Chapter 46
I know what I'm doing is just a way of fooling myself into thinking I've won.
I'm the one being fucked like a dog by this man.
Seo Ha-eun.
Twenty-six years old.
I still have big breasts, and I'm still practically unemployed.
But…,
At least inside the phone he's thrusting in my face,
I can pretend I'm not myself, can't I?
“If you want to get fucked that badly, put your skirt in your mouth.”
At his command, I—once a good, pretty, smart high school girl…,
put my skirt in my mouth.
In front of a crazy psychopath, a former baseball player,
who thinks of nothing but fucking me.
…Well,
I don't think the psychopath part is an act at all, though.
“Good. Stay facedown.”
“⋯Pfft, if I'm going to lie facedown, do I need to bite it⋯?”
Back then, I swore that, even if I died and came back to life, I'd never date a baseball player.
My father wasn't a good father, either.
The crazy stalker bastard who followed me around in high school was on the baseball team too,
but I,
crawl on all fours before a piece of trash more disgusting than either of them.
“Don't spit it out whenever you feel like it.”
The piece of trash comes up behind me, stuffs the skirt I spat out moments ago back into my mouth, and smacks my ass over and over.
‥Those hands are seriously huge. Annoying.
To show him I'm holding it properly in my mouth, I look back at him.
The unpleasant look he'd given me years ago when he picked a fight with me is nowhere to be seen,
and his affable eyes—his act of seeming kind, good-natured, and stupid after we met again—are gone too.
Nor are the eyes that had been so revolting and frightening I wanted to vomit when he put a collar around my neck outside.
“Don't raise your waist so awkwardly; lift your hips. Press your head into the pillow. Stick only your ass straight out. That's it.”
“⋯.”
Pure instinct.
Lust for the woman named ‘Seo Ha-eun.’
The filthy greed to put me up on that high, high floor,
and keep for himself the grapes everyone else wants to fuck.
I hadn't known a thing about this man's true feelings until then,
but even from this distance, I'd heard that pounding heartbeat, loud enough to hurt my ears,
more times than I could count on my fingers.
“Okay. …Spread them.”
“⋯.”
“Don't spread them with both hands; use one. Your index and middle fingers. That's it. Like that.”
Following his hand as he takes and guides it, I place my hand over my pussy,
revealing the genitals I'd never shown anyone but Kang Ju-hyeok.
Should I call it pure because only one person has violated it,
or dirty because it was violated by the man I'd kill without a second thought if I could?
That ambiguous place,
I offer it to him once again.
“Look this way. With the skirt in your mouth.”
“….”
But he records even the act of offering up my chastity, every last detail.
As if declaring that he alone would defile every part of me as a woman, he captures on his phone a video no one should ever see.
The bare ass I expose with my skirt in my mouth,
the anus I cleaned thoroughly because I felt I'd kill myself if that bastard found fault with it,
my pussy spread open in a V by my fingers,
all of it.
“⋯I thought you'd put up a fuss, but you're surprisingly staying still, huh?”
“⋯If I do, will you stop filming?”
“No.”
“You bastard⋯.”
Deceived by the honeyed words of the man I hate,
I strip naked in front of the man I despise, exposing every precious part,
and spread my pussy wide in a V as though taking a commemorative photo,
looking as though I'm seducing him, as if begging him to devour me.
The obscene spectacle, filthier than any video or photo he took of me,
plays back slowly in my mind.
“…! ……, Ah, ah, it hurts. Gently….”
“Bear with it. I need to capture your buttocks shaking, too.”
“Crazy bastard, …! …….”
I can easily picture Kang Ju-hyeok's face as he smacks my ass with a vicious glare.
A moan nearly escaped my voice, but I barely managed to stop it by clamping my left hand over my mouth.
But I know that if he keeps tormenting me like this, those lewd sounds will eventually spill out.
The bed will creak,
my moans will fill the room,
loud enough to keep the people upstairs from sleeping.
I know a lewd night will continue.
And when such a night ends, I'll fall asleep as if I'd fainted,
and I know he'll record me however he pleases while I'm out of it.
…But it's okay.
I don't care.
That's not me.
Not twenty-six-year-old Seo Ha-eun,
but Seo XX in a school uniform, being raped.
“…Fuck. Spit out your skirt for a moment.”
“Pfft…, whyyy⋯.”
“In an outfit like this, I think lewd noises would suit you too.”
“⋯! ⋯.”
As soon as the brief filming ends, he starts tormenting my clitoris with his fingers.
Maybe because I'd spent a while satisfying his desires without being the one subjected to them, my body trembles violently.
Every time those thick, massive fingers tap against the hand I'm using to hold my pussy open,
I feel pleasure intense enough to make my head spin.
