Chapter 1
The baseless hope that I might open my eyes and find myself back a few years ago had already shattered hundreds of times over.
Naturally, whenever I open my eyes, the hands of the clock have run far ahead, and the circles on the calendar keep moving forward one by one.
March.
Normally, it would be time to get my body ready and make an impression on the manager during the exhibition games.
But now it has become something with absolutely nothing to do with me.
“Anyone who saw me might take me for a gangster.”
There isn't a philanthropist in this world who would pay to treat a left-handed pitcher with a clearly visible knife scar and a shoulder wrecked twice⋯,
Well, I suppose there would be.
If they really wanted to, there are probably one or two teams that would take a shot at me.
But I know my body better than anyone.
Never again,
can I return to the shoulder I had before.
That I can't cut it in the pros anymore.
I know that better than anyone who has stood on the mound.
“Haa⋯.”
I pull down my T-shirt sleeve to hide my shoulder and finish getting ready to leave.
I'll use the rest of this month to get my head straight, then seriously look into either delivery work or becoming a fitness trainer.
I can't starve to death just because my life is ruined.
Even in this neighborhood, where rent is damn expensive, it's about time I moved out.
The only good thing about living in Mok-dong is the school district for the kids, but what meaning does that have for a guy who can't even date, let alone get married?
I leave the room I'll soon have little reason to see anymore and head toward the gym I always go to.
The moment I unconsciously open the sports news tab, I see our GM, Seo, smiling brightly from beyond the screen.
“⋯I can't stand looking at him.”
⋯Revenge.
If I could, I'd like to get revenge, but I don't hate him enough to want to kill him, even at the cost of my life.
He was just doing his job from his position; I don't think he abandoned me like that just because his daughter told him to.
But separate from that, I can't stand watching him rattle off hopeful platitudes like some saint.
You bastard, you parachuted your daughter into the club.
Whether she'd quit or not, she'd at least been with the club until I was cut.
And when he kicked me out, he made it clear that his rotten attitude was hereditary.
He may have thought he was being polite in his own way, but you can tell just by looking at his eyes.
What the other person thinks of me.
‘Player Kang Joo-hyuk. I'm sorry, but due to the club's circumstances, it looks like we won't be able to renew your contract.’
‘⋯Yes. I understand.’
‘You've worked hard during your time here.’
‘⋯Yes.’
‘Don't be too discouraged. Plenty of teams would take a player like you if you can just get your velocity back.’
‘⋯.’
Anyway, the man who parachuted his own daughter into the club sure knew how to talk.
If lots of teams would take me if I got my velocity back, what does “we can't renew your contract” mean?
It means he was telling me to get out because I'd never recover.
Taken literally, it was just unavoidable branch-pruning, but that's how it read to me, at least.
Maybe living competitively since childhood simply made me quick to pick up on things like that.
After being cast aside like this, I thought ignorance might be more peaceful.
Sometimes, not knowing is better than knowing⋯.
“⋯What the hell.”
There are.
A familiar yet unfamiliar face sat on the bench, drenched in sweat yet with utterly expressionless eyes.
And those emotionless eyes met mine.
“Ah, seriously⋯.”
Then, with a sigh,
I could once again feel, in the flesh, the emotion called ‘contempt’
which I had read about only once in my entire life.
Why you're here doesn't matter much.
Just.
What the hell did I do to make you hate me that much?
The need to hear that, at least, filled my head.
***
Trudge, trudge.
I walk over beside the woman who draws all the attention in a gym that isn't exactly empty.
The woman drinking water from her tumbler while drenched in sweat apparently notices me approaching, then shoots me a contemptuous glare, her brow furrowing sharply.
That look in her eyes seemed even sharper than it had a few years ago.
I stand directly in front of her as she presses her lips together and ties up her long, loose hair, then speak in a low voice, just as I did on the day I first spoke to her.
“Are you Seo Ha-eun?”
“⋯Would I be anyone else?”
“What a coincidence, seeing you here.”
“Indeed. It would have been nice if we'd never had to meet.”
“I agree. About that.”
It feels like it's been quite a while since we last spoke, but she hasn't changed one bit.
Ah, though her figure does seem better.
Maybe it's because she's wearing thin clothes, but even while feeling revulsion toward her, my eyes drift to her chest without thinking.
