Chapter 14. The Paper-Thin Line Between Enemy and Ally (2)

Today was the most hectic day of my life so far.

From the negotiations with the Rus Kingdom, meeting Viktor, to the series of events after returning.

Almost nothing went as I thought, and it felt like I was just being dragged along by everything.

Especially when I faced the soldiers waiting with weapons in front of the tent.

Although their hostility wasn't directed at me, I was terrified.

When they didn't even pretend to back down even as I desperately mentioned my family name, I almost collapsed from the feeling of helplessness.

Even though Viktor, the actual person involved, was facing them confidently.

I don't want to imagine what would have happened if General Paul hadn't stepped in.

The shock didn't fade even as time passed.

In the evening, I had no appetite at all, just stirring the stew before putting down the spoon.

As I lingered aimlessly, even when it was time to sleep, I couldn't fall asleep.

Being insulted as the empress' dog didn't bother me at all.

I had to get used to insults if I wanted to work with people.

I just realized that war had been a distant story to me.

Although it's only a small part, the war I actually faced...

'Viktor, Ivan, Georgi...'

'How can we back down with our enemy right before our eyes!'

It wasn't something I dared to mention.

The stories Viktor told in the carriage, the expressions of the angry soldiers, all tangled messily in my head.

Sad, angry, and regretful.

I don't know why I'm feeling this way, and I'm not even sure if my emotions are right.

Even lying down with my eyes closed is difficult.

I confidently took on the role because I had met and talked with many soldiers, including General Gerhardt.

I thought I knew war quite well, so I mentioned war to Viktor.

Having nothing else to boast about, I tried to stand before the soldiers by flaunting my father's title.

"Ugh..."

Feeling so pathetic about myself, I keep thinking about the aspects Viktor showed.

Unlike me, who talked about outward achievements and victories, he first recalled those who had departed.

Unlike me, who hid when crisis struck despite having the empress' orders, he stood without backing down, making eye contact with the soldiers.

The more I think about it, the heavier my head feels.

The field bed is more uncomfortable than my usual bed, and the tent is cold no matter how many blankets I pile on.

Moreover, the tension I felt from the soldiers naturally turned into anxiety, making me keep checking the tent entrance even though I know no one will come.

It's stifling.

"...This won't do."

Feeling like I wouldn't be able to fall asleep no matter how long I lay there, I pushed aside the blanket and got up from the bed.

General Paul and Viktor, who are in the same tent, seem to already be asleep, not moving at all under their covers.

I carefully left the tent so as not to wake them.

"Haah..."

Outside the tent was quiet.

There were no soldiers walking around, and almost no lights were on.

With nowhere particular to go, I sat on a chair placed in front of the tent.

There was a makeshift fire pit made of piled stones in front, but I didn't know how to light a fire and had no tools.

I just stared blankly at the half-burned logs piled up.

My mind is so complicated, but no matter how much I ponder, nothing gets resolved.

When I encountered something I didn't know while working, I could ask my father.

When human relationships were difficult, I could ask my maid Ella for wise answers.

If I really didn't know, I could look it up in books.

Now, I don't even know exactly what I'm curious about, so I can't ask anyone, and there's no one to ask.

I know that most worries disappear after a night's sleep, but in my current state, I couldn't possibly fall asleep.

Now the cold wind has blown away any drowsiness as well.

...Although it's not the first time I've gone on a mission alone, I kept missing home, just like when I went on my first business trip.

As I was lost in thought like that,

-Thud.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps nearby.

"Eek?!"

Not expecting anyone to approach at all, I jumped up with a scream.

The one who had walked up was clearly Viktor, whom I thought was asleep.

He stood quietly watching me until I calmed down and sat back down.

His cold expression remained the same, but perhaps because of the late hour, the atmosphere was quite different from when we were in the carriage.

It seemed a bit softer, you could say.

"Wh-when did you come?"

Thanks to that, I was able to ask him a question after regaining my composure.

"Not long ago."

Viktor handed me a steaming cup along with his answer.

"...What is this?"

"It's water."

"Ah..."

Asking itself was a foolish question.

A person in prisoner status wouldn't have tea or drinks.

I took the cup and took a sip.

It was just warm water, but as my body warmed up, I felt a bit better.

"Thank you."

Viktor nodded slightly and went to sit on a log placed a little distance away.

I glanced at where he was sitting while sipping the water little by little.

He was sitting with his chin resting on his hand, eyes closed, with a gruff expression.

