Chapter 53
‘……What is she doing here again.’
After the discussion about the practical exam ended, Baek Seol-ah had expected the group meeting to naturally break up.
That was why she stayed behind, hoping to have a somewhat serious conversation with Han Taeyang.
But when she noticed that Ryu Chae-eun was still sitting there blankly, unexpectedly having stayed until the very end, she could not help frowning.
Granted, Ryu Chae-eun was a classmate, a year her junior, whom she could at least call a friend.
But in a situation like this, she was nothing more than an unwelcome guest and an obstacle—not someone Baek Seol-ah could greet with open arms.
‘Now I can’t talk to Han Taeyang…….’
On top of that, Baek Seol-ah had been going through a particularly difficult time in various ways over the past few days.
Compared to usual, her patience and other forms of self-control had fallen considerably.
At least while they had been discussing the exam, she had somehow managed to maintain an ordinary attitude─.
But once things shifted into a private situation like this, she no longer even had an excuse to maintain her model-student mask.
In the end, she had no choice but to expose the torrent of emotions she was feeling at that very moment exactly as it was.
Baek Seol-ah found Ryu Chae-eun’s clear, questioning gaze uncomfortable and lightly gripped her own wrist.
‘I hate this. Really.’
She had tried hard to keep her expression under control, but she probably could not have hidden it that easily.
In fact, even Ryu Chae-eun’s expression, which had seemed absentminded until then, gradually grew strange.
Even so, the discomfort of being unable to treat her as she wished made Baek Seol-ah feel her mood sink even further.
Along with the uneasy feeling that, for all she knew, she must look like a truly pathetic person right now.
Throb-
Not a single emotion would stay still; they surged back and forth as though waves were crossing a boundary.
“……”
It was difficult to explain her exact state of mind, but in any case, her emotions were thoroughly tangled.
To the point that she no longer knew what was what herself.
As expected, the starting point had been acknowledging her feelings for Han Taeyang after their date the previous weekend.
Baek Seol-ah sank into her thoughts, painfully exhaling only a helpless sigh through her half-open lips.
There had been no particular trigger. No notable incident or romantic event whatsoever.
In the end, these feelings had merely grown steadily without her noticing, as though she had failed to realize that her clothes were getting wet in a gentle drizzle.
……And perhaps that was precisely why they were so intense.
At first, he had merely been ‘a male classmate who was certainly good at sex,’ and at most, he might have been ‘a close male friend she happened to sleep with.’
‘……I like you. I really do like you, Han Taeyang.’
At some point, her feelings for Han Taeyang, which had steadily followed an upward-sloping graph, had boldly broken through their threshold.
What exactly had been the decisive factor?
Was it her accumulated disappointment in Lee Hyeonseong? Or the affection she felt for a male friend so compatible with her that it outweighed even that?
Baek Seol-ah did not have the confidence—or the courage—to give a firm answer to that question.
Just because she had come to like Han Taeyang did not mean her affection for Lee Hyeonseong had immediately hit rock bottom.
Since she still loved Lee Hyeonseong as her boyfriend, her muddled feelings only grew heavier.
Ultimately, it was guilt.
At the same time, it was self-loathing and a sense of indebtedness.
From another perspective……. Yoo Eun-bi’s judgment had been accurate to a certain extent.
Just as Yoo Eun-bi had been convinced, Baek Seol-ah was not the sort of girl who could calmly bear the responsibility and weight of an affair of her own choosing.
‘What am I doing, seriously.’
Baek Seol-ah briefly gazed vacantly up at the café ceiling for no particular reason and sorted through her complicated feelings.
Even this inner turmoil, hopelessly mixed together and tangled up, could ultimately be summarized into three points.
First was the guilt over coming to harbor feelings for another man despite already having someone.
Baek Seol-ah had felt sorry for her boyfriend, Lee Hyeonseong, ever since two days ago.
Second was the self-loathing over her own frivolity in somehow coming to like two men at once, despite having thought it impossible.
What kind of feather-light notion of romance was that? Thinking about it made her heart ache.
Since all of this had begun with Lee Hyeonseong’s request, she was not entirely without words in her own defense, but it was impossible to completely stop blaming herself.
And finally.
“……Phew.”
Third was the considerable sense of indebtedness she could not help feeling toward Han Taeyang, her mere sex partner, just as she felt guilt toward Lee Hyeonseong.
Because she knew that this duplicitous heart of hers was ultimately an insult not only to Lee Hyeonseong but also to Han Taeyang.
“Han Taeyang.”
“……Huh?”
Having brought her thoughts to an end, brief though they had been—or long, depending on how one looked at it—Baek Seol-ah broke the awkward atmosphere and opened her mouth.
Han Taeyang, who had been sitting there with an awkward expression, turned toward her first.
“Let’s talk for a moment. With me……. It’ll really only take a moment, so make time for me.”
