Chapter 17
*
After finishing the meal, I got into the limousine.
Erica sat by the window without saying a word.
The girl who had been tearing through the lobster with such battle fervor a moment ago was now staring blankly out the window.
'Is she sleepy because she's full? Or….'
Her profile looked oddly familiar.
It was the kind of face I'd seen somewhere in my past life….
'Who was it again? Among the residents….'
I looked out the opposite window, guessing at Erica's condition.
The limousine left Civitas Square and started climbing up toward Sanctum Hill.
*
At that moment, Erica's mind was in turmoil.
Waking up in the noble manor's annex,
watching a deal worth an absurd amount of money unfold,
and filling her stomach with a level of opulence she'd never even imagined.
Everything she'd experienced today felt like a dream.
But in that dreamlike place, the head butler's questions about her 'qualifications' were enough to drag her back to reality.
'I think I understand now why Uncle Tao acted that way.'
The undisputed ruler of the Red-Light District, the kingpin—Tao Chen.
You couldn't conquer a place like that with your fists alone.
A place full of bottom-feeders was always overflowing with malice beyond imagination.
Which meant that becoming the master of one street in such a district—the Red-Light District—meant having that much refinement and malice.
So Erica knew.
Just how cunning, sly, and cruel that guy who always smiled sheepishly in front of Julian could be when necessary.
And the people of the Red-Light District remembered.
That day, in the middle of a heavy snowstorm, there had been a story the kingpin spread as a warning.
***
This winter, when the blizzard was at its worst.
A mid-level officer of <Skard Hyena> was caught secretly siphoning off drugs and selling them in Smoke Alley.
The problem was that the drugs he'd gotten his hands on happened to be another syndicate's business.
Limbus Pit was divided into territories, each a rice bowl for the bosses of the various streets.
The kingpin's 'Skard Hyena' controlled prostitution and slaughter, and that was why they ruled the Red-Light District.
And drugs were Smoke Alley's turf.
If you reach into someone else's rice bowl, your wrist gets cut off.
That's the rule of this cesspit.
In that sense, the mid-level officer's actions could have led to war with Smoke Alley.
But the kingpin didn't scold him.
Instead, he invited the man to dinner.
Then, as the banquet neared its end, the kingpin chewed his last bite of meat and said casually,
“I can understand why you put your hands on that bastard's drug business. People get greedy as they go through life. I do too.”
The kingpin wiped his mouth with a napkin as he spoke.
“I've already talked things over with the boss of Smoke Alley. It won't be a big problem.”
At those words, color returned to the officer's face.
Relief—I'm alive—flashed across his expression.
But the kingpin's kindness ended there.
“But you were planning to spread that stuff to the children, weren't you?”
“W-What? W-well, children do tend to carry quite a bit of petty cash… I thought if we sold it cheap and got them hooked, they'd become long-term customers… And besides, back in the day, people used to….”
“Haaah.”
The kingpin cut him off with a deep sigh.
It was a sigh thick with irritation.
“Hey. It's snowing hard outside right now. Do you know who comes back once this snow stops?”
“W-who…”
“…Tsk. Doesn't matter. You don't need to know.”
Irritation crept into the kingpin's once-friendly voice.
He gripped his knife backward and scraped it irritably across the table.
“Then do you remember that I changed the rules last year? What was that rule?”
“We… now… don't let children work in brothels… that was it. Even if it was just menial labor…
“Have you ever thought about why I made that rule?”
….
“Think about it! Why do you think I made that rule?! Huh? In the district I oversee! If that person were to see children so doped up they were drooling all over the place… huh? Huh! Huh!! ”
….
“You want me dead or something?!”
Thwack!
The kingpin's knife sank into the back of the officer's hand.
“…!”
“Take him away!”
Before the officer could even scream, he was dragged away, the knife still embedded in his hand.
The next day.
He was found hanging upside down at the slaughterhouse entrance.
With flesh missing in an amount equal to the weight of the gold coins he'd earned from selling drugs to children.
And a few days later,
as soon as the blizzard ended, the corpse was not even allowed to be buried; it was ground up by the gears.
Its pieces were washed into the sewers, leaving not even a gravestone behind.
From that day on, one absolute rule was etched into the minds of the people of Limbus Pit.
