Chapter 38
“…Huh?”
Ouslate looked as though he had been stabbed in the gut from the front while cautiously watching his sides, then asked again. I nodded and explained the detailed symptoms.
“The penis—the male organ. It has grown roughly two to three times larger, both in girth and length. The amount of semen is incomparable to before, too. As a result, I’m experiencing considerable difficulty during intercourse with my current lover.”
Ouslate shut his mouth and tried to shift his gaze toward my lower body. It was so fucking disgusting that I growled.
“I’d appreciate it if you watched where you were looking. If our positions were reversed, would you be willing to let it slide?”
“─Oh. I-I’m sorry.”
Only an attention seeker or a gay man would enjoy watching another man stare at his dick.
They say that when four men gather, one of them is gay. Fortunately, there were only two of us. Ouslate apparently wasn’t gay either, because he immediately looked away.
“Ahem. I see. Enlargement of the genitalia…. Are there any other side effects? And what is the fundamental effect?”
“Within the scope of what I’ve discovered, there are no other side effects. The magic itself enhances physical abilities.”
“Hmm-hmm. Is that so? I understand.”
This bastard was jealous. It was so fucking obvious that I wasn’t even surprised.
Surgery that enlarged your dick without any side effects? If properly established, this would be magic worth a fortune. Assuming you weren’t the fucking clinical-trial victim yourself, of course.
“Ahem, ahem. This appears to be a type of variant magic.”
Ouslate cleared his throat repeatedly before speaking.
“The pattern revealed by 〈Mana Observation〉 is closer to that. Among magics that imitate gods, many have characteristics of variant magic.”
“…I see.”
Variant Magick.
It referred to a type of transformation magic, though its direction was slightly different from ordinary transformation magic, represented by polymorphs.
The fundamental difference between ‘transformation’ and ‘variation’ was whether or not the caster could voluntarily undo the change.
With ordinary transformation magic, it was possible to return to one’s original form at any time by cutting off the mana or dispelling the spell oneself.
Variant magic, on the other hand, was different. Because the caster became ‘fixed’ in that form, they could not return to their original appearance even if they died.
That was why variant magic carried the nuance of a curse or a side effect of magic. Like the Frog Prince from fairy tales, or the movie ‘Fly,’ in which the protagonist merges with a fly.
‘To put it figuratively, erotic transformation magic is transformation magic, while Devil Fruits are variant magic.’
And a case like mine was probably closer to variant magic. My Dickaconda had already remained that way for more than a night, regardless of my will.
Fortunately, I had roughly guessed as much beforehand, so I wasn’t terribly flustered. My dick growing larger wasn’t a major problem.
‘What matters is whether another variation will occur here.’
This was the watershed between a King Ghidorah dick and a lesbian-scissoring wedding.
Wow, but now that I thought about it, those were some truly fucking insane options. Was this the legendary golden balance?
Having the dick I brought to bed with Frang turn into a fire hose would be horrifying, but a scissoring sex party was definitely not a sane activity to endure either.
‘Please let there be nothing wrong!’
That was what I prayed inwardly as I prepared to ask a question. Just then, Ouslate spoke with a concerned expression.
“The symptoms must be quite serious. You came rushing to consult our guild instead of asking the university, after all….”
His tone was profoundly insincere. But I was thinking about the question I was about to ask, so I answered without even running it through my brain.
“No. Since I’m a field worker, going back to the university would cost me too much time.”
That was my mistake.
“…Pardon? A field worker…?”
Ouslate’s eyes went wide. When I looked at him, wondering what was going on, his face gradually filled with hollow disappointment and ridicule.
“Haaah… Then you aren’t someone dispatched from Carmine University’s faculty to investigate the ruins discovered this time, are you?”
“Huh? Ah, no, I’m not. Why do you ask?”
“…Phew.”
The fucking racist bastard openly sighed and shifted his posture. He rested an arm on the sofa and didn’t even try to hide his irritation.
Why the fuck was this bastard suddenly acting like this? I couldn’t understand what kind of intellectually deficient thought process had led this idiot to another moronic conclusion.
“Hahahaha! I thought you were someone from Carmine University who had come to investigate the ruins discovered this time. Well, what a surprise—you’re merely a master’s graduate working in the field. How foolish of me.”
