Chapter 119
That memory was the first light shown.
The responsibility that bound me.
Perhaps resembling a fragment of a regretted past, atonement that once again took steps towards shackles.
At the same time, it was the first memory that soothed terrible loneliness.
"From today... I'll give you a name."
A hand extended while covered in blood.
The floor was drenched with flesh melted hot, but the winter raging between us made even that pain forgotten.
In the gap narrowed before I knew it, there was alcohol filling the enormous sense of loss.
As if intoxicated by such memories, I closed my eyes.
"Your name is."
I didn't believe in God.
Yet if there was a reason to speak of hope I didn't believe in.
"Neria... Neria Lightni."
Because I couldn't pass by you who was full of scars.
Under the pretext of meagerly bestowing kindness, perhaps I wanted to forgive myself.
Because I had grown up as an adult full of only deception and lies from the start.
While holding onto the sleeve of childhood that had become hazy before I knew it, I just raised the corners of my mouth as if knowing nothing.
So what I wanted to say was...
"We're family now."
To the most painful star.
Thanks for finding my fallen life.
***
"Don't call our vice-commander... by such a name."
Killing intent coldly dyeing the surroundings.
Shadows that spread in all directions instantly contained substantial pressure.
Kugugugugu-!
The ground shook as if trembling in fear.
The mana in the area was pressed down.
The splendid decorations embroidering the battlefield shook, and the guards waiting nearby lost consciousness and collapsed one by one.
The landfill scene becoming a pandemonium despite it being just a simple emission.
I was standing at the center of the chaos.
"Kuk, kuhak...!"
"Can't... breathe..."
"......"
Breath roughly blocked.
It was no different even for the royal guards standing nearby.
They all had complexions that had stiffened pale.
Beyond that, Injustice and Distrust were already kneeling, and only Darkness, who was the highest ranked, was maintaining an upright posture.
Of course, even he had blood dripping onto the floor from his nose.
It was truly a point revealing the gap.
"My... you're reacting quite intensely."
"Do you want something more intense?"
"I'll politely decline. I want to live long, you see."
"You're truly bad at lying."
Only the snake and monarch were calm in the turbid situation.
We were just glaring at each other.
Not a trace of wavering was reflected in each other's eyes.
As I revealed pressure along with a pitch-black storm, the old man leaning back on the throne leisurely opened his mouth.
It was a head that didn't bend at all despite having the word death in front.
It was truly nauseating dignity.
"It's getting hard to endure, won't you withdraw?"
"In contrast, your expression is very relaxed."
"It's because I'm at that age now... Why don't you learn a bit about respecting elders?"
"Sometimes there are adults who aren't worthy vessels for respect."
"You have no words you can't say."
"How about shutting your mouth?"
However,
The old man was smiling, as if enjoying himself.
He was vicious.
From the start, he hadn't cared about that child at all, it was no different from words thrown to provoke this side.
It was a moment that made me confirm my disgust for that tongue again.
The old man responded easily.
"Don't be so sensitive."
"......"
"I was truly purely curious. It's already been 4 years since the war, hasn't it? I think it's a reasonable question as someone who kept that child by my side for 10 years."
"To use the expression 'kept'... you don't have the right."
Took in.
You didn't have the right to put such words in your mouth.
Your taking in of that child was nothing more than throwing her between blood and tears like a chess piece.
The value contained in the word 'taking in' wasn't so ugly.
For an adult to have taken something in.
A kind of taming or extension.
It's an act of giving out the paint that makes up oneself to another, and taking responsibility together for that dyed color.
Like the golden wheat field the little prince gifted to the fox.
I stated with a sunken voice.
"It means don't cross the line."
"I clearly said I was just curious about her well-being, but you judge others' sincerity too easily."
"Was it sincere?"
"Of course not."
Keukeuk.
The old man burst into an unpleasant laugh.
It was as if a viper had coiled.
"But do you know? It's foolish to have certainty about others."
"......"
"Humans don't have the ability to read minds. Who knows if the person you trusted last night might suddenly change and point a knife at you the next day? That's why you have faith, but don't have certainty."
To whom was he speaking?
The old man with even his focus blurred muttered with a glib smile.
"Sometimes there exists discord that even God can't resolve."
A meaningless word brushing past my ear.
For what reason?
The old rosary hanging around the old man's neck seemed to shine for a moment.
I coldly struck back at the sudden sermon.
"Are you trying to give unsolicited advice?"
"It's advice I'm offering sincerely in my own way. I quite like you, you see."
"It's words I don't want to give even faith to, let alone certainty."
"That's regrettable."
A glib reaction returning.
With gazes of distrust briefly exchanged at the end, the precarious atmosphere fell silent again.
The weight contained in the calmness deepened along with tension.
As we were continuing the precarious confrontation.
Suddenly.
Kuung-!
A noise ringing nearby broke the silence.
A familiar flow of mana.
'This mana... so it ended up like that.'
I wanted to keep it hidden as much as possible.
I let out a bitter sigh.
It was spilled milk to get annoyed now.
As I waited for the continuing commotion with complicated feelings, suddenly the doorkeeper standing outside the audience chamber urgently knocked on the door.
A flustered voice was heard from beyond the door then soon cut off.
