Chapter 38
Normally, we wouldn't have even considered hunting the guards.
Indeed, even if it had been proven that we could kill the guards..
We knew they could be killed, but that didn't mean they'd quietly let us kill them, did it?
“..Daebung, do you perhaps use magic, mana, or some other miraculous power?”
“Me? Of course not. I'm an ordinary person too.”
“..Then what gives you the confidence to be sure you can kill them?”
“I can think of two methods right now.”
“Daebung. To be completely honest, I don't have any confidence. Even if you really were a muscular man who was 200 centimeters tall and weighed 150 kilograms, I still wouldn't be confident, but with a body like that..”
Fighting an anomaly with an ordinary human body was a life-threatening gamble.
And one with an overwhelmingly high chance of defeat.
However.
“Ah, you don't have to worry about that. We aren't going to fight the anomalies directly.”
I had no intention of fighting the anomalies directly.
Simply.
“..How can we win without fighting? Ah! I knew it.”
“That's right.”
By taking advantage of their habits-
“Daebung uses Conqueror's Sex Haki, right?”
“Pardon?”
“As expected, Yoo Daebung of the Conqueror's Sex Haki.”
“I'm not Yoo, and your pronunciation is a little strange too.”
…
The night security guard anomalies possessed one incomprehensible habit.
Namely, they tried to learn about humans by any means necessary.
“What do you think?”
I didn't know why they tried to learn about humans, but they tended to imitate us mindlessly.
Couldn't we turn that against them and make the anomalies hunt one another?
For example, by showing them us fighting one another.
What if we showed them us hurting one another?
“Wow.. This is a method I never would have imagined.”
“The armor I'm wearing cannot be pierced by human strength.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I've already finished testing its durability several times. Keep stabbing me with something sharp. As hard as you can.”
“..Are you serious right now?”
“I'm serious.”
The armor I was wearing had been made from a six-legged anomaly in the Melting Shampoo universe.
Unless they used an awl made from teeth, even most anomalies would have trouble piercing it.
So what if we used it to show Anonymous 1 hurting me with all his strength?
“..Are you an anomaly?”
“I told you I'm human.”
“..I'd rather be the one to do that. Take off your clothes and give me that armor.”
“..All of a sudden?”
“You come up with the idea, and you make the sacrifice. What if something goes wrong? You're the only one who'd lose out, aren't you?”
“Come on, I have everything calculated. First, I need to raise my total Mentality above 400. Until I reach a total Mentality of 400, I was going to make exclusive ownership of the anomaly corpses a condition.”
“..Isn't that obvious?”
“Pardon? How is that obvious? We hunted them together, so saying that I get exclusive ownership of the anomaly corpses would be pure greed on my part.”
“????”
Leaving Anonymous 1 looking flustered, I began searching for suitable objects inside the security post.
Soon.
“This is perfect.”
“No.. Daebung. That really isn't it.”
“Look. Even when I stab myself as hard as I can, nothing happens, right?”
After finding a pair of scissors in the second drawer of the guards' desk, I showed him how I could stab myself all over with them.
“...”
He silently took the scissors..
“I really need ten minutes.. ..I'm going to hypnotize myself and come back..”
Since he asked me to wait ten minutes.
“All right. We'll go outside during our patrol in fifteen minutes and put on one hell of a performance.”
“Wow, seriously.. How can someone be 100% Teto-powered, chew up a Busan man, spin a Western tough guy's jaw with one touch, be such a beastly man that even passing animals bow their heads, and be so macho..”
“..?”
Leaving him to chant what sounded like a spell.
I picked up the receiver, which had apparently been disconnected at some point, and placed it back on its cradle.
Now..
‘It seems like only a few households are left.’
Just as I thought all I had to do was wait for the remaining heads of household to call.
‘Come to think of it, was this one an anomaly too?’
I suddenly remembered that the cat's food bowl, which I'd diligently pierced with the awl, had poured out black liquid.
‘I should try Crafting.’
--
Mentality : 181 / 285
[Available Return Count] : 2
[Available Crafting Count ] : 9
Input:
--
I still had quite a few Crafting uses left.
So I pressed the Crafting button to find out whether the cat's food bowl was an anomaly too.
“?”
I saw that the awl I habitually held had disappeared along with the cat's food bowl.
