad? I sniffed myself.

Kim Yang answered in an exaggerated nasal voice while pinching her nose shut.

“Boss, you smell really strongly of old man.”

“That bad?”

“Spruce yourself up a little.”

“When would I have time to do that? I need to make money.”

“Hand over my paycheck.”

I pretended not to hear her and slipped outside. Look at her pressuring me when it isn’t even payday yet.

Cigarettes, coffee, and stocks.

The three things I have to check early in the morning.

Usually, the stock market tells you which stocks have the biggest fluctuations as the hot stocks.

[Baekdu Pharmaceuticals -12%]

Not only are the Hunter Association, the police, and the prosecutors taking the lead in handling this incident, but I hear the fifth floor has also lodged an official complaint.

Unfortunately, -12% is just the first step down the slope. Baekdu Pharmaceuticals looks set to occupy the stock-market headlines for a while.

Wildlings are, after all, descendants of magical beasts.

They naturally weren’t pleased to see their sacred beasts being spirited away without their consent.

“Phew.”

I look through the other stocks too.

I’ve been making some pretty smart stock trades lately, so I look forward to checking the app.

[Sillacha: 315,500▲(0.15)]

[Hunter Korea: 147,000▲(2.52)]

[Murim Shinyakdang: 66,100▲(5.12)]

[Wolfguard Tactical Solutions: 9,800▲(5.59)]

“Heh heh.”

The corners of my mouth keep rising, utterly beyond my control.

Sillacha was always a stock you held on to out of faith, so I’ll let that one pass.

Hunter Korea sometimes shoots up strangely whenever Yoo Yena makes a move, so I bought it right after the last incident.

Murim Shinyakdang is a pharmaceutical company that came down from the fifth floor.

While other pharmaceutical companies are tumbling one after another because of Baekdu Pharmaceuticals, this one is rising proudly on its own simply because it came from the fifth floor.

The fact that Baekdu had done something like that to the wildlings of the fifth floor drew people’s attention toward fifth-floor pharmaceutical companies.

Wolfguard Tactical Solutions makes equipment exclusively for beastfolk. I bought it expecting it to rise naturally too because of what happened to the wildlings.

I swallow as I watch the stock market rise in red across the board, then check my account this time.

[21,221,000 won]

Thanks to the customers who signed additional contracts yesterday, my account has grown some more.

I’d heard the advice that I should separate my personal and business accounts, but I didn’t bother.

Once Kim Yang’s salary was taken out, wasn’t the rest all my money anyway?

Anyway.

“Keh-heh-heh! They said there’d be a time when money started coming in! It was true!”

I don’t even remember when Kim Yang’s salary was overdue anymore. In the end, you just have to ride the wave at the right time.

I immediately open the stock app again and sell some more.

‘Yonggak Dosin Clinic, Brimlak Foundry—.’

This is why people need to use their heads.

Just then, a subtle maple scent wafts over from beside me.

“What are you doing?”

“Ah, you startled me…….”

Lenea is standing beside me before I know it.

She came by early in the morning and is looking at my phone on tiptoe.

“Ah, isn’t that it? Stocks? The thing people say ruins lives?”

“What are you talking about? If you do it wisely, nothing makes as much money as this, you know?”

I’m about to put my phone away, but decide to indulge her and give her a tip.

“I just invested in Brimlak Foundry and Yonggak Dosin Clinic, you know? You should invest now too. The outlook is good.”

“If it’s Brimlak… dwarves? And Yonggak Dosin Clinic is those fifth-floor blockheads?”

Dwarves, yes—but blockheads?

“Why are fifth-floor people blockheads?”

“You can’t have a conversation with them, can you? Everything is either tradition or the teachings of their forebears—ugh, they’re so frustrating.”

“Well, you’re older than even the ancestors of the ancestors they talk about—.”

Wham!

Lenea’s headbutt landed.

It didn’t hurt.

It must be because the market was rising.

“Anyway, what brings you here today? You said you’d contact Hyojae yesterday.”

“Ah, well, you see……. Hyojae isn’t answering.”

“What?”

What was this supposed to mean?

How hard had I worked to persuade Hyojae?

“Why isn’t Hyojae answering? You didn’t do something weird again, did you? Did you tie a letter to an arrow and shoot it at Hyojae?”

“Of course not! I called too! It’s just—.”

“It’s just?”

“Well, I called from a pay phone because I don’t have a cell phone.”

“Why don’t you have a cell phone? Then what did you use when you filled out your personal information?”

“……The pay phone number.”

“Ah, damn.”

Looks like I must have overlooked it because I hadn’t properly checked her cell phone number.

More importantly, a pay phone?

Did those still exist?

“Sigh, these days people don’t answer calls like that because they think they’re spam or advertisements.”

“I need to buy a cell phone. Come with me.”

“What kind of nonsense is that……? It’s working hours, you know?”

“But no customers are coming!”

“It’s still morning. Who goes to a matchmaking agency first thing in the morning?”

The reason we come to work right now isn’t actually to receive customers.

The main purpose of our morning work is organizing data and holding meetings and discussions about matchmaking.

“Oh, please. Okay? I’m begging you. I’m scared to go to a cell-phone store alone!”

“What on earth is there to be scared of?!”

“They start saying weird things when you go, and I feel like they’ll overcharge me for no reason!”

