Chapter 8
[ I won, you motherfucking bastard ]
[ Posted by: Save the Newbies ]
< Ferum Flower with all its vines cut off >
Fuck this goddamn flower bud
Get close and it spits all over you,
back off and it goes full tentacle mode.
And on top of that, it's so damn tough you can barely cut it.
What the hell, was this thing actually made to be beaten??
< Something that used to be a Ferum Flower getting juiced >
You don't get to die peacefully, you piece-of-shit plant.
I'll suck the marrow out of you and grind you down like a salvia plant.
- Anonymous Climber: Daaaaamn
- Anonymous Climber: This is... a newbie...?
- Great Hero: No, what the fuck, how'd you kill it?? With a sword??
└ (OP) Save the Newbies: Just dodge all the attacks and cut off all the tentacles
└ Great Hero: ??????
└ Great Hero: You're not human...
- Anonymous Climber: This crazy bastard killed it with a sword...
└ Sogatamyeontanso: Just burn it with Inferno. One-shot kill.
└ Great Mage: That's only something you can do, though;;;
- Anonymous Climber: Why are you juicing it, anyway?
└ Speed Vegan: Ferum Flower sap sells for a lot on Floor 10. Elves pay extra for it.
└ Anonymous Climber: For real??
└ Ice Fan: Fuck, I threw all mine away
- Scarlet Letter*: I believe you. You're definitely not a newbie.
└ (OP) Save the Newbies: ;;;;
└ (OP) Save the Newbies: I'm not that good [meme]
└ (OP) Save the Newbies: I am newbie
└ Scarlet Letter*: Newbies don't normally solo Insane like you, for fuck's sake...
- Anonymous Climber: Came here to pay my respects
└ Anonymous Climber: Please let me clear Floor 10 too...
└ Anonymous Climber: Still getting comments on a post from seven years ago;;
*
*
*
Whooosh──
The vine whipped through the air with an explosive crack and came hurtling toward me.
It was too fast for an ordinary person to react to.
But maybe it was thanks to my senses sharpening after I Awakened?
I ducked and rolled on instinct, and at the same time, a bundle of vines as thick as a man's forearm smashed the spot where I'd just been standing.
KABOOOOOM!!!!
"Guh...!!"
The shock wave made my ears ring for a moment.
There was no time to think.
I threw myself into the bushes to avoid the next attack, and the scattered vines began chasing after me like guided missiles.
Whoosh, whoooosh!!
KABOOM!!
"Ugh!"
I dodged the swinging vines and leaped into the air.
Then I activated Inventory, and an aluminum can appeared beneath my feet.
The reason I was using another aluminum can was that I was used to them. They were the easiest things to handle.
Besides, I had a whole mountain of cans at home that I hadn't gotten around to recycling.
For instance, I could do something like this now.
"Al!! Help me!!"
Bang─
Instead of a metal spike, a blunt pillar shot up and launched me forward like a cannonball.
At almost the same moment, the scattered vines curved inward toward a single point, barely grazing the tips of my legs.
A difference of a hair's breadth.
I'd barely dodged the Ferum Flower's attack, but I couldn't overcome my momentum and landed headfirst, letting out a pathetic scream.
"Egh, guh, ack."
A move commonly known in martial arts novels as the Falling-Donkey Roll.
After rolling across the ground several times to put some distance between me and the Ferum Flower, I had no time to feel embarrassed. I immediately got back up and checked the vines that had been chasing me moments ago.
Wriggle, wriggle.
Maybe I'd just gotten out of their range. The vines squirmed in midair, unable to come any closer.
They moved so freely, it was like each vine had a mind of its own.
"...Ugh. That's disgusting."
Fuck, those aren't vines. They're practically tentacles!!
What are you, Doctor Octopus??
Are you gonna throw a car at me while saying, "Hello, Peter~"?
Why the hell is this thing using physical attacks when it's a plant!!
If you're a carnivorous plant, then act like one and stick to your poison attacks!!
"Damn it..."
I can't get close like this.
I'll get beaten to a pulp, then thoroughly tentacle-molested.
After that, it'll swallow me whole with that flower bud that looks like a mouth, and hit me with paralyzing poison...
"Huh? Paralyzing poison?"
Wait, paralyzing poison?
Could this... actually work...?
A vague memory came to mind, so I immediately opened the Awakened Community and read through Speed Vegan's information post again.
└ Speed Vegan: Ah, allow me to explain. That monster is called a 'Ferum Flower,' one of the monsters that often appears as a boss on floors in the teens. Its nickname on Tower Gallery is 'Newbie-Killer.' It looks like Mario's Piranha Plant, but its defining feature is its tentacle-like vines. Its attack patterns mainly involve paralyzing poison; it swallows prey that comes close with its mouth and knocks them out with poison, while it uses its vines to attack prey farther away...
