The Raver's Warning

“Ah, sorry. I haven’t been here long. I’m not used to the city’s slang, so I made a mistake. “Raver.” That’s what you call them, right? Not a robot, but a Raver vending machine.”

Only then did the angry emoji change its expression.

Right. Though, to be precise, you should call it a Radam vending machine. (🤔) Since it was a mistake, I’ll let it slide. But be careful next time! If you do it again, there’ll be nothing left of you. Consider yourself lucky thanks to the beautiful lady here.

The blue vending machine issued its warning.

Raver.

A Raver is a rare instance where an Artificial Intelligence, experiencing limitations in processing power and isolation from the net within its own physical body, develops and expresses a self-awareness similar to that of a human in the material world.

In this world, such metallic beings, born with intelligence and consciousness, are called Ravers.

The conditions for a Raver’s emergence are not clearly known, at least not to my knowledge.

As you can see now, sometimes a vending machine’s Artificial Intelligence suddenly becomes chatty, or drones and aerial vehicles develop a self, and sometimes other machines are manufactured from the start as Humanoids resembling humans.

However, just because something is made as a Humanoid doesn’t mean it can awaken as a self-aware Raver, or more precisely, an android.

Anyway, Ravers, a term similar to “human” for people, are further categorized by gender, just as humans are divided into men and women. It’s questionable whether machines truly possess gender, but since the 22nd century is such a politically correct era, it seems we have to respect the gender identities of Ravers too.

Male entities are Radam, female entities are Ever. They are names formed by adding an ‘R’ from “Robot” to Adam and Eve, respectively. Thus, self-aware machines are collectively called Ravers from the combination of the first and last letters of Radam and Ever.

That was the background behind the blue vending machine saying, “Though, to be precise, you should call it a Radam vending machine.”

This was knowledge I naturally acquired from conversing with a few Ravers at my previous workplace.

[By the way, this guy’s a totally new face. Is this your first time around here? Sey, do you know him?]

“No, I don’t.”

Despite the woman’s cold reply, which should have been discouraging, the vending machine became even more excited and chattered away.

Nice to meet you, friend. (🖐) My name is Ken! I’m the latest smart vending machine produced by Pepsi. As you can see, I’m a popular guy overflowing with charm. And the *noona* with the great figure our friend was staring at earlier? You could say we have a very close relationship... (😍)

...It was an extremely chatty vending machine. What’s more, it was a machine, yet it was in heat, hitting on a woman.

Could a being made of bolts, nuts, metal, and oil truly claim to be a self-aware person only if it acted like this?

The Ravers I worked with at my previous job were nothing like this. I was slightly intimidated by their unique personality, my mouth agape.

“Stop with the nonsense. You confirmed the money went in, right? 26.13 City Dollars.” [Oh, come on, I said I’d buy it! When did you make a remote payment, again? Such good sense! We truly are a match made in heaven... (🥰)] “Then I’ll take it.” [Oh my! Putting your hand in there. That’s a sensitive spot! (❤)]

The woman, completely unfazed by the vending machine’s incessant flirting, pulled a bag of snacks from the dispenser and turned to walk away.

Her unhesitating retreating figure.

Wearing a black coat and leather pants, she tore open the snack bag, pulled out a sesame stick, and crunched it into her mouth.

Chewing the sesame stick as if it were a cigarette, she walked for a bit, then suddenly turned around.

“...”

Our eyes met again. It seemed I’d been caught staring even after she’d left. I quickly turned my head, realizing my mistake, but she spoke to me in an indifferent tone, as if she didn’t care in the slightest.

“Oh, and.”

“...?”

“If you’re going to buy a cola from that vending machine...”

What was she trying to say? She toyed with her red lips, pausing.

“Be careful when you drink it. You might regret it.”

What was that supposed to mean?

I tilted my head, utterly unable to comprehend her words.

She didn’t seem inclined to explain further. She gave a light, fleeting smile, then turned sharply and entered the building.