Exactly, you fucking idiot. You were unbelievably stupid. I was almost impressed by Ouslate’s stupidity.
It took at least a week to travel here from Einhir, where Carmine University was located. Did he think someone would arrive only a few days after the ruins were discovered, you fucking moron?
What, did he think I’d flown here by teleportation? If this were important enough to mobilize teleportation magic, I would have come with a team instead of alone. More importantly, I wouldn’t have come to ask a low-ranking turd like him.
“Haaah. This is really something….”
The idiot had finally reached a conclusion anyone could have reached by using even a little common sense, and now he was openly drawing a line between us and looking down on me.
“Mr. Wayne? I’m terribly sorry, but I postponed an urgent matter to come here, so I’m afraid I must be going now.”
“What? Wait, what did you say?”
“I truly apologize. Instead, I’ll send one of my students who has chosen the history of magic as a minor. You’ll probably find the conversation more suited to your level with him.”
What the fucking hell?
I nearly snapped because of the racist bastard’s miraculous ability to get under someone’s skin within ten seconds.
Should I just kill this bastard? One murder would spare me from having to swallow my anger three times.
But unlike that blacksmith quack, this man was a member of the Mages’ Guild. No matter how furious I was, beating him senseless without a second thought would bring all sorts of trouble afterward.
“Wait here. All my students are diligent, so one of them will be here soon.”
The low-life racist bastard said that and left without even looking back. I wrung out the last of my reason, leaned against the sofa, and let out a deep sigh.
‘All right, fuck it. Let’s think positively.’
He had come thinking I was someone from Carmine University, probably hoping to get a slice of the pie somehow. Even if that misunderstanding hadn’t been cleared up, there was little chance he would have given me a proper consultation.
I thought that while waiting in my seat.
I waited.
I waited a fucking long time.
“……Why the hell isn’t this bastard coming?”
Even then, that racist bastard didn’t come. With my insides boiling, I screamed as though crying out in agony.
“Why!!! Isn’t he!!!! Coming!!!!!”
It felt like I had waited two fucking hours!! There might have been a slight margin of error, but it had definitely been well over an hour!! If you leave after putting someone in such a shitty mood, isn’t it basic courtesy to call your replacement quickly at the very least?!
“Nnggggggggggggggggggggggggggg…!!”
I sprang to my feet!!
At the end of my patience, I headbanged before getting up from the sofa. I stormed out the door, huffing and puffing, and happened to find someone passing by outside.
“Excuse me. May I ask you something?”
“Eek?!”
When I approached, the female mage recoiled in terror. What the hell had I done for everyone to react like this? Was my outfit really that frightening?
“I’m very sorry to accost you out of nowhere, but do you happen to know where Mr. McLoyber is?”
“P-please save me!! His laboratory is on the third floor!!”
“Thank you. I’m making a special exception and letting you live.”
I quickly said goodbye, found the stairs, and went up.
Walking around this guild reminded me intensely of my days at Carmine, back when I had been working as a slave for quite some time. It was all because the interior layout here was so fucking complicated.
“Where the fuck is this bastard?!”
As I stomped around huffing and puffing, my ears faintly caught the sound of a conversation coming from somewhere. The physical abilities enhanced by Beast Regression had affected my hearing as well.
“Haa… Are you really going to handle your work like this? Do you truly want to spend your entire life waiting on me?”
That fucking husky voice. It was Ouslate.
But I unconsciously stopped dead in my tracks when I heard the conversation.
“What is this handwriting? Before we even get to the content, a thesis needs to show basic courtesy. You’re submitting this to mages who are far more learned than you, aren’t you? What do you expect to accomplish by bringing it in like this?”
…Wut?
“Or do you have some kind of complaint against me? You don’t want to work? Are you trying to go home? Why have you gone mute? Speak, speak. Hmm? What exactly do you want me to do?”
“Gwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!”
I was so startled that I dropped to my knees and rubbed my hands together.
“No! I’m sorry! It wasn’t intentional! I’m still lacking in learning… No! Absolutely not! I’m sorry! I’ll correct it! I’ll do better from now on! Please, just give me one more chance— you fucking bastard!!!”
