Chapter 3
Perhaps it was because I showed her I could pass through the door, but Yoo Seo-ah gave up and let me into the house.
Yoo Seo-ah's house, which I finally entered after all those twists and turns, was more than merely messy.
The entire room was saturated with the foul stench of stale cigarette smoke, and the wallpaper had even turned apricot from however much she'd smoked.
You think it was apricot from the start?
No. I'm sure of it.
No, I mean, ceilings are normally white….
But even the ceiling had turned apricot. Near the ceiling, it was almost brown.
That was what first caught my eye. What must the rest of the room have been like?
The sticky flooring clung to my soles, so every step came with a smack, smack.
Empty cigarette packs rolling across the floor, glass bottles filled with ash and spit instead of drinks, and dozens of ashtrays already overflowing with cigarette butts.
How could anyone live in a place like this?
Wasn't she living inside an ashtray rather than a house?
As I looked around, Yoo Seo-ah, who looked utterly exhausted, sighed and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Find somewhere you can sit, and sit down. I don't have much time, so don't say anything pointless."
"Ah, yes."
Somewhere to sit…? There was nowhere but the bed.
I could float, but hovering in midair after coming here to provide mental care would be a little….
Couldn't be helped.
"Excuse me for a moment."
"Huh? Uh, yeah…."
I fluttered through the air and sat beside Yoo Seo-ah.
Yoo Seo-ah flinched, perhaps startled, but she didn't push me away.
Sitting beside Yoo Seo-ah, I didn't smell that… particular scent unique to girls.
I smelled nothing but cigarettes, from head to toe.
…This is really serious.
"Hmm…. Where should I start? I suppose introductions come first, right?"
When I cautiously broached the subject, she turned her head away from me and stared straight ahead, her expression startled.
From that listless expression, she didn't seem to have any intention of conversing at all.
"Shall I introduce myself first, then?"
"…Do whatever you want."
"I…. Like I said earlier, I'm an angel. See? I have wings here, and a halo above my head."
"I see."
…Could you at least look at me once while you say that?
I swallowed the words that had risen to the tip of my tongue and gave a bitter smile.
"I came here to help you, Ms. Yoo Seo-ah."
"Help me…?"
The moment I mentioned helping her, Yoo Seo-ah replied in a low, sunken voice and glared at me.
I got goosebumps, feeling as if one wrong word here would get me killed.
"What the hell do you know to say something like that?"
I answered, quietly averting my eyes from her murderous expression.
"I don't know."
"What?"
"That's why I came. I want to hear about your pain and anguish, the things that hurt you and made things difficult. The things that tormented and saddened you…. I came to hear those stories and help you."
"…Ha."
Yoo Seo-ah let out a hollow laugh and covered her mouth.
Covering the corner of her mouth with one hand made her look less like she was covering it and more like she had a cigarette between her lips.
Yoo Seo-ah stared blankly into space for a long while before answering with a sigh.
"Didn't you come here already knowing everything about me?"
Her words, tossed out as if she were throwing them away, were filled with nothing but resignation.
Here, it would probably be better to be somewhat honest than to lie and say I didn't know.
"Hmm…. Not everything. All I knew was that you were a magical girl and that you were having a really hard time."
"…I see."
When I brought up the subject of magical girls, Yoo Seo-ah hesitated for a moment, then nodded.
It wasn't a nod with any special meaning. She had simply nodded.
"…I guess I really have been having a hard time."
Yoo Seo-ah muttered that and looked at me.
"I must really be having a hard time if I'm seeing hallucinations like this."
…So that was why she'd kept acting as if she were going to hit me without actually doing it.
She let out a deep sigh, hopped down from the bed, and stood up straight.
"?"
Yoo Seo-ah merely blinked as she stared blankly at me, showing no other reaction.
I approached Yoo Seo-ah and took both her hands in mine, squeezing them tightly.
The hands of someone who had held weapons and fought for so long were covered in hard, rough calluses, unlike what one might expect from a magical girl.
With these hands, she went around saving everyone.
With these hands, she took her own life.
When my thoughts reached that point, a small flame kindled in my chest.
I would make sure that, no matter what happened, this magical girl could smile happily again.
With one bewildering thing after another happening, I'd temporarily forgotten.
Why I had entered this world.
'Make the magical girls happy in that damn author's place.'
With that resolve, I tightened my grip on Yoo Seo-ah's hands.
Only then did Yoo Seo-ah flinch and look at me.
"Huh…?"
"I'm not a hallucination. And I'm not an auditory hallucination, either. Like I said earlier, I'm an angel. An angel for you."
I said that and smiled gently.
Yoo Seo-ah's hands began to tremble.
"I know things are hard, but I'll stay by your side and help you. Please let me help you."
I quietly waited for an answer as she lowered her head.
Yoo Seo-ah soon raised her head again and—
"…Get out."
"Pardon?"
"I said get out of my house right now!"
She grabbed me by the collar, hoisted me up, and threw me straight out the door.
"W-wait! We haven't finished talking yet…!!"
"I!!"
I flinched at her sudden shout.
"I…. I never asked for help…. So please, just get the hell out…."
She said that, then left me behind and walked out.
Even after Yoo Seo-ah left, I lingered in place for a while before looking into the house.
"She left without closing the door…."
After thinking for a moment, I nodded.
Right. Let's just go back in shamelessly.
* * *
I'm annoyed.
I'm really annoyed….
Help me?
