Chapter 132
The emperor told me to become a grand duke.
“Why me?”
Of course, I had absolutely no intention of doing so.
What benefit was there to becoming a grand duke?
-Head Mod*) So if I do it, will you feature it?
ㄴ ?
ㄴ Suddenly Head Mod's credibility is going way up lol
ㄴ Ah lol, I don't like real-life Head Mods.
Being ordered around by someone else was enough when I was being dragged off to the army.
Naturally, all I had to do was refuse the title of grand duke.
But regardless of the emperor, the orc problem still needed to be dealt with.
[Title: What happens when an orc sweats?]
(GIF of an orc smashing through a village palisade)
(GIF of an orc recklessly destroying houses)
What the fuck do you think? My house gets blown away.
[Upvotes 102] [Downvotes 0]
- Ah lol
- The Orc Emperor is really working hard destroying things
- The Orc Emperor is seriously a fucking asshole
The orc, the star of countless tactical-nuke incidents and a sight I was sick of seeing, had appeared.
They had begun attacking and pillaging villages on Adrian's frontier.
“Can't we just kill them?”
An orc was a whopping one and a half times the size of an adult man.
But that was all there was to it.
When bizarre cuisine was all the rage, we'd dealt with trolls several times larger, so I wondered whether an orc was really anything to worry about.
[Title: Ah, these bastards are seriously lol]
(GIF of an orc getting excited after the guards cut its arm)
(GIF of an orc getting excited and ripping off its shirt after its shoulder is cut)
How the fuck are we supposed to deal with these war-masochist bastards? lol
Ah lol, the more you hit them, the more excited they get and the harder they wreck the village lol
[Upvotes 51] [Downvotes 62]
- Ah fuck, my eyes!!!
- Can you please not make people see stuff like this alone?
- Their brains are literally food, sleep, and war, yeah
- (I'm getting heated! Orc porn)
ㄴ (Uoooohhh! Orc porn)
ㄴ Ah fuck
“Ah, shit.”
[This IP will be banned for 7 days.]
The problem was the orcs' unique trait.
War was their erogenous zone.
They were monsters so aggressive that people actually said that about them.
- No, how the hell are we supposed to take these guys down?
- Just kill them all, that's the answer, yeah
ㄴ But there are fucking tons of them, you asshole...
ㄴ (Shirtless orc GIF)
ㄴ Ah fuck
“Attacking them halfheartedly will only get them excited.”
They became even more aggressive and dangerous if you so much as cut off an arm.
Normally, the solution would be to wipe out a small number of them completely, but there were far too many this time.
“Hmm?”
That was when I spotted one individual that was especially large and had a particularly strong green hue.
An orc rubbed its sweat-soaked body frantically with its own hands and let out a roar.
“Is that the leader?”
It looked exactly like the leader commanding the group.
Killing a few ordinary orcs wouldn't accomplish anything.
If anything, seeing their comrades die would only excite them more; they certainly didn't look like they would run away.
“Then all we have to do is make them lose interest in fighting.”
A fight only works if there's an opponent.
Head Mod*: Hey.
Colin: Say the word, and I shall do anything.
The reply came back barely three seconds after I sent the message.
Colin answered in a noticeably more polite tone, perhaps because of the recent sniper-rifle incident.
[Head Mod* shipped ‘AWM’!]
Head Mod*: “Deploy.”
Colin: ...!
We simply had to kill them before they even knew what hit them.
*
-Graaaaar!
A forest on Adrian's outskirts, thick with trees.
The orcs began letting out savage war cries and indiscriminately destroying the village.
“Chief, the village...!”
“Run for now! We don't have enough people to stand against them!”
An ordinary orc band moved in groups of around ten.
But what they could see was a force numbering well over a hundred, closer to an army.
The villagers were left stunned as they watched the orcs smash everything in sight.
“My house...”
“...Where are we supposed to go now?”
The village they had worked their whole lives to build was being destroyed.
They had only reached the entrance, but it wouldn't take even a day to destroy the entire village.
In fact, this wasn't the first time it had happened.
“This is the fifth time already.”
It was the first time there had been this many, but orc attacks themselves were frequent.
They had somehow managed to hold them back until now, but they no longer had the manpower or strength to do so.
“What the hell is the empire doing!”
“...”
They had requested help from the empire several times, but the response that came back was...
No, there wasn't even a response.
The empire was being torn apart by Kellierton, while Fron had declared independence, and the era was in chaos.
It was failing to live up to its name in the slightest.
“It's all over now...”
They were creatures who experienced pain itself as pleasure.
It was impossible to scare the orcs.
That was when the villagers were about to lose all hope and motivation.
-Bang!
“...?”
Something had passed by.
It was so faint that it couldn't be heard without concentrating.
-Graaagh!
By the time the village chief realized what had happened, the orc leader had suddenly collapsed.
“W-What was that?”
-Bang!
Then that unfamiliar sound rang out once more.
-Grah?
This time, the orc subcommander nearby died on the spot.
“...Huh?”
“Was it magic...?”
They had never even heard the sound of a gunshot, so it was utterly unfamiliar to them.
Yet one thing was certain: every time that sound echoed through the silent forest, it claimed a life.
“...A bell?”
That light yet chilling sound was like the bell of the Grim Reaper.
-Bang!
And when that sound rang out again.
-Graaagh!
One enormous orc flinched violently, then died instantly.
