Chapter 110
After taking a nap in a room prepared for her at Auzerhorn Palace, Monica donned her robe with a sleepy yawn.
Monica was Princess Tsetsilia's guard, but she did not accompany her around the clock. They had divided the day into shifts and took turns guarding her.
Tsetsilia was attending an afternoon tea party hosted by Queen Wilma at the detached palace. Once Tsetsilia returned to the main palace, it would be Monica's turn to guard her.
When Monica checked the clock, there was still quite a while before Tsetsilia returned. She decided to patrol the garden before then, so she took her staff and left the room.
After stepping outside the palace and walking a short distance, Monica spotted a girl sitting beneath a tree in the garden, busily working on something.
It was a maid with black hair tied into a large bun—Carina.
She appeared to be carving something, holding a knife to a palm-sized piece of wood.
After hesitating for a while, Monica timidly called out to Carina.
"Um, h-hello..."
Monica was inwardly terrified that Carina might ask who she was, but Carina quickly looked up at her without stopping her work.
"Oh, it's Monica-chan! Wow! I'm so happy you called out to me, Monica-chan! So happy—ehehe~"
It made Monica genuinely happy to see Carina so innocently delighted that she had spoken to her.
Relieved that she had done the right thing by speaking to Carina, Monica looked down at her hands.
It was a palm-sized cat carved from a flat piece of wood. The curve of its tail, sweeping into a graceful arc, was remarkably skillful for something made with only a single knife.
"Were you making a wood carving?"
"Yep, that's right! I don't really have any proper work to do, so I'm bored. Oh, I have a little work tomorrow, though. Once that's done, I'll have practically nothing to do."
Even while chattering away, Carina never stopped carving. Monica nervously watched, afraid that she might cut her fingers, but Carina's hands moved smoothly and without hesitation.
After shaving down the edges of the carving to shape it and carving the cat's eyes and whiskers, Carina turned it over and began engraving something resembling a symbol with her knife. It was a strange design combining Imperial script with a feather motif.
"...What's that?"
"Let's see... It's a signature saying, 'I made this!' Cute, isn't it?"
The intricate pattern was so precise Monica could hardly believe it had been carved with a knife. She let out an admiring breath. The carving itself was beautiful, and the finish was exceptionally fine.
Carina blew away the wood shavings and murmured thoughtfully.
"When I was little, I kind of admired the idea of putting my signature on things I made."
"...Huh?"
"Where I was born, women couldn't become artisans. Workshops were off-limits to women. I dressed like a boy so they would let me help, but even then, I wasn't allowed to sign anything I made."
This wasn't just a custom in the Empire.
Although things had improved considerably in the Kingdom of Riddle, many regions still retained the custom of excluding women from fields that used fire, such as smithies.
"I probably won't be able to sign anything I make in the future, either... But it's fine if it's something I made personally, right? Yeah. Besides, this is my own original work..."
Carina mumbled the last part so quietly that it was difficult to hear, then pulled a leather cord from her pocket.
She threaded the cord through a small hole in the carving, tied it, and pinched it up between her fingertips.
"Done! Here, you go."
Monica's eyes widened at the wooden cat Carina held out before her, and Carina grinned, showing her teeth.
"You've helped me, after all! It's a keepsake to celebrate my first friend in the Kingdom of Riddle!"
"Th-thank you!"
Monica cupped her hands together and accepted the wooden cat.
It was not very large, and with the leather cord attached, it would be just right to hang from her bag.
"...Hehe, cute."
When Monica's face relaxed into a smile, Carina beamed happily as well.
Just then, the sound of carriage wheels came from the direction of the main gate. Apparently, Tsetsilia had returned.
"I-I have to go...!"
"Oh, I see, I see. I wanted to chat some more, but that's too bad. Do your best with your work!"
Monica slipped the wooden cat into her pocket, then left as Carina waved her off.
＊ ＊ ＊
After returning from the tea party at the detached palace, Tsetsilia sat on the bench in her room with her head bowed, staring absently downward.
When Monica greeted her, Tsetsilia answered in a frail voice.
"Silent Witch-sama, would you have tea with me?"
Tsetsilia had only just returned from a tea party.
The fact that she had invited Monica to tea despite that surely meant there was something she wanted to discuss.
When Monica agreed, the servants promptly prepared the tea.
Only Tsetsilia and Monica were in the room. The other guards remained outside the door. Monica steeled herself, certain that Tsetsilia had something private to consult her about.
"...Silent Witch-sama, what kind of person do you think His Highness Prince Lionel is?"
"Huh?"
Monica made a dumbfounded little sound at Tsetsilia's question.
To be honest, Monica did not know all that much about the First Prince. She knew the Second Prince reasonably well—but then, he was her disciple.
Monica hummed as she thought about Lionel.
The first thing that came to mind was his thoughtful conduct at the ball the other night.
"Prince Lionel is... very, very mature, I think."
