The Salt Bottle Used on the Slug at the Entrance

'Oh, are you cooking?'

"I suddenly got a craving for kakuni."

'Kakuni, huh? The fat is tender, but every now and then you want a bite of meat, too.'

"That's right. In that sense, pork belly strikes a good balance. Want to try a bite?"

'I'd love some.'

"Here you go. Say ah."

'Ahh.'

"Oops, she was having one of her episodes."

'Now that you've caught me, there's no point denying it. But please feed me first.'

"It's very Goddess-sama to let your appetite win out over your longing for company. But what should I do?"

'You can't just make me say ah and then leave me hanging. That's unforgivable as a person.'

"I guess I have no choice. Say ah."

'Ahh. Munch, munch. Delicious. And while we're at it, I've captured your arm.'

"It's a magic arm."

'I'm amazed you can use cooking chopsticks with a magic arm. Let me borrow them... I can't.'

"Goddess-sama gets more curious during her episodes, too."

'I don't think I've changed that much in that regard. Anyway, let's get to the point.'

"Her creeping closer with her hands twitching is a duet of delight and terror. For now, I'll get the body pillow I used before..."

'Didn't my sane self destroy that afterward? Did you have a spare? But to me now, that sort of thing is nothing but an illusion.'

"Damn, I should've installed a heating function inside."

'If it were body temperature, it might indeed have been dangerous. Next time, get one made in a shape other than mine. Now, I've got you. ...Huh? This is a stuffed toy.'

"Unfortunately, it's the Substitution Jutsu."

'You didn't give me an opening. Then I'll try again.'

"And this one is the Clone Jutsu."

'You were inside the stuffed toy?'

"There's no way I could avoid being grabbed in a single frame."

'Then I should've just held onto you. But I'm not letting you escape now.'

"Unfortunately, it's time for my reincarnation in another world."

'No, I thought we had another hour.'

"I shifted the time in advance to prepare for your episode. It was a painful decision."

'If you're going to look that miserable about it, you could just let me hug you.'

"I can't do anything the usual Goddess-sama dislikes."

'And who is it that keeps teasing the usual me and getting punished for it?'

"Anyway, I'll leave you with a body pillow, so please make do with that."

'If it's a body pillow of me, it'll be reduced to powder once I come to my senses.'

"Then I'll throw in one of me, too."

'That one would get pulverized as well, but for now, I'll hug this one.'

"Pulling myself together, let's get the suggestion box. Drawing a prompt in this crisis is quite a fresh experience. Now—whoa!"

'Tch.'

"It's terrifying how the Goddess-sama and suggestion box switched places in an instant. Maybe I'll use one I drew earlier."

'Isn't that cheating?'

"No problem. The first prompt I opened is the one that counts. From Jiraishu-san: 'The salt bottle used to sprinkle salt on the slug that was at the entrance.'"

'That's a prompt that doesn't seem likely to get much use.'

"I understand sprinkling salt on a slug, but it's not like you order a custom salt bottle specifically for slugs."

'Though if they show up often enough, some households might keep cheap salt on hand as a countermeasure.'

"I'm a boiling-water person when it comes to slugs."

※Boiling water is effective in real life.

'If one appeared in this space, I'd erase it, so there's nothing I need to prepare.'

"That does seem like the quickest option when you consider cleanup afterward. Hmm, maybe I'll look for a slightly more unconventional setup... Oh, this might work."

'I wish you'd touch me instead of the device.'

"You're scary in a different way from when you're sane. It'd be ideal if you could settle somewhere in the middle."

'In the middle...? If you don't hug me, I'll pull your spine out while you're still alive.'

"That's horror I can actually imagine, which makes it worse. Hmm, I think I'd prefer you being sane."

'I agree. The usual me says that all the time, after all.'

"All right, I've got enough settings. I'm off."

'Could you at least pat my head?'

"Any more and I'll get a hole in my stomach, so I'll be going."

◇

'My body pillow was reduced to ashes by my sane self, while his body pillow was used a few times and then left in tatters, barely surviving... but it's no longer usable.'

"I'm back. Whoa, my stand-in's in pieces."

'The spare has arrived?'

"I'm the irreplaceable original. You were having an episode after all."

'Anything is fine as long as I can hug it. Come on, come on.'

"Seeing the state of that body pillow and imagining my own future, I have no choice but to flee. For now, let me restock the body pillows while I give my report."

'Hmm, I want to hear the report, so I'll compromise.'

"Snip, snip... There you go. I've tucked a hand warmer inside."

'A body pillow with an estimated temperature of nearly 60°C. Squeeze, squeeze.'

※Disposable hand warmers reach a maximum temperature of 60–70°C and average 50–55°C.

"Ah, its head's already come off. Oh well, let's get to the report."

'You were the salt bottle used to sprinkle salt on the slug that was at the entrance?'

"Yes. The setting was a fantasy world, and the story began at the dojo belonging to the Hero's family, after the Hero had defeated the Demon King and brought peace to the world."

'Oh, the Demon King had already been defeated?'

