Chapter 39
I lived a life lacking for nothing.
My parents never spared any support for me, and my older brother was what people often called a genius.
Born to parents whose abilities were recognized by the world, I grew up like a hothouse flower in my older brother’s shadow, his grades far surpassing those of other kids his age.
The only person I was close to was my brother, three years older than me, who seemed nothing but mature.
Since Mom and Dad were always busy with work, it was always just the two of us at home.
"Hyuna, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
There was one question he always made sure to ask me.
The simple question of what I wanted to become.
"Umm... I don't know! I just want to stay with you, Oppa!"
"......"
I was so young back then that I couldn't even understand what he meant.
I had none of my brother’s genius talent, so I didn't know what that question meant at the time.
All that stayed etched in my heart was the warmth of Oppa holding me tightly, so tenderly.
Even now, whenever I dream, it feels as though I'm drawn into those fragrant memories.
A four-year-old who knew nothing about the world couldn't grasp the philosophical meaning hidden in the words of a seven-year-old prodigy.
"Hyuna, you'll definitely become someone amazing someday."
Oppa gave me a perfunctory smile and patted my head.
It didn't seem like he'd expected me to understand in the first place.
After all, if he had really hoped I shared his way of thinking, he would have waited until I was a little older before telling me that.
Looking back now, maybe Oppa was just trying to express his dissatisfaction with life to me.
"Hyuna, you're turning eight this year, right...? Happy birthday! I'm sorry Mom and Dad couldn't come see you because we're busy... I gave Oppa some money, so go buy something delicious together!"
"Yeah... Mom. And I'm seven..."
"Oh... Is that right? Mom's so scatterbrained... I'll call you later tonight! Love you, sweetheart!"
Of course, that didn't mean my parents were worthless people.
If anything, they showered me with love and care, treating me like a princess.
Our family simply had no time to spare. We were so busy with everything we had going on that we could barely make time to see one another.
"Oppa, why don't we go somewhere for my birthday?"
A seven-year-old child.
A lonely complaint from a child who had been cooped up at home her whole life, still a year away from starting elementary school.
Even though he heard the same unreasonable complaints every year, Oppa never once showed his irritation.
"The people outside are stupider than us, so being around them would only have a bad influence on you."
"...But the kids on TV look like they're having fun."
"They're just a bunch of inadequate kids clustering together, going nowhere."
After Oppa started elementary school, his attitude toward people gradually grew strangely colder.
Even as he badmouthed the outside world, there was something he looked at with a wistful gaze.
I couldn't understand it.
Even opening any one of the many books at home would tell you that there was no such thing as being better or worse than someone else.
Oppa maintained a stiff, matter-of-fact attitude, as if our family were somehow superior.
"Hyuna, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Oppa kept asking me that question ever since I first heard it at four...
"...Someone amazing?"
Even though I was still young, after hearing the same thing for three years, I could tell what Oppa was trying to say.
Of course, I had plenty of complaints.
What did it even mean to be superior or amazing in this world?
I wanted to argue with him about it, but...
"Hyuna's so innocent. So sweet. So cute."
"Hehe..."
The pleasant feeling of his hand stroking my head kept me from worrying about such trivial things.
No matter how old I got or how close I came to the place Oppa had once stood, he had already gone much farther.
Maybe that's why I kept following Oppa and clinging to him.
I must have become an able-bodied invalid, so used to having everything taken care of for me that I couldn't survive on my own.
And after I noticed that tiny bit of strangeness, the gulf between us only grew wider, swallowing Oppa up.
"Oppa, it's my birthday today..."
"...Huh? Oh. It's your birthday, Hyuna. Sorry, I didn't pay attention."
"Yeah... It's okay!"
After I turned ten, he started seeming strangely absent a lot of the time.
Like a human shell, with only the outer husk left after the soul inside had evaporated and disappeared.
He was so listless and emotionless that I could hardly call him alive.
He no longer seemed like the kind older brother he'd once been; it felt as if he'd put even me outside the bounds of his concern...
"I-I'm... okay... *sob*..."
I cried.
I cried because it was unfair.
Having learned nothing and met no one, I'd spent my whole life looking up to and relying on Oppa, so his attention was everything to me.
Because it felt as though his not paying attention to me was the same as killing me.
