Chapter 33
Chapter 33
The fragrant black tea her most trusted maid had brewed by hand in her favorite teacup.
That day, Lily had simply been so grateful for the gesture.
"Saintess, you worked so hard again today."
That sensation she felt when she believed the affection in those words was sincere and drained the teacup.
The horrific pain of her esophagus burning and her heart seeming to melt away.
That miserable end, vomiting black blood from her mouth and nose as she rolled on the floor.
Because of that trauma, in her second life she could no longer accept anyone's kindness at face value.
There is a knife behind laughter, and poison behind kindness.
That was the truth of the world Lily had learned.
So she could only feel safe by constantly doubting, analyzing, and dissecting the other person's intentions.
And yet.
Strangely enough, that was precisely why she came to trust Cassian.
The words spoken by that man, who didn't exist in her memories from her previous life.
No matter how much she agonized over it, sorted out her thoughts, and tried to infer some flaw to pick at.
There was no lie or pretense anywhere in his rough speech.
At times, the line he drew—telling her not to act like they were close—could sting, but at the very least, he had no intention of feeding her poison.
That transparent attitude—one that might hurt her, but never lied—ironically came to Lily as the one and only truth in the world she could trust.
'Maybe this person is safe...'
A tiny opening she'd barely found in a world where she had to keep choking herself.
So when she heard that he had been recommended by the Viscountess Müller, she felt a fated shiver, as if every puzzle piece had finally clicked into place.
Embarrassingly enough.
She felt that all of this was Cassian del Farne holding out a hand and inviting her to his laboratory out of consideration for her.
'But...'
Lily lowered her head deeply.
'What do I do? I'm so embarrassed.'
She rambled this way and that, but in the end it only served as self-proving evidence that it had been the delusions of a lonely woman driven mad by loneliness.
In truth, Cassian hadn't been thinking anything at all, and she'd just ended up babbling nonsense by herself.
A wave of melancholy washed over her.
More than the fact that her deduction had been wrong, the isolation of 'There really is no one in the world who understands me' made her feel even more miserable.
Maybe she had simply been so lonely and worn out that, driven by a craving to trust anyone, she'd forced a positive interpretation onto Cassian and made it fit.
If she'd known it would be this bitter.
Then.
"First, let's correct something."
Cassian's calm voice broke the silence.
Lily jerked her head up in surprise.
Cassian was scratching his head with his arms crossed, looking annoyed.
"First off, yes, I do know you're being chased by someone."
"...Huh?!"
Lily's eyes widened into circles.
No way?
"I'm not telling you who I heard it from. Don't complain, and don't ask me again."
"Ah..."
"Answer me."
"Ah. Yes!"
Even as she answered, she was still dazed.
What on earth was this...?
"And yes, I was right to tell you not to even dream about the lab and to pretend it didn't exist. Given the personality of the person tailing you, if they pinned down your location and had even a plausible excuse to visit—something like needing to discuss the saintess and the poverty project or whatever, without any follow-up—they'd absolutely show up every single day."
Cassian admitted his consideration with no fuss at all.
That not everything she'd thought was just misunderstanding and delusion.
He really had been watching out for her, sensing danger in advance and warning her.
Along with relief, an indescribable emotion swelled in her chest.
"However."
Cassian raised one finger and cut her off cleanly.
"Recommending you to the Viscountess Müller is a separate matter. That was just a coincidence in timing."
"...Ah."
"So don't look at me like I'm some savior. It's uncomfortable. I just happened to end up like this while trying to find my own way to survive."
He put on a threatening tone, but to Lily's ears it didn't sound threatening at all.
Oddly enough, that roughness felt even kinder.
Even now, he firmly corrected her when it came to something he hadn't done.
Even if being treated like a benefactor made him uncomfortable, he coolly admitted when something was true.
That fact reached Lily, exhausted by a noble society steeped in lies, as incomparable warmth.
Without a doubt, he was annoyed by her.
But even so, he didn't forcefully say, 'It's all a lie,' just to shake her off right now.
That alone was such a comfort to Lily.
It reminded her once more that there was someone in this world who was sincere with her.
Lily gathered her courage and spoke.
"Um... then I'll ask while looking at the floor."
Embarrassingly.
She wasn't confident she could keep her eyes from filling with goodwill toward him.
"About what?"
"Why... did you recommend me?"