Maybe she noticed my gaze, because she puts on an even more scornful expression and snaps at me.
“Do you have something you want to say to me?”
“I don't, particularly, but you suddenly sighed when you saw me. Aren't you the one who has more to say?”
“⋯What are you even talking about? Move. I have nothing to discuss with you.”
“Still the same.”
Watching her click her tongue as if I were ridiculous, I can't endure the disgust boiling up from my chest; I let out a long breath and barely force down the nausea rising in my throat.
⋯Keep it together.
People are watching.
She looks hot enough to turn heads, so she's always drawn a shitload of attention.
“Excuse me, Ms. Seo Ha-eun. You don't like me, do you?”
“And if I don't?”
“What's the reason, exactly? I've barely spoken to you, and I hardly know anything about you.”
“Whether I like you or not is up to me, isn't it? I haven't done anything to you.”
“⋯Are you kidding me?”
“What?”
⋯But,
I couldn't hold back the emotion that boiled up in me at that brazen remark.
There are limits to turning the blame around.
My shoulder ended up like this thanks to someone's father.
The fact that I didn't even yell was fortunate.
Though my expression had become that vicious.
“W-what⋯? What did I⋯.”
But, surprisingly, the woman frightened by my expression
changed into someone with an entirely different air about her, trembling all over as she stared at me.
Taken aback by the fear filling her eyes, I glance left and right to check the mood around us.
People are shooting me uneasy sidelong glances, as if to ask what the hell I think I'm doing in a gym.
I glance at the mirror covering one wall behind them and see a 190-centimeter, musclebound giant standing in front of a woman who could barely be 163 centimeters, menacingly bearing down on her.
⋯.
I don't want a criminal record.
And I really don't want to get banned from this gym.
Though I'll be moving soon anyway.
“⋯Ms. Seo Ha-eun. Do you normally work out here, or is this your first time?”
“Why do you ask⋯.”
“Answer me. If our schedules overlap, it'll be uncomfortable for both of us.”
“⋯It's my first time. Why?”
“Then come at a different time. I have to work out at this hour, no matter what.”
“Why should I? Why do I have to change my schedule because of you⋯.”
As I returned to my polite manner and continued speaking formally, the woman, who had frozen for a moment, quickly returned to her earlier attitude and started firing complaints at me as though it were only natural.
A scoffing laugh escaped me at her familiar attitude, but I soon swallowed even that sound back down.
Using that revulsion as fuel, I slipped back into my old ‘player’ self—the one who used to take the field—and whispered to her in a low voice.
“Then come. Come during the hours I'm here. You have to.”
The only reason a guy like me managed to make it in the pros for even a year was one particular specialty.
I can distinguish a scared little punk better than anyone.
And as for distinguishing people overflowing with the urge to mouth off,
“⋯What?”
I can do that much better.
And those two groups overlap.
People who are psychologically cowed but refuse to admit it and throw a fit out of pride.
Just like the woman right in front of me now.
“Come at this hour. I didn't know a single person here, so I was bored. This is nice. Now I know someone, too.”
The general manager's daughter?
I was retired anyway, so what was he going to do about it?
He wasn't important enough to have me locked up just for picking a fight.
I stared down at her for a long while with a look that asked what she intended to do, and venom gradually filled Seo Ha-eun's pupils as she stared blankly back at me.
Then she bit her lip hard, sprang to her feet, and, without even looking at me, walked over to the treadmill and began running as if angry, her tied-up hair flying behind her.
“Come? You have to?”
“⋯Ha, what a strange person.”
“People can be strange. Can't they?”
“Are you seriously crazy?”
“I'm not crazy, so don't change your schedule just to avoid me. Come at this hour. You have to. Got it?”
“⋯What are you even talking about?”
I fire a plain fastball straight down the middle, as if I were ignoring my opponent.
Naturally, she isn't an idiot either, so when she misses a pitch like that, she flies into a rage and tries to fire back at the next one with her eyes ablaze.
Not one person who had shown me eyes like that had ever humbled their pride and rolled over to expose their belly that way.
Right at eye level.
In a place where it could hit her if I slipped up.
I only need to slam one of the fastest pitches I can throw into that spot.
The more focused they are, and the less they expect it, the harder it is to deal with.
Preying on an opponent flailing in confusion
was always my specialty.
On the field and off.
Always.