Chapter 3
It was a ridiculously crude method, but right now I had to do something, anything. I didn’t know any other way anyway, and no matter what I did, I’d die.
It was worth praying it worked.
"Please...!"
"If I turned the corner, the vampire would be there."
"Hello?"
Just seeing her smile sweetly and wave made bile rise in my throat. It was obvious what would happen next. As always, she’d cry and beg me to open the shutter. Then I’d make this woman perform a perfect dogeza before kicking her head as hard as I could.
A perfect scenario.
"Hey, listen. I dozed off for a second and got trapped here. Could you open this for me? The key’s right here."
Seeing this scene over and over makes it feel strangely uncanny. Her lines change a little each time. Maybe tiny differences like the time I come down here are what cause the changes?
"..."
A brief silence.
Like a student who’d always sat wordlessly in the back of the classroom, I braced myself and shouted with my eyes bulging wide.
"I’m not opening it, you fucking bitch!"
"What?"
"You crazy vampire bastard! I’m never opening it, you fucking bitch!"
"..."
The vampire's expression turned cold.
"How do you know that? We’ve never met before, have we?"
"Just looking at your face, I can tell, you bastard! You’re obviously a vampire, you fucking bitch!"
"Thump-thump!"
My heart hammered like it would burst, and an unknown rush of dopamine surged through me!
Yes! I wanted to unleash a satisfying stream of curses at this fucking bitch! She’d killed me three times, and yet she’d never once gotten a proper earful of abuse—wasn’t that just too unfair!
This crazy woman needed to be drenched in every filthy insult there was!
"Could you stop with the 'fucking bitch' thing?"
"I’m going to keep saying it, you fucking bitch!"
"Say that again first. How did you know I’m a vampire?"
"You bastard! You don’t even watch movies! You can tell just by looking, you fucking bitch! You’re practically advertising yourself as a vampire right now!"
I only knew the truth because I kept regressing, but I just couldn’t stop this insane rampage.
Apparently, after dying a few times, my head had gone a little off the rails. No matter how diligent a person is, if they’re hit with one unfair thing after another, they can’t help it. So if a once-diligent person suddenly loses it, you should look on them with warm eyes.
"...I’ll grant that much. But you don’t know vampires have other abilities? Anyway, you’re going to tell me everything."
The moment the vampire spoke with clear annoyance, her sharp eyes flashed. She was trying to hypnotize me.
At the same time.
"Thunk!"
I pulled out my phone and held the screen toward her.
"Crazy bitch! You think some bullshit hypnosis like that will work on me? I’m never opening the shutter, you fucking bitch!"
Please, let it work!
If this doesn’t work, I’m screwed!
"Ugh!"
"Wow!"
It worked!
Showing her the cross image on my phone actually worked!
"Hah, haha! You see it? Can you see it? Can you see this cross, you fucking bitch? Wow! You crazy bitch! So you were all swagger because you’re a vampire, and now a cross image is enough to make you die? Wow! This crazy bitch! Wow! Just seeing it on a smartphone screen makes you want to die!"
The insane dopamine surged up again...!
"It’s a cross! A cross! Look at this! Look at it, you fucking bitch!"
"Ngh...!"
I’m alive!
Beyond merely surviving, I was landing a solid hit on that hated crazy vampire bitch!
Look at her! That ugly sight of her stumbling backward, eyes squeezed shut in pain and covering her face with her hands! From the look of it, her skin seemed to be getting burned!
"You can’t hurt me! Your hypnosis won’t work either! Die already! You fucking bitch!"
While viciously cursing the vampire, I kept thrusting the screen at her. Like the demon from The Wailing shoving a camera in her face, basically.
"In the Lord’s name, become a pitiful, lowly ash and disappear! Amen! Amen! Aaaamen!"
And for the finale, just like Father Andersen!
"Hah, haa...! You insolent bastard. I’ll tear you apart."
"What?"
The vampire, who’d been writhing in pain, pressed herself right up against the shutter.
Then, just like Neji using Byakugan, she made enormous vampire wrinkles around her eyes. Not only that, her mouth split open and long fangs sprouted.
So you finally revealed your ugly true form...!
"Eek! Monster! Get out of our village right now!"
It was a terrifying sight, but thanks to my dopamine and adrenaline shooting through the roof, I was somehow able to stay calm.
"Boom!"
The vampire’s eyes gleamed even brighter. Along with that, an unknown force began forcibly squeezing my arms and legs.
Was her hypnosis getting stronger?!
"A-ah! No! No!"
My hand keeps moving on its own!
I have to keep showing the cross!
"Why? Is it hard to hold your phone? Then put it down."
"Let go, you filthy thing...! You can’t beat the cross in my heart! You fucking bitch!"
"Quit with the 'fucking bitch' already. Put it down."
"I’m not letting go, you fucking bitch!"
"Almost there."
The hypnosis was starting to loosen its grip on my hand. By now I realized it: if I kept going like this, I’d eventually drop the phone. And if that happened, I’d die. The moment that crazy bitch escaped the influence of the cross, I wouldn’t be able to resist the hypnosis.
Then it would be over...!
What kind of cruel death would I face next!
