Chapter 61
What is love?
It might sound like a somewhat philosophical question, but Aria thought of it simply.
The feeling of thinking of someone else, worrying about them, and wishing them well.
She thought that was love.
Emotions of any kind might be like that, but love in particular is a fundamental feeling that's hard to define.
Because that feeling exists, we get angry.
Because that feeling exists, we feel happy.
Because that feeling exists, we feel sad.
It's impossible to describe.
Perhaps that's why people call that ambiguous feeling love.
It comes in many forms.
It's all different.
That's why Aria felt at a loss.
Because she was in love.
‘How did I end up unable to even speak my mind?’
Ashtein had been right about some things, but there must have been unreasonable parts, too.
Yet she hadn't been able to argue against him.
She hadn't managed to make any protest at all.
In the past, she could never stand watching idiots who couldn't speak up for themselves.
Couldn't they say even one thing they were unhappy about?
What kind of coward couldn't even call something unfair when it was unfair?
It wasn't as if she were Hong Gildong.
But look at her now.
Wasn't she exactly like that?
A person's personality, their very character, could be ruined this badly.
But what could she do?
She'd already become this kind of person.
She'd already come to love him more than anyone.
What was she supposed to do?
Aria had never seen Ashtein this angry.
That made her feel all the more conflicted.
Because she'd made him worry.
She'd given someone who'd lost his sister a similar wound all over again.
She'd even heard that painful story from him herself.
Even knowing that!
How could she have followed Leon despite knowing that?
Because she wanted to be able to face him without shame?
Because she felt inferior, thinking herself insignificant compared to the Hero she thought was perfect?
Her actions had ended up having the exact opposite effect from what she'd intended.
Her inferiority complex had only grown worse.
Somehow, everything she touched turned negative.
She wasn't King Midas, whose touch turned everything to gold.
Ashtein's pained expression wouldn't leave her mind.
She'd thought she'd grown used to any pain, become numb to it.
She'd thought she was fine.
It felt as if a red-hot iron skewer had pierced deep into her chest and twisted around.
It was hot and suffocating.
She couldn't breathe.
She wondered if she'd suffocate and die like this.
Aria was the sort of person who rose and fell with every word Ashtein said.
It was so hard to bear the fierce emotions he'd poured out.
“Big Sis.”
A girl with hair as deep red as a rose.
Azazel called out to Aria.
“Yes, Azazel.”
“Good grief. I told you not to look so gloomy.”
She touched Aria's downcast hair.
“I did something stupid.”
“That again? Thanks to your choice, that prince was able to protect his knight.”
“But I made Ain worry.”
Azazel furrowed her pretty brow.
“What's the big deal?”
It was a big deal to Aria.
She looked at Azazel, her face downcast.
“He was disappointed in me.”
“People live their lives disappointing each other.”
“I didn't want Ain to hate me, at least.”
“If you feel that bad, just apologize. Say you're sorry for acting on your own.”
“Do you think Ashtein will accept it?”
Azazel gestured at Aria's chest as she answered.
“With your huge boobs, he'd accept even if he didn't want to.”
“……They're not huge.”
“That's what you think, Aria. Don't your boobs hurt when you run? I wouldn't know, since I don't have ones like that.”
“The vestment holds them in place, so they don't hurt that much…”
“So they hurt without it? See, you really do have huge boobs. Do your shoulders ache a lot, too?”
Azazel leaned forward as she asked.
Aria flusteredly backed away.
“……No, that's not what we were talking about.”
“I'm just having a stupid conversation suited to the level of a big sis who only says stupid things. What's the problem?”
Azazel stuck out her tongue and folded her arms behind her head.
“Huh?”
“Why not just say it straight? ‘Ain, you were too harsh. Apologize to me, you idiot.’ Is that so hard?”
“I was the one in the wro—”
“Good grief, you're so frustrating! How can you be the only one at fault? It takes two hands to clap!”
Azazel clapped conspicuously.
Would that be okay?
What if he hated her even more?
What if Ain turned away from her?
Aria might die.
No, she definitely would.
“How badly has that bastard crushed your pride to make you tremble like this?”
Since Azazel didn't know what Aria had gone through in the cult, she could only assume Ashtein's abuse had made her so timid.
Azazel had cursed Ashtein, then, but…
She should at least have done it somewhere Aria couldn't hear.
Aria's eyes flashed.
She took a moment to steady her breathing, then pounced on Azazel.
Azazel had never expected demure Aria to turn the tables, and was subdued without a fight.
Aria held Azazel firmly and smiled.
That smile was stiff and cold as frost in the polar regions.
Sensing something ominous, Azazel looked up at her.
“S-sis?”
“I'm going to tickle my little sister for saying such nasty things.”
“W-wait a minute! Eek, ti-ticklish! Eek! I-I really am ticklish!”
Aria relentlessly targeted sensitive spots: under her arms, the nape of her neck, her sides, and more.
Under Aria's hands, Azazel twisted around and panted heavily.
“Eehah, th-that, hahahaha!”
“Was it fun teasing me?”
“H-honestly, it was fun, eek! S-stop!”
By the time Ashtein returned, Azazel was exhausted.
Azazel glared at him with sharp, catlike eyes.
“Hah, huh, you made a room… and came back, you idiot?”
Azazel's breathless panting was strangely sultry.
Ashtein closed his mouth and bowed his head.
“………I don't know what happened, but I'm sorry.”
Azazel held out a hand, her legs trembling.
“Hoo, hoo. I'm ex-exhausted, so I'm going to sleep. Give me the key.”
