Chapter 0
When do you think a person dies?
When their heart is pierced by a bullet?
No.
When they contract an incurable disease?
No.
When they eat poisonous mushroom soup?
No, that's wrong.
In my experience, a person dies when...
< Awakened Gallery ⓜ >
[ Can I make a top post by drinking 30 cans of Monsta? ]
[ Posted by: Anonymous (39.7) ]
Watch me.
- Anonymous: As if...
- Anonymous: Dumbass
- Daehyeop: I can't even begin to imagine how badly you want to make a top post.
- Sogatamyeontanso: Use 19 alt accounts to rig the upvotes, go go.
└ (OP) Anonymous (39.7): Can't. I got blocked.
└ Sogatamyeontanso: How do you know that, Brother Namgung...?
...when I chugged a shitload of energy drinks to make a top post.
"Bweeeeegh!!"
Along with my retching, something dark red and black comes spewing out instead of vomit.
Holy shit, that's insane.
Did I just throw up blood?
Is this what internal injuries feel like?
I flush what looks like bloody offal soup down the toilet.
Except it came from my own body.
"Ugh..."
A headache hits me like my skull's about to split open.
My heart beats out of rhythm, and my left field of vision is turning black.
Did I drink too many energy drinks on an empty stomach?
I'd brazenly told the forum I'd drink 30 cans, but I'd only managed 26, and my body was already screaming for me to save it.
The feeling of my body breaking down in real time.
Instinctively sensing I was screwed, I desperately reached for my phone.
You think I was going to call 911?
No.
[ Write Post ]
"Quick... gotta post proof..."
Even if I collapsed and died right here, I had to leave proof on the forum.
It's okay to make one top post before I die, isn't it?
Top posts matter more than life itself.
[ Title: Holy sh— I just threw up bl—d in the toi—et lmao ]
With trembling hands, I hurriedly typed out the title, then uploaded photos of the empty energy drink cans and the blood-splattered toilet.
As expected, the view count shot up as soon as I posted.
Then upvotes and downvotes started pouring in, and comment notifications began ringing noisily.
- Anonymous: Eek, fuck!
- Anonymous: A A A A A A A!!!!
- Anonymous: You asshole, that's a fucking gross pic.
- Anonymous: Go to the hospital first;;
- Air Raid Alert: There are actually people who drink this stuff???
- Anonymous: Maybe it's because I'm a psychopath with no emotions, but seeing stuff like this doesn't faze me at all. If anything, it makes me laugh? lol
└ Anonymous: You lunatic;;
- Sogatamyeontanso: Is this bastard actually okay??
└ Daehyeop: For real. He's not even an Awakened...
└ Sogatamyeontanso: Seriously, shouldn't we call emergency services for this?
└ Ice Fan: Even if we did, this guy's using a mobile IP, right?
└ Sogatamyeontanso: Oh.
- Anonymous: Go to the hospital before posting, you maniac;;
- Anonymous: The hospital isn't a respawn point...
......
...
[ Upvotes 21 ] [ Downvotes 35 ]
How many minutes had passed?
At some point, my upvotes must've passed the top-post threshold, because a small, pretty star appeared next to the title.
The moment I saw my post had made it to the top posts, the tension left me, and my consciousness began to fade.
"Ghh... fuck..."
Thump!
My body, barely holding itself up on its knees, crumpled.
Before long, as my vision turned black like I was sinking into a pool of ink,
a tiny blue star glimmered faintly.
"...Heh heh."
Still, I'm glad I got a top post before dying.
I couldn't stand seeing those Awakened bastards constantly getting all buddy-buddy with each other, so I have no regrets left.
'Bye-bye, my pretty top post.'
Ah.
It really was a good life.
*
*
*
"...W-what?"
And when I came to again,
I had become a pretty girl.
And, as if it had been waiting for me, a translucent status window appeared before my eyes.
[ Status Window ]
- Class: Alchemist
- Trait: Drug Addiction (EX), Drug Resistance (S)
- Skill: Transmutation (A)