Chapter 6
Reunion with Carbon-ham was the worst.
"...39.7?"
"If a cow burns, carbon...?"
It was the kind of situation where you could practically hear someone saying, "Ah! It got away!"
But faced with the cruel reality unfolding before me, I could only despair inwardly.
No, this can't be true...
This can't possibly be real...
I mean, a female Carbon-ham? That's ridiculous...
The Carbon-ham in my mind had long since solidified into an over-forty veteran Awakened guy with middle-aged swagger.
Jiggle~!
"......"
But as if to mock my belief, two fleshy mounds quivered lewdly right before my eyes.
Faced with the obscene assault of all that fat, I could only gape blankly, unable to speak.
"No... Th-this..."
The other person was just as flustered.
A community addict? Common.
A shit-stirring anon on the Guest Gallery? Rare, but not unheard of.
A cute girl of unknown age entering the Tower? There must be some story there.
But a female gallery addict who shit-stirs anonymously on Awakened Gallery?
There was no such thing in this world.
Nor should there be.
"What? What about me?"
"......"
But she wasn't just some cute-girl troll.
She was a cute-girl troll who'd cleared the evil Lunatic difficulty.
Faced with a situation where common sense no longer applied, Carbon-ham—no, Carbon-sis—denied reality and asked me:
"You're that 39.7...? The one who cleared Lunatic...?"
"Th-that would be me."
"The Awakened Gallery anon who posted a pic puking blood after drinking 26 energy drinks and got blocked?"
"Th-that..."
"Don't lie. How could you drink 26 cans in that body?"
"...Eek."
No, it's true...
I drank them, died of cardiac arrest, and Awakened...
But I was too embarrassed to talk openly about that idiotic Awakening process, so I frantically rolled my eyes and searched for an excuse.
[ Employee ID ]
- Name: Hong Yeon-hwa
- Rank: A
- Special Response Team Leader
'Huh...?'
Just then, I noticed the employee ID hanging from a lanyard around her neck.
The name written on it was one I knew well.
Hong Yeon-hwa.
An A-rank Awakened affiliated with the Association.
Her name was well known in the media, and often mentioned on Awakened Gallery too.
Of course, the way she looked on TV and this old, haggard version of her were worlds apart.
Once I realized that, I immediately hit her with a reality check.
"Hong Yeon-hwa? Y-you're... you're that Hong Yeon-hwa?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Don't lie to me. There's no way A-rank Awakened Hong Yeon-hwa would be an Awakened Gallery addict."
"......?"
"A high-ranking Association executive and A-rank Awakened like Ms. Hong Yeon-hwa being an over-forty fixed-handle user who goes around leaving thirsty comments on bikini photos of female Awakened... The Hong Yeon-hwa I know would never do that!!"
"...YOU!!!!"
At Hong Yeon-hwa's scream of humiliation, everyone's attention in the area instantly turned toward us.
Now that I thought about it, it really didn't make sense, did it?
A high-ranking Association executive being an over-forty fixed-handle user.
My opinion of Hong Yeon-hwa dropped a notch.
As all the employees passing by stared at us, and the woman at the counter covered her mouth to stifle her laughter...
Hong Yeon-hwa broke into a cold sweat and changed the subject.
"Um... Registration!! Shall we go register you as an Awakened??"
A desperate struggle to avoid social death.
At her pathetic display, I reluctantly nodded as if I were giving in.
"Sure."
"...Thanks."
Hong Yeon-hwa's face was as red as her hair.
*
*
*
A little while later, we headed farther into the Association to register me as an Awakened, and soon arrived at a place that looked like a hospital.
[ Temporary Assessment Room ]
"We're here. This is it."
"Oh. It's cleaner inside than I expected."
It was a habitual joke, but it really was quite tidy.
The furniture was arranged much like a hospital examination room, with a transparent crystal ball sitting on the table.
A classic cliché.
If I put my hand on it, would it crack because it couldn't withstand my tremendous mana?
It was so predictable it hurt.
Such a beginner-level attempt at sucking up to me.
How could I play along, even if I wanted to?
"...Heh heh."
With those gloomy fantasies in mind, I immediately placed my hand on the crystal ball and poured mana into it.
At my sudden action, Hong Yeon-hwa panicked and tried to stop me.
"H-hey? You don't know how to use that..."
"It's fine. I already know."
Vroooom—
The crystal ball emitted a low vibration as it absorbed my mana.
Then, with a sensation similar to when I used Transmutation, light began shining more and more brightly from the crystal ball.
"Uugh..."
This feels like I accidentally opened a flashbang meme at dawn and got flashbanged.
Of course, the light was incomparably brighter than that.
It was so bright the surroundings seemed dark by comparison.
A few seconds passed as I endlessly poured mana into the crystal ball.
"...Huh?"
What the hell?
Why isn't it breaking?
By now, the crystal ball should've tasted my mighty alpha mana and gone CRASH!!, and an Association employee wearing a scouter should've said something like, "Combat power 9,000?! What is this...?"
Shwooooom──
"Ugh...!"
But contrary to my hopes, my strength drained from my whole body, and my vision grew dizzy.
Thud!
"Hgueh..."
In the end, I couldn't pour any more mana into the crystal ball. I flopped face-first onto the table and looked at Hong Yeon-hwa resentfully.
"S-something's wrong... Why won't it break..."
"...I told you I'd explain how to use it."
Hong Yeon-hwa looked down at me collapsed across the desk with an exasperated expression.
"Well, I figured this might happen, so I brought one with a generous capacity from the start."
"No..."
"You cleared Lunatic, so it's not like you have low mana, right?"
"......"
What was with this competent handling?
This wasn't the level of competence I expected from Korea.