To me, he looked like he was pondering something.

Is he also full of worries like me?

I carefully got up and sat at the opposite end of the log where he was sitting.

"...Um, Lord Viktor."

"Yes."

As if he had been aware since I approached, Viktor turned to look at me as soon as I spoke.

Facing his face illuminated by the soft moonlight, I felt my heart flutter a little.

"Ahem, ahem."

Since he didn't seem to dislike it, I carefully chose what to say.

"May I ask what you were thinking about?"

"Ah..."

He let out a small sigh, and,

"If you don't want to..."

"I was recalling some past events."

He answered before I could finish trying to smooth over what I thought might have been a mistake.

Past events that he must have experienced.

I became curious.

"...Could you tell me about them too?"

Riding the strange mood of dawn, I asked somewhat impulsively.

"Alright."

Viktor accepted more readily than I expected.

---

Leadership.

After becoming a soldier, it was one of the elements I paid the most attention to.

In the early stages of the Northern War, distrust towards commanders was spreading among the soldiers.

Due to repeated defeats caused by the commanders' incompetence, merely showing rank insignia wasn't enough to make soldiers follow properly.

Noble-born commanders could force obedience with their status, but someone like me, a commoner orphan with no backing, had to put in effort.

Once on the battlefield, I could use the tactical map to give orders, but if the soldiers ran away before that, there was nothing I could do.

"Over the past two years, I've been through many battles."

I didn't have the kind of charisma that makes everyone follow just by giving orders.

Having the wealth to promise rewards or the power to punish a few soldiers as an example was far from my reality.

So, I tried to approach the soldiers kindly and form a "servant leadership."

My goal was to become a general whom soldiers would follow of their own accord out of heartfelt loyalty, commonly known as a virtuous general.

I slept with them, ate with them, fought with them, and shared their pain.

I didn't forget those who left first and cherished those who were still with me.

Even as my rank rose and my subordinates increased, even when I became famous enough that I didn't need to approach them myself.

I engraved the three words 'consistency' in my mind.

To avoid being caught in hypocrisy, I had to maintain consistency.

"At the time, I thought it was the best. We were busy just trying to survive, and there was no time to ponder."

Approaching Erika, who now seems full of worries, first is also part of that.

Paul is sleeping, and it's dawn, a time when it's not strange to have any kind of conversation.

Although we still belong to different sides, I calculated that becoming friendly with her could only be beneficial.

If I know Empress Louise well, she's surely investigating me thoroughly, so someday the imperial people will also know how I treated the kingdom's soldiers.

If I don't treat people in the empire the same way I treated them in the kingdom, there will surely be talk behind my back.

And then, the moment someone starts to question, 'Isn't this an act?'

Everything I've built up could crumble.

Even if there seem to be few people watching, or no one around at all.

"But as my rank rose, I gradually had more leisure. With leisure came worries."

I have to act as the 'kind general,' 'Viktor, the virtuous general of the Rus Kingdom.'

I don't think I've ever found it particularly difficult.

I just had to act according to my heart, as I had dreamed.

Thanks to the cheat-like tactical map and game knowledge, it wasn't hard to deal with the consequences when I acted as I wanted.

"Was it really the best?"

I just had to endure the impulses that occasionally arose.

I think this is what everyone does while living.

"When I have time, I often look back on the battles I've been through. Whether I could have reduced casualties more. Whether I could have commanded more perfectly."

"..."

"Although pondering and regretting doesn't change much..."

When I looked at Erika because she was too quiet, she was staring at me with bright eyes.

I don't know when she had come closer, but she was close enough that our heads would touch if I just lowered mine slightly.

"Eep."

Although she quickly lowered her head before our eyes could meet, she didn't seem bored.

Still, I should wrap it up appropriately.

"I think there's meaning in remembering the events and the thoughts I felt then."

"Then, just now...?"

"Yes. I was slowly reviewing the Battle of Serkutsk."

"Ah..."

Erika, who had been listening to my story silently, picked up the water cup she was still holding and drank the remaining water heartily.

Then she stood up,

"Thank you, Lord Viktor."

Left a word of thanks and returned to the tent as if fleeing.

With the moon at her back, I couldn't see well, but at a glance, her expression seemed brighter than before.

"...Is this a success?"

If this conversation made her view me even a little more positively, it's a success.

After confirming that she had completely entered the tent, I closed my eyes again and opened the tactical map.