It's No Joke, But It Feels Like One

One Random Cyburger Set [82]

"Y-you jerks..?!"

When I said I'd give out a Cyburger gifticon, 82 comments came flooding in. Of course, about a third of them were just meaningless other remarks.

They wouldn't do it when I asked, but the moment I said I'd give something away, look at all those comments.

"Princess. Bath time."

"Ugh... do I really have to take a bath in the morning...?"

"Yes. Maintaining bodily cleanliness is absolutely necessary."

"O-okay.."

Ophilia had offered to help me bathe, but honestly, it wasn't that big a deal. I stubbornly refused, so when I bathe, I go into the bathroom alone. I mean, it would be a little weird....

I slid my body into the bathwater warmed to just the right temperature and slowly looked over the laminated sheet listing the cosmetics and other bath supplies Ophilia had bought while grocery shopping last time.

"Aroma candle... mm, looks good."

A nice-smelling candle, bathwater at 37 degrees, bath salts and bath milk, plus a few drops of essential oil, were already added in.

A quick pass with body cleansing oil over the whole body? Then wash my face with the facial cleansing oil, slap on a mask pack, and soak in the tub for 10 minutes.

Before I knew it, we'd even gotten a clock just for the bathroom, so I could roughly keep track of time.

"If the minute hand gets to 11... that'll do!"

After that, one more shower with cleansing gel, and once I dry off with a warm towel, I'm done.

"Ophilia, I'm finished."

"This way."

"Y-yes...."

Once I go out, Ophilia applies a bunch of different things all over my body, and that's the hardest part.

ㅡSpritz spritz

Body mist, body serum, body lotion—three steps of slathering stuff all over my body. On my face too, toner and three serums, ampoules... that's as far as I understand it, and I don't really know the rest. I just close my eyes and space out, because Ophilia does it all for me.

Once it's all done, it does feel good. For one thing, the smell changes. After my body changed, the smell in the house that used to bother me doesn't really linger anymore, thanks to Ophilia buying a ton of stuff and doing something with it.

After that, I put on soft, fluffy clothes and sit still for about 15 minutes, letting everything soak in properly.

In the meantime, I fool around on my phone while Ophilia sets out breakfast.

"How obnoxious... and I'm supposed to give Cyburgers to these guys..?!"

Of course these guys are obnoxious, but they can still be considered potential subjects. There are already more than 40 comments praising the princess, aren't there? If I do this regularly, I'll become a proper princess, and the power of the Command Issuance skill will get insanely strong.

"Then... it's 250,000 won, so... let's set it at about 8,000 won each... should I hand one out once a week."

If the people who keep commenting get them, it might not have any effect, and maybe I should go to another gallery? But I don't know if anyone would believe a brand-new burner account giving away Cyburgers.

"Then... 4 times 8 is... 32,000 won. Ugh, my precious money."

"Princess."

"Eh, Ophilia? Do you need something?"

"Using the treasury to shower wealth on the people to win their support—money politics, vote buying—is temporary and limited. You should restrict it to building up your initial recognition."

"Huh."

I was planning to keep doing this, but could it be that this won't work?

"They want the gifticon the princess hands out, not the princess herself. Besides, a publicity campaign based on random participation incentives gets less effective as more people join, because the odds of winning plummet and support weakens afterward."

"Mm.... You're right, but...."

Well, it's not like each gallery gets five million comments or anything. Ophilia isn't wrong. Then does that mean becoming president with Cyburgers is a failure after all?

"Haaah... what am I supposed to do."

I slowly looked through the Awakened Gallery notices. The conditions for name recognition, where a person's real name or nickname can be used, were a C-rank Hunter active for at least 10 years, a B-rank Hunter active for at least 5 years, or an A- to S-rank Hunter.

"Ah, right. That's how it was."

Anyway, Awakened Gallery is a place where people talk about awakened people around the world. The real hunters mostly gather in a place called the 'Active Hunter Gallery,' but there are still a few active hunters in Awakened Gallery too.

If those active hunter users got named just because they're real hunters, it would obviously turn into a buddy-buddy gallery pretty quickly, so they put some restrictions in place.

That sounds a little odd, but I definitely need to be named. After all, my name has to be mentioned directly before I can get fans and support and all that, right?

"Then... should I go get my rank evaluated..?"