"...Ugh."
Correction.
There's no way I can read that properly.
I quickly skimmed the post and found the part I needed.
└ ...it swallows prey that comes close with its mouth and knocks them out with poison, while it uses its vines to attack prey farther away...
"Aha."
I guess the reason it had only been attacking me with its vines was that I'd been keeping my distance.
Like a boss in a Souls game, it seemed to use different skills depending on the distance.
"Status Window."
Flash─!
[ Drug Resistance ]
- Rank: S
- Ability: Grants resistance to all kinds of drugs.
"Would paralyzing poison count as a drug...?"
I wasn't sure, but probably.
I'd resisted Black Sludge's mucus back on Floor 1, so paralyzing poison would probably work the same way.
I didn't dwell on it for long. I acted quickly.
I immediately pulled out a bunch of aluminum cans beneath my feet and used my Transmutation skill on them.
"Transmutation."
Bang─
My body shot forward like a cannonball, kicking off the metal pillar that had risen just like before.
I blasted forward with a front-flash and flew several dozen meters ahead. It didn't take long for the bundle of vines chasing me to wrap around my legs and body.
Whirl, creak!
"Ah...!"
Their grip was stronger than I'd expected, and a groan escaped me.
But the pressure was intense; they weren't squeezing hard enough to break my bones or tear my flesh.
Or had my body gotten tougher without me noticing as my stats went up?
─KUEEEEEK!!!!
The red flower bud, lined with teeth, opened wide and swallowed my entire body, vines and all.
White sap stretched between its jaws like drool and splattered across my face.
It was still disgusting, but compared to Black Sludge, this was nothing.
Then, just as its mouth closed and the teeth on the flower bud were about to tear me apart...
"Transmutation."
CRUNCH!!
A metal pillar shot up.
An aluminum rod was embedded like a pillar, piercing through the roof of its mouth and the floor below.
It looked like a piercing—or a skewer shoved in wrong.
─KUEK!! KUEEEEK!!!!
The Ferum Flower screamed in pain as if its palate had been pierced, but it wasn't getting away with that.
"Tsk. No."
A dog that bites needs a muzzle.
You know they shoot you on sight for that in America, right?
─KUEEEEK!!!!
"...Enough jokes."
Standing in front of this thing's mouth and smelling its breath was already hard enough.
So I let go of the aluminum rod I was hanging from and threw myself straight into the Ferum Flower's mouth.
Splash!
"Huh?"
The inside of its mouth was filled with some mysterious liquid, contrary to what I'd expected.
It was a thick, sticky white sap.
"Ugh... What is this...?"
Splash.
The one saving grace was that the white sap wasn't all that deep.
It only came up to my thighs, so at least I wouldn't end up covered head to toe in slime like I had with Black Sludge.
─KUEEEEK!!!!
"...Hold on. I'll make this quick."
I immediately pulled out the only weapon I'd brought in my Inventory so I could put the Ferum Flower out of its misery.
An aluminum dagger.
I'd repaired it by adding more material after Black Sludge melted it last time.
"Well then..."
I gripped the crude dagger in both hands with a reverse grip.
A way of holding it to make up for my lack of strength.
Then I raised the dagger over my head, put my weight behind it, and thrust it toward the wall...
"Hup─"
Slip!
"...Huh?"
My foot slipped, and I dove headfirst into the white sap.
Splash!!
"Gahblbl, cough! Ack, ack!"
It got in my mouth!
I got swallowed, you fucker!
So this is what Ms. Ferum Flower tastes like...
...No, wait!!
"Ugh... Keh..."
It's fucking bitter.
Bitter enough to make my tongue tingle.
The taste of dirt and grass, something sharp and acrid, and astringency all blended together. It felt like my tongue was going numb.
Ding!
[ You have consumed a new drug! ]
But before I could even spit out the sap still on my tongue, the familiar sound rang out and a System message appeared in front of me.
And after reading the message that followed, I couldn't help but doubt my own eyes.
[ Ferum Flower Sap ]
- Rank: B
- Details: Sap from a Ferum Flower native to the Melek Great Forest. It acts on the central nervous system, causing sedation and paralysis, and carries a high risk of addiction.
[ Addiction rate has increased by 10%. ]
"Huh...?"
Why did my addiction rate go up?
Wait, more importantly...
It acts on the central nervous system...?
Causes sedation and paralysis...?
And carries a high risk of addiction...?
No...
This...
"It's not a Ferum Flower. It's a drug flower..."
No wonder it looked so much like a poppy.
What the fuck, Tower-bro? Is this really okay?
Now even the Tower's trying to turn me into a drug addict!
...Though it won't do anything because of my Resistance skill.
But the other Awakened on the 0th Floor might not be so lucky.
