Chapter 70
-What are you...?
"Hurry! Please come quickly! Hurry! A ghost showed up!"
-Haa... wait.
Spandal hung up the phone.
"Done!"
As long as Spandal, the powerful esper, came, some petty ghost like this was nothing.
Some might laugh at me for, despite being a regressor who'd been through all sorts of hardship, calling for my senior over some trash ghost like this.
But that's an absurd thing to think.
It's not just foolish; it's a thought that doesn't know anything.
You could say it's the very definition of a narrow-minded view.
Ignorant.
Stupid.
Backward.
Clueless.
A regressor is someone who uses every method available. It's not like I'm isolated somewhere or without signal, so calling an experienced esper is perfectly natural.
What's more, this was only possible because I was such a seasoned agent. I was so experienced that I immediately formulated and carried out the solution.
And the specialties are different to begin with.
I'm an expert vampire hunter who stands shoulder to shoulder with Han Segeon. No vampire can beat me, and above all, I, Grong, am a legendary fighter who even went head-to-head with the vampire angel and won. In the field of vampire hunting, I'm an absolute superhuman.
But ghosts aren't my field.
University professors are well-versed in their own majors, but they don't know much about other fields. It's the same thing. I'm an expert in vampire hunting, not in ghost hunting.
So this is by no means some embarrassing situation where a total scaredy-cat immediately dials his senior on some national defense hotline.
Rather, it's closer to the method of a cool-headed, seasoned hunter.
It's the capable action of someone who knows his shortcomings and figures out the most appropriate method... a cold-blooded predator through and through.
I finished thinking while pressing both temples with my index and middle fingers.
"Good."
As expected, there is nothing impossible for this Grong.
But leaving everything to Spandal still wouldn't be very Grong-like. A seasoned agent knows how to find a breakthrough in any situation.
No, but why the hell is this trash ghost so strong?
A trash ghost one-shotting a Bureau agent?
How the hell do Koreans even live if it's like this?
Anyway.
The ghost hasn't knocked on the door yet.
There's still some time, so let's gather information.
I quickly turned on the computer and searched for things about Korean ghosts.
A hint.
Yeah, a hint.
The hint said it was a trash ghost that appears in Korea.
"Trash ghost."
Come to think of it, wasn't this actually kind of useful?
Whatever it was, I'd learned the enemy's identity for sure. A Korean trash ghost—the fear of the unknown had completely vanished, hadn't it?
If I hadn't had the hint, I would probably have been trembling instead of blowing up in rage about what kind of bullshit this was again. I only got angry because it was called a trash ghost.
So I kept searching for information on Korean trash ghosts and how to get rid of them.
[World Politics Board]
Sure enough, there were plenty of things posted on this site.
"Sejeongge."
There really did seem to be something here.
Let's go in for now.
-Open your eyes!!!!!
-Column) Are the Wright Brothers Angels or Devils?
-Can't trust hospitals either. They're implanting parasites in people's brains.
-Warning) The brutal imperialist sugarcane plantations, the 20-million-Congolese limb-severing massacre and cannibalism incident of Belgium, the absolute evil nation in human history
-Isn't that 'manager' thing showing up on the internet these days way too suspicious?
-Sharing how to make an epsilon-class bizarre-wave-blocking foil hat
-Found another UFO, fuck. Always around my house, fuck. Hiding them all, fuck. Doing it on purpose so I'd find them, fuck.
As expected, it's not normal.
Only abnormal posts were being uploaded like crazy.
Even as I thought that, I felt a strong interest in this Sejeongge.
No.
Or should I call it intuition?
There's definitely something here.
I want to dig into this properly sometime.
"Let's see."
For now, I focused on searching for keywords about Korean ghosts.
"Korean trash ghost... Korean trash ghost..."
Information about ghosts was coming up.
For one thing, ghosts are weak to salt and red beans. Apparently most ghosts will convulse like vampires getting hit with garlic if you just scatter those around... really?
Actually, I'd heard that before too. Salt is one of the standard things used to ward off ghosts, and red beans are a thing because of the winter solstice and such.
Would this actually work?
No, since it's a trash ghost, maybe it really would work?
Then it'd be an unexpectedly easy opponent.
"Damn it."
But I don't have any salt or red beans at home.
