The Heroine's Left Ear

"Grow big, Gugugedurestaf!"

'Please don't give the World Tree sapling a weird name.'

"I know, but the name just popped into my head."

'You can't get attached to a name that sounds like a demon who'll appear for a few episodes and then get killed off right away.'

※My Syndrome of Wanting to Live Safely Even in Another World is almost at 100 consecutive daily updates.

"Then should we hold a naming contest?"

'Rejected. It's obvious we'll only get terrible names.'

"The people who submit suggestions to the box probably think they'll make things more interesting—or rather, that the prompt itself will be interesting."

'If you raise the bar that high, no one will submit anything.'

"The prompt can be anything. Feel free to send one in. Look, anything on your desk will do."

'This pandering, when it could decide the rest of his life...'

"All I have to do is make the most of whatever I get."

'You do seem to manage all right, but if I called what you've done so far "managing well," I'd have to question my definition of "well," so I'll refrain.'

"Oh, could you water Gugugedurestaf while I'm reincarnated in another world?"

'I might have considered watering the World Tree sapling, but I really don't like that name.'

"Can't be helped. I'll make a device that waters it automatically."

'Can you make a device that'll keep watering it throughout a reincarnation lasting several decades?'

"Done."

'That was fast.'

"I wasn't just a clock's second hand for nothing."

'No kidding.'

"It's a device that fires water magic every time the clock strikes twelve."

'You didn't become one for nothing. But I'm removing it.'

"After all that effort?"

'This place would be flooded. I'll water it myself, so just put up with that.'

"Then let's draw from the suggestion box. I'd like to interact with a girl soon."

'It's painful to admit, but I'm starting to think this may be necessary for someone like you, who can't be satisfied without romance.'

"Ta-da! From Anoneno: 'The Heroine's Left Ear.'"

'You've become a girl's body. Congratulations.'

"Now I'm wondering how to torment you."

'Don't wonder about that, and don't torment her.'

"For starters, let's add some options. I'll make her entire body an erogenous zone."

'I'm removing that.'

"But there are plenty of heroines who are sensitive around their ears."

'I don't trust you after the rib incident. Romance is fine, but lust isn't.'

"What a shame. Oh, but there's one thing I won't compromise on."

'What is it?'

"Add an option that makes sure the hero isn't an ear fetishist. I don't want him looking down on me."

'I suppose I have no choice. I'll add it.'

"No way. The heroine's a man on the inside. Oh, I can't remove that."

'You left out "left ear." Obviously, the heroine will be female.'

"Don't secretly make her a guy, okay?"

'I suppose I have no choice.'

"Can't let my guard down around you for a second."

'Hearing that from you gives me a little confidence.'

"I don't want anyone piercing my ears. And I'd like my earlobes to have an exquisite texture."

'All your options are about the shape of the ear. Though I would be troubled if you added some strange options.'

"Maybe this time I'll skip having a voice. I can't bring myself to drive the heroine insane with my voice."

'That's the right decision.'

"So I'll use telepathy and make it like a divine revelation."

'I can already see you driving her insane either way, so I'm removing that.'

"Come on, it'll be fine. I won't talk to her that much."

'Then it'll be just one minute once a month. Is that acceptable?'

"Understood. All right, I'm off."

◇

'Gugugedurestaf, it's time for your water. Is it tasty? I see. You really do grow slowly. Just like him, haha.'

"I'm back."

'I'm getting tired of calling you Gugugedurestaf every single time. Should I pour sulfuric acid on you?'

"I've barely gotten back and we're already in the middle of a bloodbath."

'Ahem. So it didn't work out after all?'

"I came to my senses halfway through and realized I couldn't end up with the heroine."

'You should've realized that from the beginning.'

"By the way, the heroine was named Leapris, and she was the hero's main heroine."

'So far, she's pretty much a classic heroine.'

"Her Job was Cleric."

'A little unusual for a classic heroine, perhaps.'

"Her weapon was corpses."

'Have you ever heard of the word necromancer?'

"I have."

'Could it be that the heroine was a necromancer?'

"No, she was a Cleric."

'Even though she fought with corpses?'

"Yes. She grabbed monster corpses and swung them around."

'Even necromancers would be surprised. Why make her such a dangerous heroine?'

"I'm not sure, but maybe to give her some individuality."

'I don't think that kind of individuality benefits anyone.'

"I first met Leapris when she was twelve."

'So she behaved herself before then.'

"She couldn't understand language, so my voice just sounded like meaningless noise to her."