“Sure. Here.”
After grabbing the key, Azazel glanced back over her shoulder.
Aria was smiling brightly.
So bright she even looked refreshed.
‘……I shouldn't tease Big Sis so much. And I should avoid insulting Ashtein in front of her, if possible.’
Thinking that, Azazel went into the room first.
Ashtein stared blankly at Aria.
“What did you do to Azazel?”
“We did a little light stretching.”
“……Light?”
Thanks to Ashtein's forced marches to hunt monsters, Azazel was in pretty good shape for a mage, yet she was panting like that. Could it really have been light stretching?
He left the question unanswered.
Aria gazed at Ashtein and asked.
“Don't I get a key?”
“I booked the same room as mine since we have things to talk about. If you don't want to, I'll book another.”
Aria shook her head.
There was no way she wouldn't want to be with you.
“I'm fine with that.”
* * *
I wasn't in any state to describe the room's appearance or anything.
All I could notice was the one enormous bed.
I sat on the bed with a more tense posture than usual.
Even the soft cushion couldn't calm me down.
Do you know why?
Because you're beside me.
Ain.
Just looking at you like this makes my heart stir.
It's as noisy as a bustling marketplace.
I wasn't feeling only sweet emotions, as I usually did.
It was probably because I'd done something wrong.
My heart felt heavy, as if something were squeezing it over and over.
They say it's better to get the beating over with first, so I made up my mind to apologize.
If I apologized sincerely, wouldn't his anger ease a little?
“Aria.”
“Ain.”
We said each other's names with hardly a moment's difference.
Was this what they called being of one mind?
We averted our eyes, feeling awkward.
This is awkward.
I swallowed dryly and looked at you.
“Ain, you go first.”
His expression wasn't gentle.
I wondered if he was still angry.
But that was my mistaken assumption.
“I'm sorry.”
It was an apology.
I tilted my head in confusion.
I couldn't understand why you were apologizing.
“……Huh?”
“I'm sorry I was so harsh.”
It seemed you'd been thinking about what you'd said before.
Just as I had regretted helping Prince Leon.
“N-no, it wasn't that h-harsh. I agreed with what you said, and I thought you said it because I was that precious to you, so…”
He was firm.
“I don't want you to think that way.”
“Pardon?”
“I was in the wrong.”
“W-what do you mean, wrong? I was the one who…”
“I spoke carelessly to you, the person most precious to me. I put a crack in your heart.”
The person most precious to him.
At those words, all the resentment that had built up inside me melted away like snow, and happiness welled up.
How could such negative feelings disappear so easily?
Even I thought it was ridiculous.
You continued speaking.
“Maybe because I've lost someone once before. I never wanted to lose you, too. I didn't want to let you out of my hands. I thought I knew how to protect you now. I thought I just had to hold on tight and never let go. But… yeah, just like Azazel said, that's selfish and narrow-minded. You're not an object.”
He squeezed my hand tightly.
His rough, firm hand was warm.
Ashtein's black eyes gazed at me.
“I know I said something cruel to you. I won't make excuses. So, Aria, do whatever you want until you're no longer angry. Hit me, kick me, swear at me—anything is fine.”
“H-how could I do something like that to you, Ain?”
“I want you to get angry instead of holding it all inside.”
Angry?
I'd already stopped being angry.
How could I not, when my heart was pounding so hard?
Your anger meant you wanted me so badly.
It was like you were telling me I was someone you couldn't live without.
I'm glad you're so possessive of me.
“……I-I'm already so happy.”
“I feel terrible about what I did to you.”
Such a tender, resonant voice.
Your tender voice, the one I love so much.
At that tone, tears suddenly spilled from my eyes.
It was all your fault that I'd become able to cry so easily.
Because you shook me up.
Because you made me into a stupid, simple woman.
“You look beautiful when you cry, but I wish you wouldn't.”
You say such embarrassing things.
Are you Spanish?
I forced my voice to stay steady and said,
“Then let's do this. Since we both think we did something wrong, let's pretend this never happened.”
“We can't make something that already happened disappear…”
I pressed my index finger against your lips.
It was naughty of me, but you'd forgive me, wouldn't you?
Slowly, but in a seductive tone, I continued.
“If we can't pretend it never happened, let's cover it up with something else happy. Like, s-something erotic.”
It would've been perfect if I hadn't stammered at the end.
His eyes curved into a thin crescent.
At some point, his hand had wrapped around my waist.
He and I faced each other.
Our lips met.
It lasted a long time.
Our tongues intertwined.
I could see a thread of saliva stretching between our tongues.
It was incredibly erotic.
His hand gently caressed my chest.
His touch was yearning, yet careful.
My gaze lowered to his abdomen.
You must be incredibly aroused.
I asked him,
“Should we stop kissing?”
Ain shook his head at my question.
“Five more seconds.”
All right.
That much wasn't a problem.
I wrapped my arms around you and kissed you.
“All right.”
Ain's right hand cupped the back of my head.
He and I pressed closer together.
His breath touched the nape of my neck.
“I like you. I love you.”
Sweet words spoken right beside my ear.
It was no wonder I melted.
“I-I like you too. I love you too.”
I repeated what Ain had said like a parrot.
And yet you smiled as if you were happy.
I smiled along with you.
My lower belly throbbed.
It felt as if it were saying I was ready to accept him.
“Ain.”
“Five seconds haven't passed yet.”
You insisted on kissing me.
You're so unfair, Ain.
You're a cruel liar.
Because five seconds had passed long ago.