Don't touch the children.
Drugs or anything else.
***
Erica knew the aforementioned rule all too well.
It was the rule that had saved the life of the one called the vampire's bastard.
The mid-level officer was the stupid one; the people of the Red-Light District understood the nuance of the rule: 'Children do not work in brothels.'
Whatever the case, don't touch children.
So even though people regarded Erica as ominous, they never laid a hand on her beyond a few blows.
Because they were afraid of the vampire's revenge?
No.
They were afraid of the Red-Light District's master getting angry.
And beyond that, they feared the unknown 'person' that the master of the Red-Light District himself feared.
Thanks to that, Erica, who had been hiding out, had at least been able to move around at night for the past year.
But Erica herself knew nothing about the 'person' protecting her.
Until a few days ago.
'So it was you, Teacher.'
Only now did Erica feel all the pieces clicking into place.
It hadn't been the kingpin who changed the rule.
Director Schnabel made the rule, and the kingpin merely followed it.
Why?
It wasn't simply because Director Schnabel was a big customer using the kingpin's slaughterhouse.
'With the teacher's daily income…'
someone like that could easily buy the kingpin's life.
'No, he wouldn't even need to buy his life.'
If you're a noble, hunting the poor only costs you a few coins in fines.
No matter how much of a master of the Red-Light District the kingpin was, to the nobles of Sanctum Hill he was no more than a passing ant.
- A dog doesn't need to question the food in its bowl.
She finally understood the meaning behind the words the kingpin had repeated over and over.
After all, if you just stood there breathing, the benefits would keep pouring in.
But if you got greedy for no reason, you could end up a 'John Doe' swimming in the sewers the next day.
She could see why the cruel man named Tao Chen acted like a puppy rolling over on its back before this man.
Loyalty is born of fear.
Only after understanding all this did her broken sense of reality start to come back.
'And that kind of person made me his assistant?'
A chill ran down her spine.
At first, she thought it was a lifeline.
A lifeline that could get her out of the cesspit.
But now that lifeline looked more like a gallows rope.
'So where am I now?'
Erica looked down at her hands.
A sense of superiority from power suddenly handed to her?
That was a feeling you could only have once you were able to wield it properly.
This was like telling a child to swing a greatsword.
And if swung wrong, that greatsword could split her own body in two.
'If I make a mistake, then like the kingpin did, this person will too….'
There's a saying.
A rope woven from gold is also good for hanging yourself.
It was the proverb that best described her current situation.
Because the rope pulling her up looked perfectly suited to looping around her neck.
And if that proverb held true, the price of her mistake might not end with just the slaughterhouse.
No, it could be even more dangerous than that.
The higher you fly, the more terrible the end waiting for you tends to be.
That was when her breath caught.
“You're going to get indigestion.”
Julian's voice suddenly intruded into her thoughts.
With her heart dropping, Erica whipped her head around.
“W-What?”
“Why are you suddenly speaking so formally?”
“I'll only do it for today. So what do you need?”
“…You looked off. I thought you were eating too fast.”
Julian casually propped his chin on the window frame.
“Eat slowly next time. The food isn't going anywhere.”
In that instant, goosebumps rose along Erica's spine.
The words the kingpin had said to the purged officer moments ago echoed in her ears.
[People get greedy as they go through life.]
Her own shameless, greedy self, wolfing down lobster without knowing her place.
Hadn't he taken that filthy appetite as greed unfit for a noble?
Erica hurriedly lowered her head.
“…S-sorry. I won't be greedy again.”
“…I didn't mean for you to react that strongly.”
Erica answered in a voice barely above a whisper.
Julian's reply didn't reach her ears.
No, even Julian's ordinary response sounded like a warning that she didn't belong in this space.
And the fear that she could be discarded at any moment tightened around her heart.
That was when it happened.
Without warning, Julian slipped into the gap in her consciousness.
“Come to think of it, I used to be like that too.”
“Huh…?”
Julian's gaze was still fixed outside the window.
The gas lamps of Sanctum Hill beginning to light up, one by one.
That soft glow cast shadows across Julian's face.
“I'm this family's adopted son. Not anymore, but there was a time I was treated as an outsider here.”
Erica's eyes widened.
