Chapter 28
It feels as though the world has frozen over.
No, it has frozen over.
I’m sure of it.
Otherwise, how could it be this dead quiet?
Right?
I sneak a glance at the person lying beside me.
Ashtein.
Your black eyes watch me with interest.
You have such a mischievous expression.
Our eyes meet, so I quickly turn away.
How should I describe this feeling?
Embarrassment? Shame?
Perhaps it’s a mixture of all those feelings.
Ashtein opens his mouth, unfazed by my fussing.
“Just so you know, Aria, you’re the one who made things this way.”
Meaning it’s entirely my fault.
I find those words so unfair.
As if I’m the only one who wants you, the only one who’s yearning for you.
But knowing that’s true leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
“I-I know.”
That’s right.
I know full well that I’m the one who made this situation what it is.
So you don’t have to remind me.
I shoot him a glare, putting all those feelings into my eyes.
Despite my glare, he gives me a fond smile.
“You’re glaring so adorably.”
A large hand gently strokes my head.
His hand is calloused, but warm and reassuring. I like it.
……I do like it, though.
Doesn’t this make me feel like a pet?
I’m not a dog or a cat.
I was about to voice that kind of complaint.
But I couldn’t say it.
As Ashtein stroked my head, a strange sense of relief and contentment filled my heart.
At the same time, it hurts.
Why does my heart feel so full of longing?
I want more of your attention.
I want you to touch me more with your hands.
……I want you to spoil me rotten.
As my thoughts reached that point, I shuddered.
It’s such a shameful, vulgar wish.
When I covered my face with both hands in embarrassment, you forcibly pried my arms apart.
“Why are you hiding that cute face?”
That’s just flattery.
Even though I know it’s flattery, why does my heart feel like it’s turning over?
Why am I smiling so foolishly?
“P-please stop saying things like that. I-It’s so embarrassing, you know?”
“I’m saying it because I want to see you get embarrassed.”
Ugh…
When I tensed my arms, he readily let go of my wrists.
As someone who knew all too well how strong a man’s grip could be, I couldn’t help but be confused.
You’re letting go that easily?
This was unfamiliar, unlike the situations where I’d always been oppressed.
Ashtein pressed his index finger against the bridge of my nose.
“What, disappointed?”
Had I looked at him with a disappointed expression?
I shook my head.
“N-not at all!”
My voice cracked.
Colloquially, it’s called a squeak.
That was funny enough to mock or tease me for it.
But Ashtein only smiled kindly.
Uuuugh.
This moment, this situation, is so sweet that I feel like I’m melting into a puddle.
Like cotton candy soaked in water.
Is it okay to be this happy?
Is it okay for me to be this happy?
I don’t know.
This happiness is more than I deserve.
I’m so happy my head aches.
I timidly asked Ashtein,
“D-does my face look really red?”
His gaze turned to my face.
I feel even hotter for no reason.
“Uh, you look like a bonfire.”
A bonfire—am I really that red?
At his blunt remark, I puffed out my cheeks in a sulk, then stopped.
……I’m not a child. What kind of childish sulking is this?
Suddenly, he opened his arms and pulled me into them.
His firm chest and muscular arms held me fast like a deadly trap.
Your muscles are hard enough to hurt, and yet somehow it feels good.
I’m in trouble—I feel like I might start grinning.
“Aria.”
At your call, I stiffened.
“Y-yes!”
You whispered softly.
“Aren’t you going to sleep? It’s late.”
……
What was I expecting?
How stupid of me.
The rosy feelings simmered down a little.
I narrowed my eyes and glared at Ashtein.
“……How could I sleep in this situation?”
“Are you uncomfortable?”
Well, yes.
We’re lying side by side in the same bed. How could I possibly calm down?
My heart is pounding like this even now. Do you think I can sleep?
Unbelievably, I was sharing a bed with him.
How, how on earth did this happen?
I cast my mind back to just a few dozen minutes ago.
We went straight to the counter after entering the inn.
‘We’re looking for two adjoining rooms. Do you have any available?’
Ashtein seemed to want separate rooms for the sake of my peace of mind.
Understandably, after the major incident today.
It was a reasonable decision.
At Ashtein’s words, the attendant checked the reservation book and said,
’Hmm, there happens to be a room that fits. Shall I show you?’
But…
To be honest, I didn’t want to be apart from you.
I wanted to be by your side.
That way, my confused feelings would settle down.
So I clutched his sleeve and shook my head.
