Chapter 1
My fingertips trembled.
The familiar yet nauseating resistance of flesh splitting and muscle tearing traveled through my hand.
“D-die!”
Just as I was about to retrieve my spear, another spear came into view, wavering as it thrust in from behind the falling soldier.
The metallic sound of something slicing through the wind brushed past my ear.
I held my breath, twisted aside, and drove one step forward.
As my hand caught the hilt of the sword at my waist, a shrill scream rang out.
“Don’t come!”
I straightened from the twist and swung my sword in a wide arc.
Something split, leaving a heavy sensation in my arm.
The strong smell of blood filled my nostrils.
A hell with no sign of ending.
Get up. Breathe. Again. One more time. Again.
How many times had I thrust my spear and swung my sword?
I heard someone shouting at the top of their lungs.
“There! The enemy formation is breaking apart!”
When I raised my head at the shout, I saw a dazzling white light through the gaps in the dense wall of enemy soldiers.
Knights clad in armor from head to toe were charging toward us on enormous horses.
Those at the front had holy light and divine power rising from their entire bodies like mist.
The sight was like an angel descending from heaven.
But everyone here knew that they were by no means messengers of salvation.
At the thunderous sound of hooves shaking the earth, several men at the front cried out and thrust their spears.
“Fuck! Why are holy knights here?!”
Yet, without even the clang of metal against metal, blood and shredded flesh once again flew across the ground.
Some were crushed beneath the horses’ hooves.
Others who tried to flee fell to arrows flying in from behind.
“Anyone who flees will be executed on the spot! Aim for the horses! The horses!”
From far away, I heard the shout of some noble lord who strutted around, acting important simply because he was supposedly the commander.
But amid this pandemonium, no one could aim for the horses.
The man fleeing beside me in the opposite direction crashed into the dirt without even a scream.
The pendant hanging around his neck came into view.
Whether I went forward or back, death awaited me.
Even if I returned, there would be nothing waiting for me but an empty house.
But unlike me, those men had parents, lovers, and children.
They had a reason to return.
‘If I’m going to die anyway, then at least let one more of them get home—even if all I can do is take one leg of that bastard’s horse!’
With that single thought, I faced my fear and took a step forward.
I raised my sword.
I aimed for the horse’s leg.
That was when my eyes met the knight’s.
The emblem engraved on the breast of his armor, shining without a trace despite all the blood that had been spilled, was the insignia of a noble house.
His navy-blue eyes held not the slightest trace of fear. They were steeped in pleasure.
Those eyes did not see me as an enemy, or even as a human being.
Those eyes were telling me something.
That there was an impassable wall between him and me.
That my resistance could have no effect on him whatsoever.
That I was an insect to be trampled for his amusement.
“Ah.”
‘I’m sorry… everyone…’
A dazzling light split my world in two.
The white line etched into my cornea marked the end of my life.
_____
How long did the darkness last?
Suddenly, my eyes flew open, and a dazzling light filled my vision.
The brilliance made my mind swim.
“A baby… Our baby…”
A faint voice.
Someone struck me hard on the back.
A pain as if my lungs were being stabbed pierced through my body, and I screamed.
But all that came out was a powerful wail.
Immediately, I felt someone wrap me in their arms.
When something warm and soft brushed against my lips, the instinct of hunger ignored everything else and made me open my mouth.
A sweet, faintly fishy taste spread across the tip of my tongue.
The last thing I heard was someone’s relieved sigh. Then, as exhaustion overcame me, my eyelids grew heavy.
_____
The intense smell of blood boring into my nostrils and the pendant of a comrade flashing before my eyes,
along with the terrible fear brought on by the knight’s eyes, made me wake up gasping for breath.
“Haa… haa… It’s okay. It was all a dream…”
It was a horrible nightmare that had repeated itself for years.
I soothed myself, pushed aside the coarse blanket covering me, and slowly sat up. The familiar, shabby earthen walls and thatched roof gave me a sense of relief.
This was not a battlefield.
There was no blood flowing across the earth, nor any desperate screams.
As I slowly rose, a small voice came from beside me, perhaps awakened by the sound of my movement.
“Cough, cough. Sis… where are you going?”
“Mm, I’m going to fetch water. You sleep a little longer.”
I gently stroked the head of my younger brother, who had suddenly begun coughing yesterday, and picked up the bucket.
The form of address ‘big sister,’ something I had never once heard in my previous life, had also grown fairly familiar by now.
The ground was a sea of mud from the rain that had fallen overnight.
The mud that clung wetly to my feet brought to mind the battlefield scattered with blood and flesh.
I soothed myself inwardly with ’It’s okay’ and headed toward the stream.
