Chapter 14
14.
On the way to Seo Geon-woo's house, I quietly gazed out the car window.
The red glow of the setting sun seeped between the buildings.
Suddenly, I remembered what Seo Ha-yoon had said in front of the hospital.
‘Who cares if you're my big brother, big sister, or some monster?’
At the time, it had just felt like she was cursing me out, but looking back, I could see why she might feel that way.
‘What is it I really want?’
Was returning to being a man just a vague wish?
Even though deep down I felt it was almost impossible, was I still desperately clinging to it?
As expected, there was no point dwelling on troubling thoughts for too long.
‘Right, I said I'd try. I need to act and speak in a way that fits how people see me. If I go back to being a man, I'll think about it then.’
I discreetly glanced at Seo Geon-woo in the rearview mirror as he drove.
His ribs hadn't even fully healed, and he was driving for my sake.
I couldn't even make sense of my own feelings, much less his.
If he'd been like this only after I turned into a woman, I could've chalked it up to romantic feelings, but Seo Geon-woo had been the same since high school, back when I was a man.
‘Maybe he's just too nice for his own good.’
A man so kind he was practically a fool.
And yet, so pitiful that he made me sigh.
Right. If I didn't look after him, who would?
Maybe the point Ha-yoon, his own sister, had made was what everyone had wanted to say to me.
I should stop forcing down and pushing away these unfamiliar feelings that kept bubbling up.
That's what I decided.
I'd let myself go with the flow.
Maybe the person who'd turned me into this wanted me to be confused and suffer.
But what if I did the opposite and accepted it completely?
“Haa….”
Once I'd made up my mind, a sigh escaped me.
“What's wrong, Ha-won? Are you worried about something?”
“I'm worried about you, idiot.”
“Huh? Why are you worried about me...?”
“You're so naive. How are you going to live like that? This world is full of people who want to take advantage of idiots and innocents like you.”
Seo Geon-woo smiled, the corners of his mouth lifting broadly.
“Well… I've managed just fine so far. I don't want to worry about things that haven't even happened yet.”
“That's because I've been by your side giving you advice. If it weren't for me, by now you would've….”
“Then keep helping me from now on, too.”
“Huh?”
For a moment, I was at a loss for words.
This guy, saying something like that so casually…
Did he think I'd just jump at the chance and say yes?
“What nonsense. I'm not your parent.”
The car stopped at a red light in the left-turn lane.
He turned on the blinker and met my eyes in the rearview mirror.
“Ha-won. We grew up in different circumstances and ended up in different situations, so I can't understand you completely. Maybe that's why you see this world as such a harsh and dangerous place.”
What? Why had this guy suddenly gotten so talkative?
I wondered what he was going to say, so I listened without interrupting.
“But I still don't really know about things like that. And I don't want to think about them, either. I just want us to be happy. Me… and you.”
I narrowed my eyes and glared at him so hard I thought the rearview mirror might crack.
Seo Geon-woo smiled with his eyes.
“Why have you been following me around for years?”
Just then, the left-turn signal came on and the car started moving.
Only after checking the rearview mirror and making the turn safely did Seo Geon-woo speak.
“I told you before, but you don't remember.”
“No. So what, are you upset?”
“Haha, no, it's not that….”
“Then what is it? Tell me again.”
He paused as if lost in thought, then continued with a faint smile.
“At first glance, you seemed like you had everything, but I felt you were lonely. So I wanted to be a friend who'd always stay by your side.”
At his words, old images flashed through my mind one after another.
The scene zoomed in on one moment.
I saw Seo Geon-woo, battered and grinning foolishly.
He'd been smaller and shorter than he was now.
It was the day he'd been beaten senseless by some guys from the neighboring school, a place notorious for being a dump.
That day, after taking a few guys who knew how to throw a punch and going over to turn that school upside down, I'd asked him something on our way back.
I'd asked why he followed me around so much.
That's when Seo Geon-woo had said it.
“I want to be a friend who's always there beside you whenever you look back.”
Back then, I'd told him not to say such crazy nonsense.
I'd thought he was just an idiot, lost in his ideals and unable to face reality.
I returned to the present.
Now that I thought about it, he was always there whenever I looked back, and whenever I called, he always came running to me.
Even after something impossible happened and I changed like this, he was still the same.
A twinge ran through my chest.
The pain was enough to make me furrow my brow slightly.
“Like I said before, Ha-won, I'll stay by your side no matter what you look like.”
Come to think of it, even among all the shallow people dazzled by my wealth and hoping to live off the scraps I dropped, I'd seen a glimmer of sincerity in Seo Geon-woo alone.
That's why I hadn't cut ties with him all this time.
Remembering something I'd forgotten for a while made my throat tighten.
I quickly turned to look out the window.
“Quit saying weird stuff and just drive properly.”
“Yeah, we're almost there.”
It had been a while since I'd come to Seo Geon-woo's house.
A narrow alley lined with old houses.
I couldn't even remember the last time I'd been here.
I carried a shopping bag in my uninjured hand, while Seo Geon-woo carried a backpack and a sports bag as we walked up the slightly uphill alley.
“I'm fine, really. Don't go to all that trouble….”
“Shut up. You broke a bone and you're still trying to act tough?”
As I spoke to him, I noticed someone ahead of us out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to face forward.
Seo Ha-yoon, now changed into comfortable clothes, came into view.
She'd noticed me and was wearing the same displeased expression as before.
I deliberately raised my bandaged arm and said,
“Thanks, Ha-yoon. Thanks to you, I got to try wearing a bandage.”
My tone was a little sarcastic, but I smiled broadly.