That's unfortunate and infuriating, but it can't be helped.
"Wow."
But this hint ability seems better than I thought?
If it's really a trash ghost, it won't be able to withstand salt and red beans.
Let's look for other methods first.
-The reason people used to hang a sieve by the door of a thatched house is exactly that. If you hang up a sieve, the ghost will try to come in, then stop and count the holes in the sieve. Because ghosts are obsessed with dense little holes like that. They spend all night counting the holes in the sieve, then disappear on their own at dawn.
"A sieve!"
I've heard of that too!
And by chance, there's a kitchen sieve at home.
—clunk!
I immediately opened the kitchen drawer and took out the sieve.
At that very moment.
—bang, bang, bang!
"Gah!"
This bastard is trying to scare people...!
Still, as long as I have the sieve, there's nothing to worry about.
I immediately used tape to stick the kitchen sieve to the wall.
"Phew."
I gripped my pistol and prepared to fight in that state.
—bang, bang, bang!
—bang, bang, bang!
—bang, bang, bang!
Fine, come on.
Actually, calling Spandal was just insurance against the worst-case scenario. I could handle it on my own from the start. I, who took on and beat the vampire angel head-on, could practically be called the god of vampire hunting.
Once you're at the level of a god, you can do reasonably well even outside your own field.
—clack!
The door suddenly opened,
and a disheveled ghost rushed toward me.
At the same time.
—whoosh!
The ghost changed direction and slammed its face into the sieve stuck to the wall!
"Wow!"
It worked!
It went through!
This trash ghost bastard is really getting wrecked by traditional exorcism methods!
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten."
The ghost began counting in a chilling voice, glaring with wild eyes. It was like some mentally ill person obsessed with odd and even numbers trying to count every grain of rice in the cafeteria's fried rice.
Naturally, there were way too many holes in the sieve for it to count them all.
"Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen-"
"What the hell are you counting, you son of a bitch!"
I swung the silver cross in my pocket and smashed it into the ghost's head.
—thwack!
Is it dealing damage?
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten."
The ghost, having paused for a moment, tried to start counting again.
This bastard is completely insane!
"Look at this bastard! Die!"
—thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
I started beating the ghost like it was a sandbag, hitting it like crazy.
"O-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten..."
I swung my fists, kicked it, spat on it, scolded it while pointing a finger, hurled high-grade insults, and acted so violently that I was practically venting all my stress.
Each time, the ghost would shake or flinch, fall over and get back up, then press its face to the sieve and try to count again.
It was completely bound by the sieve.
"O-one, two, three... four... one, one, one...."
"This bastard is going all the way with it! Hey! Snap out of it!"
By this point, it was even getting funny.
"What the hell are you counting?!"
"H-ha, h-ha, one..."
I went so far as to yank its hair all over the place and tie it up in a weird, twisted knot, turning it into something like Chucky dumped in a food waste bin.
"T-two, two, one..."
Not satisfied with that, I soaked tissues in water, tore them up, and shoved them forcefully into its ears or smeared its face with them.
"Ha! Try eating this too!"
As a bonus, I also crushed the packet of minced garlic I was carrying with my bare hand and poured it over its head.
Ah!
That feels so damn refreshing!
"You son of a bitch, I'm gonna turn you into dreadlocks! Get over here!"
"H-ha, ha, one..."
"You say dreadlocks are a culture only Black people have? Then, bastard, don't Black people enjoy white culture too?! Huh!"
"H-ha, ha, oneee... one..."
As I was turning the ghost's hair into dreadlocks like that,
"Grong. What are you doing?"
"Oh! Senior Spandal!"
Spandal had arrived!
I let go of the hair I was holding.
"..."
Spandal was staring straight at me.
"Sigh. You made a fuss saying a ghost appeared, so I came... and you were fighting the ghost? What in the world is that mess?"
"Well..."
"What do you think I am? Even if you're a newbie, you're a Bureau agent, aren't you? You can't even handle something like this alone and call your senior in the middle of the night-"
"Senior Spandal! Sob! I thought I was going to die from fear!"
"Aah?!"
I immediately hugged Spandal.
Yes.
This is the feel of it.
"W-what are you...! S-step away...! Scared? You were fighting just a moment ago!"
"I was so scared that excessive behavior outside my control just manifested! I was in a panic!"
