Chapter 25
I run to the bathroom attached to the bedroom and hurriedly spit out the filthy liquid held in my mouth.
Diluted after mixing with saliva, the bodily fluid, still slightly viscous, is sucked down into the sink.
⋯Disgusting.
Dirty, dirty, dirty!
“Ptooey, ptooey, blegh⋯.”
It was a relief, I suppose, that there was less of it than I'd expected.
If he'd ejaculated as much into my mouth as he had into the condom I found while cleaning the room after coming to my senses yesterday, it definitely would've filled my mouth and then some.
It wasn't as sticky as I'd expected, and when I hurriedly rinsed my mouth with water, the slippery sensation quickly disappeared.
But the fishy smell, thick with a man's scent, refuses to go away so easily.
⋯I never want to do that again.
Disgusting.
“⋯I want to die.”
Though doing it with my mouth was crude, I came to my senses while I had his dick in my mouth, and it made me want to die.
The pleasure that had crawled up my blood vessels and tormented me subsided quickly too, leaving only a slight complaint in my stomach.
It hadn't hurt as much as I'd expected, so what had I been so afraid of that I obeyed everything that man told me to do?
Why had I let him come in my mouth while sucking the dick that had violently thrust inside me, as if there were anything good about it?
No matter how scared I was, I should've chosen something else.
My breasts, or my hands.
Even if I'd had to swallow my pride and fawn over him, it would've been a hundred, a thousand times better than having him ejaculate messily into my mouth.
“Aah⋯! Seriously, fucking annoying, you son of a bitch⋯.”
I let out one sharp yell at the unpleasantness that wouldn't easily go away, then, realizing he was right outside the door, cursed under my breath.
⋯Seriously, what a fucking piece of shit.
How far did he intend to toy with me?
Why was he so obsessed with me that he'd do something like this?
No matter how I thought about it, I wasn't the one in the wrong⋯.
“Ha-eun, what happened?”
“Eek⋯.”
Just as I was grumbling inwardly, he barged into the bathroom with his hands clasped behind his back.
I was startled, wondering if he'd heard me cursing, and sucked in a little gasp, but that shameless face of his didn't look like he'd heard.
⋯Earlier, he'd ejaculated into my mouth without a word, with such a merciless look on his face.
Seeing him pretend to worry now made murderous intent surge inside me.
No joke. I really mean it.
“Why are you so startled?”
“You! You barged in without knowing what I might do⋯!”
“You went to spit out the semen. If it had been something else, you would've locked the door.”
“⋯.”
I hate that he doesn't lose his shamelessness even though he knows how I must feel.
I'm not asking him to treat me kindly.
I'm just telling him to leave me alone.
You enjoyed yourself plenty. Wasn't that enough?
How far do you intend to toy with me⋯.
“Want some mouthwash? I brought it from my bag, just in case.”
“⋯Give it to me.”
He kept pretending to be kind right to the end, then handed me the mouthwash he'd been hiding behind his back—who knew when he'd gotten it.
I snatched it from him, filled my mouth with it, and rinsed away the fishy smell that still lingered.
I felt not the slightest bit refreshed, but a cool fragrance burst through my mouth.
Yet even that refreshing scent quickly vanished when I caught the smell of that man.
The body odor of an unclean, filthy man.
It wasn't unpleasant to smell, but it was a scent that made my head spin for reasons I couldn't explain.
“We both worked up a sweat, so let's wash up and sleep. You don't want to sleep like this, do you?”
“I was going to even if you didn't say so⋯.”
“Then I'll run some water. There's a bathtub here too.”
“Hey, wait⋯!”
I wanted to wash that scent from my body and fall asleep quickly, but seeing Kang Joo-hyuk calmly running a bath in someone else's tub made it perfectly clear what he was going to do to me next.
⋯He's saying we should get in together.
It couldn't be more obvious.
How much more is he going to toy with me in the water?
“What?”
“⋯.”
But whenever I saw his stern face, the words “Don't talk bullshit” slipped right back down my throat.
I know that whenever he threatens me, if I tuck my tail between my legs, he'll drag me along, but I hate myself for shrinking back on instinct.
Still, what else could I do?
I'm really scared.
His eyes are scary, and so is his angular body.
With that surgical scar on his shoulder, he's ten times scarier.
⋯He really did rape me, too.
Asking me not to feel fear is asking far too much.
“Soak for about thirty minutes, and you'll sleep well once you get out. Let's fill it with warm water, okay?”
“⋯Okay.”
In the end, all I could do was nod without saying a word of protest.
⋯All I did was steal his phone and snoop through it once, so how did things end up like this?
What happened when I was dead drunk yesterday might count as an accident, but being toyed with by Kang Joo-hyuk at this hour was absolutely no accident.
This man was the one who toyed with me.
Sordidly.
“I'll sit here, so try climbing on. Wow, this bathtub is big too. The tub at my place is so small I have to sit all hunched over.”
“⋯.”