“Ah..!”
I was momentarily flustered when Crafting suddenly consumed the awl I'd been making such good use of.
‘What was made..?’
I immediately checked IY to find out what had been created.
--
[Knuckle Fused with Awl]
A knuckle crafted using an awl made from two teeth as its main material.
Raises the user's maximum Mentality by 9.
--
‘A knuckle?’
I saw that a knuckle had been crafted.
“Oh..”
So I immediately took the knuckle out of IY and equipped it.
The perfect fit between my fingers and the knuckle was faintly satisfying.
However..
‘The awl still seemed more useful in various situations..’
Just as I was thinking that, no matter how good the knuckle was for attacking, it couldn't match the awl in terms of utility.
“Phew.. I've finished preparing myself mentally.”
“Are you done?”
“Yeah. Daebung is a 100% Teto-powered carnivore, an alpha male in the top 1% of men, and a reckless, fiercely loyal man who won't fall no matter what I do to him-”
“Yes.. That's enough.”
“Perfect.”
“..Let's go with that.”
Since Anonymous 1 seemed to have fully steeled himself to stab me with the scissors.
I realized that it was almost time for our patrol and went outside to rehearse the performance we would show the anomalies.
“Just stab me evenly all over. Everything except my face is completely covered.”
“Everywhere except your face? ..Isn't that too dangerous?”
“Since we don't know where those guard anomalies' weak points are, we need to make them strike as many areas as possible. Since we're doing this anyway, keep stabbing me for about thirty minutes.”
“..That's a bit much...”
“Where did the resolve you made earlier go?”
“Phew.. Is Oh Daebung a god? No, he isn't a god. He is Daebung himself, and a lowly species like me cannot touch even a single hair on Daebung's body…”
“..It's not Oh.”
…
“Attention!!!!!!”
I shouted as loudly as possible to draw the attention of every night security guard.
Thanks to that, even the night security guards inside the posts began looking at us.
“Let's begin.”
Once we confirmed that all the anomalies' attention was focused on us.
We lay down at the apartment entrance, where everyone could see us, and began putting on our performance.
“Scissors! Treatment! Heal! Revive! Cure!”
Every time Anonymous 1 stabbed me with the scissors, he shouted positive words.
He was shouting positive words to show that stabbing one's partner with scissors was not dangerous at all.
“Daebung! Stab-stab! Best!”
“?”
“Treatment! Recovery! Teto!”
Some strange words seemed to be mixed in here and there, but after Anonymous 1 had stabbed me like that for about five minutes..
‘It worked! They took the bait!’
Sure enough, the anomalies trying to learn from humans knocked their partners to the ground.
Then they began stabbing their guard partners here and there with sharp tools they had brought from somewhere.
“It's working, isn't it?”
“Let's keep this up for about twenty more minutes.”
“..Doesn't it hurt?”
“It just feels like being lightly poked. This armor has incredible shock absorption too.”
“..You've never tested it?”
“No. I've never been hit by an anomaly, so I haven't tested it in practice.”
“Uh.. uhh..”
“Keep it together.”
“..!! Dae! Boong! Best!”
“?”
After I'd been stabbed for another twenty minutes or so.
“?”
The first one to show something strange was the guard anomaly standing in front of Security Post 3, the one closest to us.
“..Huh? Why is it doing that?”
The body of the guard anomaly that had been enthusiastically hacking at its fellow anomaly's body began to swell little by little.
Along with that.
Bang!
“..!!”
“!!!”
The guard anomaly suddenly exploded.
“..What is that?”
“..I know, right? It suddenly exploded..?”
Confused by the sudden change, we immediately got to our feet and began looking around.
Even leaving behind the guard anomaly that had exploded moments earlier..
Bang!
When we heard another guard anomaly explode somewhere else.. we realized.
“They said two-person teams were the rule.. So I guess this is what happens when a night security guard is left alone?”
In this place, where working in two-person teams was the rule.
Death was all that awaited the anomalies that had killed their guard partners.
…
“That one is dying too.”
“So anomalies really do die if you keep stabbing them for about twenty minutes.”
“Right.”
“Wow.. Daebung, that's incredible. Have you always hunted anomalies this cleverly?”
