Disgust

[Yubel, open your eyes.]

A somewhat forceful command…… No, more like a gentle, considerate invitation, tinged with kindness and warmth. A familiar voice was waking me.

I tentatively opened eyes I hadn't even realized were closed, like a student getting up five minutes before school.

Even so, the scenery before me hadn't changed. I tried opening and closing my eyes repeatedly, but what I still saw was a space dyed pure white, close to ‘nothingness.’

I realized.

That I had no eyes now.

No. Looking at myself now, even my tiny arms and legs, torso, the head with horns, and my budding breasts had disappeared. I didn't exist in this empty space.

Even so, I could still ‘see.’

Maybe that was why. Rather than fear this situation, I was more curious about what had happened.

The reason I felt reassured, though, was probably this voice I could hear now.

[Hehe, this is the first time you’ve opened your eyes here. To explain, this is inside the consciousness of you and me.]

As the gentle voice spoke to me, I was able to see its owner. As expected, it was the parasite.

[Oh? You’re not particularly afraid even without a body? Now that you’ve had a good cry, I suppose you’ve calmed down a little.]

Had a good cry? ……Ah.

My head throbbed.

Because the events of last night flashed through my mind like a panorama. That night when I’d wailed and made a scene for the Hero, saying I was afraid of dying.

Why had I done that? I wanted to die of embarrassment.

I had no face now, but somehow I felt hot, as if I were burning up. Was this phantom pain?

Really, I must have been out of my mind back then.

In the first place, even in my original world, before I came here, there'd always been threats of death lurking around, like traffic accidents. And yet I’d panicked just because I realized I could die.

I was such an idiot, truly.

Thinking about it calmly, the idea that I wouldn't die even if my body were destroyed was far more frightening. Wouldn't that make me a real monster? So this body, now that death was possible, was closer to normal than the body I used to have.

Yeah. So I'm fine now.

Dying is natural, and I just happen to have the special ability not to feel pain. Plus, I have a tail and horns, and now even wings, but somehow none of that bothers me as much anymore.

I've gotten used to this body, so now I'd miss those things if they were gone.

[Hehe, yes. This is our body, so you should accept it that way. Thanks to that, I'm finally relieved. It feels like watching a child whose gender identity has been set straight.]

I heard something rather absurd.

What was this parasite talking about?

My gender identity is still…… male, yeah. I'm completely a man. I haven't even worn a bra yet. The chafing felt weird, but maybe because there was no pain, I could bear it.

[……You fool. I suppose the Hero is needed for this part after all. I wish you’d hurry up and make progress.]

The tone was steeped in exasperation. I saw the parasite shaking its head.

Anyway, the Hero, huh.

When the parasite said the name Hero, I felt something inside me tighten. Did I want to see the Hero now?

It was true that being in the Hero's arms had a calming effect. Maybe I wanted to see the Hero because of that warmth.

I accepted that explanation.

Anyway, when would this end? This space inside our consciousness.

[Do not be impatient. I am only delaying things for a little while because there is something I wish to ask you.]

I got it, so I wished it would hurry and tell me.

I was starting to get frustrated since I couldn't even speak.

As soon as I woke up, I needed to apologize to everyone for suddenly disappearing, and see the Hero too. Come to think of it, before I collapsed, I think I hugged someone besides the Hero as well.

Who was it?

[What, exactly, is your purpose?]

It was a short, plain question.

My purpose?

That was obvious: to send the Hero back to the original world. It was awful that such a good person had come to this vulgar world for no reason and suffered. The Hero wanted to go back, too, so I was just helping.

Aside from loving me, the Hero definitely wanted to go home. It couldn't be helped.

[And after that? What will you do once you send the Hero back to the original world? Are you certain you won't regret it?]

It was a rather unexpected question.

Regret? What on earth would I regret?

That was impossible.

Once I accomplished this goal, I would surely be happy.

If the Hero, who said they liked someone like me, could return to the original world and live a happy life…… If only that could happen…… I wouldn't mind at all……. Yeah…….

I'd catch the Demon King and part ways cleanly. After that, I'd live normally with my companions…….

[Is that truly, honestly how you feel? The Hero has never once left your side since you came here. After you send the Hero away…… are you certain you won't regret it?]

What are you trying to say…….

[I am saying that it pains me to see you, who yearns for love, abandon the only home you have with your own hands. Tsk, you truly are a fool.]

You'll be by my side, won't you?

[……That is a very pleasant thing to hear. But is there not a limit to how often we can meet? In any case, when you stay by the Hero's side, you will soon realize what you need most.]

