Chapter 7
Is there any truth serum as effective as alcohol?
At least, not among the legal substances I know of.
“After I graduated from high school, I used to go on survival audition programs pretty often.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“My friends praised me for singing well⋯. They said I could make it if I learned guitar and performed with it. They kept saying that.”
Unprompted old stories spill freely from her drunken lips.
Her past, whose silhouette I had only vaguely known, gradually comes into focus.
“But I get nervous easily, too. ⋯And I wasn't all that good at singing, either. So it didn't work out. I couldn't even get through the preliminaries.”
“At Ms. Ha-eun's level, I feel like they would've passed you based on your face alone.”
“⋯I thought so too, but I guess I was shaking too much. I didn't make it. I even went to an academy, but it didn't help much.”
Though she admits her shortcomings, she never turns down praise for her attractive appearance.
I think I understand now why she was so rude whenever I ran into her at the club, and why she's now being so easily deceived by a man like me.
Seo Ha-eun is starving.
Starving for recognition,
starving to be acknowledged.
“As you probably heard, I wanted to at least get my face on TV eventually, so I went with my little sister, you know? I thought going on as sisters might draw attention. ⋯But after the preliminaries, an idol agency plucked her out of the middle of it, just like that.”
“⋯.”
“I'd heard stories like that before, so I suspected it might happen, but when it really happened right in front of me, I was dumbfounded. And she happily toddled after them without even thinking about her older sister.”
As she starts grumbling more and more, I listen to her complaints and quietly replace her empty glass with a Long Island iced tea.
Her pronunciation was beginning to slur, but whether she knew she was drunk or not, she happily sipped liquor twice as strong as soju.
“What happened after that?”
“⋯I was so pissed off that I just quit. I sold my guitar, too. Then I got a job. At my dad's baseball club.”
“I heard you hate baseball.”
“There wasn't anywhere better, so what else could I do? ⋯I bombed the entrance exam and couldn't go to college, either.”
Erasing bitter memories with the cocktail's sweetness, she was becoming drunk on the atmosphere of this dim bar.
Watching her, I take a sip of gin and tonic as well, then ask quietly through lips scented with alcohol.
“That's understandable up to that point, but why did you leave again after joining? I left because I got hurt.”
“⋯How can you ask me that, Mr. Kang Juhyeok?”
“Pardon?”
“You left because of me. Because you left.”
“I never did anything to you, Ms. Ha-eun. And what I said back then was all because of you⋯.”
“⋯Do you know how much abuse I took after you were injured, Mr. Kang Juhyeok?”
“⋯What?”
But her unexpected answer left even me, who had been trying to remain composed, slightly flustered.
⋯She quit the club because of me?
But when I looked at her eyes as she glared up at me sullenly, I couldn't sense any overwhelming malice.
A scolding. A reproach.
An emotion closer to mild resentment.
“The people who used to just leer at me started treating me like some evil bitch after you got hurt. I really⋯. I didn't do anything. And rumors that I was the general manager's daughter started spreading everywhere.”
“That rumor had already spread before I got hurt⋯.”
“I don't know! Anyway, after you got hurt, I was completely ostracized. I mean, seriously⋯. No matter what I said, my dad wouldn't listen.”
“⋯What did you say?”
“I didn't say anything! ⋯I only complained to my little sister. Who'd be crazy enough to tell my dad? I'm not a child.”
A plaintive look that said it wasn't entirely my fault, but some of it was mine, wasn't it?
I should have found it disgusting, but I didn't.
Because I harbored a similar feeling toward this woman.
“Why are all baseball people such fucking idiots? My dad too. That crazy bastard in high school, too. The players all stared at my breasts. Later they even⋯ made vulgar jokes about Ye-eun. She was in high school back then. They were seriously insane.”
“I used to be a baseball player too, you know. That's a bit harsh.”
“You're exactly the same! ⋯You stare at my breasts all the time, too. You say you have a girlfriend, yet you always talk to me. ⋯At least you don't do anything weird.”
“So it's enough as long as I don't do anything weird? Besides, I don't really look at your breasts. I look you in the eyes when I talk to you.”