I had slammed my head down like a spinal reflex before belatedly realizing that there was no way he had been talking to me. No one in this guild knew me!
I must have looked like a complete fucking idiot, but I couldn’t help it.
The words I had just heard were exactly the same spiel the professors at Carmine University had used when they tormented me!!
‘Goddamn it. How is even the tone exactly the same?’
Speak↘ up↗? For fuck’s sake, is there a separate thesis on how to talk to graduate students, too?
Even though he was speaking Britannian, the intonation was practically the kind that slapped a local Chinese person’s cheeks back and forth with a sandal. You shing-shong-shao fucking bastard. I was so furious that I huffed and charged toward the source of the sound.
─Scuttle-scuttle-scuttle!!
The source of that god-awful manner of speaking was below a second-floor window. I was briefly astonished that I had heard a voice from so far away, then leaned over and looked down, consumed by rage.
“If you keep acting like this, you really will spend the rest of your life as nothing more than a laboratory-assistant mage. Is that really so difficult to understand?”
In the garden below the waiting area stood an old geezer and a young woman.
It was a secluded spot, and only the two of them were there, so I didn’t need to wonder who owned that awful voice. No, fuck, just as I had guessed, the man was that bastard Ouslate.
I recognized the young woman’s face and was startled.
“Ms. Tirsi?”
She was the young mage who had worked with me during the sewer reconnaissance.
Her clothing was different from that time. Tirsi’s outfit back then had loudly proclaimed, with every thread, I am a mage, but what she wore now resembled a nurse’s uniform.
She wore a pink miniskirt nurse’s uniform with a nurse’s cap, white tights, and a doctor’s lab coat. She also had on a light-blue disposable mask and gloves. She looked as though she had been suddenly summoned in the middle of an experiment.
“Aren’t you ashamed before your parents? They scraped together money from their meager household finances to put you in the guild. You should work harder and show your parents some results, Tirsi.”
Ouslate lectured her while tapping her shoulder with the bundle in his hand.
“I didn’t ask you to do anything difficult, did I? I merely invited you to a drinking party so we could build rapport, but you kept insisting, I don’t want to~ I don’t want to~, so I respected your scholarly zeal and gave you some work. Is this really how you repay me?”
“……That’s….”
“─Ah. Enough, enough. Every time you open your mouth, it’s an excuse.”
Ouslate cut Tirsi off and carelessly tossed the bundle of papers toward her. The papers she failed to catch spilled onto the ground.
Whap!
Rustle-rustle-rustle.
“…Ugh.”
“I’ll take what you brought today from you next time. Until then, bring it back at a level I can at least look at. Or else… yes. I’ve been invited to a party by someone I know this time. Would you come with me?”
─Sliiide.
Stepping over the papers, Ouslate went beside Tirsi and tried to casually drape an arm around her shoulder.
“If we drink together and you converse with mages and scholars from other schools… your writing might become a little more ‘presentable,’ you know?”
“…!!”
SMACK!!
A dry smack rang out from the back of the garden. Tirsi had fiercely knocked his hand away before it could touch her. Ouslate sneered at the fierce look in her eyes.
“…Ms. Tirsi. You’re very clever, but you still don’t know how the world works. That’s why you’re still struggling at a mere eighth-star rank.”
“…If you hadn’t interfered with my promotion review, I wouldn’t still be working under you…!”
“Hahaha! Interfered? That’s a misunderstanding on your part.”
Ouslate laughed cheerfully at Tirsi, who seemed to be holding back her anger.
“Don’t you know what a serious blemish it is for a mage to have ‘Failed Promotion Review’ on their career record? I merely asked someone I know to keep you from advancing until you were capable of passing. I did it because I wanted to give you enough time to succeed.”
“I never wanted that kind of favor!”
─Thwack!
Tirsi tore off her mask and shouted in a tearful voice.
“You…! If you hadn’t bullied your students like that, Hilda and Ms. Besmier would still be in the guild!! If it weren’t for you…!!”
“Call me Master. And what good is there in bringing up the past?”
Ouslate cut Tirsi off as though bored.
“Their leaving was their choice. You may return to Romania at any time, too—if you still have the courage to throw away the five years you spent here.”