It was something she had never imagined hearing.
Judging by the way he was treated in the manor and the head butler's attitude in the dining room, she could only have imagined him as their biological son.
“Everyone else was smiling and chatting so elegantly, and I felt like the only one floating above it all. Like someone could replace my place at any moment.”
Julian chuckled softly and turned toward Erica.
“The first time I rode in a car this fancy, I felt the same way.”
“Y-you had that kind of experience too, Teacher?”
“Of course. How could I not know the loneliness of a stone that rolled in from elsewhere?”
Julian shrugged.
His gray eyes held a playful, yet somehow bitter, glint.
“That's why I figured you needed someone to tell you why you have to be here.”
….
Julian tapped the window frame with his fingers.
“If you don't know why you're here, you get worn out fast. You end up wearing yourself thin while trying to read everyone else's expressions.”
Erica bit her lip.
Because that was exactly her current state.
“So let's make this clear.”
Julian's half-lidded eyes settled on Erica.
His gaze was warm, yet carried a hint of longing.
“Why do you think you became my assistant?”
“Um… because I can sense some strange energy inside you?”
“Right. That's one reason.”
Julian nodded.
He held up one finger, then a second.
“But there's another reason. You survived Limbus Pit.”
“Why does that matter…?”
“If you stay only in high places, you can't see what's under your feet.”
….
“If you don't know what's under your feet, you'll slip someday.”
Julian let out a small yawn.
“I'm the type who can't rest unless I know exactly where I'm standing.”
Erica mulled over his words.
Looking at what's under your feet. She understood that.
But why her, of all people?
“…So you need me?”
Erica was surprised even by the words that came out of her own mouth.
Julian turned his head.
His half-closed eyes looked at her.
“If you want to see what's under your feet, you need eyes that grew up beneath them.”
Julian answered in a calm voice.
“Eyes that grew up in Sanctum Hill can't see Limbus Pit. The same goes for the kingpin. He's already climbed too high.”
Julian turned his gaze back to the window.
“But you're different. You survived there.”
Erica stared at him, dazed.
That she had grown up there.
That she had survived by licking blood off the slaughterhouse floor.
That she had spent nights shivering beside a rat fire.
Was he saying all that shameful past had value to him?
“…Is that useful?”
“Of course.”
Julian gave a faint laugh.
“Without you, our clinic can't even function now. And you yourself are valuable enough. You found malaria in that last patient, didn't you? Do you think the kingpin could have done that?”
Erica couldn't answer.
Something hot surged up in a corner of her chest.
Up until now, her existence had always been a curse.
The vampire's bastard. A bloodthirsty monster. A filthy thing.
An existence that shouldn't be here. An existence that should disappear.
But this man denied all of it.
He said it wasn't an illness, but a talent.
He said it wasn't pity or sympathy, but because it was needed.
'Ah.'
Only then did she understand the old butler's words.
Those weren't words meant to test her qualifications.
[If the clothes are too big, you just grow into them.]
[Just keep trying until they fit.]
It meant it was fine if she didn't fit right away,
and that all she had to do was keep trying until she did.
And it also meant she had the right to make that effort.
“…I understand.”
Erica said quietly.
“I just need to watch the ground in your place, then.”
Julian looked at her for a moment.
Then he shrugged.
“Right. Then I'll give you your second task.”
Julian pointed at her.
“Stop suddenly speaking politely and worrying about me. What I want is a partner, not a servant.”
At that instant, Erica's heart pounded.
Acknowledged.
To her, who had nothing, this immense being had given her the right to be here.
It was so heavy, and yet so warm, that Erica found herself biting her lip hard.
“…Yeah, no, got it.”
Erica forced her usual way of speaking out.
She couldn't hide the faint tremble at the end of her voice, but that was something she could fix over time.
“If you fall, I'll be the first to catch you. I know the floor of Limbus Pit even with my eyes closed.”
“Yeah. That's better.”
Julian let out a soft laugh.
Then he leaned against the window, closed his eyes, and murmured softly,
“Whenever you doubt why you're here, tell me. I'll let you know anytime.”
Soon Julian was sleeping with his arms crossed.
Silence enveloped the limousine.
Erica quietly looked out the window.
The distant sky above the smog was still beyond imagination.