The parasite turned away from me as if embarrassed and gazed into the distant, unknowable expanse of nothingness.

The truth was, I knew, too. I'd vaguely realized it: that I depended on the Hero a lot. It was only after I'd been left to die alone in the forest this time that I finally understood, at least a little.

Even so, it couldn't be helped.

The Hero had to go home. I had no intention of burdening the Hero because of my selfish desires.

[You are not honest with yourself. Well, that is part of your charm, too. Then why not do various things with the Hero, so that when the moment of parting comes someday, you won't regret it?]

Various things?

[The Hero loves you. You know that as well, do you not?]

Of course I knew.

The Hero's confession had been what forcefully stirred up my mind that day. Those words had miraculously saved me, too. There was no way I didn't know how much the Hero loved me.

[If so, if you truly wish for the Hero's happiness, should you not leave the Hero precious memories right up until the very end? ‘Precious memories’ that will make the Hero think of you from time to time, even after returning to the original world.]

The parasite emphasized the words ‘precious memories’ and looked straight at me. A smile bloomed on its face.

The parasite's words were certainly persuasive.

Even if everything that happened in this world was no more than a fleeting dream, if we were left with the feeling that we'd been happy, wouldn't neither of us have any regrets?

I wanted to repay the Hero somehow, for loving someone like me. Giving the Hero happiness as a woman might be difficult, but couldn't we make precious memories as friends?

Yeah, I made up my mind.

I would give the Hero happy days unlike any they’d experience again for the rest of their life.

[Hehe, that'll do. Life is short, after all. Even if the ending is tragic, if you can look back on even one good memory at the end, isn't that a happy ending in its own way?]

Hmm, I don't think so…….

How can it be a happy ending if the ending is tragic?

Maybe because it was originally a devil, but this parasite and I really don't see eye to eye on the little things. This parasite bastard.

Anyway, did it want to make good memories for me? Somehow, those words sounded like they were meant for both me and itself, and that was what I thought.

[It is time to open your eyes now.]

It seemed we'd finished saying everything we needed to.

Soon, I would open my eyes where the Hero was.

I waited for it slowly, within my awakening consciousness.

Somehow, the scent of flowers seemed to linger at the tip of my nose.

~

My eyes opened.

Various visual information flowed into my mind.

The warm light heralding morning's arrival and cold white flower petals resting before my eyes. Why was there a petal caught by my ear?

I instinctively tried to grab it, then stopped moving.

My left hand was restrained right now.

A warm, substantial, gentle hand, with the feel of lean muscle, held mine. Feeling its touch, I slowly lowered my head, and as expected, I was holding hands with the Hero.

“Hehe…….”

What was the Hero thinking, holding onto me? Did the Hero like me so much they didn't want to let go even while asleep? Honestly, what a pathetic person.

Somehow, I felt good.

A fluttery, dizzy feeling.

I didn't want to let go of this hand.

This hand clasping mine as if promising to protect me.

I had a premonition that if I let go of this hand, that horrible fear I'd felt before would wrap around my body again.

That was probably why I didn't want to let go. Yeah.

Next, my gaze traveled from the Hero's hand to the arm, shoulder, neck, and finally the Hero's face. My vision gradually began to sharpen.

The Hero's sleeping face.

The Hero's face, sleeping soundly as if tired, came into view. I stared at it. My breath brushed against the Hero, disrupting the steady breathing.

How could I make the Hero happy?

How did you make good memories?

I was happy just with you by my side. Did you feel the same way, too?

“……I'm such an idiot.”

Twitch.

As I was worrying about that, I felt movement at my fingertips.

It seemed the Hero had woken up.

I smiled more brightly than any expression I'd ever made, so the Hero could wake up to a happy morning. Smiles had the effect of making other people happy.

That didn't mean it was a forced smile I'd put on. It was simply an expression that formed naturally, following where my heart led.

I hoped the Hero would be happy through me, too.

I smiled with that thought in mind.

So my happiness could be contagious.

So I smiled.

“……Huh?”

My smile quickly crumbled.

Had I just said that smiles were contagious?

That worked the other way around, too.

The moment I saw the Hero waking up, my heart fell into an endless abyss. That was how it felt.

The Hero's expression infected me.

The expression I saw for an instant.

It resembled an expression I'd seen long ago, in a past I couldn't even remember anymore. The expression of the person who had tried to kill me.

“……”

It was the kind of expression one wore when ‘disgusted’ by something.