Vending Machine in the Dungeon (3)

"Tongtong...? Don't tell me you were raising it..."

I asked, still looking dazed.

He brought the trumpet back to his ear this time.

Apparently, if he did that, it would convert my words into something he could understand.

That's a pretty tempting item.

The goblin in the suit vest nodded proudly at my words.

"That's right! Tongtong is precious family—so precious I wouldn't even mind putting it in my eye!"

At that confident answer, I felt a bead of cold sweat run down my back.

Could it be that all the mimics and moss crabs I'd dealt with on the way here...

I cautiously pointed behind me and asked.

"Um, by any chance... were all the other moss crabs and the small mimics too...?"

If so, that would mean I'd broken into someone else's home and slaughtered their precious pets.

The golem, watching my reaction, abruptly fell silent and slyly hid his claws behind his back.

...Didn't you kill more monsters than I did?

Fortunately, the goblin shook his head.

"No. I did try taming them because the forest was too lonely, but none of them were as smart as Tongtong, so we couldn't communicate at all. They just tried to bite whatever they saw, so I gave up."

"Phew..."

I let out a sigh of relief and patted my chest.

But my relief was short-lived; the goblin pressed the trumpet-shaped magical tool to his mouth and began pouring out a deeply aggrieved complaint.

"By the way, guest... I'm not blaming you or anything... but my plan has gone up in smoke."

"Guest... what exactly was your plan?"

Putting the 'guest' part aside for now, I politely asked, since he was someone I could actually talk to.

I wanted to know what he meant by saying his plan had fallen apart.

"My original plan was this. Once the monsters naturally filled this dungeon to the brim, the dungeon break would go bang, right? Then Tongtong and I were going to blend in with the monster horde and slip out of the dungeon!"

"....Ah."

I looked at the goblin.

Come to think of it, it was a brilliant idea.

Leaving through a dungeon break, huh.

But then I had to show up and massacre the monsters that plan depended on.

At the same time, another thought occurred to me.

"...Why not just go out through the entrance—"

"That's what's strange to me too. I can't see the rift I came through."

A rift disappearing, huh.

I definitely came here through a rift.

For now, it seemed highly likely the entrance the goblin was talking about and the one I came through were different.

He clearly didn't look like someone from Earth.

"Now that you've shown up, the dungeon break has been pushed back... and just now you were even about to blast my only family, Tongtong, away with a cannon...!"

"No, that's... because it's the boss..."

Just as I was about to explain myself, a house-sized giant mimic that had been hiding behind him crept forward as if moved by the goblin's words.

Then it opened its huge jaws and gave the goblin's vest, then his face, a very thorough lick with its drooling tongue.

If a pet dog had done it, it would have been adorable, but the mimic was far too big.

"H-Hey! T-Tongtong! Wait! Don't push!"

When a goblin-sized tongue flopped over him, the goblin struggled to keep his balance against the heavy weight and the slippery moss on the floor.

Barely managing to stay upright, the goblin gently stroked the mimic's teeth, his face slick with drool.

"Next time... don't lick me..."

No matter how I looked at them, they didn't seem monster-like at all.

The drones and I stared blankly at one another as if by prior agreement.

'What am I supposed to do about this?'

I thought they were the dungeon boss and tried to take them down, but now I'd somehow become the uninvited guest.

It felt wrong to just leave them like this and go.

While I was hesitating, the goblin, covered in mimic saliva, rubbed his sticky hands together and cried out earnestly.

"Come to think of it, you came in here through a rift, didn't you?"

I nodded.

"Guest! As you can see, we're very docile monsters! If you just help Tongtong and me get out of this stifling dungeon safely, I'll give you some of the precious treasures I've collected as a reward!"

Help them escape the dungeon, and get treasure.

It was definitely a tempting offer, but there was one very critical problem that had to be addressed.

I stroked my chin and glared back and forth between the goblin and the giant mimic.

"Helping you escape is fine, but... you're not actually going to go out there and attack people, are you—"

Before I could finish, the goblin shook his head vigorously.

Then he vented his grievance fiercely through the trumpet-shaped magical tool.

"Guest! Of course I understand that feeling! But comparing us to other monsters is terribly hurtful!"

The goblin tapped his suit vest as he said it.

It was his way of saying you should be able to tell just by looking at this outfit.

"First of all, I'm not just a goblin—I'm a half-goblin! I'm only interested in making money and collecting shiny treasures!"

"Half-goblin..."

I didn't know what it was a half of, but that only made me more worried.

Goblins having half-blood children with other races—

Still, the way he spoke politely, his clothes, and the fact that he kept gauging my reaction made him seem pretty intelligent.

And the way he sometimes licked his lips at my shiny ring or spear made it seem like he was really into money and treasure.

"And as for Tongtong, whom you're most worried about—"

The goblin proudly smiled as he patted the giant mimic's golden ornament, which was even bigger than his own body.

"Tongtong here may look like a terrifying man-eating mimic, and... there was actually a brief time when it was like that, but..."