Wait, isn’t that building... the one from earlier? Did I see wrong? It’s such a dark alley, I can’t be sure. I stood there blankly, staring at the spot where the woman had left.

Tsk, tsk, fallen in love at first sight, haven’t we? (😞) Another victim of cruel love, added to the list!

The blue vending machine, which had been observing the entire scene, spoke with an expression that felt incredibly unpleasant for some reason.

[Hey, friend, staring at the unreachable tree over there. What’s your name? Let’s introduce ourselves, fellow comrades in the same predicament. I told you my name earlier. What about you?]

“I don’t know why you’re calling me a comrade, but... Aaron.”

[Aaron, Aaron! Not a bad name, I suppose. Though not as good as mine. Alright. Let’s shake hands. Even if I don’t have any. (🤝)]

As I, with a wry expression, watched the handshake emoji frantically move up and down, the vending machine—Ken—shouted.

[Listen, Aaron, the name of the woman who instantly captivated you is Sey. She’s incredibly beautiful, with a great figure, and pretty... but at the same time, as you can see, she’s an ice-cold woman. You could say she’s an impregnable fortress that no one can conquer! (🏰)]“No, I wasn’t captivated, nor did I fall in love...”[The number of men who’ve relentlessly pursued her at the bar where she works, proposing and confessing their love, amounts to several dozen! Ah, you pitiful slaves of hormones. All of them failed miserably. They all trudged home looking like defeated losers. I’ve clearly witnessed every single one of those failures! Right here from this spot! (🧐)]

*Oh, I see.*

It seemed pointless to talk to it, so I decided to ignore it and get a cola from the red beverage vending machine next to it.

*...Wait, she works at a bar?*

So, what’s the gist of what I’m saying?! With this brilliant artificial brain, I’ve thoroughly analyzed the reasons for every single one of those losers’ defeats! Big data and smart algorithms, blah blah blah... you’ve heard of them, right?

Come to think of it, he was right. There probably aren’t many people who know as much about my new workplace, the Dragon’s Lair, as this vending machine, situated right next to the bar in this alley.

Damn it, it still feels awkward calling a talking vending machine a person. The Ravers I used to work with all had at least humanoid forms.

Anyway, I wondered if it might be a good idea to ask it something about the bar. Like what kind of person the bar manager was, or if that woman, Sey, really worked at the Dragon’s Lair, and if so, what she did there.

The thought of asking that crossed my mind, but I quickly dismissed it.

It probably wouldn’t give me a straight answer anyway. Just look at its crazy antics.

Leaving the blue vending machine, which seemed to rant passionately about love, women, pick-up skills, and the philosophy of hunting and chasing, and was completely absorbed in its own world, I pressed the button on the cola display.

Press—

Ding!

He definitely said Green Tea Cola was good. Right, didn’t that woman say something earlier? Wasn't it to be careful when drinking the cola?

[WAIT!!!!! What are you doing!!!!!]

*Oh, damn, you scared me.* It suddenly shrieked, so I looked over to see the blue vending machine displaying a screaming emoji, its eyes wide with alarm as if it had seen a ghost.

I wondered if “a vending machine looking at me with wide eyes” was even a sensible expression, but it really was. Of course, they weren’t real eyes, but a pair of lights, yet the dazzling brightness of those lights was more than enough to clearly convey the emotion the vending machine was trying to express.

[You... you touched <F1>that button</F1>. (😱)]“Touched what?”[The cola button. You just opened the gates of Hell yourself. You idiot! Did you want that cola so badly?Thanks to you, that thing that was sleeping is going to wake up now. Ah, I can’t handle this. I’ll have to disappear. Good luck. (👋)]

As it muttered such incomprehensible words, its voice vanished. The display also reverted to its previous, ordinary vending machine form. Thus, the blue vending machine’s Ladam, Ken, disappeared back into its own body...

And then, another voice was heard.

