Chapter 41 - Regressor (1)

Fortunately, Grace was subdued by Acel's hand before she could act any more shamefully.

A hangover-curing magic and sleep magic, both condensed with magical power. Thanks to a spell that appropriately combined these two, Grace slept for a short time and then woke up, blinking her clear eyes.

Although she had clearly drunk more than 5 bottles of alcohol like crazy, her head wasn't dizzy at all, only clear. Rather, it seemed even more lucid than before drinking.

This is Acel's room.

She could quickly grasp this from the smell filling the surroundings. Grace unconsciously brought the blanket she was covered with to her face and sniffed. As she did so, her mind began to calm down gradually. The corners of her eyes drooped and her lips twitched.

"..."

She remembered the shameful behavior she had displayed while drunk. The 5 bottles of cider she drank after returning to the dormitory. While drinking with memories of the past as a side dish, she had passed midnight before she knew it. A time when stars twinkled in the sky and the moon hid shyly behind clouds as if embarrassed.

It was the perfect time to be immersed in sentiment. So Grace, after cleaning up all the bottles, looked out the window and reminisced about the past while still drunk. She could recall more vividly while slightly dizzy than when sober.

It was at some point while reminiscing about the past like this that she visited Acel's room.

Honestly, Grace's past wasn't that happy or harmonious.

A life where she failed in her family, barely graduated after struggling at the bottom of the academy, and her only friend was the nanny who raised her. Nevertheless, desiring her family's acknowledgment and love, she strived and barely managed to master all the blood-inherited swordsmanship.

But it was a futile act.

Because her family was exterminated. No, to be precise, the empire itself perished. One day, a plague devil suddenly descended and with a wave of its hand, most of the nobles including the imperial family melted away. Afterwards, as the plague spread and lawless areas expanded within the country, the empire's collapse was instantaneous.

Those who barely survived all fled to other countries.

Grace was the same. She lived day by day working as a mercenary in the Kingdom of Kidwin, ruled by corrupt royalty.

Fortunately, her swordsmanship skills, honed through painful effort, allowed her head to remain attached to her body for a long time. As time passed, her reputation grew, and she received recognition she hadn't particularly desired from people other than her family.

There was no excitement. Everything was irritating. So Grace never formed teams with anyone. When requests ended, she would shut herself in her lodgings and not come out.

A life of just killing, receiving payment, drinking alcohol, and sleeping on repeat.

It was on one day while living such a life that she met Acel, famous as a magic-monger and spell hater.

"Are you awake?"

"...!"

Her reverie was broken by the voice. Grace was startled and hastily lowered the blanket she had been holding to her nose. Acel, who had entered the room with a glass of cold water, let out a hollow laugh at the sight.

"...What are you doing?"

"Ah, no, this is... that..."

It was a strange sight to anyone. Even a monk would suspect the intentions of someone sniffing the blanket others sleep under while making a wistful expression. So rather than making excuses and receiving strange looks, she attempted a frontal breakthrough.

"It smells good so I feel better! It's comforting too!"

She regretted it as soon as she blurted it out. Grace turned her face bright red in the blink of an eye and completely covered it with both hands. Then she twisted her upper body back and forth wildly. She was writhing in embarrassment.

Acel muttered quietly as he watched this, "...Is there still alcohol in her system? But no, the spell worked well."

He had never failed at magic since becoming a mage. But for magic to fail in this situation now? It was nonsense. Moreover, he had already confirmed that the magic had properly taken effect.

Then, what did Grace's current reaction mean?

"..."

Not wanting to think about it particularly, Acel lifted Grace's body into the air as she was twisting her whole body as if to kick off the blanket.

"...Hup."

Grace dangled in midair. As if embarrassed, she desperately avoided Acel's gaze with a tearful expression. But she didn't resist the magic. She just quietly waited for her emotions to settle. Acel also waited for her while reading a book he had roughly put aside.

After about 5 minutes passed like that. Grace quietly opened her mouth.

"Um... Acel...?"

"Are you feeling a bit better now?"

"Yeah... I think you can put me down now..."

Her voice was much clearer than before. Acel closed the book, nodded, and put Grace down on the floor. She unnecessarily dusted off the pajamas she was wearing and glanced at Acel.

"So."

Acel opened his mouth while staring straight at Grace.

"Why did you suddenly come? And why did you drink so much?"

"...Just. Something bad happened."

"Is it related to Saya?"

"...A story that was related. It's all in the past now. She doesn't know at all, but I remember it clearly."

"I didn't bring this up to have a Zen dialogue," Acel said and sighed deeply. 

Grace's shoulders shrank.

He could understand that she had circumstances she couldn't talk about. He could tell that much just by looking at her reactions and behavior.

However, he had no idea how big the lump in her heart was because of it. He could only vaguely sense that it was too large to dare describe.

If I just send her away like this, this kind of thing will happen again.

That was clearly not good for either Acel himself or Grace. For the sake of the future, he needed to unravel her mental demons at least a little right now.

He had succeeded in lifting it slightly through their conversation in the tent, but that was still extremely minimal. For several days, although she seemed fine on the outside, she must have been rotting on the inside.

"When we first met."

Acel started like this and stared at Grace standing stiffly. Eyes of the same color collided in mid-air.