‘Ashtein, how about getting just one room?’
‘……Why?’
His puzzled face gazed at me.
My breathing grew shallow.
My heart gave a sharp twinge.
Because I wanted to be with you.
Because I wanted to be by your side.
I wanted to confess how clearly I felt this.
But it was such a raw, intense feeling that I couldn’t simply say it out loud.
I searched for a valid reason for a man and a woman to share a room.
I felt like I needed at least some flimsy excuse.
‘Wouldn’t one room cost less than getting separate ones? We’ve been doing that so far.’
My face must have turned as red as a ripe persimmon.
When I gave that clichéd reason, Ashtein listened carefully, then replied curtly.
‘That was before I knew about your circumstances. Wouldn’t you be more comfortable alone while you recover? Don’t worry about money. The kingdom’s providing us with more than enough anyway.’
His answer was a rejection.
I was terribly shocked.
I hadn’t thought he’d reject my proposal.
‘I-is that so?’
My voice trembled.
My vision blurred.
What if he thought I was a clingy woman?
He doesn’t think I’m a bother, does he?
I bit my lower lip.
Seeing how discouraged I looked, Ashtein quickly continued,
‘Wouldn’t it make you uncomfortable, having me by your side?’
At those words, my face immediately brightened.
It meant he wasn’t pushing me away because he disliked me or thought I was dirty.
Ashtein had only been worried about me.
That made me want to leap for joy.
‘Not at all! Excuse me, we’d like one room, r-right away!’
Looking back, I really acted like a silly fool.
There was absolutely no need to shout.
I can still remember the envious look the attendant gave Ashtein.
………It’s so embarrassing.
Anyway, we went into the room the attendant showed us.
It was definitely better than the inn where we’d stayed in the village halfway up Mount Ascendio.
For one thing, it was spacious for a private room.
Not so spacious that it felt overwhelming, though.
It was a comfortable space for one person, and big enough for two without much trouble.
The room had one large main room and a bathroom—a fairly simple layout.
Since it was a private room to begin with, it would be greedy to ask for anything more.
In my opinion, it was a neat, tranquil room.
The furnishings were much the same.
There was a reasonably sized dining table and chairs, a wardrobe stocked with robe-like clothes, and a large bed.
I loved how everything created a natural atmosphere without spoiling the room’s appearance.
There was also a large window and curtains covering it, presumably to let in the light.
Beside the window was a small wooden table, with a potted plant bearing blue flowers placed neatly on top.
It was the very picture of a cozy home.
It made my heart soften, somehow.
Perhaps I wasn’t the only one who felt that way, because Ashtein murmured in admiration, too.
‘Nice place.’
‘It is.’
‘Aria.’
‘Yes.’
‘I’ll sleep on the floor.’
‘……With the bed right there?’
I looked at the bed.
There was only one, but it was huge—big enough for two people to sleep in.
It’d be nice to share it.
Before I could say that, Ashtein spoke first.
‘I’m a man, too.’
For a moment, I didn’t understand why he’d said that.
‘Why does that matter? Before, you were perfectly fine with it……’
‘Are you really okay with it?’
What was he worried about?
This man.
‘Yes, because it’s you, Ashtein.’
Perhaps he’d misunderstood my words, because he irritably scratched his head.
‘Are you trying to seduce me?’
Seduce.
M-me?
My heart thumped wildly.
C-come to think of it, does this count as seduction?
The same room.
The same bed.
Asking you to stay with me.
Only then did I realize what I’d done.
I quickly lowered my head.
I couldn’t bring myself to look up.
‘Don’t be embarrassed. You’ll make me embarrassed, too.’
After saying that, Ashtein started to lie down on the floor.
Was I supposed to sleep alone in the bed?
That wouldn’t do.
I didn’t want to be alone anymore.
I couldn’t let him do that, so I grabbed his arm and tugged,
‘Huh?’
Caught by surprise, you lost your balance and fell face-down on the bed with me.
The softness of the bed and the smooth cotton blanket didn’t register with me at all.
Ashtein.
I could feel nothing but you.
We were close enough to feel each other’s breath.
I swallowed my embarrassment and said,
‘Please sleep with me.’
‘……You’re more stubborn than I expected.’
‘Do you not want to?’
Unsure how to answer, he furrowed his brows and crooked his lips.
Seeing Ashtein so flustered was unfamiliar.
A little later, you said reluctantly,
‘If that’s what you want, then I’m fine with it.’
