Chapter 1
[Title: Live Update: I'm Totally Fucked.]
(Photo of an old elf with a flushed face)
You shitty old knife-ear bastard, what the hell is a cigarette that's musty yet refreshing?!
Fuck off already!
ㄴ Ah… knife-ears again. Is it you this time?
ㄴ LMAO, that knife-ear's face is fucked
ㄴ Not all elves are like that, you know ㅡㅡ
ㄴ God, the elf shill's back again. Go to sleep.
[Title: Fuck, Help! Help!!!]
(Photo of a red-faced old elf throwing food from a display counter)
Heeelp! I'm really gonna die!
ㄴ Lmao, that photo's so dynamic
ㄴ Looks like that knife-ear bastard's even using mana. Incheon has strict mana regulations, doesn't it? lol
ㄴ Lmao, how's this guy even typing?
ㄴ (OP) T-yping w-ith o-ne ha-nd
ㄴ Lmao, what a lunatic
An utterly ordinary everyday post.
Normally, I'd have laughed and moved on to the next post, but I couldn't tear myself away from it.
Because.
“You little brat, can't you understand what I'm saying? That! Give me that!”
‘No, what the fuck is “that”!!!’
Because that post was about me.
“Good grief, this is so frustrating!”
BANG-!
‘Oh, really?’
The counter, split into a Z shape.
I backed away from the knife-ear, who was trembling with rage, his face red with anger.
Whether he'd actually used mana or not, the counter had been torn apart like a sheet of paper.
“Good grief, how frustrating! You lost an arm and your brain too, did you?”
‘Now he's even getting personal?’
It was an arm I'd already lost in an accident at a shitty little company.
The cause was the usual lack of safety equipment and inspections.
My arm had been sucked all the way up to the shoulder into a conveyor belt, and they said it couldn't be reattached.
Hearing about my arm from that knife-ear bastard was starting to piss me off too.
But I couldn't just fly off the handle.
I might cause trouble for the store manager, my benefactor.
It was while I was desperately waiting for someone to show up.
Someone in blue uniforms began quietly entering behind the troublesome knife-ear in front of me.
The police.
“S-senior, what do we do?”
‘No, what the fuck do you mean, what do we do, you cop bastards? Come save me!’
You came in, so grab him or do something!
What are you standing around for…!
My frustration rose to the top of my head.
Then it happened.
In this ridiculous standoff.
My savior appeared.
“Hey, you there, mister.”
Jingle-
A hulking man kicked open the door and barged in, with far more swagger than the cops from a moment ago.
“Who the hell are you now!”
“C-Captain?”
He seemed to be the captain of the cops.
The captain approached the elf and me.
He was so huge he even made me nervous.
And then.
“To the truth room.”
With one charismatic line.
“What? Are you a cop? In front of this great elf, a mere human dares—!”
Wham-!
He drove a satisfying punch into the knife-ear's solar plexus.
“Guh…! You bastard! Do you know who I am…!”
Click-
“Huh?”
The knife-ear tried to stand back up, but.
When the captain fastened something around his neck, he stared at him with a bewildered expression.
I'd seen that on the news before.
Mana-control shackles.
Some kind of device that prevented mana use or reduced its effectiveness by 50%.
In other words.
That knife-ear was fucked.
Thud-
“Ghk, let go of this! If I just say the word, you lot…!”
I naturally stepped back and watched as the elf was dragged away, clinging to them.
Like some third-rate villain getting arrested, he was shouting that he'd be back.
‘Enjoy your meal, sir… no, you son of a bitch.’
I raised my middle finger at the knife-ear, wishing he'd never come back.
“Y-you! Get over here! Let me go!!!”
The knife-ear seemed to rather enjoy my middle-finger service, judging by how furiously he reacted as he was dragged off.
“Phew… Shit, other races and all, I wish they'd all just die. I'm exhausted.”
This job was hard enough just dealing with one person.
Adding all these other races that came pouring out of towers and gates made it absolutely hellish.