“This is probably the first time I've used my head like this. I hunted most of them directly.”
“..You beat them to death yourself?”
“Yes.”
“???”
“Ah, don't misunderstand. It wasn't like I used martial arts or anything. I was just lucky enough to attack them without giving them a chance to fight back.”
“You didn't fight them; you just beat them one-sidedly???”
"I told you I got lucky??"
“..No matter how lucky you were, beating an anomaly one-sidedly..”
About five minutes had passed while we watched the night security guards exploding inside their posts.
Beep-
- 203
“I'll get it.”
“Uh.. okay. Do whatever's convenient..”
--
Unit 203 - Please pick up the intercom receiver. Please wait until the crying child stops crying.
--
Whenever a call came to the post, I still acted contrary to the rulebook.
“Baby, Santa doesn't exist, so cry as much as you want.”
Click-
“..Wow, seriously. I'm getting 300 DOLL for what happened today.”
“..Isn't that too expensive?”
“This is worth every bit of that price..”
As we watched the guards who had been left alone because their partners had died explode.
By then, only about three or four pairs of night security guard anomalies remained.
“But Daebung. You said you could think of two main ways to hunt anomalies.”
“Ah, I did.”
“One was taking advantage of the anomalies' habit of trying to learn from us. What was the other?”
When Anonymous 1 asked me about the one remaining method.
“From 3:10 p.m. to 3:25 p.m., all the guards stop moving, right? As if they're charging.”
“Right?”
“I was thinking we'd go to them one by one and kill them while they're charging.”
“..Didn't you say you wouldn't fight them directly?”
The moment I explained the other plan.
“That's not fighting-”
Another night security guard anomaly, whose partner had survived its relentless stabbing without exploding,
“..Huh?”
“Why?”
“Don't those guys look like they're coming over here?”
“..They do?”
They began slowly walking toward the security post where we were sitting.
“..Come on, there's no way they're coming to harm us, right?”
“..It looks like they are..?”
Of course..
Thud.. Thud..
Seeing the guard anomaly, whose body below the head had been mutilated, collapse at intervals along the way..
If we stalled for just a little longer, it would die a natural death- ..No way?
“Ah, no way. Can that one self-heal too..?”
“We should always prepare for the worst, so it's better to assume it can, right?”
“Let's go.”
“Yeah. Can't be helped.”
“Yes.”
“? Where?”
“We need to kill it before it recovers, right?”
“Weren't we going to use Return?”
“Why would we? There are crafting materials lying all over the place. We have to collect them all before we leave.”
“..Daebung?”
“Come on. We need to kill that one before it recovers.”
“..Daebung. I'm seriously scared.. That's an anomaly, remember..?”
“I'll give you the item crafted from killing that one, Anonymous 1.”
“No, nooo.. Daebung.. The item is nice, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to risk my life-”
“I won't nitpick the novel you're writing for me.”
“..Promise?”
“Yes.”
“Even if I embellish the novel a little and write something like huge-dicked futanari orc MILF, you won't nitpick?”
“...All right.”
“Great. Let's go. We can win, right?”
“..I do have a method, but.. ..A huge-dicked futanari orc MILF???”
“I'll take a steel pipe too.”
“Huh???”
If that anomaly recovered..
we would have to deal with two perfectly healthy anomalies.
Not wanting to miss the moment when one of them couldn't properly control its body, I immediately ran out of the security post.
“I'll subdue the healthy one first!”
“I'll kill the fallen one and come help right away. Hang in there.”
“Yes!”
As I ran toward the anomaly, I raised my middle finger and hit the healthy guard anomaly with a Lethargy Mentality attack.
When it was struck by the Mentality attack and stood there helplessly for a moment.
Crack!-
I brought my knuckle-clad fist down on its head with all my strength.
Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!
Focusing all my attention, I climbed on top of the fallen anomaly and unleashed ground-and-pound punches.
Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!
Every time the knuckle sank into the anomaly's flesh, sharp spikes sprang out and dug into its body.
In an instant, the guard anomaly's body became a mangled mass resembling ground meat.
At that moment..
“Huh?”
My vision suddenly began to blur.
“Daebung!! We did it!! We successfully cleared this horror story!!”
Perhaps the anomaly Anonymous 1 and I had defeated had been the last night security guard anomaly remaining here.