-Graaah...
Orcs loved fighting.
They loved the scent of blood and the adrenaline that swirled through battles fought on the brink of life and death.
But they couldn't love being killed instantly before they had time to feel any of that.
-Uhh, uhaaagh!
-Graaaghaagh!
The orcs began fleeing in terror, one after another.
“No...”
The village's problem, which they had struggled with their whole lives, had been solved with just three gunshots.
*
[Title: Something... Something Happened...jpg]
(GIF of orcs dying one after another)
(GIF of an orc army fleeing in terror at the sound of gunshots)
For starters, I'm a resident of a frontier village.
I'm technically an imperial citizen, but I'm one of the residents the empire treats as if we may as well not exist, yeah.
Ever since the Great War, orcs have been invading nonstop.
This time, I really thought it was all over.
(GIF of the orc in front of him dying instantly)
But then something like a bell rang, and it saved my life.
I'm fucking happy to be alive, but
what the hell is this???
[Upvotes 6121] [Downvotes 102]
- What the hell do you do, never even look at featured posts?
- Go look at the featured posts once in a while and live
ㄴ Fuck lol, but he's got a point
ㄴ Author) ?? What happened?
ㄴ htps://gall.isegye/juddacksaranghea
ㄴ Go read it all, yeah
ㄴ Author) Head Mod, is he a god!!!!
ㄴ Author) Fuck, hold still for a kiss!!!
ㄴ [This IP has been banned for 24 hours]
ㄴ Lol, fuck
ㄴ Ah fuck, I almost spit out my hamburger lol
There wasn't a single thing wrong with what the red-haired woman from that game had said.
Can't solve the problem?
“Let's consider whether you're lacking firepower.”
Though it ended up looking like I'd carried out the little emperor's command.
Saving a gallerybro was an important matter, after all.
I was just about to leave a chat message saying I wasn't interested in playing at being a real-life Head Mod through something like the grand-duke title.
[Title: Head Mod, Grand Duke, Listen Up]
Author: Muffin
I heard all about your exploits this time.
Good work, yeah.
There are many villages like this on the frontier, so I hope you'll manage them well.
Anyway, I'll send you a little gift as a reward, so take it.
(GIF of the emperor entering the imperial treasury)
(GIF of him grabbing various things and having them shipped)
(GIF of an anxious courtier fidgeting)
Once again, the emperor quickly left a post.
As if he were acting preemptively before hearing my answer.
The problem was the reward the emperor was giving me.
It was just that the scale of the things he handed over was a little—no, excessively—large.
- ??? Fuck, that's a national treasure
- What, did he just casually look around and send everything over like he was shopping at a market?
- Is he insane?
He had started handing out treasures from the imperial treasury that couldn't be bought even with money.
[Muffin shipped ‘Adrian Magical Protective Array’!]
[Muffin shipped ‘Adera's Portal Blueprint’!]
.
.
“Why are you sending me this?”
I don't turn down expensive gifts.
But accepting things an eight-year-old sends thoughtlessly is a problem.
It would do more harm than good.
I was wondering whether an eight-year-old was thoughtlessly playing emperor, but then I noticed something odd.
“Hmm, something's strange.”
The current emperor was only an elementary school first-grader.
But he had been the sort of person who remained calm even when he was taken hostage and nearly killed.
It was strange that, after sitting quietly on the imperial throne all this time, he was acting this way only now.
- This elementary-school emperor is seriously making my head spin
- Is Adrian going into round two of reforms?
- Why doesn't Head Mod just take the imperial throne?
ㄴ Oh, that actually sounds good
ㄴ Are you a genius?
Naturally, public sentiment began to worsen.
With people even suggesting that I should just become emperor, my suspicions only grew.
“Is he deliberately trying not to become emperor?”
Just as my suspicions were growing, a new post from the emperor appeared.
[Title: You're Craving Something Sweet]
Author: Muffin
(GIF of a bag of candy taken from the gallery)
I hear there was something called candy that you once sold at the market.
I want to eat some, so bring me some.
[Upvotes 102] [Downvotes 4021]
- Ugh, this fucking elementary schooler
- He reminds me of my little cousin lololol
- Just quit being emperor and step down already, yeah
- Head Mod, can't you really become emperor?
ㄴ Oh, good idea
ㄴ Fuck off ㅗㅇㅅㅇㅗ Why would Head Mod settle for being a human emperor or something?
ㄴ Stop asking my brother to be emperor this and that. Do you want to die?
He had deliberately showered me with national treasures.
And then he openly demanded sweets from me in the gallery, rubbing it in my face?
“This...”
I became certain.
So, at the little emperor's request, I bought some candy and handed it to him.
- Head Mod*) Yeah, here you go
ㄴ No, Head Mod, you're actually giving it to him just because he asked?
ㄴ Why are you being so deferential about this?
ㄴ Muffin) Fine, I shall graciously eat it.
The little emperor popped several pieces of candy I had sent straight into his mouth without a second thought.
- Muffin) Khek! Kehehek!
ㄴ ?
ㄴ What the hell happened all of a sudden?
The emperor began showing signs of a strange reaction.
- Head Mod*) Are you conscious?
ㄴ Muffin) What on earth did you feed me!!!
[Mega Sour Raspberry Candy 200g] - 28p
The sourest candy in the world.
- Head Mod*) Emperor, attention
Now it was time to hear the truth.