“Ugh, I wish they'd all just get out of our country.”
They might be useful for their new materials and artifacts and all.
All they did was add more troublesome customers.
Honestly, it wasn't my problem.
Leaving the broken counter behind.
I was tidying up the display the damn knife-ear had messed up and browsing the gallery when.
“Jiha, are you okay?!”’
How much time had passed?
By the time I came to my senses, it was about time the manager arrived.
“Ah, Manager, I'm sorry. The counter….”
“No, no, don't worry about it. It's not like this is the first time those other-race bastards have done this. You're okay, Jiha, that's all that matters.”
“…Yes.”
The manager was a really good person.
When I'd been turned away by countless part-time jobs and companies because I was an orphan with one arm.
They'd taken me in without any conditions and looked after me every time.
Calling them my lifelong benefactor wouldn't be enough.
“That's good, then.”
The manager placed a hand on the side where my arm had been severed, their eyes full of sympathy.
“Anyway, we can't do business today, so take this and go home.”
“…Are you sure?”
Even though I tried to refuse, the manager insisted it was fine, handed me an envelope about as thick as the first joint of a thumb, and urged me out.
“Aw, it's fine. I've got money to burn, and I have a gate run scheduled for the first time in a while.”
Well, what could I do?
“Understood.”
Honestly, I felt a little guilty.
But when they were kindly offering it, I couldn't refuse.
“Yes, then I'll head out first.”
“Sure~ Get home safe.”
I said goodbye to the manager and quickly left the convenience store.
The envelope of money in my hand.
It was the day's pay and consolation money they'd given me when they'd ‘had no choice’ but to send me off earlier.
The customers had been absolute trash, but seeing this little guy seemed to soothe me.
“Sss, haa—”
I took out about twenty Shin Saimdang bills from the envelope and buried my nose in them.
The distinctive papery smell of banknotes swept through my lungs.
Now this was financial therapy.
I could feel the dopamine filling my brain, making me forget all about those troublesome customers.
“Phew! This is why I work, seriously.”
I put the money back in the envelope and headed home, humming with a lighter step than usual.
A shabby villa, almost like a goshiwon.
I rummaged through my pocket, found the key, and opened the door.
Creak-
A familiar sight, one I'd seen countless times, greeted me.
A studio apartment I'd struggled like hell to get, as a low-educated, one-armed man.
“Ugh, there's not a single thing I like about this dump.”
Since I'm only human, I wasn't too fond of this moldy, musty studio apartment.
And.
“…Here it comes.”
The red paper in my right hand.
It was a bill for the hospital expenses from losing my left arm, with ‘Demand for Payment’ written in a very intimidating font.
“Tsk… Damn them, you'd think they'd cut me some slack on the hospital bill.”
Thanks to towers and gates, hospitals had long since become Americanized.
I didn't even have insurance.
How could this be called a hospital? They were just a bunch of bandits.
I was already struggling to earn a living, and now my money was about to go to this. It was enough to drive anyone insane.
“Sigh… I don't even know anymore.”
I sat down in front of my usual old computer.
If I kept thinking about it, I'd only get depressed.
“What should I eat for dinner?”
So I decided to worry about something a little more productive.
The world's greatest dilemma, shared by every race.
Namely, what to eat for dinner.
Click-
[Cooking Gallery]
With the click of my mouse.
I clicked on the Cooking Gallery.
When you're wondering what to eat for dinner.
There was no better gallery.
Besides, I'd always liked cooking.
“I wonder if there's anything decent today…”
[Title: Foie Gras Made from a Fire Goose Chick]
(Photo of a goose's liver blazing while the goose burns)
Today we're making foie gras with our flaming goose, the fire goose.
First… (omitted)
ㄴ Lmao, the ingredients are already on fire before he even started cooking ㅋㅋㅋ
ㄴ Dude;; if you're going to cook fire goose, you need to report it to the district office;;
ㄴ (OP) Yeah, already did
ㄴ You've got everything planned out!
