Chapter 21
“Lewd material was exposed on the princess’s phone screen, so I had no choice but to censor it.”
“..Huh?”
This isn’t it. Sure, I’m not exactly dying to see someone else’s poop pics or some old man I don’t even know’s whatever, but….
I should see everything with my own eyes first, then react with an “Oh my god” or an “Oh,” depending on the result. If it gets blocked beforehand, it isn’t fun.
“O-Ophelia..? You can see my phone screen..?”
“Yes. Because it is a duplicate of the original you gave me, I can monitor the screen in real time—mm. I paused for a moment to choose the word.”
Monitoring. Sure, I know she did it for me, but still, it feels a little weird. I was curious. The reason I clicked a post with just a single dot in the title was that I’d set out in search of the Golden Land, even risking my eyes and my mental health for it.
“A-ah, ugh... what kind of picture was it..?”
“It was a picture of a woman with absurdly large breasts and wide hips, drawn in an animetic—or moe-style—art style, lying naked. I censored it because it was inappropriate for the princess, who is still so young.”
“Mwaaak!”
It really was the Golden Land. A proper lewd pic. In the end, I couldn’t even see it before Ophelia’s censorship beam blocked it.
“It seems it was quickly deleted by the site administrators afterward, but this appears to be a site where a lot of inappropriate content is uploaded. Please be especially careful.”
“W-well... actually, I wanted to see it....”
“..No.”
“Waaah..?”
“Since the princess is still too young to be exposed to such media, I will personally screen it.”
“B-but..?”
“No.”
Ophelia took an uncompromising stance against lewd material. How could she do this? Of course, my current body is a tiny bit too young to be looking at all those risqué, hee-hee, ecchi pictures, but still, I’m fine with it, okay?!
‘Wait.. then the gallery..!’
Not the Awakened Gallery, but the actual photo album on my phone. The Ark I’d built up over years of gallery browsing. A lewd-pic library I could use even if the internet went out..!
“By the way, out of the 28,134 photos in the princess’s device album, I provisionally deleted 20,132 of the 23,254 image files in the Downloads album as inappropriate content.”
“Mweh....”
Still okay. On the app where works get updated in real time..!
“I also disabled two applications that mainly deal with inappropriate content.”
“Kwaaah!”
“I will work hard to ensure the princess is exposed to appropriate media.”
“Ughh.. oh my God...”
My phone had already been thoroughly wrecked by Ophelia. No way, was I never going to be able to look at lewd pics again? How was I supposed to live like this..?
“O-Ophelia! This is too much!”
“..Which part, exactly?”
“I think the princess has the right to freely learn about that, um, sort of thing....”
Ophelia seemed to think about my words for a moment. Could this actually work?
“I see. Then I’ll select reliable books and journals on sex-related topics. Let’s have you watch them with me for one hour every day and receive proper sex education.”
I was doomed. That didn’t work at all. That wasn’t what I wanted, obviously. I just...
“N-no... I just won’t look at it....”
“Is that so.”
But what am I supposed to do? I can’t just blatantly tell a pretty female maid I want to see sexy pictures.
She was even blocking the pictures that popped up in real time on community sites, so there was no way she wouldn’t block videos like that on the internet. The only method left was to use a computer Ophelia couldn’t check....
‘Do I really have to go that far....’
Or maybe it just wasn’t that important anymore.. After the body swap, that sort of desire felt like it had been cut down to about a quarter. If I got curious about something, I could just boot up the computer once in a while.
“Eeeiiing.”
Still, it’s kind of sad. I shouldn’t have given Ophelia my phone. I should’ve at least bought another phone and given her that instead....
* * * * *
“Princess.”
“Mm..? What is it, Ophelia?”
“I think I’ve learned a fair amount of the information I can get from the internet.”
“Ah, really?”
Ophelia, who had been kneeling in one corner of the room for a while, seemed to have resolved the information she needed to some extent. She said there shouldn’t be any major problems living in the modern world now.
“So, I’m going out for a bit.”
“Going out? Where are you going?”
“I’m planning to shop for daily necessities at a nearby market.. rather, a supermarket.”
“Huh? Do you need something? You could just order it online, couldn’t you?”
“Since I plan to buy things that are needed immediately, online ordering would be difficult. More than that, Street View only provides limited visual information, so it seems I need to explore the surrounding area.”
Was there something missing in our house? I honestly didn’t really know, but it might be something Ophelia needed. I don’t think she’s saying it for no reason.
“Yep, have a good trip!”
“Just in case you need help, I’ve entered a number in your contacts that you can call me on. If there are urgent problems or items you need, please feel free to contact me.”
“Oh, really? Then.. cola?”
“A beverage. Understood.”
After giving me a little bow as I rolled around on the mattress, Ophelia opened the front door with practiced ease and stepped outside.
It should be fine, right..? Among Awakened, changing hair color is common. She does feel a little mechanical, but I don’t think it’ll be a big problem.
The money will probably come out of my account.. but Ophelia doesn’t seem like the type to splurge. A head maid sounds like someone who’d keep the household ledger diligently.
“Hmm.. still, I’m a little worried.”