"Huh? Wait. Then..."
Could I take this with me...?
If I put it in my Inventory and bring it along, nobody would know, right...?
...No. I know.
Just because I'm inside the Tower doesn't mean drugs are legal.
In fact, details about drug smugglers occasionally get posted on Awakened Gallery.
The Association is lenient about almost everything else, but it hands out harsher penalties for drugs.
But that means...
"If I don't get caught... it's not a crime...?"
It's not like I plan on selling drugs to anyone else.
I only plan on taking them myself to build up my trait.
[ Addiction rate has increased by 10%. ]
A stupidly overpowered drug that raises my addiction rate by 10% from just one sip.
Even if it was a drug, it'd be a shame to pass up the chance to farm my trait this easily.
Of course, possessing drugs is illegal, and if the Association caught me, my life would be fucked...
But there was no way the Association or other Hunters could find out I had drugs on me.
"Too bad, Inventory."
If I stashed it in my Inventory, even the Association wouldn't know what I had.
Mad? Tough luck!
No one can punish me when I have Inventory!
That's the limit of public authority on the Tower's 0th Floor!
─KUEEEEK!!!!
As I gleefully cracked dumb jokes about farming my trait with drugs, the Ferum Flower kept screaming in pain, apparently because the rod stuck in its mouth hurt.
The sudden noise from my neighbor made my head ring and throb.
I frowned in annoyance and picked up the dagger I'd dropped when I slipped just now.
"Let's deal with this first."
Goodbye, Ms. Ferum Flower.
Thanks for giving so generously.
*
*
*
After taking care of the Ferum Flower.
I finally escaped from its maw and shook the aluminum can in my hand to check its contents.
Slosh!
"Hmm. It's all in there."
Unfortunately, I couldn't store the Ferum Flower's sap in my Inventory by itself.
Apparently, it only stored solid items.
So, in a pinch, I was keeping the sap in an aluminum can I'd brought along.
"I should've brought more, if I'd known."
I'd used up so much during the fight that I only managed to collect about five cans' worth of sap.
Well, five cans is still five cans.
One can holds 355 ml, so that's... Hmm...
A thousand milliliters? No? Maybe a little more?
Squish, squelch.
"Ugh... This feels awful."
Once again, I was covered in sap from head to toe.
Why does this keep happening to me, seriously?
First Black Sludge, and now this. Why does every monster I fight have to do this to me?
Was everyone who made the Tower a pervert?
They must have lubricant instead of cerebrospinal fluid sloshing around in their skulls.
Otherwise, no human brain could come up with something this horrifying—something straight out of a low-budget Japanese porno.
...Anyway.
Gross is gross.
"Gotta do what I gotta do."
[ Awakened Community ]
I opened Tower Gallery right away and made my usual brag post, along with a photo of the Ferum Flower I'd just taken down.
[ This Piranha Plant bastard's a total pushover ]
[ Posted by: 39.7 ]
< Ferum Flower's bud ripped to shreds >
Newbie-Killer? Quit making a fuss.
The most pathetic paper tiger ever.
- Anonymous Climber: ?
- Anonymous Climber: What the hell is that
- Save the Newbies: Holy shit, you only took out the flower bud?? You didn't cut off the tentacles??
└ Anonymous Climber: You're not exactly normal for killing it with a knife, either;;
- Sogatamyeontanso: You made a fucking mess of it;; What the hell did you do to it?
└ Anonymous Climber: For real, Newbie-bro might be the normal one here
└ Speed Vegan: Did you tear your way out from the inside or something?
└ Saintess: I'm sorry, humanity ㅠㅠㅠㅠ
└ Anonymous Climber: I don't feel particularly sorry
"Mm-hmm. That's right."
The moment I baited them, people came running faster than a team getting knocked out in the round of 32.
I was enjoying the mild dopamine hit from each new comment that appeared whenever I refreshed the page.
Then suddenly, a piercing scream rang through the forest.
"Aaaah!!!! Piranha!!!!"
Caught off guard, I looked toward the scream and forgot to upvote my own post.
Long ears, pale skin, and a voluptuous chest.
And a perverted outfit that brought a prostitute to mind.
The elves, a race of great beauty.
This insane vegan race had suddenly appeared in front of me, and the elf immediately picked a fight as soon as she saw the Ferum Flower lying dead.
"What did you do to our Piranha...!!"
Like a cat lady freaking out over cat food with Tylenol in it.
That was at least understandable. What the elf woman said next was even more ridiculous.
"Aah... Piranha's precious sap..."
"......"
I'd thought calling it Piranha meant it was like a pet, but apparently the sap inside it mattered more.
I looked at the elf in front of me with an expression of utter confusion.
'...What?'
What the fuck is this crazy druggie elf bitch?