Seo Ha-yoon swept her bangs back and raised one corner of her mouth.
“Was one wrist not enough? Did you come all the way here for more?”
Seo Geon-woo stepped toward her.
“Hey, seriously, cut it out.”
Seo Ha-yoon snatched the sports bag from her brother and glared at him.
Then she stormed into the house.
Seo Geon-woo turned to me with an awkward look on his face.
“Still, that's a relief. I was worried you might've run away from home or something.”
When I said that, he looked even more apologetic.
“I'm sorry, Ha-won. If you're uncomfortable, don't come in. Let's just go back. I'll drop off my stuff and come back out.”
“There's no need. Let's look around your house for the first time in a while. Is your mother home?”
“Ah, well… At this hour, she should be home….”
I went past him, opened the iron gate, rusted in places, and stepped inside.
Even then, Seo Geon-woo still wasn't following me, so I poked my head back out and urged him on.
“What are you doing? It's your house. Do I have to go in first?”
“Ah! S-sorry!”
Only then did he hurry after me.
I led the way farther inside.
His home was on the second floor of an old multi-unit house.
I remembered he lived here back in high school, too. He was still living in the same place.
‘Come to think of it, it's been a while since I've seen Seo Geon-woo's mother, too.’
But his mother wouldn't recognize me.
If that idiot bear had blabbed everything, she might know, but thinking he hadn't made me strangely nervous.
“Mom, I'm home.”
Seo Geon-woo said as he took off his shoes in the entryway.
He'd called for his mom, but Seo Ha-yoon appeared first.
“What!? Why did you bring that person in!?”
Her shrill voice pierced my ears.
‘She's gotten quite a temper while I haven't been around.’
I'd felt it earlier, too, but it was strange how much people could change.
Perhaps startled by the noise, Seo Geon-woo's mother came out from the kitchen.
She'd looked frail and delicate the last time I saw her, and she still did.
She was so thin I worried she might have some chronic illness.
“You're back, Geon-woo. What did they say at the hospital? Are you all right now?”
“Yeah, it wasn't a serious fracture, so they said it'll heal quickly. You don't have to worry.”
“I see. But….”
His mother's gaze shifted to me.
Seo Geon-woo quickly answered her.
“Oh, Mom. This is Ha-won. I told you about her before, remember?”
So he really had told her everything.
If I left this guy to his own devices, he'd end up spreading the news all over the neighborhood.
His mother's eyes widened as if they were about to pop out.
With her small face and already-large eyes opened wide, I wondered if they'd actually fall out.
“Oh my, goodness… You really have changed completely….”
“Hello, ma'am. It's been a while. I've changed quite a bit, haven't I?”
I didn't know how Seo Geon-woo had explained it, but now that she was seeing me in person, she looked like she couldn't believe it.
“How could something like this happen… Are you really Ha-won?”
“Yes, it's me. Jeong Ha-won, who was in the same class as him all three years of high school and tormented him relentlessly!”
I put extra emphasis on one word as I shot Seo Ha-yoon a look.
“Oh my, what are you talking about? Ha-won, you bullied our Geon-woo? Who told you that?”
“No, Mom. Maybe she did bully me.”
As if she'd caught my meaning, Seo Ha-yoon frowned deeply and stomped toward the entryway.
As she passed me, she deliberately bumped her shoulder against mine.
“Hey, Seo Ha-yoon, where are you going!?”
“The gym!”
Bang.
She slammed the door so hard it seemed ready to break and left.
Shouldn't Seo Geon-woo be worrying about what to do with his sister instead of worrying about me?
“Good grief, that girl… Why has she gotten so fierce lately?”
From his mother's lament, I could tell Seo Ha-yoon had been sharp-tempered even before this.
“Anyway, I'm glad you came. Come on in. I was just making dinner. Let's eat.”
Seo Geon-woo's mother was just as kind as ever.
Not only her appearance, but her gentle and kind nature hadn't changed at all.
She asked me all kinds of questions during the meal, but she seemed to understand my situation pretty quickly.
By the time we finished eating and were having the fruit she'd served, she had completely come to see me as a woman.
Had Seo Geon-woo inherited his uncanny ability to adapt from his mother?
“By the way, Ha-won, you've gotten so pretty. I can hardly remember what you used to look like.”
“Ma'am, that's the fifth time you've said that.”
“Oh my, did I? Hoho.”
Her voice was gentle and warm, full of kindness.
For a moment, my mother's face overlapped with Seo Geon-woo's mother's.
Something achingly familiar rose up inside me, and my eyes began to fill with tears.
“Ah….”
I quickly tipped my head back and wiped the corners of my eyes.
“Ha-won, what's wrong?”
Seo Geon-woo and his mother looked at me with concern.
“Oh, no. I think something got in my eye all of a sudden.”
“Oh dear. I meant to clean today, but I must've stirred up a lot of dust. I'm sorry, Ha-won.”
“Oh, no, ma'am. I think some fruit juice splashed into my eye while I was eating.”
“Let me see. Are you sure you're all right? If something else got in….”
Seo Geon-woo jumped up to get some tissues, while his mother came over to inspect my eye.
She smelled lovely.
It wasn't the harsh scent of cosmetics or perfume that clung to the women I'd met countless times… It was a scent I missed.
In the end, tears poured from my eyes like a dam bursting.
I'd always been able to keep these feelings in check before, but for some reason, my self-control seemed weaker since becoming a woman.
“Sniff, sob….”
In the end, I burst into tears, sobbing out loud.
His mother looked a little surprised, then gently pulled me into her arms.
Warm.
So cozy.
I want to feel this forever.