"The Hero's name was Resche, a serious sort with a strong sense of justice and a soft spot for children. Even after defeating the Demon King, Resche opened a dojo and taught swordsmanship and magic to children who wanted to become warriors."

※Resche has a fresh sort of vibe.

'Even if the world is at peace, that doesn't mean combat skills become completely obsolete.'

"The Hero who saved the world training you was great publicity, and many students flocked to the dojo, which made Resche happy. But wherever a lot of people gather, troublesome sorts are bound to show up."

'Not everyone is a good person.'

"The foremost among them was Demon King Linita."

'The Demon King, just like that? Hadn't she been defeated?'

"Resche did defeat her, but once the conquest of the world had been stopped, the Hero spared the Demon King. Resche simply wasn't prepared to kill a loli-type Demon King."

'I see. For a Hero who loves children, being told to finish off a loli-type Demon King would be cruel.'

"However, she was nearly a hundred years old in actual age. She was young for a monster, but far older than the Hero."

'The age gaps between different races can be complicated.'

"And Linita was in love with Resche, so she showed up at the dojo."

'A Demon King who falls easily? No, she was spared her life, so it may be too soon to call her easy.'

"Apparently, she was peeking into the dojo to get revenge when she saw Resche washing off his sweat by the well and fell for him."

'Easy.'

"But Resche wanted to live a peaceful life, so he tried to drive Linita away by sprinkling salt."

'Could that Demon King be...?'

"Yes, she was a slug-type Demon King."

※From Meghimatium bilineatum, the English name for a slug.

'Is she slug-like in personality, too?'

"She was a slug-type monster. She was a cute little girl in human form."

'I see.'

"Though since she was a loli type, Goddess-sama's figure was definitely much better."

'I suppose I'll root for them.'

"A Goddess-sama who's kind to the weak. Linita kept showing up, but Resche wouldn't listen to her. Every time she appeared, he drove her away by sprinkling salt on her."

'The Hero seems stubborn, considering how much she likes him.'

"Resche thought that if a Hero and Demon King got along, people who feared the Demon King would feel uneasy."

'She hardly seems like a threat at all.'

"Apparently, when the previous Hero and Demon King fought, the world suffered tremendous damage. Linita, the previous Demon King's daughter, was propped up by her father's subordinates and made the new Demon King."

'A hereditary Demon King, huh? So she has influence, but her actual strength depends on the individual.'

"In the end, Resche dealt with all the demons who were trying to harm humanity. Linita didn't seem to have any such intentions, so he left her alone."

'That would only make her feelings for the Hero grow stronger.'

"Yes. No matter how many times she was driven away, Linita kept showing up at the dojo. But Resche gave her no opening. One day, while Resche was away, Linita was moping in front of the dojo entrance when she spotted me."

'You were the salt bottle.'

"Yes. From Linita's perspective, Resche was always sprinkling salt on her, so I was someone she'd built up a grudge against."

'She probably didn't think of you as an opponent, but she must've hated you.'

"So Linita poked at me, as if to vent her frustration."

'That's pointlessly cute.'

"She'd get scolded by Resche if she broke me by accident."

'What a timid person.'

"Being insulted and poked is fine, but it's a nuisance to have someone moping beside me forever."

'Normally, being insulted and poked wouldn't be considered fine.'

"The Goddess-sama who's here now wouldn't like it either?"

'I'd rather be petted than poked.'

"I see. You've moved a little closer during this conversation. I'd better watch what I say. So I decided to speak to Linita."

'The salt bottle did?'

"The salt bottle did. She was understandably surprised."

'I'm sure she was.'

"I was even imitating Resche's voice."

'I can't approve of you doing that when you know what you're doing.'

"I thought going around with the stiff, serious Resche would be less pleasant to look at and make it harder to do various things, so I had Linita pick me up."

'That's an honest report.'

"I blinked and the Goddess-sama was five centimeters closer. Anyway, after learning how Linita felt, I decided to figure out a way for her to get along with Resche."

'So this time you're playing Cupid? A slug Demon King asking a salt bottle for love advice is certainly original.'

"Just because I'm a salt bottle doesn't mean I'll give them a salty ending. The reason Resche was being stubborn was that the Demon King's image was bad in the eyes of the general public. So first, I decided to dispel that image."

'That's very practical of you, for once.'

"First, I had Linita debut as an idol Demon King."

'So much for practical.'

"Sure, it would be important to have her work as a Demon King who passionately advocated for peace. But Linita had almost no talent as a Demon King. I decided she'd have more strategic impact if she embraced that instead. It wouldn't hurt her if her image as a Demon King went down, after all."

'It sounds like you came up with that on a whim, but you were analyzing it calmly.'

"Linita was initially reluctant to sing and dance in front of people as an idol, but I made up for it with my seasoned expertise."

'A bottle-strong manager, huh?'

"...Huh? Oh, right, yes. Exactly."

'I can't forgive you for being that considerate.'

"Oops, the distance closed by ten centimeters. Linita suddenly became active as an idol, breaking away from the stiff Demon King image, and the public's opinion changed easily."

'Can the image of a Demon King with a history of resentment really be dispelled so easily?'