She didn't even know whether she was allowed to fly anywhere near a place like that. Let alone whether she could dare to covet it.
But she wasn't afraid anymore.
Because she thought she now understood what this man wanted from her.
The moment something became understandable—and the moment it was understood—it was no longer something to fear.
***
As post-meal drowsiness washed over me, I thought while dozing in the car.
'So that's what she was worrying about.'
I thought Eri was just intimidated, and sure enough, she was.
No wonder she seemed so unenthusiastic about eating, unlike when she first came into the buffet.
'Now I know where I'd seen it.'
It was exactly like the symptoms I'd seen when I was a med student and a resident.
In slang, it's called altitude sickness—a symptom that appears when the world you live in suddenly changes.
It's not that your actual world changes; it's that there are so many impressive people around you that you get intimidated.
Especially when you just finish the college entrance exam and join that crowd—you end up feeling so insignificant.
'Or maybe not? Was it just me?'
Maybe it was worse for me because I came from a poor background.
And when those thoughts get severe, they show up as what's called impostor syndrome.
It's a symptom that shows up a lot, especially in residents and graduate students.
- Who am I? Where am I?
That's a condition you can roughly sum up in one sentence.
You get anxious because you think you're fooling everyone, and feel like you're being judged as better than you really are.
'And then you end up wanting to run before you make a huge mistake and your lack of ability gets exposed.'
No wonder protagonists in misunderstanding novels make running away their goal.
If you don't address impostor syndrome in time, it just keeps spiraling into a worse and worse cycle.
Everyone else seems to do everything effortlessly, while you, a misunderstanding-novel protagonist with only luck going for you, feel like you can't do that.
Because you can't trust your own ability, you really do make more mistakes no matter what you do,
and the more that happens, the more unnecessary effort you spend, which only tanks your efficiency,
until you finally burn out and start avoiding work.
'There was even a resident who ran away because of that.'
In my past life, when I was a fellow, a resident joined the surgery department.
He thought he'd only gotten into surgery because he was lucky, and then his mistakes started piling up.
Seeing that, I was reminded of my own rookie days, so I looked out for him often.
Then, wouldn't you know it, the guy suddenly ran off one day without any warning.
I even chased him all the way to Tsushima to drag him back, bought him sushi there, and sat him back down in the operating room. That memory comes flooding back.
Chunsik.
Are you still alive and well?
…Come to think of it, to him I must have been the mage tower lord trying to put a leash on him.
Wow! Chunsik's misunderstanding novel! Complete!
Enough digression.
'Sigh. I can't go chasing people down here too.'
Maybe the original Erica even had a runaway event.
But I have no desire to experience that.
Because I only want to take advantage of the benefits of a misunderstanding novel, not recreate the original story.
And to do that, I need to constantly remind Erica that she's here because of her ability, not luck.
In short, if Joker or Batman or Two-Face lives next door, you need to keep reminding yourself that you can be Scarecrow too.
'Eri. You're that good.'
You're as valuable as insulin, colchicine, and quinine.
Mage talent isn't that common.
It's about as good as the latest MRI machine in a hospital.
In that sense, I couldn't understand Erica's reaction.
'Well, if that's just part of the misunderstanding-novel package, I can understand it.'
Classic misunderstanding-novel trope.
There's always a rough gem nearby who undervalues themselves.
There's got to be one like that so the protagonist can dig them up and live an easy life.
When I thought of it that way, a bit of lip service like this was no big deal.
Polishing a rough stone into a gem is the protagonist's duty, after all.
'She was so intimidated today she couldn't even eat much.'
I decided I'd take her to a buffet again next time and feed her to her heart's content.
Or maybe rent out an entire restaurant so she could eat without worrying about anyone else.
*
Before long, the limousine's engine vibrations gently faded.
When the car stopped, Erica, who had briefly surrendered to sleepiness, opened her eyes.
A grand mansion came into view.
The limousine door opened.
Julian got out first, and Erica followed after him.
And as she followed Julian toward the mansion, she murmured softly,
“…Thank you.”
Julian didn't hear her.
No, even if he had, he would have brushed it off.
That night,
Erica fell asleep in the annex without a nightmare for the first time.
The down comforter was absurdly soft.