Ah, well.

She wasn’t wrong.

Aren’t phone stores notorious for padding the bill in all sorts of ways?

Especially if someone as old as Lenea went in, she might get swindled badly without knowing any better.

‘We can’t let the dead stock pile up any further.’

I hadn’t said anything, but our company had accumulated quite a lot of dead stock.

It was a kind of karmic punishment for saying we’d accept ‘anyone’ and then having literally anyone show up.

In the middle of all that, here was a chance to get rid of one 1,901-year-old piece of dead stock.

I couldn’t miss this chance.

“Wait a moment. Let’s see if there’s anywhere nearby that sells cell phones.”

* * *

Cell-phone specialty store, Phonejal-sa.

The sign at the entrance is covered in all sorts of brilliantly colorful slogans.

[Latest models at half price!]

[Free device!]

[Free gift! Drawing held on the first of every month]

[A phone-buying hotspot featured on TV!]

[FREE! FREE!]

Every one of them was a sales tactic designed to lure people in.

Working here as a part-timer, Oh Hangyu learned how narrow the world he had seen had been.

Nothing in this world is free.

It was a common phrase, but Oh Hangyu had come to believe it even more firmly, like a philosopher who had felt that truth firsthand.

Well, if they were going to give things away for free, why would they be in business?

He had learned at a young age that the snakes who wagged their tongues while calling something free were the most dangerous of all.

Jingle-jingle!

And today.

Yet another piece of prey lured in by the word free.

No fewer than three of them had come, and they were an unusual combination.

A sheep beastfolk woman, a human man, and an elf woman.

What a bizarre combination, like they were about to put on a circus act somewhere.

‘Wow, she’s pretty.’

Oh Hangyu was especially impressed by the sheep beastfolk’s chic appearance and greeted them with a friendly smile.

Pretty as she was, he still had a job to do.

Customers from the fourth and fifth floors were the sweetest marks of all for a phone store.

Say a few complicated things, and their eyes would glaze over as they panicked, making them perfect for fleecing.

“Welcome! Are you here to look at cell phones? What model are you looking for?”

At that, Kim Yang doesn’t answer and looks down at Lenea.

“Uh, what model?”

“Huh? A model? I-I don’t really know…… How about the same one as the boss’s?”

“Mine? It’s a Milotic 5.”

“That’s a senior-friendly phone. B-Boss, try acting a little younger.”

“What does a phone have to do with living young? This one’s cheap and works well. I’ve used it for five years.”

“Is five years not merely a moment that passes when the wind blows?”

“What are you talking about? Most phones don’t last that long.”

“Hmm, then I’ll buy that one too! It’s sturdy!”

“Sigh.”

Kim Yang sighed as if giving up and spoke to Oh Hangyu.

“M-Milotic 5.”

“Ah, yes. But these days, newer models have come out in the Milotic series, so they’re much sturdier and—.”

At his suggestion, Lenea cuts in.

“Ooh! One better than the boss’s! Then I’ll take that one! I’ll be younger than the boss!”

“M-Milotic itself isn’t young.”

While Lenea excitedly peered into the display case, Kim Yang looked back at Oh Hangyu.

“All right, then, this model—.”

As Oh Hangyu took out the box, Kim Yang’s eyes turned icy.

“P-Price.”

“Huh?”

“H-How much?”

“Ah, with the standard subsidy applied, it comes to 380,000 won, and the plan is—.”

“E-Enough.”

Kim Yang held out her palm.

“The subsidy chart.”

“……”

“Sh-Show me. The full standard subsidy, broken down by m-model.”

Oh Hangyu was dumbfounded for a moment.

He’d taken her for an easy mark, assuming from her speech that she was a ditz despite her looks, but her suddenly precise demands seemed to bring his brain to a halt.

“Ah, certainly. Here.”

Kim Yang glanced at it, then tapped the very bottom of the booklet with her finger.

“Wh-What if I use the 95-or-higher plan?”

“……”

“The actual device price, how much?”

Sweat began to run down Oh Hangyu’s back. As mentioned earlier, customers from the fourth or fifth floors were perfect for fleecing.

Even people who had lived on the third floor usually didn’t know much about phones, so what about those from the fourth and fifth?

But the woman with the sheep horns standing in front of him—

He had tried to brush her off because of her speech, but she knew far too much.

“The actual device price is…… 620,000 won, though.”

“Th-There’s a commission, right?”

“A commission?”

“N-New subscriber. A-And these days, customers from other floors get e-extra benefits.”

“……”

“A-And your age. G-Grandma. M-More d-discount applies.”

“……”

“H-Hand over the chart.”

By now, Oh Hangyu felt as if that stammering way of speaking were making a fool of him.

Thinking his boss would chew him out, he had no choice but to give up on trying to fleece them.

And in the middle of all this—

“Hmm, how old are you, part-timer? Do you have a girlfriend? You’d be quite the catch if you dressed up a little.”

Meanwhile, the man beside her began making him an even stranger proposal—

“So you’ll come by after work today, as promised? I’ll be waiting for you.”

After they left.

Left behind were the cell-phone contract, sold without a single cent of profit, and a white business card.

<We’ll find your miracle in the countless worlds.>

Meracle (Meracle), a matchmaking agency specializing in hunters.

Oh Hangyu had promised to visit after work that day, as if he had been bewitched by something.