Chapter 4
I washed up too when she went to wash, then waited on the first floor until Seo Ha-eun came down from the elevator after changing clothes.
A gray hoodie and thick jeans suited to the chilly March weather.
She wore no accessories, and even her shoulder bag was carried on one shoulder instead of crossing her chest.
Add a hat and mask, and she would look exactly like a celebrity hiding her face, but even her slightly damp, tousled hair was attractive.
It was a casual outfit I could have worn without looking strange, but on her, even that baggy hoodie showed off her curves.
They say clothes make the man, but the real foundation is the figure. The figure.
I have broad shoulders, so clothes fit me well; if I had nothing but muscles, I probably wouldn't have been able to meet women when I was a player.
“⋯What is it? Were you waiting for me?”
“You said you'd give me an autograph. I figured you'd be waiting for me.”
“Haa⋯. Fine. Ye-eun's⋯ ah. Jia, Jia's autograph. I'll give it to you.”
I gave her a small wave as she scowled hard the moment she saw me; although she frowned even more deeply, Seo Ha-eun trudged over to me.
Then she rummaged through her bag, pulled out an album, and handed it to me.
“Here. An autograph. Take it.”
“Ah, thank you.”
I assumed I'd get an autograph on an A4 sheet at best, but⋯.
When I peeled open the sealing wax and took out the letter paper inside, it contained a distinctly idol-like signature and words written in a cute hand, with every ballpoint stroke pressed firmly into the paper.
There were also three or four formulaic lines thanking me and promising to work hard for fans like Mr. Kang Juhyeok.
⋯Honestly, if I had been a real fan, I probably would have been deeply moved, but since I wasn't particularly interested, I was quietly flustered.
“⋯You wrote this yourself, right? Seo Jia?”
“Yes.”
“Wow⋯.”
“I kept my promise, so you keep yours too.”
Perhaps she mistook my flustered, dazed reaction for delight, because Seo Ha-eun, looking slightly triumphant, began speaking in a firm tone.
That self-assured face reminded me of the woman she'd been years ago, which put me in a slightly worse mood, but then I realized that unlike now, her face back then had been filled with venom, and I shook off the revulsion.
⋯That was then, and this is now.
Back then, I picked a fight with her for professional reasons,
but now I'm hitting on her for personal ones.
Well, then and now⋯.
the root cause was basically her breasts, so there was that similarity.
“What promise?”
“I told you not to bother me.”
“I won't bother you. I don't even know your number or your address, do I?”
“Could you not say things like that? It scares me.”
“I'm joking, I'm joking.”
“I'm actually scared. I've had an experience like that before.”
“Ah⋯. I'm sorry.”
“As long as you understand. We won't have anything to talk about from now on anyway.”
While badmouthing that gnat bastard, who wasn't entirely blameless, I once again forged a bond with her.
Nothing sounds better than having someone curse out the person you hate in your stead.
Seo Ha-eun kept muttering that I shouldn't do this or talk to her, but she answered everything I said without fail.
“Still, we should at least say hello now and then, right? Do we really have to pretend not to know each other?”
“If you talk to me again, I'll report you, so don't.”
“Yes, yes.”
She probably would keep doing that from now on, too.
The words ‘If you talk to me, I'll report you!’ actually meant that she wouldn't report me if I approached her in a way appropriate to the situation.
As long as I didn't annoy her, our relationship could continue developing.
“Anyway, I'm very grateful for the autograph, so perhaps I could repay you by⋯.”
“I'm not going.”
“Why not? It's lunchtime. I'd like to buy you a meal, at least.”
“⋯Excuse me, Mr. Kang Juhyeok. I can see right through you trying to hit on me like that, you know?”
The reason she pushed me away wasn't simply that she disliked me; she also felt I posed a sexual threat.
No matter how hard I tried to hide it, I couldn't stop my eyes from drifting toward her breasts.
So I had no choice but to mix in a tiny lie.
“You're not the first man like you I've seen⋯.”
“What do you mean, hitting on you? I have a girlfriend, you know.”
“What?”
Having a girlfriend didn't mean I couldn't cheat or hit on other women, but⋯.
there was no better excuse for getting myself off the hook.
“I'm old enough to have a girlfriend, you know.”
“⋯.”
In reality, my mental health had been shot during rehab, so I hadn't been able to date anyone.
Even when I looked perfectly healthy, I had never actually had a ‘girlfriend.’
They'd all been sex friends.
And if I tried to give up that promiscuous lifestyle and get a girlfriend, honestly, the sex friends I was seeing at the time seemed too good to let go.
But if I tried to get one without giving that lifestyle up, I felt guilty, to be honest.