If I was going to become someone amazing like we'd promised, I shouldn't have cried over something so trivial.
I was supposed to become someone who wouldn't cry just because Mom and Dad couldn't see me on my birthday.
The weakness in myself was etched so painfully deep that I cried once more.
"Hyuna, I made a friend?"
Then, all of a sudden, Oppa came up to me with a smile, acting friendly.
Oppa, who'd ignored and neglected me for almost a year, living like a dead man, was now coming up to me with a smile like he used to?
He even had a silly expression I'd never seen before.
With an animated look, different from the gentle warmth he'd always shown me...
"......"
Without thinking, I got angry and ignored him.
Even if it was natural for siblings to grow apart as they got older, that year had felt like hell.
My parents had almost stopped contacting us, and I was isolated, receiving only financial support—as if I were living on my own.
In that situation, Oppa had sunk into emptiness, leaving me with no one to talk to at all.
Going to school meant playing boring games with dolls.
Coming home meant playing dead.
I wanted to believe Oppa was to blame for making me feel that endless repetition.
"Hey, when your older brother talks to you, could you at least answer...?"
"You said people outside were stupid."
"...Turns out they weren't. They were smarter than me."
Or maybe I was jealous of that friend who'd stolen Oppa's attention from me.
"There's this kid named Minseo, my age, who's really girly, tiny, and cute. He's kind, but his eyes are sharp... Anyway, he's kind of fascinating."
Being called cute and doted on by Oppa had always been my privilege.
I never imagined someone would appear who could take away the attention I'd always received as my natural right.
What's more, maybe I didn't want to accept that the one who might take it from me was a boy, not a girl.
But you know what?
People are surprisingly simple, and once they get fixated on someone—even in a bad way—that person starts to look special for no reason.
If someone says good things about them, they seem far more amazing; if they say bad things, they seem wicked.
But Oppa always described Minseo as an angel unlike any other in the world, a mysterious fairy.
On top of that, he had justice and courage, like a being straight out of mythology.
What I'm saying is...
"Hey, Hyuna! I got my yearbook today, okay? This is the kid I told you about. What do you think? Cute, right?"
"Uh... yeah..."
That was what I meant by brainwashing: after three years, you could find yourself attracted to the person you'd been jealous of.
In that photo, his petite frame stood out as adorable as he shyly made a V sign with his arm around Oppa in the corner...
Even then, his eyes seemed to glare at something, utterly mysterious.
To put it simply, I fell in love at first sight.
I didn't know whether I was just that easily swayed, or whether three years of hearing Oppa talk about him had built up that image in my mind.
"Oh, right. I'm going to live on my own once I start high school."
"Huh? Why all of a sudden? Then who's going to feed me?!"
"We can hire another housekeeper. Anyway, if I stay in this house, I feel like I'll live a boring life forever, following the path laid out for me."
And then came the sudden announcement that he was moving out.
Oppa abandoned even the beliefs he'd held since elementary school, choosing to make a fool of himself in pursuit of freedom.
I thought he was amazing.
I didn't have the courage to do that.
Even now, despite my good grades, I still thought Oppa was a genius, even when he couldn't score 70.
Realizing our grades and positions had changed, but our essence hadn't changed at all, plunged me into despair.
There was, after all, a gap between Oppa and me that could never be bridged.
His future was already guaranteed, but he hated having everything decided for him, so he threw it all away and went to live out in the world?
It was obviously insane.
But that meant he was confident he could survive even under those terrible conditions.
"Hyuna, how are you doing...?"
While I continued to build up my respect for Oppa in my heart, Dad contacted me.
A simple, obvious message: since Oppa was gone, I would have to learn the ropes.
It was a golden path with success guaranteed and almost no risk, so there was no reason to turn it down.
"Dad, I don't want to do that!"
"...What?"
"No, it's not that I want something else. I just thought if Oppa ran away, life must be really boring? Um... I'm sorry, Dad! Don't come looking for me for a while!"
Unlike Oppa, I had no real plan or future, but I still ran away like him, driven by nothing but admiration.
...Still, I was a little worried, so I brought a few cheat codes: some jewelry, designer goods, and spending money.
And when I reached Oppa's house and entered the passcode I'd heard before...
"......"
I saw Oppa on top of a little girl.