Chapter 39
#39. Of Course, We Can Enjoy It as a Couple Too, Right?
Public restroom.
'What on earth could “public restroom” mean?'
Several images flashed through the Green Mage Tower Master's mind.
Public, public… does that mean they do something in the sky?
Or, since it's a powder room, is it some glamorous salon where noble young ladies gather to apply powder and lipstick?
'What… I got my hopes up for nothing.'
Either way, it wasn't a place for good food.
Her excitement sank all at once.
……Still. If people were willing to stand in such a long line, didn't that mean there had to be something worthwhile inside?
Mages were, by nature, incapable of suppressing their curiosity!
Before she knew it, she had forgotten all about her stomachache and approached the merchant from earlier again.
"Is it a place where women gather to put on makeup?"
"Goodness, Mage, you haven't been yet? It's a place where men and women alike can do their business, and it's absolutely fantastic!"
Aria only found herself even more puzzled.
Fantastic?
To her, a privy was nothing more than an unpleasant and inconvenient place.
"You don't have to wipe with leaves, and it doesn't smell! You can even wash your hands with clean water filtered through magic stones!"
"……You're talking about a toilet, right?"
Aria asked again with a perplexed expression.
"That's right! My wife can't do her business in a chamber pot anymore, either. The sitting toilet in there is so comfortable. If another monster wave comes, I'm going to make a good haul and buy one for my house. Hahaha!"
A sitting toilet.
No need to wipe afterward?
A feast of unfamiliar words.
It seemed she would never understand unless she went inside herself.
'Hmm……. Still, doing one's business outside, especially in a place where all sorts of people gathered… was a bit much.'
Even in the Grand Ducal Castle, she had been too self-conscious about someone overhearing her to relieve herself comfortably.
And now she was supposed to do it somewhere complete strangers were constantly passing by?
It was absolutely impossible.
Just as Aria was struggling inwardly and about to turn back toward the comfort and familiarity of her own home,
Grrrrrrrrk!!
"Aaaagh! Wait, wait just a minute!!"
Her stomach, which had briefly quieted down, launched another rebellion.
It hurt so badly.
She was no longer in any position to be picky about where she did it.
The food in the new city was too delicious…
And that was the problem—it was so delicious that she kept snacking until her stomach hurt!
Grrrrrrrk!
"Urgh, oh nooo…! Tower Master, save meee~!!"
Fortunately, the line moved quickly.
Most of them seemed to have come merely to look around; after taking a peek inside, they simply turned away.
The moment the restroom door opened and someone came out, Aria squeezed her eyes shut and slipped inside.
Click.
The moment she closed the door and looked around inside,
Aria forgot about her stomachache and opened her eyes wide.
"Th-this is a privy… no, a restroom?"
The exterior had already been shocking, but the inside was even more wondrous.
The floor and walls were finished with smooth, spotless white tiles like those in a noble's bathhouse, and despite countless people having just passed through, there was no terrible stench—only a gentle, fragrant herbal scent.
It seemed the wind magic stone installed in the ceiling had been designed to suck up odors.
'Could this be a work from the famous Lumiella Workshop…? How does it operate with such a tiny fragment of a magic stone?'
Aria gazed at the ceiling as though entranced, forgetting that she had come to relieve herself.
But even a Tower Master couldn't figure out the structure of a ventilation fan after merely glancing at it.
In the end, she gave up and went looking for a chamber pot…
Inside the stall, instead of the small, shabby ceramic pot she always used, there was some enormous, expensive-looking magical device.
'There’s water sitting inside…'
Instructions accompanied by illustrations had been written helpfully on the wall.
[1. Sit comfortably on the sitting toilet.]
[2. When you have finished, press the silver lever on the right down! Press firmly.]
[3. Wash your hands at the sink by the restroom entrance using water purified by magic stones.]
[4. Never! Throw straw or leaves into the sitting toilet! When the magical device is activated, it will wash you clean automatically, so you don't need to wipe your bottom.]
Aria sat down cautiously on the cold ceramic, half believing and half doubting.
"Wow… This is much more comfortable than squatting."