But when I saw Kang Joo-hyuk innocently stretching his legs out in the tub and looking pleased, I wondered whether this man could really be that same sleazy man.
What had gone wrong with this man to turn him into such trash?
Was quitting baseball after getting that scar on his shoulder really enough to leave such a deep wound in him?
If I imagined that I'd quit being a singer just after barely making my debut for a similar reason⋯.
⋯I think I could understand it, and I think I couldn't.
Because I'd never debuted.
“Don't just stand there watching. Sit down. You'll be cold.”
“⋯I said I know.”
I looked at his slightly flaccid penis and climbed into the tub uneasily.
The water hadn't risen very high yet, so the thigh I was sitting on felt rough.
But the moment my butt touched it, his penis hardened; its surface was slick and soft.
It felt completely different from when he'd rubbed against me while wearing a condom.
I think I understand now why, when he raped me earlier, it felt more overwhelming than painful.
“Ha-eun, you should sit the other way. Facing me. The tub's wide enough.”
“Huh?”
“You used mouthwash, but aren't you going to kiss me again?”
“⋯Stop joking around. I'm not in the mood for that⋯.”
“Okay, okay. ⋯It's almost time for bed, so let's just wash our bodies. All right.”
At least I wasn't looking at his face, so my fear lessened enough for me to summon the courage to voice a single protest.
Whether fortunately or unfortunately, he listened to my request, cupping my breasts as he did so in a pleasant voice.
Being touched in the bathtub was obviously not good for me, so why did having him grant such a small request make me feel better?
Was it because the warm water was gradually rising?
I hoped that was the right answer.
“⋯This is a nice house. When I was a player, I was really motivated by wanting to live somewhere like this.”
“⋯.”
“I want to live in a house like this for half a year. ⋯It'd be even better if I lived with a woman.”
“Don't say things like that. ⋯I'm really scared.”
“Why? Are you afraid I'll lie down here?”
“If you think about doing that, I'll report you. I mean it.”
“If you say something like that, I'll really lie down here.”
It was childish nitpicking over words, but the implications were anything but childish.
A sordid conversation between a rapist and his victim.
⋯I'm clearly the victim, so why do I have to play along with what that man says?
He deserves to be reported, so why is he so brazen?
How does he know so well that I won't be able to say anything?
As if he could see inside my head.
“Well, half of it was a joke. Don't take it too seriously. It's just wishful thinking, that's all.”
“Don't make jokes like that. I told you, I'm really scared⋯.”
“⋯Would someone who's afraid of me dig through my phone so openly? Did you think I hadn't backed it up?”
By now, it wasn't surprising at all when he said things like that.
Ah, of course he did.
He was always playing circles around me, so of course he'd known everything I might do.
I became resigned.
Overwhelmed by an endless sense of defeat, I could only hope that he would show me mercy.
I wouldn't even complain if all he did was toy with me in this warm bathtub,
so please, just don't do anything worse.
“That recording is pretty obscene, so I know what you're thinking⋯, but it's just for self-protection, so don't worry about it too much. Huh? You know. I'm not crazy enough to mess with something like that.”
“⋯How am I supposed to trust you⋯?”
“I couldn't trust you either, so isn't that why I recorded it? If I hadn't, you would've reported me right away. Isn't that right?”
“If you hadn't done something weird in the first place⋯!”
“I was lurking around because I wanted to do something weird, so you can't hold that against me.”
“⋯Seriously, what a piece of trash⋯.”
“I really like it when you swear at me. ⋯When you kissed me while swearing, I got so fucking turned on that things got dangerous earlier. I almost came inside you.”
“⋯.”
“I'm joking, I'm joking. I didn't almost come—I wanted to. ⋯I was just curious what kind of face you'd make if I took hold of it, shoved it in, and came messily inside you.”
His lewd words raped my ears and mind; it was humiliating, but I could endure it.
No matter how much he violated me with words or touched me with his hands, it was better than the filthy pleasure and fishy smell I'd experienced earlier.
I could only hope that the day would pass and this man would lose interest in me.
“Still, I didn't do anything like that because I was thinking of you, so let it go. I let you off too, Ha-eun.”
“⋯Since I'll let you off, can't you please leave me alone?”
“If you promise.”
“I'll promise anything, so please leave me alone⋯.”
In a state of resignation, I promised to forgive him.
I could never forgive him, but I could offer that kind of forgiveness—only with my lips—a hundred or a thousand times.
If I wanted to let go of this sticky, unpleasant feeling and lose myself, I could promise that much.
“⋯You mean it?”
“I mean it, so just⋯.”
“Okay. Got it. It's a promise, so I won't touch you. ⋯Let's just warm ourselves up.”
“⋯.”
⋯I expected nothing from a piece of trash who promised not to touch me yet wouldn't even take his hand off my breast,
but simply not having him talk to me made me feel more at ease,
so I leaned against him, my spirits sagging,
and dozed fitfully.
With my body and mind completely submerged in the water.