The biggest problem is my identity. For one thing, among South Korea's legally registered citizens, there isn't anyone named 'Eve,' because I wasn't Eve to begin with.

The hardest part to solve is my identity, and all I can do is feel lost about what I should do. If I had reality-manipulation powers, how amazing would that be? If you're a princess, give me at least that much.

"What should I do, Ophilia? I... uh, b-but... Ophilia, do you know anything about me..?"

Come to think of it, Ophilia probably could find a lot of information about me on the phone. For example, my personal information...?

The phone was originally registered under my name, and all the accounts that required identity verification would have been under the name on my resident registration records.

"I know."

"Th-then, I..."

"The past isn't very important. The fact that Princess Eve is the most essential person for the restoration of the royal family doesn't change."

"Mm... I see."

Ophilia doesn't seem to care all that much. I almost got awkward, but it's a relief that Ophilia isn't bothered.

After breakfast, there's not really anything to do. In the first place, even breakfast is thanks to Ophilia, and if things were still as they used to be, waking up at this time would have been impossible.

I was the king of the graveyard-shift convenience store.

"Ophilia, do you perhaps have anything you need to do today?"

"I have a schedule from 1 p.m. for about three hours."

"Oh? Work?"

"That's right. Since it's something the princess absolutely needs right now, I have no choice but to step out. As I mentioned before, if you have an urgent matter or any requests, please contact me by phone."

Before I knew it, Ophilia already had a schedule. I'd lived in Korea for 27 years and had no plans of my own, but Ophilia, who had been here for less than a week, already had one.

Maybe I lived my life wrong. Thinking about it now, I don't even have friends to make plans with or talk to.

I'm a complete shut-in loner princess.

Still, if there were friends I'd known from before, that would probably be more awkward. My friend suddenly turning into an elementary school girl? That's a bit....

"I've prepared the audiovisual material you need to watch on the desktop, so after changing into the outfit prepared in the first drawer of the cabinet, please watch it."

"Ah, okay."

I don't really know what it is, but it seems Ophilia has prepared something.

"Dangdang, what do you eat?"

ㅡBeep?

We were eating at the floor table, and when I turned around, Dangdang was wolfing something down. Looking more closely, Suri was chewing on something like a dog chew..? And Minyum was sitting there meditating.

"It's dog food."

"Dog food..? Is it okay for Dangdang to eat dog food..?"

"All of us can replenish part of our mana through eating, and this helps reduce the princess's burden to some extent. So as long as we don't buy food that's too expensive, you could say it's pretty cost-effective."

"Wow, I see."

That's the same thing we were talking about before. But I still don't know if mana is really leaking out of me. Are my mana reserves just that incredible? Or maybe... their mana consumption is just really low.

"Heehee. Tasty?"

ㅡBeep!

This little guy is cute. Just look at it eating.

* * * * *

"Then I'll head out and take care of my schedule. Princess, absolutely do not react even if someone you don't know knocks on the door or rings the intercom. If they keep knocking for a long time, please contact me."

"Haha... okay. I guess I'm a child, then."

"That's right."

I was about to say I'm not a child or anything, but somehow, right now I am a child. Even a sixth-grade elementary school boy could probably easily subdue me.

Of course, Suri and Minyum are here, but it's best if dangerous situations don't happen in the first place.

"Please take care and come back safely, Ophilia."

"Thank you."

Ophilia bowed her head, then closed the door and left in a flash. Somehow, without Ophilia here, the house feels bigger. Partly because there's one less person, and partly because the previously messy room and clumsy furniture arrangement have been neatly tidied up, so it actually feels larger than before.

"Did she say she stored a video on the computer?"

I figure she probably plugged in something like a USB tail and saved it to the computer. Dangdang was made from a phone too, and it had functions like that, didn't it?

ㅡWhirr

While I turned on the computer and waited through the short loading screen, I hopped down from the chair and opened the drawer cabinet. Ophilia had said she'd prepared an outfit, and I was guessing it was probably something comfortable for watching a long video.

"Mm. This one... is? A top. And this one is...."

* * * * *

ㅡStretch your sides, spin around and around~

ㅡOne two, one two three~

Brace yourself. Ophilia.

When I get home, you're getting a furious beating.

ㅡReverse~!

"Reverse?!"

Seriously, brace yourself..!!!