The Legendary Sword That Can Now Only Cut Konjac Jelly

"Today's dinner is oden-den!"

"Oden, is it? Please don't forget to prepare some Japanese mustard."

"I've got yuzu pepper and miso sauce ready, too."

"Good."

"Come to think of it, February 22 is Oden Day, since it's 2/22—fuu, fuu, fuu."

"It's a day established in a small part of Niigata Prefecture, Japan, on Earth. In some places, it's October 10 instead."

"Japanese people do love their commemorative days. There's also Cat Day, for example."

"Because 2/22 sounds like nyan-nyan-nyan."

"It's cute, but just because it's Cat Day doesn't mean we can do anything particularly catlike. We can't exactly bring a cat in here, either."

"The giant Bahamut (Cat) plush over there should be more than enough."

※See Chapter Twenty.

"Then I'll make Bahamut (Cat)'s front paws into a ring. Let's eat inside it."

"It's a fresh experience, eating oden while a cat looks down at you."

"You don't have to worry about getting eaten. Cats can't handle hot food, after all."

"A carnivorous cat would eat you, though."

"I wouldn't mind being eaten by you, Goddess-sama."

"At best, you'd be food for the fish in the aquarium I might have someday."

"I'm not sure whether I should be happy about that."

"If you have to wonder, then it's out of the question. I've never wanted to eat human flesh, any more than you would want to eat monkeys that look like you."

"There are people in the world who probably would, though."

"Some gods eat humans, too. They do it for all sorts of reasons, like pretending to be gourmets or wanting their souls."

"When gods create worlds and enjoy the stories humans create, it does make humans feel like livestock raised by gods."

"You're saying that even though you rebel against those gods and defeat them?"

"Even livestock have half an inch of soul!"

"That's about the size of a one-inch bug's soul, isn't it?"

"I have a twisted streak that refuses to follow the path laid out for me, but there's another reason, too: I can't put up a proper fight unless my opponent is on the level of a god from that world."

"If you keep winning effortlessly, you lose the fun of fighting. Though I hardly know what makes fighting fun, since I've never been in a fight myself."

"If you held back a little more, I could put up a good fight."

"Then you'd get to show off your strength and play the hero. Why would I want to watch a weakling show off?"

"That's the whole point of fighting, though."

"You really do like fighting, don't you? I bet you train diligently when it's not mentioned in your reports."

"Well, I'm a boy, after all. I've always admired battle stories."

"Then I hope you get to enjoy a world like that in your next reincarnation. It's time."

"I'm starting to worry whether I'll finish all the oden bubbling away in that clay pot."

"It's fine. Even after you leave, I'll take good care of the oden."

"I've put a ridiculous amount of mustard on it. I wonder if that's too spicy. Anyway, let's rummage through the box. From Jellyfish Fanatic-san: 'The legendary sword that can now only cut konjac jelly.'"

"Oh, a legendary weapon?"

"And it's a masterwork that can cut konjac jelly that even Goemon's Zantetsuken can't cut."

"Though it's limited to just one thing. And it has absolutely no wait time, too."

"Heh heh heh. Tonight, my blade thirsts for blood!"

"It can't cut blood, though. Why not eat some konjac before you go?"

"Good idea. Huh, there's no konjac left."

"Oh, sorry. The one I'm eating was the last."

"That's probably for the best."

"I'm not giving it to you. I can give you some Japanese mustard, though."

"That's not even an ingredient in oden. I'll have to make do with shirataki, then. All right, I'm off."

◇

"Hmm, so it's February 22 on Earth today... I could really go for some oden, meow."

"I'm back."

"I think I'll simmer you in a clay pot today."

"I come back to find Goddess-sama has developed a taste for eating people. Ah, but I guess I wouldn't mind that."

"I'm only going to simmer you. I don't want to eat a lump of scum."

"I'm pretty confident in how scummy I am."

"That's not something to be proud of. So, you were the legendary sword that can now only cut konjac jelly? Since you're a sword, I suppose the world setting and historical period weren't very fantasy-like."

"It was a samurai world with a Japanese flavor."

"It was technically an otherworldly reincarnation, but that does make it feel a little short on otherworldliness."

"To explain how I came to be, I was forged by Mudamasa, a legendary master swordsmith who lived in a remote mountain region."

"That name doesn't sound very legendary."

"When Mudamasa swung me as a test, I split a mountain in half."

"He really was a legendary master swordsmith."

"After seeing my cutting edge, Mudamasa decided to seal me away."

"A sword that can slice a mountain in two would naturally be considered dangerous."

"No, the main reason was that I cut his house in half, too."

"Poor man."

"Time passed, and Mudamasa died. One day, a swordsman appeared at the now-empty house. His name was Gosekimon."

"This world can't shake that knockoff-name vibe, can it?"

"While wandering through the mountains, Gosekimon found Mudamasa's house and discovered me, still sealed away."

"I'm curious about the private life of a master swordsman who wandered around remote mountains."

