Chapter 31
A calamity befell the gallery.
And it was a problem involving food, of all things.
- Fucking Rift bastard!!!
- I gave that thing affection because it was a pet magma, but now my ass is stinging...
- I even gave it a name...
ㄴ What was the name?
ㄴ The name was...
ㄴ ?
ㄴ You fucking asshole.
The land around the Rift had all been cursed and turned black.
This all happened before the mess in Adrian had even been sorted out.
Title: The Land Is Rotting
(Meme of the soil turning black)
My family's farmland had been famous for its fertility for generations, so what the hell is this bolt from the blue?;
All sorts of crops we'd been growing—vegetables, wheat, rice, and so on—simply dried up and withered, or turned into magical beasts.
(Meme of a pumpkin magical-beast plant sprouting teeth all over)
Fuck, I have to fight back, so I can't take questions.
- Plant vs. Human
ㄴ Looks like a matchup where positioning is gonna be key lol
ㄴ Wow, look how fucking disgusting it is.
- Ah, fuck, my pet flower turned into a magical beast;
ㄴ What happened?
ㄴ The cat tore off all its leaves with kitty punches.
ㄴ Ah lol, you can't beat cats.
- Isn't that Ronan's domain?
ㄴ Looking at the buildings in back, I think it is;
ㄴ Isn't that the Empire's granary? Is this really okay?
ㄴ No, it's really fucking not.
ㄴ This is a catastrophic nosedive, and we didn't even escape...
Title: What Are We Supposed to Do Now?
Author: Lloyd
(Meme of the Empire's food warehouse completely burned down)
(Meme of the crown prince beaten black and blue and tied up with rope)
We didn't have much food to begin with, and thanks to that twenty-fucking troll, there's nothing left.
How are we supposed to make it through the coming winter?
- We don't.
ㄴ Guess we can reincarnate, yeah.
ㄴ How about we start up the guillotine first?
ㄴ How does the imperial crown prince turn into a twenty-fucking troll overnight...? This is making my heart shrivel.
- Just make a Big Decision.
ㄴ There really are people who don't give up even in a situation like this...
ㄴ What are you talking about?
ㄴ ??
ㄴ (Meme of someone giving a thumbs-up while holding a bar of soap)
ㄴ Ah, not “make a big decision”—I meant “make Big Decision”...
ㄴ Isn't that soap made from animal fat?
ㄴ It might surprisingly be tasty, yeah!
ㄴ Has everyone gone insane from hunger?
“H-Head Mod! The fields!”
“Wow, holy shit.”
And its aftereffects reached the rabbitfolk's underground village.
Rustle.
The giant crops grown through the rabbitfolk's agricultural expertise were being drained of their vitality and dying.
“Grrrk!”
Some of them had begun turning into magical beasts and thrust their teeth at them, but.
“Everyone gather!”
“Dig, quickly! Myo.”
Thwack-thwack-thwack!
“Grrrrk...”
Because they dug up the surrounding earth at an astonishing speed, the magical-beast crops died in an instant.
They managed to save half of what remained, but that was a problem too.
“Even with the rabbitfolk rushing over to tend them, half of them died.”
The rabbitfolk might not be able to fight, but they were gods of agriculture.
And yet half of them had died.
There was no way the other races were faring better.
I left a post on the gallery asking about the condition of the other races.
- Head Mod☆) Are the other races okay?
ㄴ Wholesome Goddess) I'm hungry... ㅠ ㅅ ㅠ
ㄴ Wholesome Goddess) We need full stomachs to indulge our desires or do anything else, but everyone's hungry, so now I'm hungry too... u ㅁ u..
ㄴ Tal'Dru) They all died, but we're fine since meat is our staple.
ㄴ But if there are no plants, there are no animals either.
ㄴ Tal'Dru) Why do you assume we only eat animals?
ㄴ ?
ㄴ Magical-beast crops are chewy and tasty in their own way.
ㄴ ??
ㄴ Just some booze-addled bastard...
ㄴ A crazy bastard who likes them because they've gotten tougher and make perfect bar snacks...
ㄴ Full-HP Elf★) We're fine.
ㄴ Full-HP Elf★) The World Tree is having a little trouble, though...
ㄴ Wait, you're fine?