'That's a heroine who developed rather slowly.'

"She grew up in the mountains."

'What does that have to do with being a Cleric?'

"Leapris was an infant abandoned in the mountains, but luckily a monster found and raised her. When she was ten, humans discovered and took her in."

'That's quite a harrowing past.'

"By the way, the monster who raised her was Red Salmon Ogre Spacious, who would later become the Demon King's right-hand man."

'What an unexpected reunion.'

"Oh, you know him?"

'Your inability to read the room frightens me.'

"Spacious was a man who could kill humans without hesitation, but he couldn't bring himself to kill her as a baby, so he raised her instead. Also, he seemed to have a bit of a thing for seafood."

'He definitely did.'

"But he couldn't raise a human girl forever, so he deliberately let humans discover and take Leapris in."

'That's a nice story. Let's overlook the details.'

"Leapris was raised at a church run by Clerics, and by the time she was twelve, she had developed enough to hold everyday conversations."

'Given how much she grew in two years, that's enough.'

"Oh, and she also learned resurrection magic."

'I'm curious what level of difficulty those everyday conversations were.'

"And now, for her first revelation... Shall I use this?"

【Leapris, Leapris, can you hear me?】

'You've regained the power I thought I'd removed.'

"Doesn't it sound protagonist-like?"

'Protagonists don't talk to people through system windows.'

【I shall give you a revelation. You can become the woman the hero is looking for. Improve yourself.】

'A revelation is normally knowledge you couldn't otherwise know, but what a ridiculous revelation.'

【Now, strive to become the top girl in the hero's harem, Leapris.】

'So the hero was the harem type.'

"Leapris fell for it and began working on herself."

'She actually believed it?'

"I kept giving her harsh revelations for her own happiness."

'If you've been with her since she was born, you'd probably feel almost like her parent.'

【Leapris, you're currently worth less than a stone lying on the roadside to the hero. With heroine power that pathetic, you think you can aim for the main heroine spot? Don't make me laugh.】

'Harsher than I expected.'

"Leapris dreamed of adventuring alongside the hero the world was waiting for, so she took my revelation at face value."

'She's a good girl.'

【Do you think that level of individuality will make the hero remember you? Someone who fights with a daikon in their hands is several times more memorable. Just keep swinging around monster corpses.】

'So it was your fault after all.'

"By the time she was fifteen, she'd become a famous beauty throughout the country."

'She'd be famous if she used corpses as weapons.'

"Yes, for some reason."

'You take no responsibility for your words.'

"It was only a matter of time before the hero heard rumors about Leapris—a young girl with terrifying strength, beautiful looks, and the novel gimmick of using corpses as weapons—and came to meet her."

'The last one probably just made him curious to see the freak show.'

"When Leapris met the hero, she was smitten at first sight."

'Love at first sight?'

"The hero's motto was 'strike first, win first.'"

'So it was an attack.'

"He probably mistook her for an undead because she happened to be wielding an undead corpse."

'Mistook her, huh? Well...'

"But the Leapris I'd trained wasn't going to go down easily from an attack by some mere hero."

'What kind of heroine calls the hero a mere hero?'

"After a fierce battle, Leapris finally succeeded in capturing the hero's heart."

'Why? Did he like strong women?'

"No, it's a spell that grabs and crushes the spirit."

'So "finally" meant the conclusion of the battle.'

"And so, after defeating the hero, Leapris secured her place as the main heroine."

'Not a single word says you have to defeat the hero to become the main heroine.'

"And so her adventure began—with the hero being dragged along."

'That's not the hero's corpse, is it?'

"Don't worry, he's breathing."

'That doesn't sound reassuring.'

"Powerful foes appeared one after another, but Leapris and the hero worked together to defeat them all."

'A Cleric who can defeat the hero and the hero himself make a pretty capable party.'

"Without surrendering her position as main heroine, the hero continued expanding his harem."

'Were they defeating the heroines?'

"The standard approach is to add more companions first."

'I hate how suddenly reasonable that was.'

"And with the prologue over, the story finally shifts to the battlefield against the Demon King's army."

'That must have been quite a prologue for the hero.'

"The Demon King's army was powerful and cunning. The most troublesome of them all was Red Salmon Ogre Spacious."

'There he is—the heroine's adoptive father.'

"His strength and cunning schemes were far beyond the caliber of a mere right-hand man to the Demon King."

'I imagine so.'

"I'm sure he was an otherworldly reincarnator. And one who'd been through it many times."

'I imagine so.'