"So my partner in this reincarnation was Gosekimon, who'd been stripped of everything by bandits, fled for his life, gotten lost, and was on the verge of collapsing."

"Thanks for the additional details. That's a pretty grim start, though."

"It wasn't all that bad. Gosekimon was an extremely skilled swordsman."

"Even after the bandits stripped him of everything?"

"As it turns out, Gosekimon had become afraid of cutting people with his sword ever since he accidentally killed a friend he'd once competed against in swordsmanship."

"A protagonist traumatized by fighting? That's not a bad setup."

"After acquiring me, Gosekimon stormed the bandits' hideout to get revenge on them."

"So much for being afraid to cut people."

"It's fine. That's one thing, and this is another."

"That doesn't sound fine at all... Ah, right. You were the legendary sword that could now only cut konjac jelly."

"Yes. After being sealed away for years without any maintenance, I became so dull that I could only cut konjac jelly."

"Did they even have konjac jelly in that era?"

"Gosekimon was astonished. He tried cutting all sorts of things, but no matter how skillfully he swung me, I couldn't cut anything."

"They probably didn't have konjac jelly."

"So he figured there was no risk of accidentally killing the bandits with me, and went to storm their hideout."

"Wouldn't he lose if he challenged them with a sword that couldn't cut?"

"Gosekimon beat all the bandits unconscious."

"So he could still hit people with it, even if he couldn't cut them."

"Since I couldn't cut them, the full impact of every swing was transferred to my opponent. It was no different from hitting someone with an iron pipe."

"How did you hold up?"

"I'm a legendary sword that could cut a mountain in half. No matter how much I was used, my blade never chipped."

"It's a mystery how you became dull, then."

"Maybe it was some sort of curse from Mudamasa."

"He must have placed a powerful curse on you for cutting his house in half."

"Gosekimon took a great liking to me. 'With this sword, I can once again aim to become the world's strongest swordsman, a dream I'd given up on! I shall set off on a wandering journey, you know!'"

"That ending is incredibly lame."

"Gosekimon traveled from place to place, defeating famous swordsmen one after another."

"Famous swordsmen, you say? How strong were they?"

"First, there was Jōbee, who wielded a famous sword that could easily fillet any red salmon into three pieces."

"You could fillet salmon into three pieces with an ordinary kitchen knife."

"Jōbee wielded his famous sword with great skill, but Gosekimon took advantage of the moment he was filleting a salmon and won."

"People will argue over whether Jōbee was wrong to fillet salmon during a duel or whether Gosekimon simply attacked him by surprise while he was busy filleting it."

"Next was Tadameshi, who wielded a famous spear that could easily pierce any red salmon."

"You could pierce salmon with an ordinary skewer."

"Tadameshi made a fine thrust with his famous spear, but Gosekimon took advantage of the moment he was grilling a salmon on a skewer and won."

"People will argue over whether Tadameshi was wrong to grill salmon during a duel or whether Gosekimon simply attacked him by surprise while he was busy grilling it."

"Then there was Hachibes, who wielded famous chopsticks that could easily eat any red salmon."

"I'm not even sure he's a swordsman."

"His technique with the famous chopsticks was fearsome, but Gosekimon took advantage of an opening after Hachibes unleashed his Dark Abyssal Demon Magic Spiral Strike and won."

"The chopstick user sounds like the biggest deal of them all. I thought Hachibes might just be an ordinary person."

"But he caught a descending sword between his chopsticks."

"He really was a big shot."

"And then there was Benisha, who wielded a famous red salmon that could easily make any red salmon bow down."

"Given the trend, I figured this one would show up soon."

"Benisha made a staggering boast about the salmon, but Gosekimon didn't listen and simply beat Benisha unconscious, winning the match."

"For some reason, I can't help feeling sorry for Benisha."

"After defeating swordsmen one after another, Gosekimon became a famous swordsman himself. But once he became famous, he became a target for others."

"There must be plenty of swordsmen who want to make a name for themselves."

"At first, Gosekimon didn't mind. But he gradually grew sick of challengers who came after him without considering the time or place."

"From the challengers' point of view, they want to make a name for themselves as soon as possible."

"Swordsmen attacked him in all sorts of situations: while he was traveling, eating, sleeping, bathing, or using the toilet."

"That sounds worse than I expected. I don't see how winning a fight by attacking him on the toilet could be considered an honor."

"Dead men tell no tales. In those days, if you beat someone and killed them, you could say whatever you wanted afterward."

"People talk about the samurai code and all sorts of ideals of honor, but in reality, the old days were lawless enough that they had to invent a code in the first place."

"Gosekimon put up with all sorts of things, but he finally decided to quit being a swordsman."

"He only got annoyed when they attacked him on the toilet. What on earth were they doing when they finally pushed him too far?"

"He was trying to set the world record for dominoes."

"I can understand that, but it's an outrageous clash of eras."

