Chapter 99
“Humans are so weak.”
Penny said with an arrogant expression.
Sitting at the dining table with her arms folded, she looked down at me and continued speaking with a displeased expression.
“You easily crumble from the slightest shock or the smallest habit. You’re nothing more than an endlessly small and weak being.”
There was even a hint of anger in her expression.
I stared at Penny, then looked inside her mouth again.
“It’s hard to see when you talk.”
“...It’s not a cavity, is it?”
“Hmm, hold on.”
I very gently touched the tooth Penny said was hurting with a pair of chopsticks.
“How is it?”
“It doesn’t hurt at all.”
“Then I don’t think it’s a cavity. There aren’t any cracks, either.”
“Phew, phew-ooo.”
I had been worried when she said it might be a cavity, but fortunately, it was nothing serious.
She must have been terrified after watching Doctor De Soto, a children’s story about a dentist.
Only after calming down did Penny start grumbling.
“It’s ridiculous that my teeth hurt just because I ate a little something sweet.”
“They hurt because you ate something sweet.”
“Humans are weak.”
Penny used a surprisingly weighty tone for someone who looked like her.
Of course, saying that while teary-eyed made her hardly intimidating.
I pressed down firmly on the crown of Penny’s head and said,
“If you get a cavity, there’s nothing I can do. I’m a humanities guy.”
“What does that mean?”
“Cut down on sweets and brush your teeth diligently.”
When I ruffled Penny’s hair, she soon hurried off to the bathroom in small, quick steps.
She must have been anxious, since she seemed intent on brushing her teeth at least.
Watching her suddenly reminded me of the Gallery.
I had met Penny after I had already been settled here for quite some time.
If Penny was worried about her teeth after all this time, what condition were the Gallery users who had been using the marketplace long before in?
“No, maybe their teeth are fine?”
I had once seen a video saying that people in the Middle Ages actually had good teeth.
Apparently, their teeth were healthy because sugar was scarce and their diets consisted mostly of grains.
With a worried feeling, I entered the Gallery and searched for the keyword ‘teeth.’
[Search results for ‘teeth’]
- My teeth condition is above average?...jpg
- Teeth ← Doesn’t this sound kind of lewd?
“It’s bringing up all sorts of things.”
The Otherworld Destruction Gallery was, quite literally, a community encompassing an entire world.
Looking at the countless related posts appearing, it seemed like I needed to narrow the keywords.
[Search results containing ‘fucking, teeth, fuck’]
- Ah fuck, my tooth hurts like hell lol
- I want to die because of this fucking tooth
- Never brush your teeth
ㄴ Why?
ㄴ You fucking asshole
ㄴ Seems like something’s missing
Once I narrowed the keywords, even more posts appeared.
And, unexpectedly, an incredible number of dental-related posts had been uploaded.
Most of them were questions about pain or how to take care of their teeth.
“Ah.”
People in the Middle Ages really did have decent dental health.
But this place had a marketplace filled with modern goods.
That meant it was about time dental problems started breaking out.
[Title: Lol I got a cavity, fuck]
(A GIF of a barber giving a thumbs-up)
The local barber also works as a surgeon and a cavity specialist,
and when I went to him because my tooth hurt like hell, he said he’d take care of it.
I’m just about to go get it pulled, so I’ll leave a review afterward lol
[Recommended 9] [Not Recommended 0]
- Thanks, fuck, I got a cavity too
- I’m next.
- I’m next.
- I’ll wait.
A few hours later, I found a post.
It was from someone who said they had gotten a cavity and would leave a review.
When I entered the user’s Gallery log, I saw that a new post had gone up just a few minutes ago.
[Title: Lol I got a cavity, fuck]
(A GIF of a barber looking flustered)
The local barber also works as a surgeon and a cavity specialist,
and when I went to him because my tooth hurt like hell, he asked why I had come again.
Fuck, I just came to get it pulled. What’s going on?
What do you mean, I already came here?
But why is it dark outside?
[Recommended 9] [Not Recommended 0]
- Looooooooool fuck
- What the hell, did you get tortured and lose your memory?
- Count how many teeth you have.
ㄴ Author) Huh, fuck, why is one missing?
ㄴ Lol
ㄴ Author) Don’t just laugh, how do you guys know?
ㄴ That barber’s performance is no joke
ㄴ Ha... fuck, I have to get mine pulled too...
“Wow, that review really delivered.”
Looking into it, I found that the treatments were all pretty similar.
