Chapter 40
“Isabel, come to think of it, there was something I wanted to ask you about earlier too.”
“…Yes?”
“Could you have my restraints released soon? Even if I don’t get discharged, it’s a little uncomfortable having my hands and feet tied like this all the time.”
“Ah. Come to think of it, you’ve been lying like that for two whole days already.”
“Yeah. The priests have been taking good care of me in various ways, so I’ve been fairly comfortable, but it’s still uncomfortable being tied up.”
“Just a moment. I’ll check whether it’s safe.”
With those words, Kim Isabel approached the restraints binding my feet and sent a small amount of holy power through them.
She seemed to be checking whether it was safe for me to move on my own. As far as I could tell, I was almost completely recovered, but she might see things differently after checking.
“For now, I think it should be all right to remove the restraints themselves.”
“Hm?”
“For your body to recover completely, I think it would be best if you didn’t walk or stand on your own two feet until your treatment ends tomorrow. I can allow you to sit on the edge of the bed, and that’s all.”
“That alone is fine. I’m only asking because it’s frustrating being unable to move at all.”
“Understood. Since I’m in charge of your care, I’ll release them under my authority for now.”
With a crackling sound, the restraints around my ankles came undone and scattered into rays of light.
Then, once she released the restraints attached to my left arm as well, the exhilaration of regaining the freedom of all four limbs after two days made me feel light enough to fly.
“Hoo. Thanks, Isabel. I feel so refreshed.”
“Don’t forget the precautions I mentioned, Mr. Lee Seonho. You absolutely must not get out of bed.”
“I know. Still, thanks.”
Someone might ask what difference it made when I couldn’t even get out of bed, but being able to sit on the edge of the bed alone would bring about many changes.
Instead of lying down and turning to the side to talk as I was now, I could sit facing the other person and converse, and during meals, we could share the dining table instead of setting up a separate one for me on the bed.
And most importantly, I could look down and observe more properly while Cha Eun-joo was giving me a blowjob. She’d probably come again tomorrow, saying she was going to relieve my sexual desire.
Maybe I should boldly ask for paizuri tomorrow instead of a blowjob. With her ability, she could clean up the hospital room even if it got a little messy.
Perhaps she thought my lecherous expression was merely the look of someone happy to have his restraints removed, because Kim Isabel’s voice came back with a hint of a smile as well.
“Your expression looks much better, Mr. Lee Seonho. Are you that comfortable?”
“…Yeah. I’ve been living as though I were trapped in bed for two whole days.”
“Of course, you know this, but being free to move doesn’t mean you can exercise or anything either. You understand that you must rest completely until tomorrow afternoon, right?”
“I know. Thanks for worrying about me so much.”
“Yes….”
At first glance, it sounded like excessive nagging, but if that was Kim Isabel’s way of worrying about me, it meant something different.
There was no way her genuine concern for my well-being could come across any more clearly than this. Even though she was under ‘Heart of a Succubus,’ her concern for me wouldn’t simply disappear once the suggestion wore off.
After that, I continued talking with Kim Isabel about this and that while sitting across from her, and the promised thirty minutes passed in the blink of an eye. Regrettably, it was now time to remove the suggestion and send her away.
“Isabel, bring your head over here.”
“…Have thirty minutes already passed?”
“I’ll give you the suggestion again this evening. Don’t be disappointed.”
“I’m sorry to ask you every time, but please do it again this evening, Mr. Lee Seonho.”
Thanks to my changed position, Kim Isabel obediently brought her head to my hand, which was now a little higher.
I lightly stroked her head once over her priest’s hat.
-Stroke.
“Eek…?”
「Suggestion Removed」
“……Hh, h-hup?!”
-Flash!
Before she could even register the strangeness of my stroking her head, I removed the suggestion, and this time Kim Isabel quickly backpedaled out of my grasp.
Her fear of men had returned, bringing with it the backlash of the fear and disgust that had accumulated over the past hour. It was an unavoidable side effect, so I didn’t take it too seriously.
Even if she showed me disappointing behavior like this once or twice, I knew better than anyone that Kim Isabel’s heart was already drawing closer to me, one step at a time.
“Th-th-then…. I-I’ll see you this evening….”
“All right. You worked hard, Isabel.”
-Rattle, slam!
Should I try to steer things toward having dinner alone with Kim Isabel this evening?
⁎ ⁎ ⁎
…God, I have sinned.
No, perhaps I am continuing to sin even now. I harbor improper feelings toward the person who trusts and helps me more than anyone else, feelings I must never allow myself to hold.
As a priest, harboring romantic feelings for someone is wrong, but it is even more wrong that I harbor such feelings for someone who already has a lover.
My first sin is feeling fear toward someone who has helped me instead of repaying his kindness; my second is that, despite that, I cannot push him away and continue accepting his help; and my greatest sin is that I have come to harbor impure feelings toward the person helping me.
Perhaps these feelings I am experiencing are not truly mine, but fabricated, false emotions.
The strange power of his ability is a dangerous force that controls people’s emotions, and it made even the fear that had tormented me for half my life melt away like snow in spring.
Just as new shoots spring from warmed earth, this blossoming affection for him might also… perhaps be nothing more than an illusion of the heart caused by the buff I received from him.