She couldn't bring herself to look Cassian in the eye and instead stared hard at the toe of her worn-out shoes.
Her heart felt like it would burst.
"Seriously, why do you keep asking such cringey things?"
"Please. I want to know."
Hoo.
She heard Cassian let out a sigh.
A moment later, he gave a careless answer as if tossing it out.
"...I just thought it would help you."
"..."
"Professor Müller is loaded. For a broke student like you, there's no better patron. Jeez, I'm even using 'poor student' for a saintess. Anyway, what a crappy world."
What did that mean? That statement.
"Anyway, you should at least be eating properly. And that person likes people like you."
Even after hearing the answer, more questions kept springing up inside it.
"...What kind of person is someone like me?"
"Kind and careful. Someone who doesn't go around treating dirt, herbs, or anything that can't speak or isn't alive like trash."
It was simple.
It wasn't grand, and that was what made it warm.
Lily bit down hard on her lip.
Even if the process had been a little different from her deduction, the conclusion was the same.
That Cassian del Farne had sincerely worried about her, cared for her, and wanted to look after her.
Without expecting anything in return.
For no reason other than, 'Just make sure you eat.'
In a gray world whose color had faded from distrust of everyone, he was the one person she wanted to believe in without question, as if he were too good to be true.
'...It's hot.'
Lily placed a hand over her chest.
Her mouth and the area below her throat burned.
The area being stimulated was the same, but it felt very different from the hellish sensation of drinking that black tea that had burned her from the inside out before.
Not pain, but a strange, overwhelming sensation of her whole head filling with heat.
Unaccustomed to this first sensation of warmth, Lily didn't know what to do and bowed her head even lower.
"Thank... you..."
"But that doesn't mean you weren't making things up. Don't do that anymore. I don't care if you do it to other people, but if you keep doing it to me, we can't stay in the same room."
"...I won't."
It wasn't a lie.
Maybe if he had actually told her not to do it to anyone, she wouldn't have been able to answer.
But strangely enough.
'I think I could avoid doing that with this person.'
"Your face is bright red. Drink some water and cool that heat down."
Cassian casually held out a cup of water.
Lily took the cup.
She wasn't thirsty.
But beside this rough-edged man, she felt a vague, warm sense of security.
Lily didn't want to refuse his consideration.
* * *
Clatter, clatter.
Inside the carriage heading to the meeting place.
Seated on the luxurious velvet seat, Elysia absentmindedly watched the scenery passing by outside.
The personal maid seated opposite her clasped her hands and fussed excitedly.
"Young Lady! You look especially beautiful today!"
"...Really?"
"Yes! Your skin is glowing, glowing! If His Highness the Crown Prince sees you today, he'll be absolutely dazzled! It's definitely going to be a good day for you!"
The maid's eyes sparkled brightly.
What would the old Elysia have thought?
She probably would have snorted inwardly and called it fake.
She would have dismissed it as flattery meant to placate her, no more than lip service worth the salary the ducal house paid each month, and nodded absentmindedly.
But now it looked different.
"..."
At the very least, beyond her efforts to flatter her, there was genuine affection in the maid before her.
That pure heart that picked out dresses for me, fixed my makeup, and sincerely wished for my happiness.
Elysia folded her fan and smiled at the maid.
"Thank you."
"...Pardon?"
"You’ve helped me relax a bit. Thanks to your prayer, I think it'll be a good day."
"Oh, my... Young Lady!"
The maid blushed with emotion and twisted her body about, at a loss for what to do.
Seeing that bright smile, Elysia suddenly realized something.
'I was so exhausted... that I was seeing the world all wrong.'
She'd been too proud to bear pitying looks, so she'd shut her own heart away.
She realized anew that she'd justified her suspicion and distrust by telling herself it was simply the critical mindset nobles were expected to have.
Ironically, it was a man who didn't even belong anywhere near the Flower of Rosenberg who shattered that hard shell and set her straight.
A man she wasn't even close to, and who only snapped at her whenever they met.
A rude but honest man.
The man who had seen through her rotten inner thoughts and tossed out the absurd answer, 'Just grab him by the hair and fight.'
Looking back, the laugh that burst out that day when she couldn't hold it in was the beginning.
From that point on, Elysia grew brighter little by little.
'No, if I can feel it myself, maybe it isn't just a little.'