Suddenly, the goblin's voice grew softer.

Then he widened his eyes and started defending the mimic, Tongtong.

"For the past few weeks, I've raised it on nothing but cooked food—baked, fried, and loaded with seasoning! So now it won't even touch anything else!"

"You mean it only eats cooked food?"

I asked in disbelief.

"Yes! It doesn't even look at meat rolling around on the street or fresh raw flesh dripping with blood! Rather than eating people, it'll spit them out even if you put them in its mouth!"

As if to prove it was true, the goblin stuck his hand into Tongtong, and Tongtong really did huff and spit out the goblin's arm.

Come to think of it, after the goblin appeared, Tongtong hadn't even looked my way once.

'What an unusual pair.'

A mimic that enjoyed cooked food was, in a way, a relief.

It meant they wouldn't attack people even if released into the human world.

"In fact, we'd like to enter human society and live together. I want to become a merchant, and our mimic wants to eat cooked food."

"...All right. If that's true. But I'll be keeping an eye on you. ...For now, follow behind us."

"Yes! Thank you!"

Once I gave my permission, the goblin began bowing and scraping as he trailed after me.

He seemed determined to secure my goodwill no matter what, and even as he walked he kept bragging about the treasure he would give me.

"Guest, the treasure I'm giving you is the real deal! Shoes that never make your feet hurt no matter how long you walk, and whose soles hardly ever wear out!"

"..."

At the goblin's grand explanation, I could only make a sour face.

Shoes that don't hurt your feet and don't wear out even after long walks?

Aren't those just practical sneakers?

I didn't find them very appealing.

"Um... what about that trumpet you're holding?"

At my subtle request, the goblin hugged the trumpet tightly to his chest and recoiled in shock.

"N-no, you can't! Without this, I can't even start doing business outside!"

Come to think of it, there probably wouldn't be any humans willing to buy from a goblin merchant who couldn't even communicate, so it couldn't be helped.

I clicked my tongue in disappointment.

Still, when he said he'd give me other treasure besides the shoes, I nodded.

Tongtong, the giant mimic, was also following very obediently behind us.

I had wondered how a box-shaped monster with no legs was supposed to walk, but it was hopping after us with thump! thump! kicks from the bottom of its box, like a jiangshi.

Watching that, I suddenly realized something.

'So dungeon bosses can leave the boss room too?'

In games or novels, the standard rule is that they can't leave their area, but seeing this thing trot along behind me, it didn't seem impossible to make it all the way to the entrance.

So the reason bosses never came out before was just that they hadn't.

And so we safely reached the dungeon entrance, the dimensional rift I had first come through.

"All right, just go out through there."

I pointed at the shimmering rift, but the goblin tilted his head and groped at the empty air.

"Huh? What are you talking about? I didn't even know a wide-open place like this existed in the forest... I can't see anything like a rift at all."

Could it be invisible?

Thinking seeing was better than hearing a hundred times, I gestured to the reconnaissance drone beside me.

Whirr—!

The reconnaissance drone arced into the shimmering rift and vanished into thin air.

"Eek! The steel bird vanished in midair—!... There really is a rift here? Here?"

"There really is..."

When the goblin flinched, I beckoned him forward.

The goblin gulped and carefully stepped toward the empty space I pointed at.

But the result was a failure.

Even though the goblin stood exactly where the rift was, he couldn't pass through dimensions and was left standing there.

As I panicked, the goblin's expression darkened.

"Ah..."

The goblin's shoulders slumped.

"So it won't work after all. I guess we're fated never to leave this place..."

Just as he was about to collapse onto the floor.

I looked at the combat drone.

There was still one method worth trying.

Clack! Whiiiiir—!

One combat drone shot off like an arrow and seized the back of the goblin's suit vest with its mechanical claws.

"...Eh?!"

With the flailing goblin dangling from it, the combat drone deployed its booster and charged straight into the rift with a whoosh!

Fwoosh—!

And the goblin safely passed through the rift and disappeared outside.

It worked.

"Phew... it works."

While I was marveling at that, I heard a sound behind me.

Craaack!

It was Tongtong. Seeing its owner suddenly vanish into thin air, the giant mimic gaped wide in surprise.

For a moment I thought it was going berserk and attacking, so I raised my spear, but that wasn't it.

It looked at me restlessly and shook its body.

"O-okay! ...Could you make yourself a little smaller? At that size, there's no way..."

At my shout, Tongtong shuddered and shrank down to a size just a little larger than an ordinary mimic.

So it can shrink its body?

But even if it got smaller, there was no way I could carry it out because of its weight.

"...Um, excuse me for a moment."

I shut my eyes tight and grabbed the thick tongue hanging out of the mimic's mouth like I was grabbing a leash.

I could feel its panic through the tongue.

I dragged the tongue along with me as I passed through the dimensional rift.

Behind me, the sniper drone and the golem followed, each neatly bearing the dungeon's spoils.

And just like that, with the goblin merchant and the mimic in tow, our group returned to the train.