But the comfort of the position lasted only a moment before unease began creeping back in.
Beyond the single door, countless people were waiting for their turn.
What if they heard even the slightest sound……..
‘Huh?’
The outside had definitely been bustling with people just moments ago.
Yet for some reason, she couldn't hear a single sound or sign of anyone outside.
It felt as though she were sitting on a blue meadow where no one else existed.
‘I-I can do it here without worrying…!’
With the relief of knowing that no one could hear her, the tension that had tormented her for so long gently melted away.
And then…….
Aria finally put an end to her long ordeal.
"Haaaaah……."
She felt as liberated as though she had gained the entire world.
Calling it fantastic had not been an exaggeration.
She was about to wipe herself with a cloth as usual when she remembered the writing on the wall.
"……So I just press this?"
The water would wipe her bottom for her.
With half fear and half curiosity, she pressed the button firmly, and a strange sound began to ring out.
Vrrrrrrr.
Just as Aria, seated on the sitting toilet, began looking around,
Pshhhhhhh!!
"Kyaaaaaaaaah!?!"
A powerful stream of water struck its target with perfect accuracy.
"Hh… hhhk. Hhhk?"
When the water attack ended, a gust of air blew in next and began drying her off refreshingly.
It was one shock after another.
"Ahem…! Mm! Ahem…!"
Aria cleared her throat for no reason.
Now that she had experienced the whole thing, she was embarrassed that she had screamed.
To think that a Tower Master had been frightened by such a convenient, simple object.
'E-everyone has a first time…'
In any case, this was definitely a revolution.
The Privy Revolution.
No, perhaps it would be better to call it the Toilet Revolution.
The barbaric age when commoners had to endure the stinging pain of wiping themselves with rough leaves or straw had come to an end.
Even the days of using expensive cloth were now horrifying to recall.
Doing your business in a chamber pot? Wiping your bottom with cloth?
How on earth had she managed to survive in such a filthy, uncivilized world just one day ago?
This overwhelming cleanliness.
This was the culmination of human evolution!
As a final step, Aria cautiously pressed the silver lever attached to the right side of the sitting toilet.
Just as she pressed down with all her strength, having decided that nothing in particular seemed to happen…
Whooooooosh!!
Clear, transparent water poured down from inside the ceramic bowl, and with a whirlpool, it sucked away all the contents in an instant.
"Eek!?"
Aria's body sprang upward.
"Wh-what is this……?! I-it sucked up the waste?!"
Her curiosity as a Tower Master exploded.
What kind of magic circle was drawn here? Was it spatial-transference magic? Or was it a physical mechanism using water pressure?
"It's gone. The filth is gone… Hic. This is a revolution! A revolution!"
Aria was excitedly touching every part of the toilet and pouring out her scholarly questions when,
Bang bang bang!!
Someone began pounding on the restroom door hard enough to break it down.
"Hey!! Miss! Are you constipated!? Hurry up and come out, my bladder's about to burst!!"
"Ah! Yes, y-yes!"
For a moment, she nearly fainted, thinking it was a man's voice, but fortunately, a woman's voice answered.
Who knew what Northern women ate, but many of them had bear-like builds.
Apparently, that was why women from other continents were so popular or something.
"I'm coming out~"
Aria wanted to investigate the toilet's structure further, but the fierce urging of the Northern auntie outside sent her hurrying toward the sink.
When she turned the silver faucet, clear, clean water gushed out.
By now, it wasn't even surprising anymore.
Aria washed her hands with expensive soap and tidied her disheveled hair using the tiny mirror mounted on the wall.
"A restroom… It's really nice enough to do my grooming here…"
The moment she opened the door and stepped out, the next person, who had been anxiously hopping from foot to foot outside, hurriedly slipped inside.
Once she returned to the street, Aria stared blankly up at the artificial sun in the night sky.
‘I feel refreshed. Who knew doing your business could be this comfortable?’
Her hands smelled pleasantly of herbs, and her stomach, which had suffered from constipation, felt light enough to fly.
Gulp.
Aria swallowed nervously and looked back.