Something!
I had to do something more!
What options were left? Holy water? We didn’t have anything like that here. Sunlight, either. I didn’t have a stake, and even if I did, I’d need enough strength to drive it into a vampire’s chest.
What was left?
Garlic? Garlic was all I had, so where the hell was I supposed to get any garlic!
"Ah...!"
There!
There was garlic!
"Garlic!"
"Huh?"
A wave of nausea surged up instantly.
"Bleurgh!"
Right. Just as there was a cross in my heart, there was garlic in my stomach too. Didn’t I just come back from eating meat and drinking with a friend? How could I not have eaten any garlic? Koreans are a people of booze and garlic; right now my gut was packed full of Hwanung’s blessed garlic in absurd quantities!
"You... what? Wait!"
This bastard...!
Last time, you ripped open my stomach and killed me. That’s what’s going to kill you. You’re going to die because of the garlic in my stomach!
"Uwaaaagh!!"
Something spewed out of my mouth.
To soften it a little, something bizarre shot out in a huge spray, like the zombie blood bomb in Metal Slug 3. Anyone who saw this would think they should set off on a bizarre adventure right away.
Thinking about death made vomiting incredibly easy.
"Sshhhk!"
The vampire, who’d been glued to the shutter, took all the weird liquid from my body square in the face and over her body. In effect, she looked like she’d been completely doused in garlic extract.
The result?
"Kyaaahhh!"
"Fssss!"
The vampire was screaming!
Her skin was even melting!
It worked!
It really worked!
"U, uaaaaaagh! It worked! It worked! Hey, hey! Where are you closing your eyes? Look! Look at this! Look at it! You fucking bitch!"
Calmly, I went in for the kill. I shoved my phone forward even harder and kept battering the vampire. The bastard stood there thrashing for a while, and then...
"Just you wait!"
"Swish!"
Just like riding a moving walkway in reverse, she slid backward and then turned into black smoke and disappeared.
The smoke drifted down below the station.
"Ah...!"
I was the only one left at the scene.
Along with the trail of vomit.
"Ding."
"[You survived the vampire.]"
"[^%&$%^$%]"
"[#$%#$^]"
"[$%&%^&%^]"
"Shit."
The moment I saw the message box.
"Fuck! I made ittttt!!!"
I let out a cry of joy.
* * *
I can’t really remember what happened after that.
I ran like crazy, and once I got home I locked every door and window more obsessively than Suzume in the grip of mania, then pulled out every sheet of paper I could find and drew crosses on all of them, not to mention scribbling crosses all over the wallpaper.
"Crosses... crosses! More crosses!"
I need more crosses!
I have to stockpile enough crosses to hand out two apiece to every crusader and still have plenty left over!
From now on, crosses are a kind of strategic supply. I absolutely have to stockpile them, and if necessary, I’ll have to place a massive order just for cross farms. Making cross ham would be fine too. The price should be about 1.5 times that of Spam.
After drawing enough crosses to satisfy myself, I took garlic out of the fridge and rubbed it all over my body, scattering it around the room too. I didn’t forget to stuff some under my armpits either.
Just in case, I also found a tool that could serve as a substitute stake. I rubbed minced garlic all over a kitchen knife that could play a similar role to a stake, enchanting it with garlic for anti-vampire use.
After that, I spent the night wide awake inside the extremely cozy and safe fortress I’d created.
The vampire had vanished down below the station, but I still couldn’t let my guard down. That crazy bitch might seduce some idiot into opening the shutter and then come after me.
"Come at me as much as you want...! I’ll finish you off!"
If she came, I’d give her a cross baptism, then pelt her with garlic like crazy. After that, I’d have to drive the garlic-enchanted kitchen knife, my substitute stake, into her chest.
"Clack, clack, clack!"
My whole body trembled in my fevered delusions, and my teeth chattered. What a truly insane experience. There’s a phrase about the world of the mad moon, and this must be exactly what that means.
The status window appearing before my eyes, dying and regressing over and over, meeting a vampire—all of it felt like events that had taken place inside the delusions of a crazed lunatic.
I can’t feel at ease. There was a kitchen knife in my hand. If I drove this straight into my throat, would I wake up on that subway again? Then would I keep waking up there every time I died and have to fight that vampire in a life-or-death duel?
Even if I grew old and died at a hundred, would I wake up there again then?
"Ugh, aaaaaagh! Aaaaaaaagh!"
In my dreams, I became a vampire and helped bring about the end of the world. I don’t even want to imagine how it ends. I was still screaming when morning came.
* * *
The madness of last night had subsided.
After showering to wash away the smell of garlic, I packed my things to head down to my family home.
"School and all that crap... first I’m getting the hell out of here."
I have absolutely no confidence I can survive in a place this insane. A place where vampires roam around at night? Even if they gave me my security deposit back and let me live rent-free, I’d still refuse. Even homeless people would avoid this place.
Anyway.
This house is about twenty minutes from the subway station. At that distance, it’ll definitely come looking someday. I have to run before that monster gets here.
"Vampires can’t operate under the sun."
If I flee during the daytime, I should be safe.
Let’s go to my family home.