Who does she think she is, saying something like that?
What does she know?
She doesn't know anything.
How hard I've had it. How hard….
And she says she'll help me without knowing anything?
Grind….
I ground my teeth as I headed for the convenience store.
When I arrived at my usual convenience store, the clerk who was always there greeted me.
"Ah, welcome. You're here earlier than usual today."
That smile reminded me of the self-proclaimed angel I'd seen earlier, and my stomach lurched.
No…. This was just because I hadn't smoked.
If I just smoke, everything will be fine.
This goddamn irritation and headache, all of it.
"Give me five cartons of Marlboro Red."
"It's only been four days, and you've already gone through all of them? You'll ruin your health at this rate."
"Who are you to worry about me?"
At the concerned tone in their voice, those words slipped out before I knew it.
I normally didn't react this strongly, but maybe because I hadn't been able to smoke, I'd ended up more sensitive than I expected.
"Ahaha…. R-right. I'm sorry. I guess I was being too nosy."
"…Whatever. Just ring them up quickly."
"But the shipment I ordered hasn't arrived yet, so I only have two cartons in stock right now. Would you like these?"
The delivery usually came once a week, so it wasn't strange for them to be out of stock.
No, that didn't matter. As long as I had cigarettes, I didn't care how many cartons there were.
"Yes."
"Okay, that's 90,000 won. I'll throw in a lighter for free."
Instead of saying thanks, I gave a quick bow, paid, and hurried outside.
With trembling hands, I tore open the packaging, put a cigarette between my lips, and lit it right away.
"Click, crackle…."
I inhaled so deeply that my vision spun, and the cigarette burned down in an instant.
When I exhaled the smoke with a sigh, all the strength drained from my body.
After staggering for a moment, I leaned my back against the convenience store wall and inhaled once more.
My lungs were burning.
The auditory hallucinations faded along with the sound of the cigarette burning.
The wretched headache hid behind the cigarette smoke.
"Haaaaa…."
I smoked an entire cigarette in only two drags.
A chill ran through me. I gagged, and my mouth went dry.
That horrible sensation made me feel alive.
This toxic cigarette smoke was my oxygen tank.
"…."
Just one more cigarette before I go.
With tears falling for reasons I didn't understand, I put another cigarette between my lips.
Hoping that lunatic wouldn't be there when I got home, I lit the cigarette and breathed in.
One cigarette became two….
By the time my trembling stopped and my mind grew hazy, I noticed that the newly opened pack had grown considerably lighter.
'I'm already almost done with an entire pack….'
Am I really going to die young at this rate?
…If only that could happen. How wonderful that would be.
If only, like this cigarette, I could burn through my life and disappear in an instant.
Thinking that, I slowly got to my feet and headed home.
After swimming through the streets at sunset, I finally arrived home.
"Did I leave the door open when I went out…."
I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again at the half-open door, then started to go inside.
'…Food.'
The moment I reached the entrance, what reached me wasn't the musty smell of cigarettes but the savory scent of doenjang jjigae.
Naturally, no one but me lived in my house.
It was a detached house where I lived alone, so I didn't even have neighbors.
Which meant there was only one possible culprit.
"…."
The slight relief I'd felt was instantly plunged into a mud pit.
I flung the door open and went inside.
The filth and trash that had filled the room, along with the ash and cigarette butts, were all gone, and a clean house welcomed me.
The yellowed wallpaper and ceiling were unchanged, but at least the sticky flooring had been cleaned enough that it no longer clung to my feet.
"Why did you go and do this without asking…!!"
I strode in, tossed the cigarettes I'd bought onto the bed, and searched every inch of the house.
But I couldn't find any trace of the self-proclaimed angel anywhere inside.
"Come out!! I said come out right now!! I never asked you to help me!! What do you know to think you can help me when you don't know anything!! You're a nuisance!! Who the hell are you to—!!"
I shouted like that, but as expected, no answer came back.
After huffing and puffing for a while, my headache began throbbing again, and I put another cigarette between my lips.
And just as I was about to light it—
I stopped when I saw the meal laid out on the dining table.
Doenjang soup and white rice. Kimchi and grilled fish.
It was a simple meal, but it felt familiar somehow.
After staring at the meal for a long while, I sat down as if bewitched and picked up a spoon and chopsticks.
The doenjang soup was salty enough to sting my tongue, perhaps because the water ratio had been wrong.
Since an angel who didn't eat had made a human meal, it was only natural.
"Why did you make the soup so salty…."
Plop, plop….
I set the cigarette I'd been holding between my lips down beside the table and covered my eyes with one hand.
"You're such a nuisance…."
Something as trivial as salty soup.
Something as trivial as cleaning the house once.
Why had things like that shaken me so badly?
I emptied my bowl through my tears.
"Urk…! Hic, hngh…. Kheugh…!"
I'd smoked so much that I gagged every time I swallowed, but I forced the food into my mouth and swallowed it.
Because that incredibly salty doenjang soup tasted like my mother's cooking.
* * *
I was making soup with the ingredients left in the refrigerator when I accidentally added too much salt, so I hurriedly bought more ingredients to make a new batch, but….
"Sob, h-hiccup…. Urk! Hngh…."
Yoo Seo-ah was crying as she ate the doenjang soup I'd made.
She was even gagging between bites….
'Was my cooking really that bad….'
I had worked hard on it, too.
I felt a little dejected.
Still, she wasn't refusing to eat it altogether, so let's take that as a good sign!