“……”
Baek Seol-ah blinked her eyes, which carried an inexplicably worn-out look, and spoke.
She also had a complexion that was not quite pale, but visibly exhausted at a glance.
The dam of emotions she had forcibly kept back through her daily activities began to crack at that moment.
Until then, Han Taeyang had done little more than calmly look confused, as though wondering what was going on, but he stiffened when he saw her eyes.
Perhaps it was because they had spent the past two months or so in fairly close company.
He, too, seemed to have noticed that something about the signs Baek Seol-ah was giving off was unusual.
Without hesitation, Han Taeyang turned to Ryu Chae-eun across from him and quickly spoke.
“Ryu Chae-eun, sorry, but we’ll have to talk later. Could you give us some space now?”
“……Uh, whaaat?”
Although Ryu Chae-eun sensed that the atmosphere was strange, she knew less than the people directly involved and was therefore less aware of the seriousness of the situation, leaving her flustered.
“B-but I made the appointment first…….”
“Ryu Chae-eun.”
“……”
When Han Taeyang called her name in his low, resonant voice, she flinched and her eyes darted about.
After glancing back and forth between Han Taeyang and Baek Seol-ah once, she cautiously rose to her feet.
“O-okay, I understand. I’ll go first, then……. You two, have a comfortable conversation……?”
Then Ryu Chae-eun turned away while sweating profusely, evidently quite flustered, using unusually formal honorifics and deferential speech that she rarely used.
Once even she had hurried out of the café, only the two of them were truly left.
“……”
“……”
Though only one person had left, the café instantly grew quiet from that alone.
By now, the number of other customers had also dwindled considerably, and it had long since become pitch-black outside the window.
Baek Seol-ah pressed her other arm tightly with one hand and let her gaze grow unfocused.
Then she simply fell silent.
Even though she had gotten the chance to talk with Han Taeyang as she wished, she still could not bring herself to open her mouth.
It seemed as though the words she wanted to say had risen all the way to her throat, since she repeatedly opened and closed her lips, but.
‘……What should I say…….’
In truth, she had merely arranged this meeting on impulse, and Baek Seol-ah had not yet decided how or where to begin revealing what was in her heart.
Was she going to suddenly confess that she liked him? Or would she brazenly demand to know why he had seduced her without her even realizing it?
Neither option was worth considering. In other words, she had no plan at all.
Baek Seol-ah instead shrank under Han Taeyang’s calm gaze as he quietly waited for her to open her mouth.
“Hmm.”
Han Taeyang soon met her eyes with an expression that looked no less pensive than hers.
His bluish eyes were impossible to read, and Baek Seol-ah’s pupils trembled faintly beneath them.
Until now, she had often counted her mental well-being among her many strengths.
‘……Oh no.’
But today, she could barely claim even falsely that her mind and body were in a stable condition.
Along with sudden dizziness, headaches, and queasiness that came without warning, a nauseated urge to vomit rose in her throat.
Symptoms that were practically a complete package of unpleasant physical conditions overwhelmed Baek Seol-ah.
Her vision abruptly went pitch-black, leaving her dizzy, and her breathing gradually grew rougher as well.
“……Hng, haa.”
“Baek Seol-ah……?”
At that point, Han Taeyang also seemed to notice her abnormal symptoms, and his eyes slowly widened.
“Uuugh.”
But before he could do anything, Baek Seol-ah began hyperventilating, and her posture crumpled even faster.
Unable to withstand the sudden dizziness, Baek Seol-ah hurriedly covered her mouth and staggered.
Grab-
“Hey! Hey, are you really okay?”
“……”
Fortunately, Han Taeyang quickly caught her, preventing her feet from tangling and sending her tumbling, but her condition did not improve for that reason.
Baek Seol-ah trembled like a sick patient, her face deathly pale, and leaned against Han Taeyang.
He supported her in textbook form without the slightest hint of disorder……
Whether this was something to be grateful for, or yet another misfortune piled onto an already impossible situation, she could not tell.
‘……Oh, seriously.’
Buried against Han Taeyang’s chest and breathing in his scent, Baek Seol-ah’s trembling at least began to subside.
She had no choice but to squeeze her eyes shut and curse herself inwardly.
What a perverted bitch I am. My fetish for the smell of men really is as consistent as ever.
For a while, there was only silence.
Before long, she looked up at Han Taeyang with a haggard gaze, still holding a hand over her mouth, and forced down her troubled feelings as she gave him a bitter smile.
Then she spoke in a trembling voice.
“……I’m sorry, Han Taeyang.”
“No, you……”
“Just let me lean against you a little longer. Okay? It’ll really only be a moment……”
Of course, she could not keep her head raised for long. It was not a matter of physical strength so much as the fact that she did not have the courage to look into Han Taeyang’s eyes any longer.
Baek Seol-ah desperately hoped he would not think strangely of her as she swallowed her quickened breaths.