…If so, then once everything ended, these feelings should all return to how they originally were.
Why, then, does this one painful feeling remain in my heart and continue to torment me?
Just as the fear I had felt when I saw him returned, this unfamiliar emotion I was feeling for the first time should disappear again as well, so why?
I have no idea whether this is merely a side effect of his ability, as he says, or a genuine fluttering of my own heart.
After all, this was the first time I had ever felt sincere trust in someone or harbored romantic feelings for anyone.
I do not know what the right thing to do is.
…No, perhaps I do not want to know.
Perhaps I am trying to run away without learning the answer because I know that the answer I seek from God is not the one I want.
Is it right to distance myself from him to preserve my chastity as a priest and avoid committing a sin? Or is it right to remain by his side from now on to repay the kindness I have already received countless times?
I know what the answer is, but that is precisely why I do not know what the answer is.
…So, God.
Please do not grieve or grow angry with me, whatever decision I make, and please watch over your young priest.
⁎ ⁎ ⁎
“I-I’ll prepare your dinner, Mr. Lee Seonho….”
At dinnertime, Kim Isabel looked strangely haggard.
Although I still couldn’t see her expression well, her unsteady steps and the strange trembling of her body naturally made me worry.
Of course, if I showed too much concern for no reason, she might see it as meddling and become more wary, but for some reason, I had a gut feeling that worrying about her was somehow closer to the right answer this time.
“Isabel, are you tired?”
“Y-yes, yes, yes…?! Ah, n-no, no, no, no…!”
“……”
“I-I’m sorry…. It’s, it’s just…. I-I’m sorry….”
…There definitely seemed to be something going on. I didn’t have enough information to be certain what exactly had happened yet, though.
Perhaps she had panicked because she couldn’t attend to another male patient who visited the church, or perhaps she had a problem with one of her fellow priests because of a noticeable blemish, or maybe she was simply exhausted from constantly thinking about some trouble.
The church wouldn’t stop operating just because I remained confined to my hospital room. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do about the troubles she faced outside the hospital room in my current state.
Or perhaps she was acting like this because she was flustered by the strange feelings she had experienced toward me a little while ago. That would be the best situation if I was trying to win her over, but I shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
…Should I lightly sound her out with a suitable question?
“…Is it because of me?”
“Y-yes, yes, yes…?! Ah, n-no, no, no…?!”
“…Really?”
“I-it really isn’t…!! I-it’s not a concern related to you, Mr. Lee Seonho, so y-you don’t have to worry…!!”
…That was a somewhat ambiguous reaction. Was she lying that her troubles had nothing to do with me because she was standing in front of me? Or was she really troubled by something unrelated to me?
There was always a limit to guessing someone’s true feelings from gestures and voice alone. The saving grace was that Kim Isabel expressed her emotions rather strongly, so I could understand them to some extent even without seeing her face.
“I only asked just in case. I wouldn’t want you to worry about side effects from the buff you received from me.”
“……Ah, a-a-a. S-so that was why you asked….”
…That settles it.
The fact that she went out of her way to mention whether I had asked ‘for that reason’ was practically a confession that she had thought of ‘another reason’ herself.
In other words, I could conclude that her denial a moment ago—that her troubles had nothing to do with me—was a lie.
‘And this reaction too. Maybe I can let myself hope a little…?’
An event in which Kim Isabel looked exhausted after worrying so much about someone else. I remembered reading a similar event in 『Surviving at Hunter Academy』.
A similar episode had appeared when Kim Isabel, whose feelings for Seo Woojin were gradually growing, agonized over what to do with her romantic feelings.
Of course, there was no way she felt anything good toward Seo Woojin now, so by process of elimination, I was naturally the subject of that cute worry.
It was the moment when the favorability-building efforts I had steadily made and the hypocrisy I had consistently displayed toward Kim Isabel finally manifested as concrete results.
“I-I don’t think it’s a side effect…. I-if it really were a side effect of the buff, I-I probably would have… long ago….”
“Long ago?”
“……Ah, n-nothing…!! I-I’ll prepare your dinner, Mr. Lee Seonho!”
Her ‘treatment for androphobia’ was definitely progressing well. I had experienced firsthand just earlier how Kim Isabel’s fear of me was decreasing by the hour.
Yet now, she couldn’t hide her fluster at every little action, just as she had on the first day I was hospitalized at the church—and in some ways, she seemed even more awkward than she had then.
It was easy enough to infer that this wasn’t because of her fear of men, but because another emotion had filled the space left by her diminished fear.
“Isabel.”
“…Y-yes, yes, yes?!”
“You can refuse if it makes you uncomfortable, but… would you eat dinner with me, just the two of us, tonight?”
“J-just the two of us?!”
“Cha Eun-joo isn’t here, and eating alone is a little lonely. Of course, I’ll put the buff on you. It still looks a little difficult for you to eat without it.”
“…………I-if you’ll only put the buff on me, I-I think it might be all right….”
I had already told Han Sora, but I still hadn’t cleared up Kim Isabel’s misunderstanding that Cha Eun-joo and I were in a romantic relationship.
This time, should I subtly let her know that she didn’t need to hold back the feelings she had for me?