“I don't know about that crap. Seeing how you like Ye-eun, your tastes are obvious without even checking. You hit on me because my breasts are bigger than hers, right?”
“Ye-eun?”
“Jia, Seo Jia! You don't even know the real name of the celebrity you like? Seriously⋯. You like her just for her hips and breasts, right? And you're hitting on me because my breasts are bigger than hers?”
I was a little flustered by Seo Ha-eun, who was now completely drunk and unable to distinguish between things she should and shouldn't say, but I showed none of it and handed her a tissue.
“Ha-eun, calm down. Calm down. Wipe your mouth first.”
“⋯There's nothing on my mouth?”
“There is, so wipe it first and try to calm down.”
I take control of the conversation from Seo Ha-eun as she tilts her head at the tissue, which has not picked up even a trace of tint after she wipes her mouth.
At this level of drunkenness, she can't make up an answer no matter what I ask.
“Let's start from the beginning. You came to hate baseball because you were stalked in high school, right?”
“⋯Baseball itself has nothing to do with it. I hate baseball players.”
“But that's not a problem with the profession; that guy's just a jerk. Like that trainer who keeps hitting on you.”
“I don't know. I don't. ⋯It's all your fault. Whenever I'm around you, men keep hitting on me.”
“But what happened in high school had nothing to do with me⋯.”
“It did! ⋯Because we went to the same school—you and me, Kang Juhyeok.”
“What?”
“I saw it while working with spreadsheets at the club, but we were classmates. I never saw you, though.”
She's become honest enough now to casually spill even this astonishing fact,
more candid than I've ever seen her.
If she gets a little drunker, she might even blurt out her measurements.
“They stared at my breasts because they were big. They confessed. Even after I rejected them, they confessed again. They commented on my Instagram. Pretended to be close. ⋯Crazy bastards. If I tell you his name, I think you might know him too.”
“There wasn't anyone that crazy among the classmates I knew.”
“Ah, then maybe he was normal there. Or maybe, around Kang Juhyeok, that counted as normal.”
“That's a bit harsh. I didn't do anything wrong.”
“⋯I know. I'm just grumbling because I'm annoyed. Sorry.”
As I serve as her emotional trash can and accept all her complaints, I carefully watch to see when the glass, more than half empty, will hit bottom.
Even an average man would get drunk from one glass of that, but this woman had already gulped down three besides this one.
If I stood her up, took her to a motel, tied her up, and had my way with her, she'd have no chance of resisting—ninety-nine times out of a hundred.
But there is no need to make such a dangerous choice in this otherwise pleasant atmosphere.
I want this woman,
but I don't want to become a criminal.
“Ha-eun.”
“Why?”
“Answer honestly. ⋯Do you think I'm similar to those people?”
“Which people?”
“The people you hate.”
“A little⋯, similar. But very different.”
I hunch my back to move a little closer to her and ask in a low voice.
She blinks repeatedly, and as the alcohol gradually spreads through her body, her pupils begin to lose focus.
“What in particular makes me different?”
“You have a girlfriend, Juhyeok.”
“She's on the verge of becoming my ex, so leave that out.”
“⋯You're tall? And your muscles⋯, honestly, you have plenty. Do I look like the type muscular men would be into?”
“You just look like someone who's popular with men, Ha-eun.”
“⋯.”
“Anything else?”
“⋯You use honorifics? Everyone else talked down to me. Ah, but that trainer bastard used honorifics too. I just hate him⋯.”
“Then, Ha-eun.”
“⋯.”
Using the worst kind of man she'd encountered as my benchmark,
I make her, melted by the soft lighting, reevaluate me from the beginning.
A fight doesn't require being the strongest person in the world.
You only need to be stronger than your opponent.
People who are good at fighting are people who are good at choosing their opponents.
“We're the same age, so I'll speak casually. Seo Ha-eun. If I act like this, do I seem like those bastards?”
“⋯A little, a little different.”
“Speak casually to me, too. We're the same age.”
“A little, just⋯.”