"I get it already! Can't you hear me telling you to get off...!"
As I kept rubbing my face against Spandal, Spandal tried to push me away, then rubbed my back instead.
So nothing's changed after all.
Of course not. It's Spandal.
"Thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four."
By the time I heard the ghost's voice, I let Spandal go.
This bastard starts counting again as soon as I leave it alone for a second.
"You really are troublesome..."
"Senior Spandal. Still, I did manage to find a method in the midst of my fear. Once I set up the sieve, the ghost got caught on it."
Spandal looked at the ghost that was counting numbers.
"Well done. That's a trait of Korean ghosts. If you hang a sieve, they'll try to count the holes. You knew that?"
"I found it when I searched. But what's in that bag?"
"Salt and red beans."
Ah.
You brought them because I said a ghost appeared.
Spandal used slender, long fingers to take the salt and red beans out of the bag.
Then Spandal threw them at the ghost.
—whoosh!
Then the ghost's hair stood on end and it started having a full-blown seizure. It toppled over, flipped over, and twisted its body around like an insect with a damaged nervous system.
"G-g-g-g-g-g-g-gak."
Salt and red beans really are the perfect remedy.
Spandal looked down at the ghost,
—sliiide.
pulled a long black thorn from a finger like a longsword and stabbed the ghost through.
—shhk!
Countless black thorns exploded from inside the trash ghost like a sea urchin.
Before long, the ghost's form itself vanished completely.
[You have defeated the 'ghost trying to come into the house.']
[You have received 100 points as a reward.]
No!
This bastard wipes out a life worth 2,000 points and only gives me exactly 100 points?
"..."
I wanted to scream, but I couldn't do that in front of Spandal. So I politely bowed.
"Thank you, Senior Spandal. You saved me."
"Grong. Listen. If you're an agent, you should be able to handle something like this on your own. What if you can't get in touch with anyone? You wouldn't be thinking of calling your senior then, would you?"
Spandal, standing before me, scolded me. It was a familiar thing, and an enjoyable one. I lowered my head and listened obediently to the lecture.
"I'm sorry. I'll do better from now on. From now on, I'll carry salt and red beans too, not just garlic."
"You should. If you call me again over something trivial, I'll be disappointed."
"No! I don't want to disappoint Senior Spandal!"
"I-I mean it! I'm telling you to do better from now on! Fine, I'm leaving!"
Spandal, having said that, was about to leave.
Hmm.
But I don't want to let Spandal go.
Even if this isn't the long-haired Spandal... if regression has some continuity instead of resetting...
"Where do you think you're going!"
"What?"
"A ghost showed up—how am I supposed to stay here alone!"
"We already dealt with the ghost...?"
"Even so, scary is scary. I can't stay here alone. I'm really, really scared, Senior Spandal."
"S-so... what do you want from me?"
A troubled look.
I could see it plain as day.
I know that if I push at times like this, I can get my way.
"Even though I'm Grong, the terror of vampires and the fake Bureau, ghosts are outside my field of expertise. It could show up again, so I'd like Senior Spandal to help me a bit more."
"So what exactly do you want me to do...?"
"For now, please don't leave here."
"Y-you mean... stay with you?"
You read my mind.
"Yes."
"M-make some sense! I'm leaving!"
"Ah, then at least! Please go with me to the Bureau! I can't stay alone in this house today!"
"What are you talking about! How far are you planning to trouble your senior, Grong! H-hey, wait! Don't come any closer!"
"Will you go with me?"
"I said I get it already!"
That's more like Spandal.
In the end, I went to the Bureau with Spandal.
The Bureau was brightly lit.
Going into the office made me feel a little more at ease.
"You're really going to sleep here?"
"Yes. I plan to stay here for the day."
"Sigh... do as you please."
"Thank you! Goodbye!"
After sending Spandal off like that, I lay down on the floor.
But I couldn't turn the lights off, damn it.
So I had no choice but to cover my eyes with an eye mask.
"Pretty useful."
Useful hint ability
This thing is the real deal.
At first I thought it was some bizarre garbage ability, but it's actually quite useful. Just knowing information about the ghost lets me find a way to deal with it. I took a hit on points because I was ambushed this time, but if not for that...
Couldn't I even farm points with it?