ㄴ Full-HP Elf★) Elrad, where the World Tree has taken root, is fine.
ㄴ Head Mod☆) The admin's got a rigged map ㄷㄷ
ㄴ I'm so fucking jealous of the World Tree.
ㄴ But won't it run out eventually? It's been wilting ever since the Great War.
ㄴ Isn't it gonna end up like the Blue Mod, on its last legs and flickering in and out?
ㄴ Full-HP Elf★) Shut up.
Dwarves solved it with strength; elves have the admin's rigged map.
And Lovable Named User Dryer could probably sort it out somehow by getting the meme machine running again.
In other words, they could hold out for now.
- Fuuuck!!!!!
- Save me! Save me!
Of course, humans were the exception.
The Rift appeared similarly across all races, and places without a Rift were still as they had always been.
But humans were different, having long been struggling with food shortages and then suffered the crown prince's trolling on top of that.
- Selling.
Exchanging for one day's worth of food.
ㄴ What are you selling?
ㄴ I'm selling myself.
ㄴ What?
ㄴ Whaaat?
They were truly one step from death.
The market, which had only been restocked twice a day, had already been restocked three times before evening, but even that wasn't enough.
And the crisis immediately led to a problem.
Title: Disturbing Content Warning) Someone Died
(Meme of a shriveled corpse)
It was a knight from the imperial faction we'd been holding captive; he suddenly collapsed, and when we checked, he was dead;
- A knight starved to death...?
ㄴ How hungry must he have been for a knight's body to end up like that?
ㄴ Wow... you can see every outline of his bones.
ㄴ Looks like me lol
ㄴ Gallery user...
ㄴ Please eat properly.
ㄴ I want to eat too, fuck fuck fuck...
Someone had finally starved to death.
*
- Info) The Reality on the Southern Front.jpg
(Photo of Adrian's capital city walls)
- ? This is the capital, though
ㄴ Southern Front (not)
ㄴ Author) That's because the entire south was destroyed by magical beasts, yeah.
ㄴ ?
ㄴ Wait, it was completely overrun?
ㄴ The capital became the front line lol;
Title: But It Wasn't Strange at All
(Meme of someone drinking cola and flipping the bird against a dark background)
Magical beasts have been coming over ever since the Great War.
They've stayed here for years, polluting the environment and turning things into magical beasts.
Then the Rifts appeared.
Do you know what this is?
- What the fuck is it?
ㄴ Author) Terraforming, you idiot.
ㄴ Author) We're just completely fucked.
- Come to think of it, it does seem to be gradually turning into the “outside”...
ㄴ Have you ever been there?
ㄴ Nope.
ㄴ ?
- We don't even know how many magical beasts there are to begin with.
ㄴ For real, everyone keeps talking about the Great War, but all that happened was we got our asses kicked in one clash.
ㄴ There's no guarantee there won't be a second one.
ㄴ They're sizing us up—the end is nigh.
Everyone began to lose hope.
No matter how you looked at it, there was simply no future in sight.
Magical beasts were multiplying, and the land was becoming polluted.
The Rifts kept widening, but people were too hungry to have the strength or motivation to move.
They were just about to follow the exact path of the fallen Kingdom of Kelton.
I added the items I had just finished buying in bulk to the market.
Announcement) Market Item Added
Author) Head Mod☆
(Meme of a three-pack of ramen)
Got some new ramen in. Come buy it.
- Ramen... Ramen is good...
ㄴ You need money to buy it first... fuck
ㄴ Even with food posted, all I can do is look at it lol
ㄴ This is truly fucking miserable.
ㄴ I only have 10 Mana Dumplings.
And the reaction was more lukewarm than expected.
It was different from the old days, when everyone had cheered whenever I added an item and begged me to list more.
Rather, self-reproach and despair seemed to fill the comments, spreading a gloom across the thread.
You had to hunt magical beasts to earn Mana Dumplings, but they didn't even have the strength to hunt magical beasts.
Though that was only natural, since they needed Mana Dumplings to get food.
- Head Mod ☆) Lol, just go take a look, everyone.
There was only one reason I added the item despite knowing the mood.
- What is it?
ㄴ What do you mean, what?
ㄴ The ramen's price at the market is weird.
ㄴ The Head Mod has gone mad!!!