"We really struggled against him. I never want to see him again."

'That's unlikely.'

"It was also a problem that Leapris remembered him. She remembered the debt she owed the one who raised her."

'A dutiful heroine.'

"But Spacious fought to fulfill his role. Worried that Leapris would be killed if this continued, I encouraged her with a revelation."

【That fish should be dealt with and left out in the sun to dry! Look, its tail's easy to grip. It'll make a fine weapon.】

'That revelation is trashy.'

"With the help of my revelation, the hero and Leapris defeated Red Salmon Ogre Spacious."

'I'm worried that Leapris takes your revelations too seriously.'

"Having obtained the ultimate weapon, they at last began the final battle against the Demon King."

'That is one awful-looking scene. And he'll be reincarnated in another world again, won't he?'

"But at this point, the hero's chronic condition flared up."

'A chronic condition that hadn't been mentioned until now suddenly became important.'

"A curse that makes him unable to resist lusting after ears."

'Oh, right. That was my doing.'

"The heroines were assaulted one after another by the hero and collapsed."

'If "assaulted" means what I think it does, I'll be angry.'

"It seemed all of them were weak to having their ears touched."

'That's ridiculous.'

"They were all otherworldly reincarnators who'd asked for their entire bodies to be erogenous zones."

'There were that many idiots?'

"But Leapris didn't flinch even when he went after her ears."

'That's because I removed that option. At least it came in handy for once.'

"The hero was successfully subdued, but most of his companions were in no condition to fight."

'Were there no male companions?'

"What man would want to join a hero's party with a huge harem of women?"

'Fair enough. By the way, how many women were there?'

"Fifty-eight, including Leapris."

'That hero has no restraint at all.'

"In the end, only the hero and Leapris headed for the Demon King's lair."

'The heroines went down after having their ears touched—fifty-seven of them. What a scene.'

"Oh, technically Red Salmon Ogre Spacious was with them, too."

'As a weapon, I assume. They should've left him behind.'

"And at last, the battle against the Demon King Left Door began."

'That guy's an otherworldly reincarnator.'

"Huh? How can you tell?"

'Are you completely uninterested in other people?'

"My heart is always filled with you, Goddess-sama."

'If I were pleased by that line of all things, I'd be disqualified as a person.'

"A goddess, perhaps?"

'I'd be disqualified as a goddess, too.'

"The Demon King was very strong, and even Leapris struggled."

'He was an otherworldly reincarnator Demon King, so of course he'd be troublesome.'

"She was also unused to fighting with two swords."

'Isn't the hero dead, then?'

"Leapris was driven into a corner, but the Demon King's movements suddenly slowed. She seized the opening and launched a counterattack."

'Did something happen?'

"No, I have no idea. It looked like he saw something behind Leapris, but there was only a door behind her."

'You were standing on his right, weren't you?'

"How did you know?"

'How could I not? You're traumatized.'

"It was a victory that left a few mysteries, but the world was safely restored to peace."

'I have it completely figured out, though.'

"The hero was brought back to life with Leapris's resurrection magic."

'The magic she learned on the side came in handy. Have her revive Red Salmon Ogre Spacious, too.'

"Well, when Spacious died, his corpse..."

'It broke apart?'

"It got stuck in the Demon King and couldn't be pulled out."

'A Demon King who died with a red salmon skewering him is bound to reincarnate in another world.'

"Leapris lived happily ever after with the hero who defeated the Demon King."

'She defeated him, didn't she? With the red salmon.'

"I felt like a father giving his daughter away in marriage, but the hero wasn't a bad guy, so I reluctantly gave my blessing."

'You're the one who's hopeless. Though a hero with fifty-eight heroines doesn't seem normal, either.'

"Anyway, to minimize the damage to me, I cleverly used revelations to make him focus on her right ear."

'What a waste of revelations.'

"Still, I came back because I wondered what kind of life it was to be lusted after by a man."

'I don't think that sounds so bad.'

"And for my souvenir..."

'If it's the red salmon, I'm making you return it.'

"It was stuck in the Demon King and couldn't be pulled out."

'That's right. Then what exactly...'

"What Leapris was wearing..."

'Take it back.'

"An earring."

'Don't make it sound so ominous.'

"It seems that after living a long life, Leapris eventually realized I was there. She said, 'You've truly done so much for me. Please take this earring I've worn since I was a child as a souvenir.'"

'She was a good girl.'

"Yes. Even in old age, she kept fighting with the hero's corpse as her weapon."

'I take it back.'