"You clearly seemed to know me. You already knew my name too."

"..."

"But that was the first day I saw your face. It was a bizarre situation where a complete stranger suddenly came and asked if I knew them."

"...I'm sorry. I was short-sighted."

"No, it's not that you were short-sighted. You must have acted that way because there was a reason I should know you, a cause that made you have to act like that. And our second meeting."

As he continued speaking, Grace's expression twisted strangely. Conversely, Acel felt like some puzzle was being solved in his head.

"You called me a 'mercenary'. And you said I used a sword. But I've never held a sword in my life. Swordsmanship? I've never even seen basic or third-rate swordsmanship, and I have no intention of learning it either."

"..."

"I brushed it off lightly at the time. To be honest, I thought of you as a mentally ill patient with decent skills. It's not that rare for those who show talent at a young age to go crazy. But you're mentally sound. You don't seem like someone with delusions or schizophrenia, either. Then what is it? What intention did you have in saying such things?"

He pulled out and checked facts he had buried in his memory, thinking they probably had no particular meaning.

Just recalling made the situations and emotions he felt at the time, and the other person's actions, vivid as if they had happened just yesterday.

Acel continued speaking while recalling the image of Grace covering herself with a blanket and swallowing tears, "Why did you cry then?"

"..."

"Your words and actions. What's the cause, the reason for all of it? What's the identity of the thoughts eating away at you?"

"...If I tell you."

Grace, who had been silent until now, muttered in a low voice at Acel's question, "If I tell you, will you believe me?"

"I might not be able to believe it."

"..."

"But whether I believe it or not, that's a decision I'll make after hearing the answer. It doesn't seem like something for you to agonize over alone."

"..."

No answer came. Grace bit her lip hard and clenched her fist as if pondering. Her eyes shook back and forth, and her mouth opened and closed repeatedly. The psychology of wanting to speak but feeling she shouldn't was clashing and confusing her mind.

How big of a hardship must it be for her to agonize like this? 

Acel was inwardly curious, but he quietly waited for Grace to open her mouth first. Rushing her now wouldn't bring a proper answer.

Time continued to pass like that. But the situation remained the same. Acel stared at Grace with a calm gaze, and Grace couldn't hide the turmoil in her heart and swallowed hard.

After a long while.

Grace carefully spoke up, "...I have a condition."

"What condition?"

"In exchange for telling you, a condition I want you, Acel, to listen to."

It was out of the blue, but Grace's expression was so pitiful that Acel nodded obediently.

"Tell me."

"Don't think of me as a strange person."

"..."

"Don't avoid me. Even if you despise me, hate me, loathe me, at least let me watch from nearby."

"...Grace."

"Me... I..."

Love me like before.

Those words couldn't come out of her mouth. It was too much of a burden to put on Acel. While Acel was a very significant existence to Grace, Grace wasn't that level of existence to Acel.

In the end, Grace forcibly chewed and swallowed the sentence she was about to utter at the end. She smiled bitterly and continued speaking, "Forgive me. I'll try hard."

"...Is that all?"

She nodded and answered, "Yes. That's all."

Acel responded without a moment's hesitation, "I'll accept it."

"...Really?"

"It's not a difficult request. So, what's the burden in your heart?" Acel asked.

"...I remember them, but they don't know me," Grace said in a quiet voice as she sat on the edge of the bed. "Those I fought together with, those I became close to while sharing our pasts. Not a single trace of the bonds we built remained, and only emptiness filled that place. Why was it me? Why did it have to be me?"

"..."

"The wedding with the person I vowed to love for life, the sweet conversations we shared, laughing while deciding names for when our child was born. Now they've all become things that never happened. No matter how much I try, no matter how much I struggle, they're past events that will never return."

"..."

"It was good that the deaths of those I loved and cherished became things that never happened, but still, the fact that they don't remember me at all... it's quite hard to endure. To be honest, I just wanted to give up everything and collapse. But I couldn't."

Acel listened silently to Grace's story. Then puzzle pieces in his head quickly fit together, and soon began to form one picture.

Time, past, memory.

Three deeply related words. And the contents contained in Grace's story.

Appropriately combining these, one word was formed in Acel's brain.

His eyes widened.

"Wait, Grace, you..."

"There were words left to me by the person I loved before they died."

"..."

"'I entrust the next world to you. This is the end for me, but I hope an ending where you and I can be happy is waiting on the branch you drift to.'"

Tears welled up slightly in Grace's eyes.

"'May our love be eternal there, too.'"

"..."

"Acel, I..."

Grace trailed off and recalled the image of that man dying with his lower body gone. She recalled the words he had uttered in a dying voice for quite a long time thanks to a devil's grace period.

— When you see me again, please pretend to know me. I might remember you, too. Even if I don't, don't be too disappointed or sad. I don't want to see you crying. Smiling suits you best.

"I..."

— And if I don't remember you, don't carelessly blurt out about what you're going to experience from now on. Never, until you're certain I'll believe your words. But if you need to say it due to unavoidable circumstances... say it like this.

"I'm actually a regressor. We were married before I regressed."

A tear streamed down Grace's cheek.

"And... I’ve loved you, love you, and will love you for life."

This time, I hope you don't forget.