“I know you've had a lot of weird people around you, but am I a little better than those guys?”
“⋯.”
After Seo Ha-eun presses her lips shut and nods, I ask her the question once more.
“Ha-eun, give me your hand. For a moment.”
“⋯Why?”
“Come on. I want to try something.”
I take the hand she offers more readily than when I gave her my business card last time and lightly wrap my hand around it.
“W-what is it?”
“If one of those people shook your hand like this, would it feel good or bad?”
“Bad.”
“What about now?”
“⋯I don't know, just. It's strange⋯.”
With my other hand, I cup the back of our clasped hands, pull it toward me, and press it to my forehead.
“You've never been in a relationship, have you?”
“⋯No.”
“Were there only weird men like that around you?”
“⋯Yeah.”
“Want me to tell you why?”
“Why?”
“It's a little blunt, but is it okay if I say it?”
“⋯Yeah.”
After confirming the genuine curiosity on her face, I let go of her hand, stand up, and sit down beside her.
Then I down the rest of the cocktail in one gulp, cover my lower face with my hand, and whisper.
“Because your body is sexy. To be honest.”
“⋯Because my breasts are big?”
“Your breasts, too. Other places as well. In many ways.”
“⋯Kang Juhyeok, are you drunk?”
“Of course I am. How many glasses have I had?”
After staring intently at her collarbone, I shift my gaze to her eyes and continue without pause.
“It's not your fault, but with a body like yours, you need to turn men down firmly if you don't want flies buzzing around you. From the way you rejected that guy at the gym, you answered far too gently. They'll keep coming if you do that.”
“⋯I was pretty firm, wasn't I? Usually, too⋯.”
“That isn't enough. Here. Give me your hand.”
Before she can offer it, I grab her wrist, lift it, and gently place it on the table.
“Okay, I'm one of those bastards. What are you going to do?”
“⋯Let go. I'll report you.”
“But what if I don't?”
“Call⋯, I have to call the police.”
“Calling the police is good. But at this point, they might not arrest me. I could just say the man was drunk.”
“Then what should I do⋯?”
“Straighten your back. Shoulders too. That's right. Hold yourself confidently.”
While subtly touching her waist and shoulders, I adjust her into a confident pose that doesn't match her dazed expression,
then look at her profile beneath the dim light tinged with the smell of alcohol.
⋯She's really pretty even in profile. That isn't easy.
Even with virtually no makeup, the fact that this woman, who oozes sex appeal, responds to every word I say excites me.
“From there, fold your thumb and index finger, then fold your ring and pinky fingers.”
“⋯Like this?”
“Yeah, like that.”
“Isn't this flipping someone off⋯?”
“It is.”
Seo Ha-eun, who had been holding up her middle finger toward empty air with a sullen expression, stared at it, then suddenly snickered and burst into laughter.
“Pfft⋯, what is this?”
“This is how you stand your ground. Do you know what I mean?”
“You want me to swear at them? When they hit on me?”
“Yeah. Raise your middle finger and tell them to fuck off. Like you did to me.”
“Kang Juhyeok, you didn't fuck off, though?”
“If you'd raised your middle finger, I would've left. You only said it, so I didn't.”
“What kind of logic is that⋯?”
“Now extend only your index finger from there. Okay. That's right.”
Then I change her fingers into a V sign, naturally drape an arm around her shoulder, and fish my phone out of my pocket.
With her laughing foolishly in the background, I focus so her face is clearly visible and snap a selfie.
“What are you doing?”
“For someone I like, I do this—middle and index fingers.”
“⋯I don't like you, though?”
“Why? I'm better than those guys.”
“You're better than those weird guys. But you're also kind of⋯.”
“Hey, isn't that a little harsh to say to a guy who got dumped yesterday?”
“You got dumped because you're no good⋯.”
After Seo Ha-eun curses at me with slurred words and laughs, I capture her on camera once more, then end our physical contact while still wanting more.
⋯I'd like to give her one more drink, but that seems dangerous.
Even if it means cutting things close, I have to settle for this much.
If she passes out first,
I won't be able to pretend I passed out.