Chapter 36
Bang!
The door slammed shut with a resounding crash.
Azazel Anaid clutched her gnarled wooden staff and stormed outside.
At her prickly reaction, Aria smiled bitterly.
At first, she couldn't understand why Azazel had reacted so intensely.
Naturally, she didn't know what the girl was angry about.
So she thought about it.
What could that pretty young woman be so angry about?
People seemed perceptive, yet could be utterly clueless.
Unless you told them something clearly, they wouldn't understand.
That was how suspicions and doubts arose.
Love, resentment, anger, sadness—all of them became unclear if they weren't expressed in words.
No wonder people said you could know the depths of ten fathoms of water, but not the depths of a person's heart.
Anyway, sometimes people conveyed their feelings through their actions.
Azazel, who had just left, had done exactly that.
In Aria's eyes, her actions had been tinged with unmistakable hurt and resentment.
To whom were those lingering feelings directed?
‘Ain, I suppose.’
Aria had noticed that Azazel's gaze had remained fixed on Ain ever since she woke up.
If she sent him such wistful, pitiful looks, even the most oblivious person would eventually realize it.
That the girl named Azazel was in love with Ain.
Once she thought of it that way, all of Azazel's behavior fell neatly into place.
Let's think about it.
The person you love shows up with a complete stranger of the opposite sex tucked under his arm.
What if he spoke of his love for that person with a tender smile and gentle gestures?
And right in front of you, no less.
‘Ah.’
A dizzying rush struck her head.
She'd only imagined it for a moment, but her mind was boiling so fiercely it felt like it was melting.
Even when she tried to quell her anger, the emotion, charred black and clinging to her, wouldn't calm down easily.
Only then did Aria fully understand how Azazel felt.
She realized why Azazel had been acting so crazed.
Aria felt like she might go mad with jealousy toward that unknown woman after imagining it for just a moment. How much must Azazel have hated her?
It must have felt as if the world were crumbling around her.
It was only natural that she couldn't think straight.
How could you have a rational conversation with someone who'd taken away what was precious to you?
Putting herself in Azazel's shoes, Aria felt that her brazen behavior was justified.
And she felt sympathy for her.
Had she perhaps taken away the home Azazel could return to?
She couldn't help thinking so.
‘……Even so, you did go too far.’
No matter how angry someone was, who would respond well if they came at them so aggressively?
Aria felt Azazel was clumsy when it came to relationships and expressing her feelings.
How many minutes had passed while she was lost in thought? Ain poked her cheek repeatedly.
“Hwaah.”
Aria reacted half a beat late to the sudden touch.
Hearing her shrill scream, Ain laughed like a mischievous boy.
To her, it was the most wonderful smile in the world.
“Sorry for getting you mixed up with that weirdo.”
His large hand naturally reached for Aria's head.
Aria meekly let him pet her, like a hamster being handled.
His hands had grown rough and callused from swinging a sword and doing hard labor, but Ain moderated his touch so he wouldn't hurt her.
She liked his clumsy touch and thoughtful concern.
Because she knew what it felt like to be cherished.
It was different from the hands of men that had only ever been frightening and horrible.
“It's not anything you need to apologize for, Ain.”
“If it weren't for me, she wouldn't have said those awful things to you.”
Azazel's words came back to mind.
Fucktoy, prostitute, whore.
She realized they were all sexist insults.
The funny thing was, not a single one of those words was wrong.
“They're not exactly wrong.”
Ain's expression darkened at her self-deprecating remark.
“It's not like you chose to become that.”
Aria smiled awkwardly and turned her head away.
Even if she hadn't wanted it, wasn't it true that she was no longer chaste?
It stung and burned, as if salt had been rubbed into a wound.
“Ain, your angry face scares me.”
“Don't change the subject. Don't look away, either. Look straight at me.”
Aria was happy that he was angry on her behalf, yet sad, too.
It was a contradictory feeling.
“I wish you'd realize that's coercion, too.”
“Aria.”
“……Yes?”
“I love you.”
“……Pardon?”
It was nice to hear, but in the current situation, it was a rather out-of-place thing to say.
She tilted her head and looked at Ain; his expression was quite serious.
“You don't love yourself, so I have no choice but to love you. Right?”
Aria inhaled, choked, and broke into a coughing fit.
Thanks to that, her face turned red as molten iron.
“W-why does that follow? I-isn't your logic a bit of a leap?”
“Yeah. I love you.”
Could he say “I love you” so easily?
Wasn't it supposed to be a more tender, sacred phrase?
Why say it so casually, like a morning greeting?
………It wasn't that she disliked it, though.
Something, something about this was strange, wasn't it?
“My beloved Aria.”
Good heavens.
Now he'd gone and turned it into a whole prefix.
Aria covered her face with both hands.
“Stop teasing me.”
“I'm not teasing you, my beloved Aria.”
Her self-deprecating thoughts had long since flown far away.
All that remained was innocent affection and enough embarrassment to make her toes curl.
Aria wished someone would please stop Ain.
“……I-I think I'm going to die of embarrassment.”
“It's not like I just started doing this yesterday or the day before.”
“I can't get used to it.”
“Then you should.”
How was she supposed to get used to it?