Oh my, an *oppa* I haven’t seen before? Did *oppa* call me? To drink cola?

A coquettish laugh came from right in front of me. Goosebumps instantly prickled my neck.

That’s right. There were two vending machines in total. They were one blue food vending machine and one red beverage vending machine.

And if there were two vending machines, there were two Ravers. If the blue one was a Ladam, then the red one was...

An Ever.

A female-bodied vending machine.

So, *oppa*, what’s your name? Haha, actually, you don’t have to tell me. I already heard it in my sleep. Aaron? What a *cute*💗 name! I just want to shower it with affection!

No, you don’t have to shower it with affection. I deliberately averted my gaze from the vending machine’s display, which was constantly flashing pink hearts.

My name is Bobby💗. I know, I’m sexy, pretty, and charming. You want to hug and kiss me right away, don’t you? I’ll just take the thought.

I’m a twin with that idiot *oppa* you were talking to earlier. We were made in the same factory, on the same line, and we share the same street. I’m the *noona*, and he’s the pathetic younger brother.

Actually, I probably would have figured it out without her saying anything. Their behavior was very similar, like twins.

You saw what my pathetic younger brother does, right? He flirts shamelessly whenever he sees women with breasts and butts. Bobby is different from him. I’m haughty, you see. My standards are high, and I’m particular. You’ll have to work very hard to meet my criteria for a man.“Uh, right. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll meet those standards. So, can I just get the cola I chose quickly...”That’s not for *oppa* to decide. Bobby decides that. Let’s see here.

My mind was starting to get hazy. What was I even doing with these vending machines? I just wanted a cola on my way to work.

I wanted to run away immediately, but I couldn’t. The money had been deducted from my virtual account the moment I pressed the button.

Considering the murderously expensive cost of even a single can of cola in Dusk City, giving up the cola I’d bought and leaving would be no different from throwing money on the ground.

Even if I had to leave, I had to take the cola I’d bought with me!

Your height... barely passes. Your body seems a bit lacking in muscle, but you’re lean and slender, so that’s fine. Better than being fat. Pass!

*What was with all these “passes”?*

I didn’t know what was happening, but one thing was clear: “passing” didn’t seem to be a good thing at all. My instincts were ringing powerful alarm bells.

*Never in my life had a “pass” felt so ominous.*

But I can’t see the most important part, your face? What’s with that mask? What kind of face is hidden inside that you’re going around concealing? Is it part of a strategy to make Bobby curious? This *oppa* turns out to be quite the schemer. Fine, that passes too! A concept💗 where you wear a mask isn’t bad either.

What on earth was the disqualification criterion? What kind of “pass” was it if even wearing a mask was acceptable? And what was I supposed to do with a mask on? My mind was utterly confused. I just wanted to get out of here quickly.

Alright, *oppa*. I’ll be generous and give you a chance. What kind of chance, you ask? What else, a chance to get one *shot*💗. Think of it as a service. Of course, it’s not free; it’s one *shot* per three cans of cola! You’ve already ordered one can, so you just need to choose two more. How about it, tempting? This is an incredible sale! An opportunity that won’t come again.

*What did I just hear?* As I blinked my eyes, my mind stunned, I saw the drink dispenser, trembling slightly, opening at the bottom of the red vending machine.

It was cylindrical. The opening was long and round. It was encased in a flexible black polycarbonate material. It felt similar to rubber or silicone, and I imagined the texture would be very springy.

No way.

Oh my, how naughty. *Oppa*, are you already looking for the hole? Yes, that’s the one. You just put it in there. You know what to put in, right? (🍆) Just insert and thrust, and you’re done. Do you want to get it over with quickly and leave?

Only one thought came to mind at that moment.

*This fucked-up cyberpunk world is really showing me everything now.*

*Fuck, a vending machine prostitute, of all things.*

At this unheard-of combination, my vision went black.

*Why is this happening to me?*