“……Don’t tell me.”
“……”
At last, Han Taeyang began to speak in a tone suggesting that he had realized something and instinctively taken one step closer to the truth.
Receiving Han Taeyang’s suspicious gaze, Baek Seol-ah felt as though her breath stopped for an instant.
As had always been the case, she immediately lowered her head even further, and her eyes shook helplessly.
No. Don’t say it. Don’t expose it. Her silent wish was cruelly, utterly meaningless.
A deep shock gradually began to rise across Han Taeyang’s expression, which she could not see.
In the heavy atmosphere, where every instant felt like an eternity.
And, at long last.
“Baek Seol-ah, you.”
Han Taeyang spoke in a trembling voice, appearing certain that he had figured out the truth himself.
“Are you……. pregnant?”
“──.”
…….
…….
…….
“?”
……In other words, it was a possibility a full ten thousand light-years away from the worst-case scenario Baek Seol-ah had imagined.
He had offered it with his own brand of certainty—a thoroughly realistic possibility, in its own way.
Baek Seol-ah wore a blank expression for a moment, then raised her head with the same dazed look.
She was still covering her mouth with one hand as she steadied her somewhat ragged breathing.
Han Taeyang was one hundred percent convinced that her actions were a precursor to morning sickness, and he clenched his teeth hard with a deep sigh.
“Lee Hyeonseong, that crazy bastard finally went and got her in trouble.”
“……Huh. No, wait.”
And perhaps reasonably, the person those curses referred to was Lee Hyeonseong.
Although Han Taeyang himself was the man who had slept with Baek Seol-ah two days ago.
Contrary to his image, Han Taeyang firmly believed that no matter how fiercely desire raged, he would never go through with it without protection.
Since he had always worn a condom without exception whenever he slept with Baek Seol-ah, it was reasonable for him to point to Lee Hyeonseong as the culprit behind her retching.
In the first place, morning sickness generally did not appear until at least three or four weeks after conception, and Baek Seol-ah was, after all, Lee Hyeonseong’s girlfriend.
For all he knew, Han Taeyang figured, she had probably had sex with Lee Hyeonseong more than a few times during that period.
“Han Taeyang? You seem to be seriously misunderstanding something right now──.”
Whoosh!
“──Ah.”
Baek Seol-ah, freed from her panic by this unexpected turn of events, had no time to stammer out a correction to his mistaken assumption.
Han Taeyang embraced her as gently as possible, moving in a way that would not startle her, and placed his broad hand over the back of her head.
Then he slowly stroked her white hair and continued speaking as though scolding her.
“You’re at fault too, Baek Seol-ah. What were you thinking, not using protection while you’re still a student? Even if that bastard wanted to take the condom off, you should’ve refused him properly, you idiot.”
“N-no, I mean, that’s not it.”
“Phew……. No. It’s not your fault. You must already be plenty troubled, so I shouldn’t be nagging you too.”
“Uh, ah, um.”
“So, was this what you wanted to tell me? Honestly, your parents are probably the right people to tell rather than me.”
“……”
“Still, it’s better to get it off your chest to someone than suffer alone. Yeah, you did the right thing.”
Baek Seol-ah gradually forgot even what she needed to say and grew docile, wearing a dazed expression as Han Taeyang’s pleasant voice whispered by her ear.
How could a thug, delinquent, womanizer, and lecher say such tender things?
‘……It’s warm.’
Whether she was pregnant or not, for the moment Baek Seol-ah felt her womb tremble at Han Taeyang’s touch, which held an appropriate blend of concern and affection.
In other words, as a girl and as a woman, she briefly felt a desire to bear Han Taeyang’s child.
“Gasp.”
Of course, before long, Baek Seol-ah quickly regained the reins of her reason, which had nearly flown off into the distance.
With a brief cry, she grabbed Han Taeyang’s shoulders with eyes that had regained their focus.
Then, with a faint blush on her cheeks, she desperately pushed him away and shouted while forcing herself to remain calm.
“N-no, it’s not that sort of thing you’re thinking, so get away from me already……! I’m fine!”
Thud!
“Ugh.”
Han Taeyang blinked at Baek Seol-ah’s more forceful-than-expected denial and obediently moved backward.
Afterward, Baek Seol-ah had to work desperately to explain to him, while facing his still-worried gaze, that his concern was unnecessary.
She told him she was not pregnant, and that she had never had sex with Lee Hyeonseong without using a condom.
It was true that she had something troubling her, but interpreting it as morning sickness or anything of the sort was going too far, no matter how one looked at it.
Drip-
“……Ngh.”
To conceal the dampness spreading through her underwear from the lubricant she had involuntarily leaked, she carefully rubbed her thighs together as she spoke.
Her gaze trembled anxiously, though it had lost much of its earlier haggardness, and Baek Seol-ah desperately pulled her lower body away from Han Taeyang.