She felt as though she never wanted to leave the restroom.
Never again.
She didn't think she could ever use the uncivilized privies of the Southern Continent again.
‘Should I relocate the Mage Tower……?’
The Tower Master's serious deliberation, which began then, continued until dawn.
***
The lord's office at the Grand Ducal Castle.
"Your Highness, I have a report to make."
Viscount Argen delivered his report with an excited expression.
"It has been one month since we completed the large-scale installation of water-supply and sewage systems and the construction of restrooms throughout the new city. The incidence of sanitation-related diseases has miraculously plummeted!"
"Hmm. That's good."
Kylan nodded calmly.
"That's not all. Now that the filth and stench have vanished from the streets, sales in the commercial district have increased by a full thirty percent! Moreover, thanks to the Green Mage Tower Master telling everyone on the Southern Continent how incredible our Northern restrooms are, tourists are even flocking here to see them for themselves!"
At that, the corners of Kylan's mouth rose nearly to his ears.
‘Good. Very good! We won't have to worry about medical subsidies leaking away, and we won't have to worry about commercial rents falling, either.’
The vassals also gazed up at Kylan and showered him with admiration.
"Without Your Highness's profound foresight, we would have died of sanitation-related illness!"
"Capturing the orcs alive and making them dig the sewers was a masterstroke!"
Kylan brought the meeting to a pleasant close.
At this rate, he thought it might be more convenient to keep living here even after retiring as Grand Duke of the North in the distant future.
That night.
The bedroom of the Grand Duke and Grand Duchess of the North.
"My beautiful wife. You worked hard staying up so late."
After his bath, Kylan opened the bedroom door with an eager heart.
The war with the orcs, the sanitation problems, and everything else.
They had both suffered through months of grueling work.
He had sworn that today, he would spend a cozy and romantic evening with Eleanor.
But then.
"……?"
Instead of wearing pajamas, Eleanor sat on the bed in neat clothes and round spectacles—in Finance Minister mode.
What was more, hundreds of huge blueprints were piled on the bed like a mountain.
"E-Eleanor……? Aren't you getting ready for bed? What's all this?"
When Kylan asked in confusion, Eleanor pushed up her glasses and thrust a blueprint toward him, her eyes sparkling.
"Your Highness! They say a hot spring has been discovered in the orcs' residential district!"
"What!? A-a hot spring!?"
"It must be because Your Highness ordered the water and sewage construction. The heavens must surely have been moved by Your Highness's love for his people!"
Yes. That could be.
But what could these blueprints be?
"Your Highness. I've come up with an idea that will make the territory's tax revenue explode!"
"……An idea?"
"Yes! If we can pump clean water up at will, then naturally we must build commercial facilities that make use of it!"
Eleanor unfurled a huge blueprint with a flourish.
[Winterwald Public Grand Bathhouse and Hot Spring Resort Business Plan!]
"……What?"
A retreat? Was she talking about a resort?
"If we combine groundwater with boilers powered by solar magic stones, we can create a large-scale resort where people can enjoy warm hot-spring baths even in the middle of winter! Even just the admission fees and commercial rents would make the territory's tax revenue explode!"
Eleanor poured out her business briefing without even stopping to breathe.
"Starting tomorrow morning, we need to select a site, review the budget, place orders for materials, and reorganize the orc laborers' work schedule. Your Highness! Please sign off on it!"
"……"
Kylan stared blankly at the mountain of blueprints.
Th-this was……
‘I have to work overtime againnnnn!!’
How many documents would he have to stamp to build a spa resort, and how hard would he have to work as the site supervisor?
"Here, Your Highness! I've prepared the quill!"
Faced with his wife's bright smile and shining eyes, Kylan had no courage to utter words of refusal.
Kylan sank to his knees and took up the quill.
The road toward getting off work on time as Grand Duke of the North still stretched impossibly far ahead.
"The hot-spring resort will of course be something we can enjoy as a couple too, right?"
"O-of course, Your Highness."
Eleanor shyly stroked Kylan's shoulder.
Only then did Kylan feel a little more motivated.