And so the scene shifts to the present.
I finish my recollection and look at Ashtein right in front of me.
His sharp eyes have softened, and so has his stubborn mouth.
A smile he shows only to me, consideration he shows only to me.
Every little thing like that sets my heart pounding.
At the same time, a dreadful thought occurs to me: what if all of this is a dream?
Could the Hero Ashtein be an illusion I made up because I was so utterly desperate?
When I wake up, will all this disappear like the Little Mermaid’s sea foam?
When I think that way, my mind goes blank.
It feels as if my mind has turned empty and desolate.
Even patting my chest with my hand does nothing to calm me down.
“You don’t look so good. What are you imagining?”
“……Do I look like it?”
“We’ve been together for months, so I can tell, more or less.”
Has that much time already passed?
It’s amazing.
That before I knew it, I’d made so many memories with you.
That before I knew it, I was thinking about you this much.
I gathered my courage.
I summoned every last bit of courage I had.
“Ashtein, there’s something I want to tell you.”
“Something to tell me?”
“D-don’t laugh when you h-hear it, okay?”
“I can’t promise that.”
He only stroked his chin, without giving me a definite answer.
“Then I won’t tell you.”
“Why don’t you at least try?”
Should I say it or not?
If I said it, would you disappear like a mirage, and would I return to the darkroom underground?
At the thought, my body trembled.
I was so afraid that I burrowed even deeper into your arms.
Ashtein quietly pulled me close.
I desperately tried to hide my anxiety as I asked,
“……This isn’t a dream, is it?”
“A dream?”
It was a serious question, but you burst into cheerful laughter.
My face naturally twisted into a mess.
“………Liar. I asked you not to laugh, and you laughed right away.”
You took my hand and placed it against your chest.
The beat of your rapidly pounding heart reached me through my palm.
“Does it still feel like a dream?”
“……Yes, it does.”
“It’s definitely real.”
I pushed out my lower lip in a pout.
“Would a fake ever call itself fake?”
“I won’t disappear without a word while you’re here. I swear.”
I almost hiccupped.
You say it’s real, but you know it still doesn’t feel real to me, right?
Watching you tell me exactly what I want to hear makes it all feel far too unreal.
Maybe that’s why I can find the courage to do this.
“……Ashtein, you know.”
“Yeah.”
Your eyes turned toward me.
I didn’t look away.
I know it’s presumptuous.
I know it’s more than I deserve.
But what can I do?
“I love you.”
I said it lightly, as though letting the words drift by.
It was all right if you didn’t understand how I felt.
You’d made me unable to stand keeping it to myself.
Perhaps I’d only hoped you would let the words pass without a thought.
But why were you frozen in place?
“……….”
As if you’d been shot.
As if I’d caught you off guard.
Ashtein looked at me without a word.
I couldn’t bear his gaze.
“I-I wasn’t asking for an answer. I-I know I’m a filthy woman. I just wanted to tell you I love you, Ashtein. It’s a weird confession, isn’t it? I know, but……”
You didn’t say a word.
You simply covered my mouth with yours.
I opened my eyes wide, then slowly closed them.
And focused on you.
Our tongues entwined passionately.
As though I’d forgotten how to breathe, I could only crave your tongue.
Soon, our lips parted.
I was so disappointed, so regretful, that a sensual moan escaped me.
Our saliva stretched between us like a long strand of spider silk.
“Haa.”
I panted, my breathing ragged.
Was that my breathing, or yours?
That didn’t matter anymore.
I pleaded with you in a yearning voice,
“Do it one more time.”
Without a word, you claimed my lips again.
For me, who had always thought of such acts as creepy, this kiss was special.
Could it feel this good?
Could an act make me feel such complete, overflowing love?
Why hadn’t I known?
Smack, smack.
Lewd, wet sounds filled the air.
But neither you nor I paid them any mind as we explored each other.
A gentle warmth spread through my body.
My lower abdomen throbbed.
It was a pleasurable heat.
Your lips moved away.
I missed them.
It was too disappointing to end things here.
“……One more time.”
Even when I tried to be satisfied,
I couldn’t be.
“One more time.”
Even when I tried to quench my thirst,
I couldn’t fill it, like water poured into a bottomless jar.
“One more time.”
I said it over and over, asking for one more time.
You indulged me without ever seeming tired of it.
Before we knew it, we were panting hard enough to notice.
“………Ashtein, do you want to do something naughtier?”