Chapter 23
I leaned against Kang Joo-hyuk after he sat up, panting hard.
My heart pounded, and a tingling, electrifying pleasure ran through my entire body.
It was no different from the masturbation I indulged in occasionally—very occasionally.
I couldn't support my own body, and I couldn't control my breathing.
“Ha, ah⋯, huff⋯.”
“I told you to get your pussy wet, so who said you could come on your own?”
He had no intention whatsoever of showing consideration for me as I trembled violently from head to toe.
Right, he never had.
The wicked smile visible through my barely opened eyelids was no surprise.
Because this man was a fucking pervert who had only ever intended to rape me from the start.
“Still, though⋯ you're fucking wet. I guess I don't need to suck you off anymore. ⋯Right, Ha-eun?”
“⋯⋯.”
Every so often, whenever he used that smooth voice to pretend to care about me, it was all an act.
So he could render me unable to resist and ram into me however he pleased.
Knowing that, I was still reduced to this, and the sense of defeat swept over me, leaving me miserable.
“Ha-eun. I asked you a question. Can't you hear me?”
I didn't want to spend another moment with Kang Joo-hyuk.
But if things stayed this way, it was obvious he'd keep coming after me tomorrow, and the day after that.
Could I escape him if I ran away and reported him right now?
“⋯I-I got it⋯.”
⋯If deleting one measly recording had been enough to solve everything, I would've done it long ago.
What he wanted was to keep my weakness in his grasp and violate my body without crossing the line where I'd report him.
It was a horrifying wish, but at least he'd erected a flimsy boundary: he wouldn't do anything that left marks on my body.
But if I didn't act obediently, I had no idea how violent that man might become.
What if he shoved that hideous male organ all the way to the root,
and raped me until I was ruined, whether I screamed or not?
Even if I begged him to stop, pleaded with him to please stop,
and apologized, what if he refused to pull out?
What if he raped me until dawn,
took real photos of my naked body covered in semen this time,
and tried to blackmail me by shoving them in my face?
⋯If he threatened me like that,
could I push this man away?
“Yeah. Just stay there and lean against me. I’ll take care of it.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his broad shoulder, marked by a knife scar.
If that ragged scar hadn't been so grotesque, I wouldn't have felt guilty toward this man.
It wasn't my fault to begin with, so why had I ever felt compassion for a piece of shit like him?
Even if bringing him into my home had been unavoidable, I could have kicked him when he barged into the bathroom.
No matter how drunk I was, I hadn't been sympathetic enough to surrender my body just because I'd been taken in by that ridiculous performance.
“Wait, Ha-eun. I don't have a free hand right now, okay? Grab my dick and put it in yourself. Or stand up.”
I wanted to escape this sticky, disgusting pleasure as soon as possible.
I wanted to get away from this ugly, filthy man as soon as possible.
I hated the thought of giving my body to a man like this one more time,
but letting this man hold my weakness and toy with me for the rest of my life would be worse than dying.
“Ha-eun. I want to finish quickly and get some sleep too. ⋯Hurry.”
⋯So,
let's finish this quickly.
Treat today
as a bad dream and pretend it never happened.
Haa⋯.
“⋯Ah, shit, it, it won't go in⋯!”
I reached my right hand down and grasped his penis, but I could tell immediately.
There was no way something like this would go in if he pressed it against my vaginal opening.
I could already tell it wouldn't work just from pressing it against the opening.
“Condoms are kind of stiff at first. It'd be fine if we had some lube, but we don't.”
“I told you this thing won't go in!”
Its size was strange, and its texture was strange too.
I couldn't put this stiff thing inside my delicate tissue; even rubbing it against bare skin would hurt.
“It went in fine earlier. You're fucking wet, so it'll go in fine this time too.”
But instead of showing me any consideration, Kang Joo-hyuk, crazed with lust, pushed his dick in anyway.
He slowly lowered my pelvis.
Squelch, squelch.
The tight rubber dragged across my mucous membrane.
“It huuurts⋯, it hurts! I said it hurts, it hurts⋯.”
“It hurts?”
“It huuurts! Ngh⋯.”
“Hey, hey, hey, it hurts. I'm hurting too.”
I resorted to whining and bit down on Kang Joo-hyuk's shoulder, and only then did he grab my butt and lift me up.
I could endure it for now, but if he went any deeper, I would definitely be ruined.
Torn to shreds.
I would be ruined, reshaped to fit this man.
“Haa⋯, haa⋯, I told you it hurts⋯.”
“If it hurts that much, should I take the condom off?”
“⋯Huh?”
“You weren't hurting as much when I rubbed you with my glans earlier. Should I take the condom off? It’ll be fucking sticky, though.”
To me, terrified by pain and fear, he offered a choice I couldn't possibly accept.
⋯As if I could agree to that.
I knew perfectly well what could happen if I had se⋯x without contraception!