ㄴ You crazy bastard, you lunatic, you fucking son of a bitch!!!!!
ㄴ Just say you wanted to swear at him!
[One meal's worth of ramen, three-pack] - 1 Mana Dumpling
Did you all think this was some ultra-cheap ramen?
*
Title: Head Mod Terms of Address, Saved for Reference
Head Mod☆: A term referring to the gallery's administrator.
King God Mod: A term used to fervently praise the Head Mod.
Orange: A color created by nature after being impressed by the Head Mod. Used when describing the Head Mod's influence.
Resident: A life-form that wants to live under the Head Mod's influence.
Lord: A term referring to the Head Mod when he governs a problem with an outstanding solution.
Shareholder Meeting: Literally, “the meeting created by the Head Mod's gun.” A term referring to the Head Mod, whose abilities are close to those of a one-man army.
Jutin Luther King Mod: A term referring to the Head Mod when he leads the way toward world peace.
Head Mod, my love.
Head Mod, my light.
Head Mod, my darkness.
Head Mod, my life.
Head Mod, me.
- What the actual fuck lololol
- “Orange” is such a fucking stupid nickname lol
- “Lord” is making my heart swell with pride lol
- “Shareholder Meeting” makes me want to plant one on him so fucking badly lol
ㄴ Head Mod☆) No no no no no;
- The bastard who feeds us, saves us, puts us to bed, and gets cursed at...
ㄴ What on earth does the Head Mod do...?
ㄴ Head Mod does well = sexual harassment about wanting to plant a kiss on him
ㄴ Head Mod writes a shitpost = sexual harassment about punishing him by planting a kiss
ㄴ Head Mod☆) TLqkf
Title: Gallery User's Merciless Taste Review...jpg
(Meme of deliciously cooked red ramen)
(Meme of someone eating enthusiastically while blowing on it)
(Meme of an empty bowl with a moved expression)
lol yeah, none of that.
It's fucking delicious!!!!!
- Ah lol, I came here ready to kill him because I thought he was really reviewing the taste lol
- Okay lol
- Hold it, he's an ally!
- I could honestly live as the Head Mod's slave for the rest of my life if he only had to say the word, yeah;
ㄴ Then I'll be his dancer so he won't be bored.
ㄴ I'll be a blanket to keep Head Mod warm //^^//
ㄴ Oh
ㄴ Are you a woman?
ㄴ I'm a man *^^*
ㄴ You bastard.
The biggest problem with the market was its prices.
Most things were cheap at one Mana Dumpling.
But Adrian had lost the means to pay because of Frederick's legendary troll show.
In the midst of all that, ultra-cheap ramen was nothing short of a revolution.
“It's truly amazing. How can water containing wheat and wheat produce such a deep flavor... myo.”
And Myoran, the talking rabbit, was happily eating ramen this way and that with adorable forepaws.
Wait, can rabbits eat this?
“I'm glad you like it, but...”
“Look. Don't all the rabbitfolk over there like it too? It's incredibly popular, myo.”
“Phew, phew. It's spicy, but tasty. Spicy, but sweet!”
“My tongue hurts, but it's addictively good...”
“Looks delicious.”
“Why are you talking while looking at me?”
Of course, there were rabbitfolk hiding among them and sneaking in sexual harassment, but I was used to it by now.
I too was eating ultra-cheap ramen for the first time in ages, locked in prison, while checking the gallery with Myoran.
“This method is good, but its drawback is obvious...”
Self-sufficiency—in other words, standing on their own—was impossible.
In modern times, the ramen recipe would be exposed in no time and all sorts of imitation foods would appear, but MSG was still uncharted territory.
In other words, the fundamental problem had to be solved.
They needed to learn how to catch fish, not be handed fish.
“But Head Mod, the humans' granary has rotted away. Not to mention their incompetent leader.”
“Hmm.”
“How can they become self-sufficient, myo?”
When I said this to Myoran, they merely stroked their ears with an awkward expression.
Of course, I understood what they meant.
The Rift that had happened to appear in the granary, Frederick's trolling, and a society that had been rotting for a long time.
But I had a way to solve all of it.
“If I told you there was magic that could turn air into bread, would you believe me?”
The admin's cheat map, the cheat code.
It was time to show them modern science.