-In-intruders! Someone has infiltrated the castle... Kuhak!
An eerie warning.
Not long after that, the door guarding the interior fell with a roar.
Dust fluttered following the exploding blast.
Kwaaaang-!!
The main gate scattering in pieces.
Through the dust rising like fog, dozens of shadows walked in.
They were all wearing pure white robes.
A cold wind swept in.
The corpses of guards and doorkeepers were strewn in the corridor they had passed through.
The intruders entered leaving behind crimson traces.
"Master."
The girl kept the very front.
When she undid the robe pulled down to cover her face, silver hair that had been hidden cascaded brilliantly.
Transparent pupils gently extended a hand towards this side.
"I've come to escort you."
"...Miss Neria."
It was none other than the vice-commander.
At the same time, she was also the protagonist I had been arguing with the old man about until just before.
"What brings you here?"
"I heard a report that the Master had headed to the kingdom. Out of concern, I followed behind you with a small number of people."
"I see."
"If it was presumptuous, please punish..."
"It's fine with me."
I greeted the girl with a complicated smile.
Eyes sunk to the point of being invisible.
But she was just waiting for her master's response.
A faintly but strangely stiff atmosphere was visible.
"I was thinking of returning anyway."
I had no choice but to take that hand.
***
We returned to headquarters.
As I had already finished the necessary conversation, I was able to leave without particularly hesitating.
The monarch's side didn't seem to have any intention of holding me back either.
For having asked after her and scratched the other's insides, he didn't bring up any particular words even upon meeting Neria.
He just left a greeting saying to see me again later towards this side.
He was still a person whose inner thoughts I couldn't know.
'It's tiring.'
The way back wasn't difficult.
As I had gathered most of the executives who could be called, Lena who belonged to the main forces was also present.
Thanks to that, we were able to return conveniently by taking a portal.
Fatigue felt after a long time.
I seemed to have become sensitive in various ways from dealing with a viper-like person.
I took a brief time to organize my thoughts.
'Of all times.'
Actually.
I had hoped this incident wouldn't reach Neria's ears.
Because it was still a wound she hadn't overcome.
I felt like it would just make her worry needlessly if she knew.
It was a choice considering her position in my own way, but what remained after failure was just an awkward atmosphere.
I held needless silence.
"Master. Are you alright?"
Neria asked carefully as if watching my mood.
I answered smiling as usual.
"Of course."
"I will take separate measures against the kingdom. As this kind of rudeness cannot be tolerated, I plan to strengthen vigilance so it doesn't repeat."
"...Are you alright, Miss Neria?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm talking about the monarch. You ended up reuniting after 4 years after all."
"Ah."
The girl unconsciously hesitated to answer.
But as if she had been expecting the question, she soon erased her stiffness and added calmness.
It was a reaction like her.
"There's no problem. It's now a distant memory."
An indifferent tone and expression on the surface.
It was a cold atmosphere not greatly deviating from usual, but I who had spent a long time by her side could notice.
The fact that she was forcibly acting calm.
Her silver pupils were trembling.
So faintly that even she didn't know.
"......"
I silently gazed at her.
Neria Lightni.
The first connection I made in this world, and the first member who had stayed by my side the longest.
A girl who was called Disloyalty as the monarch's royal guard in the past.
And
...She was also a person who became the first trigger for the world's destruction in the original work.
Needless thoughts tangled complexly.
The conversation didn't continue any further.
Only silence flowed.
Perhaps because of past memories rising stealthily, both people may have needed some reminiscence.
Anyway, the noisy day seemed to be ending like that.
Scratch scratch-
That night.
Even at a time pointing to dawn before we knew it, Neria and I were still staying in the commander's office.
We were processing accumulated work little by little.
"......"
It was particularly difficult to concentrate today.
Even while moving my pen, my mind seemed to be heading elsewhere.
Perhaps it was because of fishy idle thoughts.
The monarch.
After encountering a person I had left in the past, related memories kept shimmering.
I thought 4 years was quite a distant time now.
But when I reminisced again, moments came to mind clearly as if yesterday.
Idle thoughts growing in size with links attaching to tails.
I eventually tidied away the documents I had been processing to one side.
"...Miss Neria."
A name suddenly called.
The girl who had also been working nearby answered.
"Did you call, Master?"
She seemed to have a lot on her mind too.
Usually it would be time for documents to show the bottom, but the speed had barely reached halfway.
Wavering was still seated beyond her transparent pupils.
Well.
Though she had brushed it off saying it wasn't so, it would be difficult to be truly indifferent.
There was a lot of past tangled in various ways after all.
I put down my pen and said.
"Do you have a moment?"
"No problem. Do you need something?"
"It's nothing much... I just wanted to have a short conversation."
"By conversation, you mean...?"
"In a case like today, it would be old stories. I have a lot of thoughts because of what happened in the kingdom... and there's only one person who can share those memories with me."
"I'm fine with it... as long as you're with me, Master, whatever it is."
"That's kind of you to say."
The silver-haired girl who seemed to hesitate for a moment but then nodded.
I responded with a smile to her unchanged faithfulness.
Words muttered as if flowing contained old memories.
"Huhu... where should we start talking from?"
That beginning was winter.
It was a memory of when I first found meaning in the world.