[Title: Fuck, Night Howl Tastes Fucking Awful]
I went missing in a gate, then caught a Night Howl and tried roasting it to eat.
(Photo of a wolf monster being roasted whole)
Why does this taste so bad?
It's like eating a sponge that smells fishy like mackerel, yeah
ㄴ Why would you eat that lmao? Monsters taste fucking awful unless they're certain ones, so you shouldn't eat them lmao
ㄴ (OP) For real? Fuck, I ruined my mouth
“People really eat all kinds of weird shit.”
“That chuck flap tail made with Juicy Cow that I saw last time looked so damn good…”
This was the reality of the current Cooking Gallery, or CookGal.
Using all sorts of monsters that appeared along with towers and gates as cooking ingredients.
Well, it was definitely the best way to attract attention.
I'd rather eat dirt than eat this kind of crap.
I skipped over the ones I couldn't possibly try anyway and kept checking the next posts.
That's when it happened.
[Title: You Can Do It Too: Pasta That Awakens You the Moment You Eat It!]
“…Awakening?”
A title that immediately caught my eye.
It might be a troll post, or it might be a tactical nuke.
Pasta that could let you ‘awaken,’ of all things…
“……Should I take a look?”
Still, I couldn't resist my curiosity.
[Title: You Can Do It Too: Pasta That Awakens You the Moment You Eat It!] -Posted 3 minutes ago
If you've come to this post, you must also wish to awaken!
Now, the first thing you need to prepare is the basic ingredients for pasta.
1. Buy any pasta from the supermarket (any sauce is fine, too!)
2. Cook the pasta for about 5 minutes.
3. Scoop out the cooked pasta with a strainer and let it cool, then add sauce to a heated frying pan and bring it to a boil.
4. Then, when it's boiled for a while, add the pasta!
5. After boiling for about 10 minutes, sprinkle in potting soil (it has to be enough to grow at least one plant!) and mana stone powder, then cook for another 5 minutes!
6. Ta-da! Pasta that makes you awaken is complete!
“What the hell is this…?”
I could understand steps 1 through 4.
But from step 5 on, the post suddenly went off the rails, telling me to add mana stone powder and potting soil.
Just in case, I captured and saved the entire post, but I still couldn't make sense of it.
Then, a little while later, when I clicked the post again.
(This post has been deleted.)
“…It got deleted.”
In the end, it was deleted by the mods.
But the post kept hovering in my mind.
Is this worth trying…?
I still had the recipe I'd just saved.
The problem was, it was a bizarre post with absolutely no credibility, so I was a little hesitant.
Honestly, there was a 99 percent chance it was total bullshit.
I was still hesitating when.
The recipe on the screen in front of me, and beside it.
The demand notice, glowing an annoyingly brilliant red, caught my eye.
And.
Bzzzt-
A vibration.
A text message appeared on the phone screen beneath the demand notice.
[Caller ID Restricted]
[Lee Jiha, you little shit, answer the phone. Pay your debt. I let it slide because you're not a gambler, and now you think I'm a joke?]
Fuck. The demand notice was bad enough, and now a loan shark was hounding me?
I borrowed the money because medical bills and living expenses together were suffocating me.
Anyone would think I'd robbed a casino.
I turned off the phone screen, which I couldn't stand looking at.
When I looked back at the computer, the recipe seemed to be beguiling me, taking over my mind.
Ah, screw it, what am I hesitating for, Lee Jiha! My life is already at rock bottom, so why not give it a shot!
My motto was basically 'charge in headfirst.' It wasn't like I had much to lose.
I stopped hesitating and went to look for the ingredients.
I had nothing left to lose, so I might as well take a shot.
“I've got pasta and sauce, at least.”
I had more than enough pasta and sauce, the essentials for anyone living alone.
All I had left to find was that potting soil and mana stone powder.
“I can get potting soil from a flower shop or something. Mana stone powder, though….”
Potting soil was relatively easy to get, but that mana stone powder.