Legal matters are probably well covered on the internet, so she doesn’t seem like she’d do anything illegal. Besides, paying money for goods is something that applies in any era.
And there was one more reason Ophelia could go grocery shopping by herself.
“Heehee, time to browse the gallery on the computer!”
The computer had now become super, ultra high-end. It was a ridiculously expensive latest-spec machine I’d gotten from Nova. And more importantly, Ophelia’s censorship didn’t work on computers.
Of course, all sorts of other things that could harm my mental health might still be exposed, but I can take those too.
I don’t know how long it’ll take for Ophelia to come back, but there aren’t any proper stores around here anyway. It should take at least thirty minutes, right?
“Heh-heh.”
* * * * *
[Insaengmanghaet-eum : The maid told me not to look at lewd stuffㅠ
The princess has to look at wholesome things, so she blocked it immediatelyㅡㅡ]
-Ciortos : (Huh...)
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : It’s true ㅠ
ㄴ Ciortos : Okay, okay. Make sure you take your meds
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : No;
As expected, most people reacted like that. This was probably the normal reaction....
-Dosyungjwak : Free tomorrow or the day after? Wanna do a gate run?
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : But I don’t know if I can fight
ㄴ Dosyungjwak : What are you talking about; since when can’t you fight?
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : Dunno.. but I don’t look like I can fight...
ㄴ Dosyungjwak : If you eat expensive stuff and turn out useless, that’s kind of bad though
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : I’m useful.. at least pretty
ㄴ Dosyungjwak : (Pippi-seyo?)
ㄴ Dosyungjwak : My sister wants to see it too
While I was browsing the gallery, one question definitely popped into my head.
“Ophelia fighting..?”
Honestly, her arms and legs were too thin, and her skin too pale; if a big guy punched her once, she’d probably go flying.
I had thought she’d clearly be a super-powerful golem made from rare metal and high-grade magic stone, but I had no idea why a maid had come out instead.
Or maybe it was because I needed her right now? Combat is important too, of course, but maybe they sent me a maid as a sign that I should at least live like a proper person.
Suri and Minyum do bathe me and help me get dressed properly, but Suri has no arms, and Minyum is still inexperienced with that sort of thing. It feels like Suri is giving orders here and there and Minyum just follows them.
The reason they were so clunky when Suri wasn’t around might have been because there was no boss to give them orders.
In the end, because I wasn’t living like a proper person, maybe Ophelia showed up first to put out the immediate fire.
“Hmm.... Still, I think it’d be nice if she could fight.”
A fighting maid... there was something about it that stirred my heart, on par with battle-machine Minyum.
And on top of that, beauty + machine? A beautiful battle-machine maid?? Even if she’s not good at fighting, that’s S-rank material.
ㄴ Dosyungjwak : My sister wants to see it too
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : Then I should go.. I want to see her fight too
ㄴ Dosyungjwak : Let’s go tomorrow then
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : I have to ask the maid
ㄴ Dosyungjwak : What, lol. Aren’t you the master? Just tell her let’s go
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : Is that so;
Ophelia probably would go if I told her to. But she might also say it’s dangerous and refuse to let me go..? She could be all “Protect the princess!!” and leave me at home while she goes smash the gate by herself.
I could call and ask her, but let’s just wait until she comes back and ask then.
-Gagalipdan : Have we met before?
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : We saw each other, didn’t we;
ㄴ Hangchang : Real-life meetups are seriously fucked, fr
ㄴ Gagalipdan : Is that really you?
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : (Pippi-seyo?)
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : Why won’t you believe me ㅡㅡ..
ㄴ Gagalipdan : Ha, so it really was true; I heard you even did your military service
ㄴ Insaengmanghaet-eum : I’m an elementary-school girl who’s done her military serviceㅠ
ㄴ Gagalipdan : This is seriously disorienting
There’s nothing I can do about my old posts not matching who I am now. Back then, that was the truth, and now this is the truth. Accept it, Im Jongho.
“Euek..!”
Browsing the gallery without Ophelia’s monitoring did mean that occasionally dangerous things happened. That’s the real thrill of the internet.
[Homduwang : My schizophrenia, which had been cured three years ago, seems to be relapsing again..
I went to Home Plus near my place today and saw a maid shopping.. do I need to go back to the hospital again??ㅠ]
-ㅇㅇ : Fuck, lol, I want mental illness too
ㄴ Homduwang : Don’t joke about wanting schizophrenia.. this shit is really hard
-Mentong : I guess the guy who said he got a maid today was talking about that maid, lol
ㄴ Homduwang : Really? Is my schizophrenia back again?
ㄴ Mentong : You definitely have schizophrenia, ㅇㅇ
ㄴ Homduwang : (♿♿♿)
“Huh..? This is....”
“No way..?”
* * * * *
At that moment, in the grocery section of a large supermarket.
“Hey, what’s with that person?”
“Maybe some kind of cosplay.”
“She’s insanely pretty, holy shit.”
“Go talk to her.”
“Feels like I’d get torn apart if I opened my mouth.”
“Why are you suddenly talking about tearing people apart?”
“That’s just what cool-beauty types are like.”