They simply pulled the teeth out by force.
Of course, there were other methods, too.
You could ask the Gallery doctors, who received anesthetic supplies.
[Title: Greetings, undeucated children]
Author: Excellentdoc
(A GIF of a Gallery doctor showing off his muscles)
Many people use Mr. Head Mod’s marketplace.
But you misguided children neglect your teeth
And then blame the Head Mod so hard
Also demand anesthetic
Incomprehensible. What on earth is the reason?
Does everyone have domestic conflict caused by beatings?
If a cavity bug appears, tell me
(A GIF of dozens of collected teeth)
I am an excellent famous dentist
I swiftly knock your chompers out
Or pay the price of anesthetic
[Recommended 5121] [Not Recommended 0]
- Ah... ah... ㅠㅠ I got a cavity
- Um... is there any other way...
ㄴ You can also gather all the village strongmen, have them hold your arms and legs, and pull it out. Yeah.
Unless your life is in danger, they generally charge money.
You had to pay to get anesthetic...
- This is scary. Should I pay for anesthetic...?
ㄴ One anesthetic = 50 cans of tuna
ㄴ Are you a pathetic little man?
ㄴ You’re giving up tuna cans for this? lol
ㄴ Coward shelter fee = 50 cans of tuna
It was expensive.
It wasn’t an absurd price, but most people said they would rather buy tuna cans with that money.
Naturally, among the people, pulling it out in one go by force became the norm.
Considering the superhuman strength of the Gallery doctors who could even pin magical beasts to the ground, this was actually the standard way to extract teeth.
Of course, there was also the option of not pulling it out at all.
- Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.
ㄴ ? What’s wrong with this guy?
ㄴ Ignore him. He’s been like that since yesterday.
ㄴ His last post said he was going to endure it without pulling the tooth, but it seems the cavity drove him insane?
Then you will learn what amazing pain is.
Thanks to this, preventing cavities became an important topic of interest in the Gallery.
“But I’ve never put toothpaste or toothbrushes up in the marketplace before?”
As a result, there were all sorts of ways to brush your teeth in the Gallery.
- Hold mercury in your mouth once, then spit it out
- I’m a fucking macho man, so I don’t brush lol
- I wipe mine with the tablecloth after I finish eating?
All kinds of folk remedies were running rampant.
There were more popular methods, at least, but even those weren’t exactly normal.
[Title: I’ll tell you the definitive toothbrushing method]
(A GIF of a clean cloth and charcoal)
First of all, I’m incredibly rich. If there are any Gallery users who are like, ‘You rich bastards~,’ raise your hands.
Rich bastards, prepare salt or pepper.
The rest of you, prepare ash powder or charcoal and a tree branch.
(A GIF of a tree branch with its end finely split)
First, dip your teeth in cold water once.
Then put charcoal powder in your mouth and wash it off with the tree branch.
Rub the charcoal you put in your mouth well, then take it back out.
Personally, you can think of it as scraping them clean. Yeah.
Finally, if you have a handkerchief or tablecloth you use at home, wipe them down with it to finish. Yeah.
- Thanks, I was wondering what I was supposed to do
- If it’s charcoal, I have ash left over from making a fire at home. Is that it?
ㄴ Author) Yeah, that works
- Good grief, the level of humanity!
ㄴ Haha, that’s why your teeth get ruined.
ㄴ Author) ?
ㄴ Powder made from crushed wild grass is softer and better for cleanliness.
ㄴ Author) Oh, nice tip. Thanks.
The Great War had broken out, burning away and erasing most records of hygiene.
Besides, to people who had been starving until recently, brushing one’s teeth was practically a symbol of wealth.
There was no way there could be a proper method for brushing teeth when it had only just become a topic of interest.
“Still, I suppose it’s better than nothing?”
As far as I knew, people had even used urine to whiten their teeth.
Fortunately, it seemed they hadn’t gone that far.
- But in theory, brushing your teeth with urine is good
ㄴ For real, it’s good if you just close your eyes and do it
ㄴ Cavities are caused by a curse from the devil, and demons hate urine. Yeah.
“What the fuck.”
No, it seemed they had gone that far.
- Head Mod*) You fucking bastards
ㄴ ??? Why are you suddenly swearing?
ㄴ Head Mod*) The devil hates human urine?
ㄴ Yeah, that’s what the church says.
ㄴ Head Mod*) Fuck, of course it does. Is there anything that likes human urine?