Unless you were a Hunter who entered gates or towers, it was hard to get.
In the first place, it was an outrageously expensive ingredient.
“Sss, but now that I think of it, I feel like there was some around here…”
A memory suddenly struck me.
The day I collapsed from severe phantom pain caused by the arm I'd lost.
The mana stone powder the manager had given me then flashed through my mind.
Rattle-
“Where'd I put it? Ah, I'm such an idiot. I should've kept it somewhere safe.”
“Tsk—I'm sure it was around here.”
I opened every drawer I could find and searched for the mana stone powder.
After a long search.
“Found it!”
Blue powder inside a plastic bag.
After rummaging around for ages, I finally found the mana stone powder I'd been searching for.
I'd searched every drawer in the back of the room, but it hadn't turned up.
I was more than a little surprised to find it in the kitchen sink drawer.
But I found it, and that's what mattered.
More importantly.
“I can't believe there's potting soil here too. Manager, you're the best!”
I looked a little further inside the drawer and found potting soil as well.
The potting soil they'd given me last week, telling me to try growing a plant.
How had it appeared at exactly the right time like this?
It felt like even God was helping me today, out of pity for my pitiful life.
“Let's see, boil the pasta, strain it, then add the potting soil and mana stone powder….”
I followed the recipe I'd saved earlier and made the pasta one step at a time.
I added everything without missing a thing: pasta, sauce, potting soil, and mana stone powder.
And the result was.
“W-what in the world is this…?”
A monstrosity was making its presence known in my frying pan.
Something that wasn't pasta, but a mix of purple, blue, and white.
There were noodles and sauce, so it technically counted as pasta, but my brain fundamentally rejected the idea that this was pasta.
“I-I have to eat it, right…?”
I carefully scooped up that thing that looked like pasta but wasn't pasta and transferred it to a bowl.
First, its shocking appearance tormented my eyes.
Second, some kind of chemical smell tormented my nose.
I hesitated so much because of the things that made me afraid to even eat it.
“Ugh, this is seriously not right…”
I might have gotten a little too carried away.
I turned away, closing the lid on the frying pan holding the pasta.
Just as I was about to get rid of the monstrosity I was holding.
“…….”
Red.
The red rectangle that was tormenting me so relentlessly caught my eye again.
Even the screen of my phone, now switched off.
“Was that the last warning?”
Gulp-
‘…Just once?’
The thought crossed my mind that maybe it'd be okay if I just put up with it and ate it once.
“Ah, screw it, whatever happens, happens. I'll awaken and live in Signiel for once!”
Crunch, crunch.
Crumble, crumble.
“Ugh—!”
Could sounds and flavors like this really come from pasta?
The texture was like chewing glass shards mixed with construction-site dirt.
The taste was… well, it was so awful I didn't even need to say it.
There was no way dirt and rocks could taste good.
“Th-this really isn't right…?”
I'd put it in my mouth thinking I'd give it a try.
But this really wasn't right.
It was beyond the range of food a person could eat.
It had a taste that was hard to describe.
“Haa…”
After barely managing to swallow the pasta, a sigh escaped me.
And I quietly put down my chopsticks on the table.
I really must be crazy.
Even if I was afraid of the debt collectors.
I think I tried something I couldn't handle.
I moved to get rid of that hideous pasta right away.
No, I tried to move.
Thud-
“???”
All the strength suddenly drained from my body.
I reached out to brace myself against the floor so I could stand, but my arm waved through empty air and I collapsed.
“W-what in the world is…”
The situation was so bizarre.
Even when I tried to put strength back into my body.
I couldn't move at all, as if I were pinned down by sleep paralysis.
My eyelids grew heavy, and drowsiness washed over me.
“I… have to do the dishes…”
With my eyes fixed on the pasta still sitting on the table.
My consciousness was sucked into the abyss beyond, overcome by an irresistible sleep.
*
Clunk-
“Hmm… looks like you enjoyed it.”
“…When you wake up after a little nap, everything will have changed.”
“Sleep well….”