If Louis had been there, he probably would have sighed and said, Can't you come up with something a little better, fellow classmate?
However, kindhearted Tsetsilia did not become exasperated with Monica. She simply gave a small nod.
"Yes, I think so too... He is very kind and sincere..."
At that, Tsetsilia faltered.
Her delicate smile crumpled as though she were about to cry.
"...I could never be a match for him."
Though spoken in a faint voice, those words carried a terrible weight.
Monica knew what lay within that heavy murmur.
It was the voice of someone tormented by guilt and helplessness, wearing down their own heart by blaming themselves... just as Monica once had.
"Silent Witch-sama... Please, just for now... allow me to voice my weakness."
Tsetsilia covered her face with both hands and confessed in a hoarse voice.
"I am not a wonderful person worthy of being called a saint. My brother once told me, 'You have no sense of self. You are like the moon, which can only bask in the sun's light and can never shine on its own.'"
The cruel truth hidden in the title Silver Moon Princess of the Empire was cruel.
Monica could easily picture the haughty way the Black Lion Emperor had spoken those words.
To that terrifyingly domineering Black Lion Emperor, Tsetsilia must have looked no different from a doll without a will of her own. And Tsetsilia was painfully aware of it.
"Prince Lionel is like a warm sun. But I... have no right to bask in his kindness and consideration... No right to become his moon..."
Soft sobs seeped through the gaps between her hands as she covered her face.
Monica opened her mouth without thinking.
"U-um...!"
Monica did not know what burden Tsetsilia was carrying.
She simply could not leave her like this. She felt that she had to say something, and so, driven by that impulse, she awkwardly forced the words out.
"I-I... have someone I... like..."
The sobbing stopped.
Tsetsilia raised her head and stared at Monica with tear-filled eyes gone wide.
Oh no, what am I saying? Monica inwardly clutched her head, but she continued.
"Even if I were to fall for them, it would only cause them trouble... But..."
Monica closed her eyes and pictured the person she loved. Just doing that made her cheeks grow hot, and she felt her heart begin to beat faster.
She clasped her fingers together in prayer and spoke.
"Even so... I want to cherish the feelings I have for them..."
Whether to allow yourself to love someone or not.
Melissa had told her that whether she forgave herself or not was her own decision.
So Monica had agonized over it, again and again... Then, in the snowy mountains, she had faced her own feelings and made her choice.
She would allow herself to cherish the small love in her heart.
"Lately, I've started to think that if I treat my own feelings carelessly, before I know it, I'll end up treating the kindness someone important showed me carelessly too... I-I'm sorry, I can't explain it very well. Um... A cool older woman I know once said, 'There's nothing good that comes from pretending you don't like what you like.' So I thought I should... try putting that into practice..."
Monica thought this feeling would probably never see the light of day.
It was surely a love that could never be fulfilled. As timid as Monica was, she could never hope for anything more.
Even so, she had decided to stop denying her feelings and pretending they had never existed.
The glass marble she had slipped into her pocket at parting.
That small act of getting ahead was a declaration of her resolve.
Monica lacked the confidence to tell Tsetsilia to have confidence in herself.
Even so, she could not help wishing that Tsetsilia would stop denying herself so completely.
Tsetsilia was a kind princess. Surely there were people who admired her.
If Tsetsilia denied herself, rejecting the affection of those people... that would surely be a sad thing.
As Monica twisted her fingers and thought about this, Tsetsilia murmured.
"...About the person you like."
"Y-yes!"
"...Would you tell me about them?"
Monica's ears turned red as she twisted her fingers at twice her usual speed.
It was the first time she had ever spoken to anyone about the person she liked.
Monica moved her lips in a series of mumbles and garbled sounds.
"They're always so confident... They stand perfectly straight, speak clearly, and do everything so briskly... They're really cool. I used to think I wanted to be like that too, and then... before I knew it, I found myself watching them... Um, I-I respect them so, so mush!"
That final stumble was the worst tongue slip Monica had ever made.
"Um, um... Please forgive me for saying anything more than that..."
When Monica begged, trembling all over with embarrassment, Tsetsilia dabbed at the tears in the corners of her eyes with her sleeve and gave a small laugh.
"I'm sorry. I've never had a conversation like this with anyone before... I think I may have gotten a little carried away and enjoyed it."
Monica did not quite understand what it meant to enjoy herself that way, but she was happy if it had made Tsetsilia feel even a little better.
...But somehow, Monica felt as though she was the only one who had shared an embarrassing story.
Knowing it was disrespectful, Monica nevertheless mumbled her complaint.
"Th-then Tsetsilia-sama has to tell me something too... Um, otherwise, it seems a little unfair..."
"Y-yes, you're right. How thoughtless of me... Ah, but this is the first time I've ever told anyone about something like this..."
Monica and Tsetsilia stared at each other, both red-faced, then smiled with their brows drooping sheepishly.