ㄴ !
ㄴ !!!
Folk remedies began running rampant.
I wrote and uploaded an announcement.
[Announcement: It’s me]
Author: Head Mod*
(A GIF of Penny’s dazzlingly white teeth)
(A GIF of a large order of toothbrushes and toothpaste)
I’ll give you this, so brush your teeth with it. Yeah.
*
[Title: Wow lol, this toothpaste is incredible]
(A teary-eyed cat giving a thumbs-up)
1. Put toothpaste on the bristles.
2. Brush every nook and cranny of your teeth until it feels good.
3. Once you’re done brushing, swallow it just like that.
[Recommended 5123] [Not Recommended 52]
- Ooh, thank you for the instructions already
- For real, this tastes pretty good too
- It fills your stomach and brushes your teeth. Isn’t this really killing two birds with one stone?
ㄴ Head Mod*) No, fuck
I put toothpaste up in the marketplace.
Maybe because so many people were already worried about their dental health, it began selling quickly.
[2060 Toothpaste, 10-count] - 15p
It was cheap, too.
“That’s the unwritten rule.”
The price came to about 1.5 dumplings per tube.
Even by otherworldly standards, it wasn’t bad.
More than anything, it was easier to use and more refreshing than the supposedly precious salt and pepper.
- Wow, this is fucking refreshing lol
- Review of the flavors of different toothpastes.jpg
[Title: God.jpg]
(A drawing imagining the Head Mod’s face)
(A drawing imagining the Head Mod’s body)
(A GIF of the Head Mod’s left arm) (A GIF of the Head Mod’s right arm)
(A GIF of the Head Mod’s left leg) (A GIF of the Head Mod’s right leg)
This is a self-portrait of God, completed by combining the images of God leaked throughout the Gallery so far.
Everyone, leave an upvote before you go.
[Recommended 12] [Not Recommended 1]
- (A chimpanzee knight emote going “Kreeeegh”)
- Damn, I saw the Head Mod again... I have to worship him
- What the actual fuck lol
The Gallery was filled with praise.
There was no need to use your hands or wash a cloth before using it.
You simply squeezed it out and brushed your teeth.
- Hmm, the level of freshness in the toothpaste is pretty good
- The fact that you can squeeze it out and use it right away is genuinely divine
- I broke several teeth brushing with a tree branch, but a real toothbrush really is god-tier lol
ㄴ ?
- Hmm? Hmmm? Mmm...
ㄴ What the hell is this guy doing?
ㄴ This tastes good.
ㄴ Why the hell are you eating it, you lunatic?
The unique freshness after brushing was extremely popular with a Gallery that had grown more interested in cleanliness.
But there was one definite drawback.
Brushing your teeth was, after all, only a preventive measure.
If a cavity had already progressed seriously, brushing your teeth belatedly was meaningless.
[Title: Ah lol, what’s so good about this shitty toothbrush?]
(A GIF of someone whose teeth have all fallen out)
Stop shilling it. It’s not that great ㅡㅡ
- Agh, fuck, mark this as gore
- ? Wait, how old are you?
ㄴ Author) I’m 21.
ㄴ ?????
For those whose cavities had already progressed or who had no teeth left, it was nothing but a cruel mockery of hope.
- Ah lol, you should’ve released this sooner
- Wasn’t it just recently that you told us to cut down on sweets? And now you release this?
- Seriously, is the Head Mod completely out of ideas?
And the Gallery users who had already lost all their teeth and become bitter finally began attacking me.
They hid among the thousands or tens of thousands of posts flooding in every day and cursed me.
“What? They’re cursing me over this?”
But I was a professional cyber guardian who spent the entire day on the Gallery.
I spotted the complaint posts and left comments on them.
- Head Mod*) Hmm, sorry, sorry. Now that you mention it, I think there was something I did wrong too.
ㄴ Author) My teeth have already all fallen out. Is an apology supposed to make up for everything?
ㄴ What the fuck is wrong with this guy?
ㄴ You should just get the fuck out of the Gallery
Naturally, the Gallery users all offered handshakes to the troll, but I had a slightly different thought.
“I was just about to try it myself, so this worked out.”
Dentistry was impossible in the Middle Ages.
I could obtain equipment or books, but the fact that I knew nothing about dentistry was a major problem.
Fortunately, I had just the method for someone like me.
- Head Mod*) I can treat you. Would you like to give it a try?
The medieval method of dental treatment: an intermediate recovery potion.