"Gosekimon thought about how he could stop swordsmen from targeting him. Then he came up with a brilliant idea: he should lose. If he deliberately lost to someone and fled, his reputation would surely fall and people would leave him alone."

"That makes sense. People challenge famous swordsmen, but nobody would go out of their way to defeat someone who fled from a fight."

"A swordsman appeared at just the right time, so Gosekimon fought him, pretended to struggle a little, and tried to run away."

"He went to the trouble of pretending to struggle. That's a nice touch."

"But the very next moment, the swordsman was defeated."

"Oh, did you accidentally beat him while pretending to struggle and trying to escape?"

"No. I changed my trajectory and struck the swordsman in the head."

"You could change your trajectory? Well, that's not particularly surprising. I'm more curious why you counterattacked."

"He left himself wide open, so I couldn't help it."

"You couldn't help ruining your owner's escape plan?"

"I told Gosekimon, 'It's outrageous to give up on the path to becoming the world's strongest swordsman halfway through just because you don't want to fight other swordsmen. Is that all the passion you've put into honing your swordsmanship amounts to?'"

"Talking swords usually have some sort of dark history. There don't seem to be many with nice personalities."

"My rebuke brought Gosekimon to his senses. 'That's right. Before fighting the friend I killed with my own hands, I promised him that no matter which of us died, I would carry on our dream of becoming the world's strongest swordsman and make it come true. I've seen the light, you know!'"

"That ending is so lame."

"Then I said, 'Right now, people see you as little more than an opponent they can defeat to make a name for themselves. But once you become the strongest, far fewer people will dare challenge you. You'll surely have time for dominoes, too.'"

"Why are you so obsessed with dominoes?"

"Apparently, it was his friend's hobby. Gosekimon tried it once and got hooked."

"That's a weak reason."

"And so Gosekimon set out on a new journey to become the world's strongest swordsman. He kept defeating the swordsmen who attacked him along the way, until at last he was set to duel Mosashi, the swordsman considered the strongest at the time."

"I won't comment on the name anymore."

"Before the fight with Mosashi, Gosekimon said to me, 'Konjac Jelly-Cutting Sword, this fight is the culmination of everything I've done. Don't help me, you know-y'know!'"

"That ending is really lame. And is Konjac Jelly-Cutting Sword your name?"

"Of course. I'm a sword that can only cut konjac jelly. I can't give myself a fake name."

"I bet a lot of swordsmen in that era were wondering what konjac jelly was."

"Gosekimon fought a fierce battle with Mosashi without relying on my help. He was driven to the brink over and over, and each time I wanted to help him, but Gosekimon would give himself and me a stern pep talk before counterattacking."

"He could easily become the world's strongest swordsman by using your power, but then he wouldn't have achieved it through his own efforts or fulfilled his promise to his friend."

"At last, the fight was decided. Gosekimon brilliantly overcame Mosashi's ultimate technique, Konjac Jelly Slash, and landed a powerful strike of his own."

"The ultimate technique of the world's strongest swordsman is way too lame."

"It was a powerful technique. The slash wobbled like it had a lot of spring to it."

"I doubt it would look impressive even if I saw it with my own eyes."

"Gosekimon claimed the title of the world's strongest swordsman, but he lost his left eye and right arm when he overcame Konjac Jelly Slash, and could no longer fight."

"It really was a powerful technique."

"But the fact remained that he'd become the world's strongest swordsman, even if only once. Satisfied, Gosekimon decided to lay down his sword."

"I doubt your end would come just because he laid down his sword."

"The only konjac jelly in that world was Mosashi's ultimate technique, Konjac Jelly Slash. Mosashi, who wielded it, had been defeated, but Gosekimon could use it after figuring out the secret behind the technique. But if Gosekimon gave up his sword, there would no longer be any konjac jelly in that world. In other words, the concept of a sword that could only cut konjac jelly would collapse."

"That feels like a huge stretch."

"Gosekimon said, 'I was a pathetic man who wandered the land without fulfilling my promise to my friend. A coward who couldn't bring himself to cut anyone with a sword, right up to the very end... But meeting a kind sword like you allowed me to fulfill my dream. I'm deeply grateful, you know-boing!'"

"That ending is so lame it ruins everything."

"Before I disappeared from the world, I gathered all my remaining strength and gave Gosekimon a prosthetic eye and arm, so that even if he could no longer fight, he could still play dominoes."

"The ending is a little weak, but I suppose it wasn't bad."

"Oh, right. For a souvenir, I brought the red salmon Benisha was boasting about."

"So you took it after all. I wonder if it's still fresh."

"I stopped time on it with magic, so it's perfectly fresh."

"That's an outrageous clash of eras and worlds. Still, it does look delicious. I was hoping for oden, but I'll gladly have this, too."

"I'll whip up some oden, too. Oh, since I had a chance to watch and learn, why don't I try using it? Konjac Jelly Slash!"

"You picked it up after all? Well, it's not that impressive a technique... Whoa!"