“I really am trying to buy you lunch because I'm grateful, so don't get the wrong idea. Just let me treat you without a fuss. I know some good places.”
“⋯Just this once.”
“I wasn't planning to buy you lunch twice, either. Ah, if you give me one more autograph, I'll buy you another meal. How about it?”
“That's not happening.”
“Aw, don't be like that. Is there maybe another member you're close to⋯?”
“I'm not close to them.”
Above all.
I hated clinging so pathetically to a woman just to seduce her,
to be honest.
A relationship based solely on her body didn't require any of these empty formalities or lies.
⋯Unlike the relationship I wanted with this woman.
***
“The karaage here is really good. I make it at home sometimes too, but I can never get it to taste like this.”
“⋯At home?”
“It's not difficult. Just a hassle.”
I hated ingratiating myself to people I disliked, but it wasn't really all that uncomfortable.
I'd done it constantly while living as part of a group.
Even all sorts of cloying, slick talk weren't difficult when I thought of them as flattering my seniors.
“⋯.”
“What? Why are you looking at me so suspiciously? I've lived alone for a long time, so I'm good at cooking.”
“Ah, I see.”
“I really am, really.”
It's just that I'm lazy.
But Seo Ha-eun was a woman worth putting up with the hassle for.
“Are you on Instagram?”
“What?”
“Ah, you were taking pictures of the food. I was just wondering.”
“⋯No. Not these days.”
“So you used to be on it.”
“I just⋯. Once I started working, it became a hassle.”
It would be a lie to say I had no ill will toward this woman, but I didn't hate her enough to want to kill her.
Likewise, I wasn't interested in dating Seo Ha-eun badly enough to let her win.
I wasn't interested in her feelings at all.
All I wanted was her body,
and to settle the bad blood that had built up between us.
“You must have been really popular. Didn't you have a lot of followers?”
“Not particularly.”
It seemed impossible that she hadn't had any. Her younger sister was popular, too.
“⋯I stopped using it after she became famous.”
“Ah-ha.”
Calling it revenge would be a little grand.
When there's a breathtakingly beautiful woman among your coworkers, everyone tries to hit on her somehow.
Whether it was the owner or the manager, being the daughter of someone high-ranking only made her more of a turn-on.
And if she's rude on top of that and has even caused me harm, I want her several times more.
It makes me want to pin her down on the bed.
⋯Literally.
I want to possess her.
“Ah, the steamed egg here is good too. It has a bit of a pudding-like texture.”
“⋯It's really sweet.”
“That's how Japanese food usually is. Salty and sweet. I never used to like strong flavors, but after eating that sort of thing with my girlfriend so often, my palate has become a little childish.”
“That doesn't suit you at all.”
“You mean having a girlfriend doesn't suit me?”
“No, no. I mean liking sweet things doesn't suit you. Your appearance.”
“Well, I do look like someone who'd eat nothing but chicken breast. I really did eat like that when I was a player.”
I want to savor, one by one, the fullness of her breasts, visible even beneath that hoodie,
breasts too large to fit in my hand all at once, even though my hands are twice the size of most women's,
and the soft texture apparent just from looking at her skin, before roughly grabbing and squeezing them.
“But no matter how hard I work on my body here, I don't really have anywhere to put it to use anymore. Once you're seeing someone, you stop restricting what you eat. I don't think she'll break up with me just because I lose a little muscle.”
“⋯You and your girlfriend must be really close?”
“Ah, not really that close. It's just⋯ you know how couples are comfortable with each other? You know what I mean, Ms. Ha-eun?”
“I wouldn't know.”
“There you go lying again. No way you don't know.”
Was she just pretending to be innocent?
Or was she actually innocent?
“I really don't know. I really don't.”
“Were there only men like that trainer around you?”
“You worked for a club.”
“Ah, right. Makes sense.”
“You shouldn't say that makes sense, should you? I was included in that group, too.”
“I'm not a baseball player anymore, am I? And it is true that there were a lot of men around you.”
This woman, who didn't seem to have much luck with men,
“Mr. Kang Juhyeok, you're being pretty harsh. I didn't know you had that kind of personality.”
“What kind of personality did you think I had?”
“I'll keep quiet, since I feel like you'd get angry if I told you.”
Having completely fallen for the mere claim that I had a girlfriend,
I wanted to make this woman, who had immediately let her guard down, feel betrayed.
“That's something you say to make me angry, isn't it?”
“It is.”
“That's harsh.”
Until even that feeling of betrayal had gone limp,
I wanted to turn that enigmatic expression into a panting face.
⋯Someday.
Until she apologized in her own words.
Until she spread her legs for me.