Her love for him grew every day.
It always felt new.
There was no way she could ever get used to it, no matter how hard she tried.
Since when?
Her ears listened to his voice.
Her eyes followed his actions.
Her nose breathed in his scent.
Her lips called his name.
This heart.
This feeling.
It must be love.
I am happy.
Even if this feeling is eventually buried and crumbles away.
The fact that I thought of you this much will never be erased.
That's right.
Whenever I think of you, my heart turns selfish.
I no longer have room to care about anyone else.
Goddess of Eros.
Please forgive me for acting on my desires, just for now.
Aria opened her eyes wide and moved toward Ain.
It was quite a bold move, and he admired her.
“Oh, what's this?”
What a relaxed expression.
I'll wipe that composure right off your face.
Aria rose onto her tiptoes and kissed him.
It was an unexpected surprise kiss.
“……….”
“……….”
Ain's face was nearly expressionless.
Could she really say she'd robbed him of his composure?
“You little minx.”
He wrapped his arms around Aria and toppled onto the bed with her.
Aria's soft, supple breasts were pressed against his firm pectoral muscles.
It hurt and felt suffocating, but she thought she didn't mind this kind of pressure.
Aria's heart pounded fiercely.
“You really are a little minx.”
“……Why do you keep saying that?”
“Curious?”
A chilly glint appeared in his eyes.
Aria suddenly grew frightened and looked away.
“N-no. It's nothing.”
“If it's you, Aria, I don't mind explaining.”
Sensing that things were taking a bad turn, she hurriedly apologized.
“I-I'm s-sorry. I was wrong.”
“So you know you did something wrong?”
It was a teasing question.
Aria felt she needed to change the subject.
“U-um, was that woman's name Azazel?”
Ain frowned and asked in return.
“And?”
“I think Ms. Azazel likes you, Ain.”
“She does?”
Ain frowned as if to say, Don't joke around.
This man had absolutely no idea Azazel might be in love with him.
Well, considering how she'd gone berserk every time they met, it was hard to imagine that Azazel might have feelings for Ain.
“You look like you don't believe me.”
“That's the second most unbelievable thing I've heard this year.”
Not the first, but the second?
Aria grew curious about what the most unbelievable thing was.
“What's the first?”
“Aria saying she's fine.”
………I shouldn't have asked about the first one.
Aria scratched her cheek with her index finger and looked away.
* * *
Azazel rented a room at the inn.
Her body was exhausted, and that was a major reason she didn't have the energy to go anywhere else.
What kind of twisted fate was this?
The room she'd rented happened to be next door to Ashtein's.
Fine.
Worrying about it would only give me a headache.
I'll just get some rest.
Azazel unlocked the door with the key the innkeeper had given her and entered the room.
It was a bare room with nothing but a built-in bed and wardrobe.
Azazel somehow felt that this bleakness resembled her own heart.
Looking toward the low window, she saw the sun setting as the dark night crept in.
Rather than sit on the bed, she leaned her back against the wall and crouched on the floor.
Then she hugged her gnarled wooden staff, raised one knee, and bowed her head.
She was depressed.
Even when she tried to shake off the feeling, it clung to her like sticky oil, and she couldn't bring herself to feel any better.
Ashtein.
Although they'd parted on bad terms, she thought he'd welcome her warmly when she came back.
She'd imagined they would put their hurt feelings behind them and move on to a deeper relationship.
But that was only the optimistic hope Azazel had clung to.
It was nothing more than a girl's delusion.
Look at reality.
He'd openly brought a new woman with him.
She even seemed to have a closer relationship with him than Azazel did.
It was so sad.
What did that make her, the one who'd looked forward to seeing him and waited with her heart pounding?
Was she just an idiot?
It was hard to breathe.
Because her connection with Ashtein felt like it had never meant anything.
Because she herself looked more and more pathetic and shabby, consumed by envy and jealousy.
Because it felt as if her insides were rotting away.
Her chest tightened.
Tightly.
It was heavy, like a rusted lump of iron thrown into the sea and sinking endlessly.
“………Why her and not me?”
I'm capable.
I'm useful.
I'm the one who's right for Ashtein.
Me.
She heard a sound from the room next door.
It was a sweet voice.
Hngh, or mmh.
A moan, as if someone were trying to suppress it.
The soundproofing was awful. Azazel was about to cast a soundproofing spell, but then she realized.
Her room was the one at the very end of the hallway.
In other words, the only room next to hers was the one Ashtein was in.
And lewd moans were leaking out of that room?
Azazel's heart began to ache as if it might stop at any moment.
It felt as though a long, thin needle were poking her heart over and over.
It was suffocating.
It hurt.
Her head was spinning.
Someone.
Somebody, please.
Make this suffocating feeling go away.
Please.
I'm begging you.
Azazel buried her head.
As if she didn't want to hear it, she covered her ears with both arms.
If she cast a soundproofing spell, she wouldn't be able to hear any of it.
Why wouldn't she use magic?
It was surely because she wanted to hear the faint, gentle sound of Ashtein's voice.
She knew his feelings weren't directed at her.
And yet Azazel was there, yearning for it with all her might.
It was the most horrible night imaginable.