That man taught her how to smile again, something she'd forgotten at some point.
How to care for herself, something she'd forgotten without even realizing it.
How to take an interest in people and the world, which she'd once taken for granted.
And how to notice the goodwill someone held out to her, a skill she'd somehow lost along the way, he was making her remember again.
'...I'm sorry.'
Elysia apologized to the maid in her heart.
She was a good maid, fussing and blessing her as if it were her own business on the way to see the Crown Prince and just before a date with her fiancé.
She was probably thinking she was truly happy right now because she was going to meet the Crown Prince.
'This isn't right.'
She really was happy, though.
But it wasn't happiness caused by the person she was about to meet.
She knew that in her head, but Elysia couldn't stop the back of that man from coming to mind—the one who had wiped sweat away with dirt-stained hands.
* * *
Creak.
The carriage came to a stop.
They had arrived in front of a top-class restaurant in the heart of the imperial capital, the sort of place where getting a reservation was harder than plucking stars from the sky.
It was noisy outside the window.
Flash! Flash!
The reporters who had been camped out in front all fired off their magitech camera flashes at once.
Of course. This meeting was a thoroughly calculated political show.
To quell rumors of discord, they had rented out the entire restaurant under the pretext of royal security and staged a performance by getting out at the front entrance where the reporters were lined up.
It was a chance to announce to the whole world that there was no problem between the imperial family and the ducal house.
'Phew.'
Elysia took a deep breath and straightened her bangs.
When the door opened, Hector would be standing there.
Up until now, Louis had never once escorted her personally.
'We will marry. That fact won't change. But there is no such thing as love between us.'
It was Louis's subtle and cruel way of sending that message to high society.
Elysia prepared herself, as she was used to doing.
Click.
The carriage door opened.
A barrage of flashing lights.
And a blond man standing at the front entrance.
"...?"
Elysia's eyes widened.
It wasn't Hector.
The person waiting for her in a lavish imperial uniform was none other than Crown Prince Louis.
"...Your Highness?"
"You've come, young lady."
Louis said flatly.
"Sir Hector isn't here today."
"He's busy as well. Shall we go in?"
Louis held out his hand.
A white, smooth, noble hand with not a single callus.
It was a moment she'd always dreamed of.
Countless nights when she had desperately wished that he would reach out his hand first, even just once, and acknowledge her as his lover.
The scene she'd wanted so badly was unfolding right before her eyes.
'...Huh?'
And yet, when she actually took that hand and stepped down from the carriage.
Her heart didn't race.
A flat calm had settled in her chest.
Holding a stranger's hand would probably have been more thrilling than this.
In fact, last week when Cassian tapped the dirt floor and said, 'Come over here,' her heart had seemed to beat harder.
"...Yes, thank you."
Elysia answered calmly.
'But why do I feel nothing?'
Had her emotions broken from how sudden this was?
Or... had her heart already moved on?
Elysia hid her complicated feelings and entered the restaurant, maintaining perfect dignity as the future crown princess.
Click, click.
The two figures walking along the red carpet looked like a perfect pair from behind.
But the temperature of their fingertips was too different.
* * *
Louis's brow furrowed slightly.
'...What is this?'
Elysia's hand in his was cold.
It wasn't a matter of body temperature.
The problem was how lukewarm her reaction was.
Normally, when he held out his hand, she should have been overwhelmed with emotion and at a loss for what to do.
Her hand should have been trembling, and with a beet-red face she should have cried out, 'Your Highness...!'
Louis had found that burdensome affection and obsession both tiresome and, strangely enough, entirely normal.
But now?
'...She's unfazed?'
The woman at his side was every bit worthy of being called the Flower of Rosenberg.
Her smile was graceful, and there was not the slightest flaw in her posture.
But her eyes had no vitality at all.
The yearning she had shown him even on Victory Day was nowhere to be felt now, for some reason.
Her gaze was on him.
But it was as if her awareness wasn't looking at him.
'She's looking at me, but not really looking at me?'
Louis tightened his grip on Elysia's hand.
Even then, she didn't react much.
She did glance at him now and then, but unlike what he wanted, her gaze was somehow indifferent.
Irritation surged up.
It was a kind of discomfort he'd never felt before.
'I'm... missing something.'
Louis, finding that sensation deeply unpleasant, led Elysia inside the restaurant.