I wasn't that stupid!
“⋯Shut up, just put it in, and don't try anything⋯, ngh⋯.”
“I'm trying to be considerate, so why won't it go in? ⋯I told you I won't come inside.”
But he propped up my butt with one hand, nudging my vaginal opening with his penis as he coaxed me.
⋯This bastard could lift me with one hand⋯!
I wanted to reject that humiliating offer out of anger and irritation, but I couldn't free myself from the mounting pain on my own.
Damn it, this is so frustrating⋯.
“Hngh⋯, j-just, just stop for now⋯.”
“Take it out?”
“Take it oout, it hurts⋯!”
“All right, I'll take it out.”
I hated him for toying with me just because he had more experience.
I had even listened to his complaints out of pity even though I didn't like him, and this was how he repaid my kindness—with malice?
What a fucking bastard⋯.
“I took it out, so it'll hurt less now. Try relaxing a little too.”
“W-wait, I told you to stop! Nngh, don't, don't do it⋯!”
The hatred and irritation that had boiled to the top of my head finally burst out when I could no longer contain them.
Why did I have to be toyed with by a piece of shit like you?
Other than being stronger, you're no better than me in any way.
While being violated all over by someone like Kang Joo-hyuk, I was supposed to listen to everything he said⋯.
“⋯You told me to pull it out, fuck. What else am I supposed to do for you?”
“⋯.”
Was I really supposed to?
Why,
whenever that man lowered his voice and whispered in my ear,
did I become so frightened that it felt as though my heart would stop, my entire body trembling?
Even walking along a mountain trail at night wouldn't be this scary.
“Why aren't you answering? What else should I do? Should I not put it in at all?”
“⋯N-no, that's not what I meant⋯.”
“I asked if I could do it, and you didn't refuse. You lured me by touching a sleeping man's dick, so what are you so unhappy about?”
Even when my own reason grew hazy and my head spun, I had been afraid, terrified.
That had been the fear of groping through clouds where I couldn't see what lay ahead.
But when I physically felt Kang Joo-hyuk's reason growing hazy,
the horrible future unfolding in my mind tormented me so much that I could neither open nor close my eyes.
⋯If this man lost his reason,
I'd die.
For real.
“Wait, wait. Kang Joo-hyuk⋯. Stop, I-I’m sorry, so calm down⋯.”
“Men don't calm down when they're told to pull out during sex.”
“I said I'm sorry, I said I’m sorry⋯! Just, don't put it in any farther. Wait a second⋯.”
I somehow calmed him with a terrified voice.
Anything was fine.
If he pushed his glans inside my vaginal opening like this,
and let the strength leave his arms, I would be ruined.
“I don't care whether you're sorry. Am I putting it in or not? That's all you have to tell me.”
“D-don't put it in, just wait⋯.”
“If you weren't planning to have sex, why did you touch a sleeping man's dick?”
“⋯Anything but se⋯x, I'll do something else for you, so calm down⋯.”
“Something else?”
“Something else. Something else⋯.”
I didn't care what he asked for, as long as this man didn't lose control.
No matter how humiliating, shameful, vulgar, or filthy the demand, it was better than being ruined.
Anything was fine, whether it was the hand⋯job I'd heard about earlier or whatever.
Just not penetration like this, please⋯.
“What else are you going to do for me? Suck my dick?”
“⋯Th-that smells⋯.”
“Then what? Use your breasts? I've wanted to try putting it between them.”
“Y-yes⋯! I-I'll do that⋯! With my breasts, right⋯?”
“Ah, but I can't do that without lube, you know? Too bad. Let's do it later. Something else.”
“⋯.”
⋯But the moment this piece of trash noticed I was afraid,
he quickly regained his composure and toyed with me once more.
Fucking piece of trash, seriously⋯.
“If you can't think of anything, there's something I want to have you try. Can I ask you?”
“Wh-what is it⋯?”
“Sit down first. I'll loosen my grip.”
I swallowed down the disgust that had risen to the top of my head again and looked at him with trembling eyes.
I prayed that what followed would be at least a little less humiliating,
but the moment I sat down, his hands wrapped my legs around his waist, and even the faintest hope collapsed at once.
Even that thread-thin hope crumbled away in an instant.
“⋯In this position, try kissing me.”
“⋯Kiss? Kiss?”
“But every time you kiss me, answer everything I ask. Don't dodge the question. If you lie, I won't listen to a word you say from now on.”
“What does that mean⋯?”
I hoped once more that I could somehow prop up my shattered expectations, however clumsily,
“You took the phone out of my pocket earlier, didn't you? What did you do? Answer me.”
“⋯.”
“⋯Answer me. Before I fuck you like a dog, you fucking bitch.”
⋯It had all been a futile hope.
It had been a dream.
This man had known everything from the start.
He had simply,
wanted to toy with me.