Chapter 162
This was the story from before I became Emperor Kariri.
“A useless bitch from beginning to end. What have you ever done right, you damn burden, to glare at me like that!”
At least, I thought Mom wouldn’t betray me.
The mother who had protected me from my father, who drank every day and beat me, had now thrown a ceramic bowl at my face.
The ceramic bowl shattered into dozens of pieces and rolled across the floor.
Blood ran from my forehead and cheeks down to my chin, dripping onto the floor, but I couldn’t bring myself to raise my head.
That shattered ceramic bowl probably represented my heart.
I left home again.
Just as I had told Mom, I quit being a trainee and mutually terminated my contract with the agency.
And the process was unbelievably smooth.
I guess everything they’d said about my debut being imminent had been a lie.
It was another shock to realize that the company had never expected anything from me in the first place.
I ate sausage bread for the first time in five years and burst into tears.
It was my first meal, eaten while sitting on a playground swing and watching the sunset.
I wanted to believe that the reason my throat was closing up was simply because I’d shoved the bread down too quickly.
“Hng... hic... waaahhhhhh...”
Five whole years had disappeared...
What on earth do I have left?
Thighs with burst blood vessels from trying to force myself into the splits,
how to clean a full-length mirror until it sparkled with glass cleaner,
and skills like making my singing sound a little more impressive and keeping my dance lines pretty?
I hadn’t gone to school, so of course I had no friends. And if I went back now, what could I possibly do when I didn’t even know math, let alone magic?
I felt like a piece of trash thrown all alone into this world.
Like a worthless stone lying by the side of the road.
At least stones don’t have any thoughts.
But every day, I lived with the stupid thought that I was going to die.
Maybe it was because I was stupid.
The doctor said that wasn’t the case, but maybe it was.
How could someone with so many disqualifying flaws become an idol?
A fourteen-year-old student didn’t have anywhere else to go, so I had no choice but to return home.
I’d heard there were runaway families, but I was too scared to go anywhere near them.
In a house filled with shouting, I locked my bedroom door, pulled the blanket over my head, and logged into my secret hideout as always.
[My life is fucked, an eighth-grader here...]
I wrote out my entire story and posted it, but there wasn’t much of a response.
There were countless people whose lives had been ruined even more thoroughly than mine.
Watching them gave me a moment of comfort as I thought, I mustn’t live as badly as that. But it couldn’t drive away the crushing depression that returned afterward.
“I want to die...”
Then one day, a comment appeared.
-Your life is seriously fuckedㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Who doesn’t know that?
I didn’t even have the strength to argue, so I just scrolled down with dead eyes.
And when I refreshed the page,
-The easiest way to rebuild your life when it’s ruined: If you don’t do at least one of these, I recommend just killing yourself
1. Go all-in on crypto: The odds aren’t even 1%, but who knows? Maybe you’re that lucky bastardㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
2. Deep-sea fishing: A dependable, bread-and-butter occupation that AI and robots can never replace!
3. Bioequivalence trial work: If ordinary part-time jobs aren’t enough, maybe you just haven’t looked for one properly?
4. Volunteer enlistment: It pays a lot! At least when it comes to money! Overseas deployment pays four times as much!
5. VTuber: People with looks or talent don’t come here anyway. If you’re starting from zero, this is the only answerㅋㅋㅋㅋ
“Damn... it’s a recurring post.”
There was someone who regularly commented on posts like this.
I had no idea what kind of mindset drove them to do it. Maybe they felt superior.
It was a post I normally wouldn’t have given a second glance, but the word ‘VTuber’ stood out to me.
During my grueling trainee days, I had occasionally searched for various VTuber broadcasts online.
If it were me... maybe I could succeed.
I had no idea where that vague confidence came from.
Then, just as I opened the app to look up various VTuber videos on VTube,
[VTube Recommended Video: (Documentary) The Honey Badger Has No Natural Enemies!]
A title completely opposite to fragile, porcelain-like me appeared on the screen.
That’s it.
* * *
The person known as Kariri had served as an excellent substitute for Yoonseul, fulfilling her role perfectly.
The character Yoonseul had created was mentally strong and utterly uninhibited.
But that had become a meaningless claim after Chena’s death the previous year.
Panic attacks I had never once experienced while I was Kariri kept recurring even while I was connected to virtual reality.
And today, when I fled from the Ddagapdae scrim,
I wanted to say it had been beyond my control, but I couldn’t.
“...”
The only sound quietly echoing through the kitchen was the clatter of tableware.
All the lights in the living room and master bedroom were off.
The siblings were eating dinner by the light spilling from a single small lamp.
Seol Taeyang, however, disliked the oppressive silence and set his chopsticks down with a clack.
“I’m not going home tonight.”
“Why?”
“How am I supposed to go home when you’re like this?”
“I’m... I’m fine. It’s not like this has only happened once or twice...”
“It was especially bad today. You think so too, don’t you?”
“...”
The veins stood out against Yoonseul’s bloodshot eyes.
“Then I’ll call Mom and tell her I’m staying over.”