The Status Window judged that we had cleared the horror story here.
“Let's go back now!”
“No..!!”
“..!! Why? What happened....!?”
“My item materials..! My item materials..!!”
“Ah-ha.. ..You're not happy that we cleared the horror story?”
“Noooooo!!!!”
“..Wow.”
Before my vision blurred further, I hurriedly used Crafting on the anomaly corpse in my hand..
“..Ah.”
We.
returned to the safe zone once again.
--
[I'm really in a hurry. Really fucking urgent.]
Can I re-enter a horror story that has already been cleared?
Please answer quickly.
[Comments - 35]
Anonymous 1 : Oh, you cleared it? The moderator will check whether it's been officially cleared soon.
ㄴ Author : That's not important right now.
ㄴ Anonymous 1 : ..Then what is?
ㄴ Author : I left something there. I need to go get it.
ㄴ Anonymous 1 : WTF did you leave behind?
ㄴ Author : About 30 anomaly corpses.. Ah, fuck, this is driving me insane;
ㄴ Anonymous 2 : ?
ㄴ Anonymous 3 : ?
ㄴ Anonymous 1 : ???
ㄴ Anonymous 5 : I read that wrong, right? ..You left 30 anomaly corpses behind? ..Did Daebung make thirty anomaly corpses?
ㄴ Author : Do you know how hard Anonymous 1 and I worked to make them?? It took a whole thirty minutes..! Ah, fuck, what a waste..!
ㄴ Anonymous 6 : ..You made thirty anomaly corpses in thirty minutes..?
ㄴ Anonymous 2 : ..I have so much I want to say, but nothing comes out. ..It's simply astounding..
Anonymous 4 : You cannot enter a horror story that has already been cleared.
ㄴ Author : Who says?
ㄴ Anonymous 4 : Sorry. I don't know the exact reason either.
ㄴ Author : Change it so I can enter right now.
ㄴ Anonymous 5 : Daebung. You're being such an Ugly Korean right now. Calm down..
ㄴ Author : Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;ㅓㅁㄴ러마;ㅣㅗㄹ훠ㅏ;ㅁㄴ호ㅝ마뉴후머ㅏㅗㅜㅠ호;눙ㄹ;ㅣㄴ무리ㅜ나ㅣㅎ루나ㅣㅇㅎ;ㅡㅁㄴㅇㅎㄹ;ㅣ랴ㅏㅐㅓㅜㅡㄷㄴ아ㅣ룸랴ㅓ이ㅏ러ㅡ먀ㅐ지러ㅜㅡ이ㅏㅜㅁ라ㅣㅜㅈ리ㅏ우ㅡ,ㅁ누리자ㅜ리ㅏ
Moderator : We just confirmed that the Two-Person Night Watchman horror story has been cleared. Thank you for your hard work, Daebung, and congratulations on your safe return.
ㄴ Author : Please let me back in there ㅓ Please, please!! Seriously, Mod, please..!! I'm begging you, please..!!!
ㄴ Moderator : Uh.. I'll look into it, at least.
ㄴ Author : I trust you. I trust you, right? Seriously, I really do trust you?? I trust only our moderator???
ㄴ Author : Moderator, answer me. Mod, answer???????????
ㄴ Moderator : I'm doing my best to find a way..!
Anonymous 6 : ..I feel bad saying this, but this is the first time I've felt sorry for the moderator.
ㄴ Anonymous 2 : Well.. Isn't that what we pay them for.. Uh..
ㄴ Anonymous 1 : We should probably give them a raise.
ㄴ Anonymous 3 : Yeah.. Sorry, Mod. We can't stop an excited Daebung..
Anonymous 7 : wwwwwwwwwww So Daebung really was someone beyond imagination.
ㄴ Anonymous 8 : These days, I just keep watching the Korean gallery lololol. Daebung's old posts are seriously so entertaining lolololololololol
ㄴ Anonymous 3 : You've opened your eyes?! Come to the Daebung Worship Gallery.
Author : Let me back in!!!!!!!! Seriously!!! I have to go back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ㄴ Anonymous 9 : ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
ㄴ Anonymous 10 : (Fake madness) Brags about clearing a horror story. (Real madness) Goes berserk demanding to be let back into a cleared horror story.
--