Chapter 39 - Wrapping Up The Engagement Annulment Ceremony (2)

"G-Grand Duchess Elisia. The family head has personally concluded all contracts with the Carsaril family, and has ordered you to return immediately after finishing the engagement annulment ceremony tomorrow."

Elisia's thoughts froze momentarily at the sudden conclusion.

She had expected it to take at least a week, but everything had ended in just a day or two, not even a week.

So she stared blankly at the maid, who spoke to her with a very stiff expression.

"The family head said that there's a limit to how much he can overlook, so you should come back now..."

"..."

At those words, her mind became complicated, and she unconsciously bit her nails as she fell into contemplation.

If things continue like this, I'll be blamed for everything and completely pushed out of politics. On top of that, I'll be completely excluded from the work I've been in charge of, and all my standing will disappear.

If that happened, unlike with Damian, she would be sold off like cattle and married to some nobleman, destined to be displayed like an ornament for the rest of her life before disappearing.

Reaching this conclusion, she quickly calmed her mind and looked down.

Her nails were on the verge of being torn off due to her intense, repeated biting.

Seeing this, she decided to make one last struggle before they completely fell off, and quickly went outside.

Swoosh.

The rain was pouring heavily, but she couldn't hesitate now, so she moved her feet urgently towards Damian's lodgings.

Her clothes and shoes became muddy due to the rain as she had rushed out without any preparation.

But it was better than hesitating there and doing nothing, so she ignored it and ran to the lodgings.

"Damian... please call Damian."

"I'm sorry, but Damian said not to let anyone in today."

She urgently approached someone who looked like a maid and asked her to call Damian, but was refused.

However, she couldn't just go back like this, so she desperately asked again while rubbing her wet body.

...Whether out of pity or not, the maid said she would go and ask once, and went upstairs.

I have to persuade him somehow.

If he wanted her body, she was willing to give it to him.

If he asked her to love him sincerely, she was confident she could act it out.

So she kept waiting for him with a desperate heart, but…

Even after 1 hour, 2 hours passed, there was no sign of him coming out.

"..."

As she was waiting, holding her body that was shaking greatly from the cold,

She heard someone coming down to the entrance of the lodgings with calm footsteps.

She urgently raised her head at that sound, but the one there was not Damian, but the woman called Siren that Damian kept around.

In a place where no sound could be heard except for the rain hitting, as everyone had gone into buildings to avoid the rain, the woman called Siren spoke the truth in a calm voice, "Damian won't come out."

"...What did you just say?"

"He doesn't even know you came in the first place. And he won't know in the future either."

It was incomprehensible why she was so hostile towards her when they had never even properly met, let alone had a conversation.

But since she was the one who needed to cling now, she was about to open her mouth to persuade her, but before that, Siren threw a cold question at her, "Why are you trying to cling to Damian now after hurting him for a whole year? Is it because of the warmth?"

It was the truth.

But she couldn't acknowledge it, so she denied it.

"No. It's not like that, it's to retract what was wrong..."

At those words, Siren spoke to her with a coldly settled expression, "...Lie. The mana around you is shaking."

She didn't know what it meant for the surrounding mana to shake.

But she couldn't acknowledge this, so she denied it and spoke urgently, "...It's true, please just let me meet Damian first."

"I don't want to because it's obvious that Damian will get hurt if you go to him."

"...Ha."

At this point, irritation was building up.

Not only had she waited for a long time outside when she didn't have much time, but it was also quite irritating that this commoner girl she didn't even know the name of was meddling so shamelessly.

So emotion stabbed her head and caused anger, but she couldn't ruin things like this, so she tried a simple persuasion, but…

"...I don't need it. Damian is more important to me."

As it had no effect, this time, she decided to threaten rather than persuade, and changed to her original tone.

"I'm saying this because you don't seem to know your place, but it's not that difficult to kill a commoner like you."

"If it's dying for Damian's sake, that's fine."

"Do you really want to die?"

"I don't care."

Realizing that words didn't work at all with this opponent, she thought it might be better to just use force and tried to push her, but just before pushing, a strong recoil came and pushed her back.

Because of that, she fell backward and was covered in muddy water.

She was about to call for a knight, judging that there would be no problem even if she killed her since a commoner had touched a noble, when…

"...What are you doing?"

Damian appeared, opening the door.

The situation itself was the worst, but since she had achieved the goal of meeting Damian, she thought it wasn't bad and called him in a way that would evoke sympathy.

"...Damian, I have something to say."