Khaaak—ptooey!
Ouslate spat phlegm to the side, then took out a handkerchief and wiped his reddened hand.
“And, Ms. Tirsi? I’m only saying this out of concern… You don’t think I’m unaware that you people are secretly plotting something strange behind my back, do you?”
“…Huh?!”
All the color drained from Tirsi’s pale skin. Ouslate smiled as though finally satisfied by her expression.
“No matter how many testimonies and pieces of evidence you gather, all I have to do is send a few carrier pigeons to someone I know, and the matter will be over.”
He put away the handkerchief and took out a comb, running it through his slicked-back hair. His face was that of a man certain of victory.
“I hope you’ll think carefully about my proposal. When you’re young, the doors of possibility are always open──… Huh?”
But he couldn’t finish speaking. He heard something falling from above his head.
Whoooosh!!
──CRASH!!
“Gaaaaah!!!”
“Kyaaah?!”
The two were stunned by the sudden intruder. As they recoiled in surprise, a great cloud of dust rose from the garden between them.
There was no point in hiding it. The intruder was none other than me.
Sizzle….
Swoosh─ Swoosh─ Swoosh─.
A green aura of Beast Regression rose from my body.
When the sight of the horrific injustice before me turned my vision red, Beast Regression activated and covered my entire body while skipping every step. I hadn’t even recited a single word of the spell.
No-incantation casting.
That technique—which could only be used with magic a mage had trained for a long time and mastered to the level of proficiency—I had activated unconsciously.
It should have been enough to knock me flat with surprise, but not a single thought of such triviality occurred to me.
There was only one thing in my mind.
The professors who had worked me to the bone during my time at Carmine University.
“──How can you talk like that?”
I asked in a heavy voice like magma boiling in hell.
I was afraid to understand what had just happened before my eyes. If I accepted the absurdity that had just occurred in my mind, my patience and reason would shatter like a delicate wineglass doused with boiling water.
“W-what are you doing, Mr. Wayne!! You activated magic and suddenly jumped in front of people like that!! You could have hurt someone!!”
Ouslate clutched his pounding heart and shrieked. Even now, his conduct was driving me insane because he could think only about his own safety.
“…I happened to overhear the conversation. It seems you made an indecent pass at this woman, and when she rejected you, you began retaliating in a petty manner.”
“R-retaliating? Don’t be ridiculous. Are you trying to threaten me? And speaking to me so informally is extremely rude. I will certainly report this to the archaeological community──”
“──Enough. It’s over now. Shut your mouth, you empty-headed bitch.”
“W-what?!”
I cut him off with a growl. What I wanted to hear wasn’t that fucking dogshit he was spewing.
Even a single word would have been enough.
If he had repented his mistake and apologized to Tirsi, I would have stopped interfering in their lives.
But──he had already crossed the line.
“…Why did you forget? Why do you keep repeating it?”
In the midst of extreme rage, I let go of the thread of reason.
The concern that touching him would cause trouble later? It melted away like butter dropped on a heated stone and vanished from my standards of judgment.
“You too… you too must once have──”
Only one thing remained inside me.
An uncontrollable rage with its leash torn off.
“──once been someone’s graduate student.”
After uttering even my final lament and sorrow, I entrusted myself to that mad rage.
“You fuuuuuuucking baaaaaaaaaastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Hiiiek?!”
“Gaaaaah!!!”
At the roar of hatred that shook heaven and earth, Tirsi and Ouslate froze in place!!! I paid no attention to their reactions as I charged in and grabbed the crown of that fucking racist chauvinist bastard’s hair!!!
Grab!!
Crunch!!
“After making me!!!!! Wait!!!!! You sit there sexually harassing your own student!!!!!!!”
“W-wait a second!! Just wait──!!”
“Your mom! Your mom, you fucking son of a bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I poured more of Beast Regression’s power into my hand and yanked at the hair I had gripped with enough force to rip it out by the roots!!!!!
Riiip!!!
Szzzt!!!
“Vector—Circular Baldness Wave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
With a roar, I yanked my arm back, tearing out a fistful of hair.
─Flutter-flutter.
Body hair whiter than the racist’s white skin decorated the sky above the Mages’ Guild.