Acting doesn't erase pain or pleasure, no matter what.
Because the pleasure is neither too strong nor too weak, it leaves my mind clear,
so I know perfectly well what I'm pretending to be.
“Ah, I can't hold back. Stay like that.”
“⋯U, ngh⋯.”
As soon as my mind clears, he pushes the head of his cock into my pussy, which has become soaked in that brief interval.
Slowly wriggling.
The massive weight, wetly sucked inside, tightens around my heart.
“Relax.”
“I did….”
I clamp a hand over my mouth to stop the unthinking, natural answer that slips out to his unreasonable demand.
In the video he's filming, I'm nothing but a rape victim.
Only if he handles me forcefully,
can I remain a victim to the end in the video he's recording.
I can be recorded as Seo XX, the high school girl raped by the psychopath Kang Ju-hyeok.
“⋯You were lonely because we couldn't have sex for a while, weren't you?”
“Who was⋯! Lonelyyy⋯.”
But contrary to what I'd expected,
even as he pounces on me, breathing heavily with arousal,
he tenderly whispers in my ear.
“Ah, haaang⋯, ah⋯.”
He slips his cock beneath the skirt of my one-piece school uniform, squeezing my mature breasts hard,
and thrusts it into me, pounding my body into the mattress.
Not fast at all.
At a slow, unhurried pace.
So that I can feel the grotesque size and heavy weight of his cock, every inch of it.
My pussy, soaked through despite the brief foreplay and utterly indifferent to its owner's wishes,
welcomes that grotesque cock eagerly.
“⋯Hoo, u⋯, st, stop⋯.”
“A little more, just a little⋯.”
“Stoppp⋯!”
It's a cock pushing into me with the intention of defiling me without a condom,
but every time it enters, my pussy sheds tears of gratitude and ignores everything its owner says.
Just as I did
when I ignored the warning from my heart.
“Ha-eun, ah, Seo Ha-eun⋯, fuck⋯.”
“He⋯, haaak⋯. Haa⋯.”
Even while making sounds full of lust, he never fucks me roughly.
As if the sheer existence of his violent body were enough, he leisurely melts me.
Thud, thud.
Squelch, squelch.
As though that vicious filming had all been a lie,
he treats me like a lover.
“How long has it been since I fucked Ha-eun's pussy, fuck….”
“Ha…, crazy…, bastard, finally….”
But perhaps those tender movements aren't enough to satisfy him,
because, as expected, he taunts me with vulgar words.
“Do you know how fucking horny it makes me to put a big-titted bitch like you in a school uniform and fuck her?”
“I dunnooo…, idiot….”
His hips never change their rhythm.
Slowly.
This time, he rapes my ears.
“Fu…ck, seriously. If I'd known we were classmates, I'd have fucked you back in high school….”
“Idiot…, bastard, haak…. You think there were only one or two guys like you…?”
“Even now, you've got me spread open for you for the first time. You think I wouldn't have spread myself for you back then?”
“Fuck…‥ off, ngh…! Haa…, back then you were all shaved-headed, you baseball-playing…, bastards….”
Even the brightest, most vibrant past of my life,
he spits on it, mixing in all kinds of filthy words.
“You still go around with your head shaved, stupid bitch.”
“That's different, you idiot…!”
“…Right. Those morons and I are different, huh? You spread your legs for me because I'm tall and my cock is big. …Isn't that right?”
The closed-off past in which I had given my body and heart to no one,
he viciously turns inside out and uses it to mock me.
Though none of the bastards who ever came on to me got anywhere,
he casts me as a lewd woman who gave her body only to him.
“No, you fucking idiot…! Aah…!”
When I deny it,
he unleashes the desire he'd kept so fiercely suppressed and thrusts deep inside me again and again.
To the point that my breath stops.
Intense pain and pleasure mix together and paralyze my brain.
“It is, though, fuck…. When you tried shoving a ballpoint pen into your pussy, it didn't reach because it was too short, did it?”
“Haaak, I didn't shove anything in, you crazy bastard…, ngh….”
“Then did you shove in a dildo?”
“You tore me open, you fucking bastard, so don't say fucked-up shit…! Haa, haa….”
When I even spit out in my own words that he had taken my virginity,
he grabs the reins he'd let loose again, slowly pulls his cock out from deep inside me,
and gently breathes life back into my numbed brain.
Without letting his fully erect cock burst,
squelch, squelch.
“Yeah, fuck…, I took your virginity. I fucked these tits so hard I ate you until you passed out.”
“Haaek…, you crazy, is raping me something to brag about…?”
“With someone like you, it is, hoo….”
“Haa, you fucking psycho, seriously….”
Without ever losing control.
…What I was wearing,
I would forget.