"If she acted like a Demon King, that image would never go away. But if her first impression made people think, 'What is this?' and surprised them, the fact that she was a Demon King would become less significant."

'Certainly, if the Demon King in a fantasy world suddenly started singing and touring, people could only be surprised.'

"I also secretly blended into taverns and the like to improve Linita's image."

'A salt bottle could blend in anywhere.'

"It didn't take long to change people's impression of her from a threatening Demon King like her predecessor to 'I guess there are all kinds of Demon Kings.'"

'The public's tolerance is impressive, but I'm sure your covert-op skills had an effect. You probably used hypnosis magic or something.'

"I only used hypnosis magic a little."

'You did use it!'

"Just a little, to silence anyone who noticed a salt bottle was talking."

'So it was a cover-up. I suppose I should commend you for not silencing them physically.'

"With the public's impression changed, Linita finally made a move on Resche. But a new problem arose."

'Doesn't a problem always arise after one of your reports goes well?'

"Resche was a traditional sort and felt uneasy about dating someone who seemed like an idol."

'He is a dojo master, after all.'

"I mean, what was I supposed to do? Or should I say, what was I supposed to salt?"

'...'

"She crept so close our shoulders were touching without saying a word. But actually, it wasn't much of a problem. If it came down to it, Linita could simply quit being an idol Demon King."

'If she went back to being an ordinary girl, there wouldn't be any drawbacks.'

"But the public didn't want that."

'She was popular enough to be accepted by society.'

"But for Linita, that just meant she could keep making moves without holding back. She pursued him even more boldly than before."

'She no longer had to worry about being driven away for being a Demon King.'

"She was bold enough to reject me and sprinkle salt on Resche instead."

'A little too bold. She'd been holding a grudge.'

"Even Resche was surprised."

'It's rare for a Hero to be sprinkled with salt by a slug-type Demon King.'

"No, it was because the salt bottle Linita was holding—me—belonged to him."

'Come to think of it, you were one of the Hero's household goods.'

"Not wanting things to get complicated with me being accused of theft, I greeted Resche before he could say anything."

'If you explained the situation first, the question of theft wouldn't matter anymore.'

"A perfect right straight caught Resche on the chin."

'So you led with a greeting punch. And then an arm sprouted.'

"Of course—it popped right out."

'It popped out? That's still merciless.'

"Well, I had a lot to say to Resche. Linita had fallen in love because of what he'd done, and she was desperately pursuing him, even changing her position from Demon King to idol, yet he rejected her just because he felt uneasy about it. What was that about?"

'I doubt he expected to hear that from a salt bottle.'

"Well, I knocked him out with one blow, so he didn't hear my complaints."

'A salt bottle that knocks out a Hero in one punch. Pretty much business as usual.'

"Being knocked down by me deeply shocked Resche. He realized that no matter how stubbornly he clung to his title and position, all the dignity he was trying to preserve amounted to nothing more than something a salt bottle could knock down."

'It does sound ridiculous when you put it as getting knocked down by a salt bottle. Though there probably wasn't anyone in that world who could beat you.'

"The level was pretty low this time. I only beat Linita several times."

'Did you get experience points when you drove her off by sprinkling salt on her?'

"Also, sometimes during her idol activities, I just felt like seeing Linita teary-eyed."

'I see.'

"She's so close I can feel her breath. Is she going to grab me as soon as I'm done? Anyway, Resche reflected on things and decided to try accepting Linita's feelings honestly. They decided to try dating."

'The Hero is serious, too, so he shouldn't have much trouble understanding the Demon King's feelings.'

"Yeah, they were adorably awkward right up until my final moments."

'And what were your final moments like?'

"The salt inside me ran out."

'You could've refilled it.'

"No, there was no longer any need to sprinkle salt on slugs. My role was over."

'Couldn't you refill it for some other reason? People use salt normally, too.'

"Resche had already bought a new salt bottle."

'Because yours had been stolen.'

"I felt I'd done enough, so I said goodbye to them and decided to leave that world. Linita bowed deeply and thanked me. 'Thank you for giving me a chance to change, when all I could do was keep throwing myself at him and failing without getting anywhere. And for letting me have such a wonderful happy ending.'"

'I'm glad her life didn't turn out to be slug-like in the literal sense.'

"I told her, 'This isn't a happy ending. Your happy story starts now. All I did was give you salt—not as an enemy, though.'"

'Since you were the Hero's salt bottle, giving her salt is appropriate in a way.'

"At the end, Resche asked me to give him one final shot of encouragement, so I punched him in the jaw with a right straight."

'What a sportsman.'

"And so, I was sent back with Linita looking slightly teary-eyed and Resche rolling his eyes back."

'So he was unconscious. Is that the end of your report?'

"Hold on before you reach for me. There's still a souvenir."

'You yourself would make a fine souvenir. ...Huh? This is a body pillow. And what's inside... a hand warmer?'

"The souvenirs are a salt bottle of the same type, plus an idol poster and DVD of Linita. I managed to avoid you somehow."

'If this were a body pillow in the shape of the body you had in the other world, I'd probably destroy it once I came to my senses. But this is a nice shape. I'll watch these later... Huh? You got away.'