'Was the Awakened Association not some tiny company...'
Just as I was quietly marveling at the Association's competence...
Hong Yeon-hwa glanced at the color of the light in the crystal ball, then immediately began scribbling something on the folder she'd brought.
"As expected, your mana capacity is absurdly high... and the density's not bad either."
"Really?"
"Yeah. And your mana control is skilled enough that you can't call yourself a beginner."
"Heh. That's me, all right."
Who am I?
The owner of an EX-rank skill, Drug Addiction.
The evil Alchemist who blasphemes against the gods, none other than Geum A-yeon.
As expected, the talent that amazed Awakened Gallery, astonished the Association, and made the world jealous.
At this rate, even I'm starting to fear my own...
"You could reasonably be given a B-rank."
"......?"
At the B-rank result, far below what I'd expected, my world came crashing down.
What...?
I'm B-rank...?
Not EX-rank, not even S-rank.
Not even the supposedly dime-a-dozen A-rank.
B-rank...?
B-rank... as in B for 'brain-dead'?
"B-rank...! I'm, I'm B-rank!!! I'm... "
"Um, do you have any sense of proportion...?"
"This makes no sense..."
Listen here, Doc!!
What the hell, B is a rank? Huh?
Even 87-year-old Park Chan-su, pushing a handcart, could get B-rank for free.
Back in my day, if I brought home a B from college, I got beaten with a leather belt! You hear me?
"...Something's gone seriously wrong."
"Accept it. That's how the world works."
"This is so unfair..."
As I continued grumbling, unable to accept reality, Hong Yeon-hwa let out a quiet sigh and said:
"It's okay. B-rank is actually a good result."
"...I'm not happy at all with the 'second place is good too' kind of consolation."
"Your initial rank is usually a little low. I was C-rank when I first got assessed."
"That just means you were a scrub."
"You little..."
At my sulky pout, Hong Yeon-hwa glared at me with an expression that said she wanted to flick me on the forehead.
"Well, what did you expect? You only cleared Floor 1. Did you think you'd get S-rank?"
"I thought I'd at least get A-rank."
I mean, it wasn't some other difficulty. It was Lunatic.
I thought I'd get at least an A.
Of course, I'd cheesed the clear with the unprecedentedly broken trait Drug Resistance... but still, everyone wants a high rank.
Like wanting to eat tteokbokki even though you want to die.
Hong Yeon-hwa continued.
"This is just a temporary assessment. They determine your rank based only on mana, without proper equipment, so of course the standards have to be strict."
"Uugh..."
"If you're that unhappy, apply for a promotion test."
"...That takes a month."
"If you join the Association, I could help you get one sooner."
"......"
"Haha. I'm kidding."
At my displeased look, Hong Yeon-hwa let out an awkward laugh for no reason, then stood up with the completed folder in hand.
"Well, now that the assessment's done, all that's left is for your Awakened license to be issued..."
Stagger—
"Ugh!"
Just then, Hong Yeon-hwa suddenly swayed and clutched her head as if she were in pain.
Seeing her like that, I asked in a concerned voice.
"Are you okay?"
"...I'm fine. I just haven't slept."
"How long have you been up?"
"I dunno. Three days? ...Four?"
"......"
"...Five?"
The number of days increased by one each time she tilted her head.
When I gave her an incredulous look, Hong Yeon-hwa shrugged and continued.
"I'm fine. Sleep is for the dead."
"People die if they don't sleep."
"Then let me sleep!! Damn—... Fuck. That bald bastard, the Association chairman."
"...Um."
Apparently, the Awakened Association was an even worse black company than I'd thought.
I hadn't hoped for the traditional work culture of Korean sweatshops to survive like this.
Clatter.
[ Caffeine Candy ]
- Rank: C
- Details: A candy containing the caffeine from ten cans of commercial energy drinks (about 1,000 mg) compressed into a single piece. It stimulates the central nervous system, temporarily inducing an alert state.
"......"
Still, we'd known each other for a while from the Gallery.
I didn't feel right leaving her like this.
Thinking that, I took a few caffeine candies from my Inventory and held them out to Hong Yeon-hwa.
"Here."
"...? What is this?"
"Caffeine candy."
"Caffeine candy...?"
She accepted the candy I offered with a dubious look, ate it, and began complaining under her breath.
"You probably don't know since you only Awakened recently, but no matter what an Awakened eats, something like this..."
Crunch, crunch.
"...Ugh, what is this? Why does it taste so fishy?"
"It's because it has so much caffeine."
It was a candy with the equivalent of ten energy drinks concentrated into one piece.
And she'd popped the whole thing in her mouth and crunched it, so of course it tasted fishy.
Thump.
"Ugh... Oh?"
Perhaps the caffeine had finally kicked in; Hong Yeon-hwa clutched her chest as her heart suddenly started pounding.
Then, life began returning to her eyes, which had looked like those of a dead fish.
"This stuff works like crazy."
"Of course. I made it myself."
"What? You have a production skill too?"
"That's a trade secret."
I held a finger to my lips and gave Hong Yeon-hwa a smug smile.
Hong Yeon-hwa's face relaxed, and she ruffled my hair as she stroked my head.
"Jeez, tch... Anyway, thanks."
"Ugh...! Don't touch me...!"
"What are you talking about, squirt?"
After thoroughly messing up my hair, Hong Yeon-hwa left the assessment room first and waved at me.
"I'm heading out. Wait here and pick up your Awakened license."
"...Okay."
What's with that lady?
Did she develop maternal instincts to match her age or something?
"Huuu..."
Whatever.
I'm exhausted now.
Going outside is way too much effort for a shut-in. I should hurry home and get back to browsing the forums.