Unlike the mud, the grass growing around the stream pleasantly wrapped around my feet.
“Heave.”
As I bent down to draw water, a reflection that still looked unfamiliar appeared on the surface.
Mysterious eyes tinged with navy blue.
Dark navy-blue hair.
The same color as the eyes of the knight who had cut me down in my previous life.
Whether it was God’s cruel prank or a curse, my heart sank whenever I saw this face.
How had I ended up like this?
The church’s teaching that a final judgment after death separated heaven from hell was clearly a lie.
Contrary to what they had said, I had been reborn in an unfamiliar body.
When I first opened my eyes, the warmth enveloping me and the loving voices made me think that this was heaven.
A gift from God to me, who had never had a family from birth.
But the musty smell rising from the straw and the wind cutting into me reminded me that this was not heaven.
And when they called me ‘daughter’ in the language I had used in my previous life, I realized everything.
In my previous life, I had been abandoned and become a soldier to survive.
The memories of that time still tormented me, but the person I had been then no longer existed.
The person who had become a soldier to stay alive was now a frail little girl.
Of course, the love of my parents—something I had never received even once in my previous life—was incomparably warm.
The moment my mother combed my hair with warm hands, and the warm potato my father placed in my hands after returning from the fields.
I could endure the alienation and revulsion I felt toward this unfamiliar body by clinging to that love.
But a woman’s body was still entirely unfamiliar to me.
Whenever I had saved enough money in my previous life, I would visit brothels with my comrades, where drunken women would laugh and say things like this.
‘You bleed painfully at regular intervals,’ was it? Back then, I had brushed those words aside, but now they felt as if they were tightening around my throat.
To shake off my thoughts, I splashed my face with cold water for a moment.
With my mind suddenly clear, I stared briefly at my distorted reflection before filling the bucket to the brim.
Perhaps because of my thoughts, I had filled it with more water than usual. Grunting, I barely made it home, where I heard the sounds of cooking from inside.
It seemed that Mother had returned after going to the fields with Father early that morning.
I hurriedly set down the bucket and ran inside.
I instinctively hugged Mother.
“Oh, my daughter. What brings you here today?”
As if trying to forget the nightmare, I rubbed my head against my mother’s chest.
The smells of dirt and sweat brushed past me, but her embrace was warm and comforting.
“It’s nothing. I just suddenly missed you.”
But that lasted only a moment before I went to Mother’s side to help with the cooking.
The house was filled with the cheerful bubbling of food being prepared.
Though all we had to eat was thin soup and hard bread, I was very satisfied compared to my previous life.
As the cooking neared completion, I heard the heavy sound of Father’s footsteps.
Hearing those footsteps, Mother spoke.
“Ella, your father is home. Wake your brother so he can eat breakfast.”
Though it was a simple meal, the table was filled with warmth.
“The wheat has ripened quite well. I think this year’s harvest will be better than last year’s.”
Mother smiled in relief at Father’s words.
“That’s good. Your hard work will have been worth it.”
“Sis, this morning… Cough, cough!”
Their conversation was cut short by my brother’s harsh coughing.
The warm, peaceful atmosphere quickly turned cold, and my parents’ faces darkened.
Father set down his spoon and sat in thought for a moment before speaking in a firm voice.
“I need to go to the market in the heart of the city today. I should bring back something for Alex to eat, and teach Ella the way there while we’re at it. There’s still time before sowing, so it shouldn’t be a problem to be away for about seven days.”
Mother’s eyes widened at Father’s sudden announcement.
“Then will you be leaving right away?”
“Yes, I’ll leave right after lunch. Ella? Pack your things, too.”
With those words, the meal came to an end.
It was a journey that had not been part of our plans.
Father went straight to the barn and began repairing the cart, while Mother left the house to prepare food that would last for several days.
The warmth that had filled the house was gone, replaced by bustle and sighs full of worry.
“Cough, I’m sorry. It’s because of me…”
“It’s all right, little brother. Father was going to go soon anyway. Don’t worry and get plenty of rest. Then you’ll get better quickly.”
I placed a damp cloth on my brother’s forehead and stroked his hair as he coughed violently.
When I left the room, Mother wrapped me in her arms and spoke.
“My daughter, you have to come back safely, all right? Listen carefully to what your father says.”
“Yes, Mother. Don’t worry. I’m all grown up.”
“Come on, Ella. Let’s get going.”
Even though my brother was sick, I could not completely hide my excitement at the thought of leaving the village for the first time.
Gripping Father’s rough, strong hand, I began taking one step after another into the unknown.
But the moment we left the house, the entire village was already filled with coughing.
We set off, unaware of what was happening.