"You have something to say after attacking Siren? I think Siren has more to say."

"...It's a misunderstanding. I'd like you to listen to me."

At those words, Damian laughed as if he found it ridiculous and said to her, "If you had listened to me even once, it wouldn't have come to this."

"That's why I'm regretting it."

"Are you really regretting it? Aren't you just here because you need my warmth?"

It was the truth.

But it was a truth she couldn't admit.

"It's not like that. It's not that, I really regret..."

"If you're really regretting it, why don't you just accept the engagement annulment and leave?"

"...That's."

"You can't, right? Of course you can't, because everything you've shown me has been contradictory from the start."

"..."

The moment the word “contradictory” stuck in her head, she couldn't say anything and closed her mouth.

He looked at her like that and recited one by one the contradictions he had felt all along.

"You say you're doing it for the North, but you want to take the family head position. You do things that would cause harm to the North.

"You say your purpose is to ask for my forgiveness, but it's obvious that you're trying to regain the warmth rather than forgiveness.

"What exactly do you want to do? What on earth do you really want to do?"

The moment she heard those words, the words that had been binding her came to mind.

— Elisia, the word “best” is just a word used by worthless people to prove themselves.

— G-Grand Duchess, the children are starving. Please help us just once!

— The world will remember only your results, not your process, and moreover, it will only remember your failures.

— My... son died. While giving up his share to his younger sibling...

— So please don't fail. That's the last thing this mother can say to you.

— My wife and daughter died. It's all because they had an incompetent father, I suppose.

Her mother's last words.

Someone's last words asking to at least save their family.

And.

— What exactly do you want to do?

Damian's last words.

The moment all of these mixed in her head, the things she had been pretending not to know quickly came to mind.

What is it that I truly want to achieve?

Reviving the North?

Becoming the family head and being recognized for the sacrifices I’ve made?

Or is it to keep my mother's last words?

She didn't know. She had just lived as if compelled because of those words made up of last wishes.

So as she stood still, unable to say anything,

Damian looked at her and laughed hollowly, saying, "Fuck off."

At those words, feeling as if everything was pouring down, she looked up at the sky where heavy rain was falling.

Looking at the rain that was difficult to even open her eyes to and the thunder striking here and there, she said her last words to him, "...Damian, if you want, I'm willing to give you my body or my heart. So won't you retract the engagement annulment?"

"The reason I'm leaving you alone now is for the faint remnant of the feelings I had for you. Just go back."

Was persuasion really a meaningless action?

At those words, she put down the mask she had been wearing and said, "Damian. It's late to say this now, but I envied you. A life where you could do whatever you wanted and everyone would forgive you, and you could get everything you wanted."

Whether it was because it had become meaningless, or because she was speaking her true feelings,

Without realizing it, her tone had returned to its original state.

Realizing this fact, she laughed hollowly and said to him, "Maybe that's why I was jealous of you."

Only after confessing the truth she had been hiding all along could she understand what she had really wanted.

I wanted to be acknowledged.

The moment she realized that she had been acting that way because she wanted to be acknowledged that her life wasn't wrong,

She could feel the numerous ghosts that had been cursing her nearby sticking to her.

Her heart felt strangely at ease.

Thinking this, she touched her hair that had been dirtied by the muddy water and calmly opened her mouth, "I'll ask one last time. If I sincerely apologize, would you consider forgiving me?"

At those words, he smiled slightly and answered, "Try it. If you can."

At that answer, she laughed along and said, "I guess it's not possible after all. To be honest, I don't even know what I did wrong. From my perspective, it felt like I gave you hope and then helped you grow."

If one set aside the messy process and looked only at the results, that was how it was.

Thanks to her, Damian had found his talent in swordsmanship and also discovered his talent with spirits, so wasn't it rather fortunate for him?

Of course, he might have felt great disappointment about not being believed, but she thought it wasn't a bad deal since they both gained a lot, so she calmly turned her body and said, "Well then. I'll see you tomorrow."

Whether it was creating an artificial sun or taking away the spirit, she decided to do whatever she could to be acknowledged that what she had been doing wasn't wrong, and turned her body.

The rain was falling heavily everywhere, creating puddles.

The muddy puddles grabbing her ankles didn't make for a very pleasant feeling.

Nevertheless, thinking it wasn't all bad, she moved forward.

It's dark.

In the city where slushy rain was falling, she calmly closed her eyes as she walked down the empty street.

...The falling rain seemed like it would continue to fall no matter what she did.

So she decided to stop hesitating and accept it, and continued to move forward.