She was living separately from her parents. This was Seol Yoonseul’s home.
She couldn’t stand the state of the household, where dishes, golf clubs, and sometimes even blades went flying during the couple’s never-ending daily fights.
Seol Taeyang, her younger brother and currently a second-year middle school student, also sometimes visited Yoonseul’s home like this to enjoy a taste of freedom.
“What did Mom say?”
“She cursed at me.”
“What about your stuff?”
“I came straight from cram school, so I can just go to school from here tomorrow.”
“Do whatever you want. Aren’t you eating more dinner?”
“No. You’re way too bad at cooking, sis.”
“I... I went to all the trouble of making it, and this little shit...?”
“Yep, nice self-own.”
“You do the dishes!”
Yoonseul opened her eyes wide.
Taeyang had been lying on the sofa, intending to spend the rest of his free time there, but he had no choice but to put on rubber gloves.
At least in a house entirely owned by Yoonseul, Taeyang was thoroughly the underling.
“Noona, you’re rich, so why don’t you just buy a dishwasher?”
“I think I should every time... Hweooooong, everything’s so annoyiiing.”
“Even ordering one is too much trouble? Try working on that lethargy too, sis.”
Taeyang had offered the advice sincerely, but Yoonseul pretended not to hear him.
She couldn’t find any interest in anything unrelated to her main work.
It was dangerous for someone with panic disorder to use a capsule, but nothing was better suited to treating Yoonseul’s depression than VR, so Taeyang couldn’t really object.
“Couldn’t you just say you were sick and end the stream? Why did you have to make up such a ridiculous lie?”
“What with the doorbell and the delivery...”
She’d only added unnecessary details and made the whole incident worse.
If she’d been unable to play because she was sick, everyone would at least have understood.
“Kariri never gets sick.”
“Huh, RP again?”
“And you try going through something like that... Your mind goes completely blank, and you can’t think of anything. I... I did the best I could...!”
The TV Taeyang had turned on was still showing NoName’s broadcast.
Yoonseul lay upside down on the sofa, her black hair spilling onto the wooden floor in a bizarre posture.
The scrim had been canceled after Kariri’s sudden walkout, so everyone was receiving feedback from their managers and coaches.
Whether NoName had already taught them everything she could, or simply had nothing left to teach them, she was silently queueing up ranked games.
“What do you think of NoName? She’s freaking cool, right?”
Taeyang said proudly from the kitchen.
Every time he visited Yoonseul’s house, he brought up something related to NoName, whether it was how she had crushed League pros or how he was the ‘elder’ of her channel’s community.
“Yeah. She makes me wonder how someone like that can even exist.”
She had been forced to watch the broadcast at her brother’s insistence, but surprisingly, it felt so fresh that she would even call it innovative.
Everyone probably thought the same thing, but she couldn’t help wondering, Is she really fourteen?
She had even been flustered when she learned that her own song had been used as the opening song for NoName’s broadcast.
“You’re not thinking of quitting streaming... right?”
“Are you crazy...? Hey, all the pocket money I give you... I earn it all by streaming, you punk!”
“Got it! Sowwy, sis!”
“Haa... Let’s not engage.”
Taeyang imitated one of Kariri’s frequent catchphrases. He was a child who had matured earlier than his peers.
Yoonseul suddenly wondered if he might have been deliberately trying to lift the mood like this.
Just as she was thinking that, Taeyang finished washing the dishes, kicked Yoonseul, who was precariously draped across the sofa, and took the entire spot for himself.
“Move. This is my spot.”
Crash-
“Seriously, Seol Taeyang...! Do you want to die!”
“Not really.”
So much for being mature! If this was how he was going to act, she should have just sent him home.
“Where are you going? You’re not watching more of the stream?”
“Yeah. I’m going to bed.”
“Already? Noona, don’t check the community or anything tonight, okay?”
“I wasn’t going to...!”
Back in her room, Yoonseul let out a deep sigh and turned on her phone.
Despite her brother’s warning, she couldn’t stop ego-searching her own name.
For Kariri, this was practically a ritual.
Even though she had more or less anticipated it, the negative emotions pouring out of people were too much for one individual to take in all at once.
“Haa...”
Kariri had always been prone to ending streams without warning.
Her panic symptoms didn’t appear often, but they surfaced from time to time, and she was reaching the limit of how far she could push them as part of her concept.
Even if she lay there, she definitely wouldn’t be able to sleep, not even after taking her insomnia medication.
Still, it was more comfortable to live as Kariri than as Seol Yoonseul for now, so she climbed back into the capsule.
A honey badger would never get hurt.
[NoName sent you an invitation. (2/3)]
But what was this now?
[Kariri: What’s this, what’s this? Did our Namey contact me because she wanted to see me again?]
[NoName: Want to go to an amusement park together?]
[Kariri: ?]
An amusement park?
Yoonseul furrowed her brow at NoName’s sudden proposal.
Did she mean a VR space?
But why now of all times?
[Kariri: Streaming?]
[NoName: No.]
[Kariri: Who’s the other person?]
[NoName: Adella.]